Tuesday, March 25, 2008

“Kiss Me Bye Bye”
By PopCultureWhore

Am I the only one who thought this entire season of “The Hills” was going to be in Paris? Instead we get one episode of Parisian goodness spliced in with some awful acting from Heidi and Spencer.

Lauren and Whitney descended upon Paris for a week of running errands and hanging with French indie rockers. Among those rockers was Matthias, a guitarist who could be cute if he didn’t have crazy eyes, and a French accent that got slightly Irish when he was trashed.

Crazy eyes proposes that the crew hit up the Eiffel Tower with a bottle of champagne, and the boys later invite LC and Whitney to an “exclusive” French club, where the dress code is apparently quite posh.

When Lauren eyed that ball gown and suggested hemming it for a night on the town, you knew something was going to happen to it. But are you seriously telling me that Lauren went to Paris as an assistant with a fashion magazine and didn’t bring one clubbing appropriate outfit?

Anyway, instead of a spilled drink, drunken French vomit or cigarette ash, the dress instead was burned by Lauren’s curling iron, back in the safety of their opulent hotel room. Whoops.


The ladies and their driver raced over to the Alberta Ferretti showroom, where Lauren got a second dress. But while she thanked the guy for accommodating them, it did not appear that she returned the damaged dress, and she didn’t apologize for ruining a frock that probably cost somewhere around $1,500.

The second dress, meanwhile, looked as though it was less than supportive.

And speaking of the ball, it really didn’t look all that fun. A bunch of teenagers dancing awkwardly in haute couture? No thanks.

Lauren must have felt the same way because she made a swift exit to spend the night touring Paris on a Vespa with Matthias. But girlfriend did this while wearing the second ball gown. Sure, she tucked it under, but it looked like it was raining or snowing. Are you telling me she wasn’t covered in street dirt by morning? Dumbass!

Besides Matthias drunken request that Lauren “kiss me bye bye” (vomit), it didn’t look like they had any actual make out sessions, but that’s probably good because according to his MySpace page, Matthias is married. Homeslice is also only 24. What? He doesn’t look 24 here; he actually looks like that guy Goldie Hawn almost married in “Private Benjamin.”

Meanwhile, back in the states, Heidi showed off her newly plumped lips while visiting her parents in Colorado. Spencer jumped a plane in an effort to woo Ms. Heidi, but she and her family appeared less than enthused by his arrival. Their exchanges were really just so ridiculous, though, I don’t even want to talk about it.

Oh yeah, Brody has a new girlfriend. But previews for the season show a re-appearance of Stephen (looking a little sickly) so Lauren will probably not be hurting for the mens.

And while I appreciated MTV randomly telling us what music was playing, Lauren and Whitney’s Crillon Ball entrance music was recycled from the “Sex and the City" series finale when Carrie leaves the museum, and dashes across town to her fan club party.

Also, they totally should have had Heidi performing her latest "single" at the after party instead of Mariah Carey.

Monday, March 17, 2008

“Tissue down my pants?”
By PopCultureWhore

I haven’t watched “The Bachelor” for several seasons, but encouraged by my “Bachelor” fan-girl Nicole, I tuned in tonight, and Jesus Christ, it is a fabulous train wreck of reality gold.

This season’s bachelor is British banker Matt. He’s tall, dark, handsome blah blah blah. But let’s get to his crackheads.

What most amused me in the first half hour was the description of these women’s jobs. We had the requisite “event planner” and “pharmaceutical sales” whores, but this season we were also blessed with a “former Bush aide,” someone who was in “church marketing” and a 33-year-old HOT DOG VENDOR.

Matt is apparently down with God and street meat, because those two made it to the next round, but Karl Rove’s biggest fan was out a luck.

Sadly, so was Stacey. Ah, Stacey. With her sparkly blue stripper dress, tramp stamp and slurry “hey baby” greeting, I figured Little Sally Slutpants was a shoo-in.

Read more after the jump ...

Too bad she was bored by Matt’s banter with Erin, and could only sputter something about an electric car when asked what she knew about London. She does, however, want to use her degree in nutrition to come up with cures for diseases people haven’t even heard of yet. Super!

I think she might be more into spreading than containing diseases, though, as Stacey concluded her time with Matt by stuffing her underwear into his pocket-less (really?) pants. She later passed out on a random mattress, but pulled it together in time to not get a rose, and tell that camera that Matt didn’t know what he was missing.

