Pop Culture Whore

2008-03-25T09:18:00.005-05:00

“Kiss Me Bye Bye”
By PopCultureWhore

Am I the only one who thought this entire season of “The Hills” was going to be in Paris? Instead we get one episode of Parisian goodness spliced in with some awful acting from Heidi and Spencer.

Lauren and Whitney descended upon Paris for a week of running errands and hanging with French indie rockers. Among those rockers was Matthias, a guitarist who could be cute if he didn’t have crazy eyes, and a French accent that got slightly Irish when he was trashed.

Crazy eyes proposes that the crew hit up the Eiffel Tower with a bottle of champagne, and the boys later invite LC and Whitney to an “exclusive” French club, where the dress code is apparently quite posh.

When Lauren eyed that ball gown and suggested hemming it for a night on the town, you knew something was going to happen to it. But are you seriously telling me that Lauren went to Paris as an assistant with a fashion magazine and didn’t bring one clubbing appropriate outfit?

Anyway, instead of a spilled drink, drunken French vomit or cigarette ash, the dress instead was burned by Lauren’s curling iron, back in the safety of their opulent hotel room. Whoops.

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The ladies and their driver raced over to the Alberta Ferretti showroom, where Lauren got a second dress. But while she thanked the guy for accommodating them, it did not appear that she returned the damaged dress, and she didn’t apologize for ruining a frock that probably cost somewhere around $1,500.

The second dress, meanwhile, looked as though it was less than supportive.

And speaking of the ball, it really didn’t look all that fun. A bunch of teenagers dancing awkwardly in haute couture? No thanks.

Lauren must have felt the same way because she made a swift exit to spend the night touring Paris on a Vespa with Matthias. But girlfriend did this while wearing the second ball gown. Sure, she tucked it under, but it looked like it was raining or snowing. Are you telling me she wasn’t covered in street dirt by morning? Dumbass!

Besides Matthias drunken request that Lauren “kiss me bye bye” (vomit), it didn’t look like they had any actual make out sessions, but that’s probably good because according to his MySpace page, Matthias is married. Homeslice is also only 24. What? He doesn’t look 24 here; he actually looks like that guy Goldie Hawn almost married in “Private Benjamin.”

Meanwhile, back in the states, Heidi showed off her newly plumped lips while visiting her parents in Colorado. Spencer jumped a plane in an effort to woo Ms. Heidi, but she and her family appeared less than enthused by his arrival. Their exchanges were really just so ridiculous, though, I don’t even want to talk about it.

Oh yeah, Brody has a new girlfriend. But previews for the season show a re-appearance of Stephen (looking a little sickly) so Lauren will probably not be hurting for the mens.

And while I appreciated MTV randomly telling us what music was playing, Lauren and Whitney’s Crillon Ball entrance music was recycled from the “Sex and the City" series finale when Carrie leaves the museum, and dashes across town to her fan club party.

Also, they totally should have had Heidi performing her latest "single" at the after party instead of Mariah Carey.

2008-03-17T22:26:00.005-05:00

“Tissue down my pants?”
By PopCultureWhore

I haven’t watched “The Bachelor” for several seasons, but encouraged by my “Bachelor” fan-girl Nicole, I tuned in tonight, and Jesus Christ, it is a fabulous train wreck of reality gold.

This season’s bachelor is British banker Matt. He’s tall, dark, handsome blah blah blah. But let’s get to his crackheads.

What most amused me in the first half hour was the description of these women’s jobs. We had the requisite “event planner” and “pharmaceutical sales” whores, but this season we were also blessed with a “former Bush aide,” someone who was in “church marketing” and a 33-year-old HOT DOG VENDOR.

Matt is apparently down with God and street meat, because those two made it to the next round, but Karl Rove’s biggest fan was out a luck.

Sadly, so was Stacey. Ah, Stacey. With her sparkly blue stripper dress, tramp stamp and slurry “hey baby” greeting, I figured Little Sally Slutpants was a shoo-in.