Meanwhile, there’s Shayne. When Shayne popped out of the limo, I texted Nicole with “what’s up porn star?” Turns out I’m not too far off, as her dad is Lorenzo Lamas of “Renegade” fame, and her former stepmother is Playboy playmate and Lucite heel enthusiast Shauna Sands. Please let Shayne get to the final four “home visit” phase so we can see Lorenzo interact with Matt. It’s all I really need.

She was also on that MTV douche-fest twentyfourseven as a love interest to one of the young lads.

What else? Well, the first impression rose went to some skinny chick who gets hiccups when she’s nervous. Event planner Erin keeps her lip gloss in her bra, and that church management chick literally bit a chunk out of an empty beer can.

Tune in next week. I'm thinking it's going to be the most whore-tastic rose ceremony ever.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Miss Jackson If You're A Whore
By PopCultureWhore

I wasn't too enthused by Janet Jackson's last album, 20 Y.O. I don't even think I listened to the album all the way through. Fans apparently felt the same way, as the album barely registered on the charts.

Janet's looking to bounce back with "Discipline," a streaming version of which I was listening to today on imeem.com. The first half of the album is more dance-oriented, with the opening song "Feedback" serving as the album's most catchy song, in my opinion (video above). It was on repeat today as I tried to make it through the afternoon.

I was hoping "Rock With U" would be more of a sendup of brother Michael's 1979 hit "Rock with You," but it's actually more of a Kylie-esque disco/pop number that's growing on me somewhat. "Luv", "Rollercoaster" and "2Nite" aren't bad either, though not as infectious as "Feedback."

The rest of the album is a few slow songs, the annoying 30-second "talking" blurbs she always has on her albums and some random songs that didn't really capture my attention. Overall, it seems like an improvement over her last album, though I'll probably just buy a few individual songs instead of the whole album.

I do hope she goes on tour again, though, because the "All For You" tour I saw back in 2001, I think, was one of the better major concerts I've seen.
Hold On To Your F**king Hat
By PopCultureWhore

I'm a little late to the party on this one, but Tina Fey hosted SNL this past weekend, and reminded me why "30 Rock" needs to return stat. This particular sketch, which rips on those pills that only give you your period 4 times a year, is hysterical. That shot of Tina with the pink axe is now my computer background.

Also, check out Tina as Daisy from "Rock of Love 2."

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Oscar Whores Live Blog 2008
By PopCultureWhore

1145pm - A very serious looking Denzel presents Best Picture. And No Country sweeps the awards; gets a standing O from Cormac McCarthy.

1143pm - Best Director - Coen Brothers. Forgot Joel was married to Frances McDormand.

1130pm - Helen Mirren, gorgeous. Best Actor. Is Johnny Depp chewing gum? Daniel Day Lewis gets it, obviously. Yeah, I'm digging the Irish tonight.

1123pm - Harrison Ford. seems. very. tired. Best Original Screenplay ... Diablo Cody. Duh. I don't know about that dress.

1115pm - Tom Hanks for documentary feature. Taxi to the Dark Side. Lost again; I went with No End in Sight.

1113pm - Soldiers in Iraq presenting documentary short. Skinny lady in silver dress wins something about gay soldiers? Irony.

1109pm - Amy Adams presents Best Original score - Atonement.

1101pm - Hilary Swank and the dead people.

1059pm - Cameron Diaz is having issues with the word "cinematography" - does it really matter? There Will Be Blood takes it; first award of the night for that movie?

1057pm - They let the Best Song girl come back out and talk about hope. *tear*

1049pm - John Travolta dances around, presents Best Song. Falling Slowly, Once gets it. Finally get something on my Oscar pool. They're cute tho. They cut the girl off, whoopsies. (Jon: God, that guy is so arrogant)

1046pm - More songs from Enchanted. They make Amy Adams waltz around the stage but not McDreamy?

1042pm - Penelope Cruz, stunning. Foreign Language Film. EW told me The Counterfeiters was a shoo-in. And they are correct!

1031pm - Nicole Kidman, sporting a tiny baby bump. Hello, diamonds. And botox? Ooh, closeup of Cameron not very flattering. Honorary Oscar time. Channel surfing time. George Lopez on Nick or Deuce Bigalow on TBS. Hmmm.

1029pm - Renee Zelweger, looking as cupie doll as ever. Presenting film editing. Bourne Ultimatum gets it. Where's Matt Damon?

1028pm - Best Picture montage. I really was not a fan of "Crash"

1023pm - Jack's back, and not in sunglasses. He's drunk. Are they giving out Best Picture before director and original screenplay? And Best Actor?

1018pm - Stewart playing the Wii against the "August Rush" singer. Colin Farrell almost bites it while walking onstage. His hair grease, perhaps? He's "chuffed" for this performance.

10:10pm - Best Actress: Marion Cotilliard, La Vie En Rose. "Thank you life, thank you love. It is true there are some angels in this city."

10:03pm - Superbad kids as Halle Berry and Judy Dench. Bourne Ultimatum gets sound editing. EW led me astray to Transformers! I had to roll my eyes at Shia's Strokes t-shirt. Bourne also takes sound mixing. I so lost my $5 Oscar pool money.

10:01pm - "Angelina couldn't be with us tonight. It's tough to get 17 babysitters on such short notice."

954pm - I thought Hannah Montana was performing but she's just introducing Kristin Chenowith and another song from Enchanted. It reminds me of a strange high school production. Kristin seems subdued.

947pm - Josh Brolin and James McAvoy for Best Adapted Screenplay. I'm liking James' Irish accent. And the Coen brothers take it. "We've only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy."

945pm - Jessica Alba salutes the geeks. "Two women pregnant at the Oscars. But then again, the night is still young. And Jack is here. Perhaps sir, we will re-tally at the end of the night."

936pm - Best Supporting Actress. Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton. Her agent apparently looks like Oscar ("the buttocks too"). Gives George kudos for climbing into the Batman & Robin suit every day ("with the nipples") under his costume.

931pm - Jerry Seinfeld - NO MORE BEE MOVIE! A montage of bees in movies?! Animated short; I think I went with the Walrus one. Nope, Peter and the Wolf. Oh look, the guy has a scary doll.

929pm - What did Owen Wilson get nominated for? Tenenbaums? Indeed, as a writer. Live Action Short goes to the Frenchies.

9:25pm - They're introducing Keri Russell as the star of "August Rush" and not "Waitress"? Oh, I guess they're going to sing a song from "August Rush." Can't wait ...

9:24pm - An Oscar salute to bincoluars and periscopes and bad dreams.

9:22pm - Jon Stewart: I believe he told his mother where the library is.

9:17pm - Duh, Javier wins it. No, it's not Penelope next to him, it's his mom. Look up, Tommy Lee! I don't know what he just said to his mom, but it sounded good.

9:15pm - A look back at past Supporting Actor winners. Cuba Gooding Jr's not there? Shooting go over on Snow Dogs 2?

9:10pm - Queen Cate, looking lovely. Presenting Art Direction. I'm thinking Sweeney Todd? And Sweeney Todd it is. That's some red lipstick on Johnny's gf Vanessa Paradis. Love the key-shaped necklace, though.

9:06pm - The Rock - I'm sorry, Duane Johnson - presenting Best Visual Effects. I just muted him. Don't they usually give out Best Supporting Actress as one of the first awards? I think I picked Transformers, because Entertainment Weekly told me to. EW, you led me astray! The Golden Compass gets it. Wow, they're quite excited. ("I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOOOOU!!")

9:03pm - Ok, I just tried to fast forward through the commercials and then remembered I'm actually watching live TV for once. I heart my DVR.

9pm - Amy Adams performs the Enchanted song. What, no computer-enhanced rats and cockroaches?

8:56pm - Katherine Heigl: best makeup. She's looking thin and scared shitless. I went with La Vie en Rose, I think. And Frenchies for the win!

8:51pm - Michael Scott! "You never seem to amaze me with your constant need for attention." I think he just said shit. "Is this being shown in Belgium?! Shit." Ok, I guessed the rat movie for the office poll. Woo, I'm 1-1.

8:47pm - George Clooney introducing "80 Years of Oscar" ... woo, montages. Wow, those gold Oscar jumpsuits are something. Oh God, not the Titanic theme song.

8:41pm - Jennifer Garner: costume design. Hair's a little messy, sweetheart. I think I picked Sweeney Todd for my office pool on this one. God damnit, losing already. It goes to Elizabeth: The Golden Age.

8:36pm - Political chat. Is Penelope sitting next to Javier?

8:32pm - Jon Stewart. "Welcome to the makeup sex."

8:16pm - Amy Adams is performing a song from "Enchanted" later. Shooting daggers at ABC correspondent for mentioning that she'll be singing in front of "billions with a 'b'" people tonight.

8:15pm - Dear Lord, what is Daniel Day Lewis' wife wearing?

8:14pm - Helen Mirren: I'm playing a madam in a whorehouse. Love her.

8:12pm - Jennifer Garner has emerged from the Busey encounter unscathed. No! She is using Rachael Zoe as her personal stylist. How long until she fades away to the under-85lbs club?

8:07pm - Mmm, Javier Bardem. Aw, he brought his mother. And now he's speaking Spanish. Yum.

8:05pm - In the meantime, it's George. This chick is apparently my age. I'm not sure if that depresses me.

8:01pm - Damnit, I forgot there was an ABC pre-show. I just sat through an hour of E! bullshit, though Gary Busey attacking Seacrest and a frightened looking Jennifer Garner was pretty great. Why was he there!?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Emmy Time Whores ...
by PopCultureWhore

8:01pm - Musical number by Stewie and Brian from "Family Guy" ... at least Ryan is not singing. Ooh, Zach Braff burn. Cut to TR during Isaiah joke. Nice.

8:03pm - Is Ryan's intro music really "Party Like a Rock Star"?

8:04pm - Conan O'Brien looks a little haggard ("Like a cracked-out Robert Redford," says my roommate)

8:07pm - No singing ... thank God

8:08pm - Ray Romano. This round scenario is going to bother me. Whoops, technical difficulties ... Wife jokes. Hilarious ...

8:11pm - Ok, finally, a goddamn award. Jeremy Piven. Really? I love Ari, but I love Dwight more.

8:14pm - Seriously, what is Vanessa Williams wearing? I think a peacock died on her lap.

8:15pm - Best supporting actor in a drama is ... John Locke! Sparkly tie there, kid. Cookies and Wisteria Lane. Haha.

8:21pm - Sally Field does not look pleased to be referred to as a "legend"

8:22pm - Supporting actress in a comedy series is ... Jaime Pressly? These are some really weird selections tonight. Are all the votes for the good options cancelling each other out?!

8:25pm - "It's Hi-gull" - Katherine Heigl, after the announcer lady mispronounces her name.

8:33pm - Ellen should have hosted again. But is that a graduation tassle around her neck?

8:37pm - Supporting actress in a drama is ... Katherine Heigl. As she so eloquently put it, "Shit!" Sopranos are really getting shut out tonight.

8:44pm - Conan beats Stewart and Colbert!

8:45pm - Coming up, Queen Latifah celebrates the 30th anniversary of Roots! Par-tay!

8:47pm - That is a demonic little blonde girl in the Heinz ketchup commercial ...

8:50pm - Ooh, the carpet is made of recycled plastic? Thrilling.

8:51pm - Christina and Tony. Take that, Britney ... Do we really need all these dancers? Distracting. Christina's going all Fabulous Baker Boys on top of the piano. That was actually pretty boring. Not nearly as good as her "This is a Man's World" from the Grammy's.

8:53pm - Alec Baldwin. "Why don't you just treat your kid like shit" - my roommate.

8:56pm - Ali Larter, the whipped cream girl from "Varsity Blues" cheering Robert Duvall? Bizarro world in full effect. Nice dress, though, toots.

8:58pm - A Vanessa Hudgens joke? "Zoom out!" Seacrest barks. Really?

9:06pm - Honor the legacy of Roots, whores! Broken Trail gets ... an envelope? "The five Chinese girls were really the magic potion that held this thing together" - Robert Duvall. Alrighty, then ...

9:12pm - Finally, a Sopranos win. For directing, but a win nonetheless.

9:14pm - And again! David Chase gets an Emmy.

9:20pm - Yay! Steve Carrell. I love you, Jim! "For what? Best rack on the show?" LOL. I seriously can't wait for the season premiere. Hour-long episodes! JAM!

9:23pm - Jon Stewart gets another Emmy! And now Tony Bennett! Does that guy speaking mainline botox? He's very shiny. Oh, it's Tony's son. Must have got the hair genes from Mom. Bummer. Is that Heidi Fleiss in the background with Rob Marshall?

9:28pm - Outstanding supporting actress in a miniseries or movie is ... Judy Davis. "She's not walking down the aisle. She's not here, but I'm sure she'll be thrilled" - Marcia Cross.

9:35pm - How quickly do you think "Back to You" is going to be cancelled?

9:36pm - I'm not sure how I feel about Kyra Sedgwick's dress. Maybe if it didn't have that little poofy thing around her waist?

9:39pm - Is this the Tony's or the Emmy's? Who just passed that water bottle across the aisle? Need a little drinkie to get through the musical number, eh? That one kid looks petrified. Oh good, let's sing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" while we drop Pussy's body off the boat and shoot Jackie Jr. in the back of the head, murder Adriana, etc ...

9:43pm - My hometown in NJ is probably eating this up. It really was a great show. Let's hope they don't lose the best drama nod ...

9:49pm - MORE miniseries nominations. Zzzz. Maybe Helen Mirren will win and say something amusing. Indeed she does. Not sure about that dress, but girlfriend still looks good. Only HM could taunt the award show orchestra.

9:53pm - Louis Black is angry. Did the news channels really start the crawl after 9/11? Learn something new every day. I think Charlie Sheen is back on drugs.

9:59pm - I should get "Prime Suspect" on DVD. My mom raves about it. Is Kanye really performing?

10:04pm - Are they seriously doing a MySpace tie-in? Oh yeah, Fox owns MySpace now ... and soon they will own YOU!! Rupert is probably giving this to Al Gore's Current network as a mercy Emmy. Let's all stand for Al again. RECYCLED RED CARPET, PEOPLE!!

10:07pm - Boob jokes about CBS shows?! The horror. The twins did look like they wanted to come out and play, though, Joely. Tony Bennett is sweeping the Emmy's tonite. Did he just thank Target for being wholesome?

10:09pm - I seriously need some sugar. Cupcakes, anyone?

10:13pm - "I'm not faking this. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing" - Elaine Stritch

10:18pm - "The Office" wins its first Emmy of the night for directing ... and the winner makes a Little Red Hen reference. That was my school play in kindergarten. I was a flower. I seriously can't remember the story of the LRH. I still want cupcakes.

10:23pm - Does Kitchen Nightmares differ from Hell's Kitchen?

10:23pm - Uh, Seacrest in Tudors gear. "You know, this looked a lot less gay on the rack. Can I keep it?" - Ryan. Not as good as Ellen in Bjork's swan gear

10:27pm - "You picked the wrong time to speak properly" - Wayne Brady to Kanye.

10:39pm - I would've liked to see a Steve Carrell acceptance speech, but I guess a chest bump with Jon Stewart will have to do.

10:41pm - No Edie Falco? WTF? This is1 a truly bizarre Emmy night (Sally Field gets actress in drama for Brothers & Sisters. Bleh)

10:43pm - So was Ray Romano criticizing the war earlier when he had "technical difficulties" too?

10:53pm - Ugly Betty takes the best actress statue. Eh. I was pulling for Tina Fey.

10:54pm - Ok, seriously if James Gandolfini doesn't get this ...

10:56pm - Bizarre! Bizarre! Fucking bizarre?! Seriously, James Spader has a point. WHO is voting for the Emmy's this year?!

10:59pm - Those Oreo Cakester things look a lot like Devil Dogs. Mmm, spongey chocolate with chemically enhanced creme filling ... No Tim Gunn, step away from Martha Stewart. Don't let her draw you into her evil Macy's vortex!!


11:05pm - Can you imagine if Britney actually had agreed to "perform" on this telecast? I seriously hope she's off somewhere avoiding the Oreo Cakesters and having non-stank extensions put in.

11:08pm - Seriously, if the Sopranos hadn't won, I would've thrown something.

11:09pm - Mariska Hargitay's husband is pretty hot ...

Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Reviews Are In ...
by PopCultureWhore

AP - Somewhere, Kevin Federline is laughing. An out-of-shape, out-of-touch Britney Spears delivered what was destined to be the most talked about performance of the MTV Video Music Awards — but for all the wrong reasons. Not as fit as she was in her "...Baby One More Time" days, Spears still had the look of the young pop star.

Reuters - Faded pop star Britney Spears launched her highly anticipated comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, dressing up like a stripper to deliver a curious performance of her new single.

DListed - Was she stoned?! Did she not care? Did she think this was a rehearsal? I mean......that was it? For real?! They are joking right? Where were the mirrors? I mean...WTF?! I'm so fucking confused.

New York Daily News - Britney, eyes glassy, could barely keep time to the music and by the end wasn't even mouthing the words to her own song ... 50 Cent looked like he might have just thrown up in his mouth.
That's It?!
By PopCultureWhore

9pm - BRITNEY! Um, I don't know about that outfit, sister friend. Ok, could girlfriend have had any less energy? She's barely dancing. Get into it!! That was awful. Wasn't she supposed to disappear Criss Angel style or something? She looked seriously nervous and was obviously lip synching. Nothing came out when she said "thank you" at the end. I have lost all faith in my popstar whores. Video HERE.

9:04pm - Sarah Silverman. Ouch.

9:10pm - Let's preview the parties. Ooh, Justin. "I would probably just take off my clothes," says my roommate.

9:12pm - Monster Single of the Year. Rhianna "Umbrella". Is it bad that I've never actually heard this song all the way through? That dress kind of looks like a bad bridesmaid gown.

9:15pm - Kanye in one of those suites with the skytop pools. Sampling Daft Punk? Is this on his new album? Not digging the white shades. I wonder how much damage those people are going to do to that suite?

9:21pm - Akon kind of annoys me. He's kind of shoved to the side.

9:22pm - Yay, Seth Rogen. He's with the guy who played his partner in "Superbad" ... they're also stuffed at a makeshift gambling table.

9:23pm - JHud and Robin Thicke. His father is the dad from "Growing Pains" apparently and that's all I know about him except that he's cute in a metrosexual way. Quadruple threat? JUSTIN! "I want to challenge MTV to play more videos" ... he's probably wasted. That would make it easier to take advantage of him. I mean, congrats Justin!

Meanwhile, more Britney pics going up online ...

9:31pm - Foo Fighters. What's up ninth grade? Is MTV doing these little mini performances from the suites because of the collective ADD of its audience?

9:33pm - Kanye and 50 ... ooh, fake face-off. No banter. How cutting edge. Let me guess. Kanye's album is going to be about Gucci purses and 50's going to sing about getting shot and driving Ferraris. The end.

9:34pm - Earthshattering Collaboration = Beyonce feat. Shakira. I've also never heard this song all the way through because Shakira's voice gives me seizures. Whoa, Beyonce. Keep the girls in your dress. That double-sided tape must be holding on for dear life!

9:41pm - I'm already bored ... I don't want these people making their way through a crowded suite. I want them on stage in elaborate performances. Thanks.

9:43pm - Chris Brown does Charlie Chaplin. Boy can dance. Britney shoud have collaborated with him instead of Criss Angel. Um, looks like he is turning to Brit for lip syncing advice, though. Did he just forget to sing the first few words of the song?

9:46pm - Rihanna. Dominatrix chic. At least she's singing live? Well, as she got closer to Chis Brown, is sounded less and less like she was singing live.

9:47pm - Obligatory Michael Jackson tribute. If MJ and his melting face actually show up ... nope.

9:54pm - Farnsworth Bentley. Where the hell have you been?

9:57pm - The Hills ladies. Lauren, lipstick's too red. Justin wins for best male video. LC basically ignores him. What? He gives props to Chris Brown. Ooh, he just knocked MTV's lineup in front of the cast of its most popular reality show. Nice.

10pm - Speaking of MTV programming, promo for MySpace "star" Tila Tequila's upcoming reality stars. Premise? 16 lesbians, 16 straight guys. Who will she pick?! Kill me.

10:03pm - Promo for "Beowulf" with Angelina. Ick. Looks like she's doing another awful attempt at an accent. Wasn't "Alexander" punishment enough?!

10:04pm - 50 with Justin and Timbaland. Backstage, Britney is crying.

10:06pm - Shia LaBeouf. Porn stache?

10:08pm - Pamela Anderson needs to give it up. Her tongue down someone's throat in the desert? Next.

10:09pm - MORE Kanye. Christ, is there no one else there?

10:17pm - Who is Eugene Montross? I have no idea.

10:18pm - The Transformers whore who is sleeping with David Silver. Eh, I guess she's pretty?

10:19pm - Timbaland from Rain nightclub. He's really making the rounds tonight. Whoever set up the logistics for this show is probably going to need a strong drink when it's all over. Who the fuck is onstage right now? Linkin Park? Yeah, it is ... "I bleed it out, take it deeper just to throw it away." What? I'm getting antsy.

10:23pm - Ooh, Adrien Grenier. He has a video camera ... probably for that "documentary" he's doing about celebrity with the help of Ms. Hilton. Fall Out Boy ... Pete Wentz is tiny. This format is annoying. Get out of the shot, stupid extras!!

10:30pm - Rihanna's joining the suite parties. She's going to poke her eyes out with those earrings.

10:34pm - Alicia Keys. Girlfriend sounds good. That outfit, however ... It's a cover of "Freedom" ... brings down the house.

10:45pm - Jamie Foxx is annoying Jennifer Garner. Did she just say "Gym Class Fall Out" won the award? Awesome.

10:48am - That dumbass pageant girl is babbling about something ...

10:57pm - Shit, is Dr. Dre on steroids?

11:01pm - Did something actually happen between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock? I guess so.

11:05pm - Is Nelly Furtado performing with drag queens?

11:06pm - Do Timbaland and Dre have the same trainer?

11:08pm - Open with Britney, end with Justin ...

11:09pm - Dance for me, Justin ...

11:23pm - Um, so much for MTV not re-airing the show?

T-Minus 20 Minutes Until Britney
By PopCultureWhore

VMA pre-show is going strong. Basically all the VJ's have been instructed to ask all attendees about a) Britney Spears and b) the Kanye/50 Cent chart showdown next week and c) whether they will be hitting parties after the show. Duh.

8:32 pm – Pussycat Nicole. Um, ok is that her climbing around inside the box? Yes, it is. I wonder what kind of shampoo she uses. This setup kind of makes it look like she’s a whore in an Amsterdam red light district window. That dancer just kissed her kneecap? John Norris (who might want to lay off the highlights) just called her limber.

I love that AP news tagged Brody Jenner as a "socialite" in the picture slugs. I suppose that's appropriate, though. I also wonder what shampoo he uses.

8:40pm - Who the hell are Gym Class Heroes? I'm getting old.

8:41pm - Ludacris and Jennifer Hudson. What has she been up to? Ludacris is a Virgo. Luda-Day Weekend, yo. Mmm, birthday cake. JHud wants some Britney. Ludacris thinks the Britney record is "jammin".

8:42pm - Paris and the new haircut looks almost demure. WTF?

8:43pm - Kanye's tux looks a tad too snug for him. He wants Video of the Year because "people don't remember number two," he said. Kanye decided that he and 50's album should come out on the same day. "We wanted to do something to create the hype and we did."

8:45pm - Jennifer Garner and Jamie Foxx. Jennifer seems like she's a bit too old to be there. Ten more years and Violet will be squeezing into teen gear and hamming it up, Jen.

Looks like these whores are still together ...

8:50pm - Paris Hilton in leopard Dolce and Gabana. She's been in Toronto filming a movie called Repo. Um, right. "We haven't heard much from you since you were locked up," says Sway. LOL. Blah blah entrepreneur blah blah. Sway: Enjoy your freedom! Classic.

8:52pm - Pharell and his posse from Clipse. Brit VJ boy: In a word, how excited are you to see Britney? Pharell: I'm excited. I'm here to support my man Timbaland, I'm here to support Justin. Snap.

"Oh my God" -- my roommate's reaction to John Norris and his eyeliner.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

It’s Britney, Bitch
By PopCultureWhore

I’m currently rocking out to a new Britney Spears song. And no, I’m not having a flashback to 1999. A few new Britney tracks have leaked to the Internet in the past few weeks and, on the whole, they are basically a testament to why she should lay off the Parliament lights and perhaps re-hire her entire management team. It appears that all is not lost, however, with the release of “Gimme More”, which I hope is the song she will “sing” at the upcoming MTV VMAs in Vegas. The lyrics are basically about how people can’t keep their eyes off her and her current flame at a dance club (“cameras are flashing while we’re dirty dancing”), but it’s a catchy dance record, and there are hints of Britney circa “I’m a Slave 4 U”. There’s no way she could ever pull off this song with a live mic, but do we really turn to Britney for vocal chops? Now if she could just dump those damn knee-high boots for some Louboutins and the awful wigs for some professional extensions, we might be back in business.