Read more after the jump ...

Too bad she was bored by Matt’s banter with Erin, and could only sputter something about an electric car when asked what she knew about London. She does, however, want to use her degree in nutrition to come up with cures for diseases people haven’t even heard of yet. Super!

I think she might be more into spreading than containing diseases, though, as Stacey concluded her time with Matt by stuffing her underwear into his pocket-less (really?) pants. She later passed out on a random mattress, but pulled it together in time to not get a rose, and tell that camera that Matt didn’t know what he was missing.

Meanwhile, there’s Shayne. When Shayne popped out of the limo, I texted Nicole with “what’s up porn star?” Turns out I’m not too far off, as her dad is Lorenzo Lamas of “Renegade” fame, and her former stepmother is Playboy playmate and Lucite heel enthusiast Shauna Sands. Please let Shayne get to the final four “home visit” phase so we can see Lorenzo interact with Matt. It’s all I really need.

She was also on that MTV douche-fest twentyfourseven as a love interest to one of the young lads.

What else? Well, the first impression rose went to some skinny chick who gets hiccups when she’s nervous. Event planner Erin keeps her lip gloss in her bra, and that church management chick literally bit a chunk out of an empty beer can.

Tune in next week. I'm thinking it's going to be the most whore-tastic rose ceremony ever.

2008-02-26T20:36:00.002-05:00

Miss Jackson If You're A Whore
By PopCultureWhore

I wasn't too enthused by Janet Jackson's last album, 20 Y.O. I don't even think I listened to the album all the way through. Fans apparently felt the same way, as the album barely registered on the charts.

Janet's looking to bounce back with "Discipline," a streaming version of which I was listening to today on imeem.com. The first half of the album is more dance-oriented, with the opening song "Feedback" serving as the album's most catchy song, in my opinion (video above). It was on repeat today as I tried to make it through the afternoon.

I was hoping "Rock With U" would be more of a sendup of brother Michael's 1979 hit "Rock with You," but it's actually more of a Kylie-esque disco/pop number that's growing on me somewhat. "Luv", "Rollercoaster" and "2Nite" aren't bad either, though not as infectious as "Feedback."

The rest of the album is a few slow songs, the annoying 30-second "talking" blurbs she always has on her albums and some random songs that didn't really capture my attention. Overall, it seems like an improvement over her last album, though I'll probably just buy a few individual songs instead of the whole album.

I do hope she goes on tour again, though, because the "All For You" tour I saw back in 2001, I think, was one of the better major concerts I've seen.

2008-02-26T20:25:00.002-05:00

Hold On To Your F**king Hat
By PopCultureWhore

I'm a little late to the party on this one, but Tina Fey hosted SNL this past weekend, and reminded me why "30 Rock" needs to return stat. This particular sketch, which rips on those pills that only give you your period 4 times a year, is hysterical. That shot of Tina with the pink axe is now my computer background.

Also, check out Tina as Daisy from "Rock of Love 2."

2008-02-24T20:02:00.042-05:00

Oscar Whores Live Blog 2008
By PopCultureWhore

1145pm - A very serious looking Denzel presents Best Picture. And No Country sweeps the awards; gets a standing O from Cormac McCarthy.

1143pm - Best Director - Coen Brothers. Forgot Joel was married to Frances McDormand.

1130pm - Helen Mirren, gorgeous. Best Actor. Is Johnny Depp chewing gum? Daniel Day Lewis gets it, obviously. Yeah, I'm digging the Irish tonight.

1123pm - Harrison Ford. seems. very. tired. Best Original Screenplay ... Diablo Cody. Duh. I don't know about that dress.

1115pm - Tom Hanks for documentary feature. Taxi to the Dark Side. Lost again; I went with No End in Sight.

1113pm - Soldiers in Iraq presenting documentary short. Skinny lady in silver dress wins something about gay soldiers? Irony.

1109pm - Amy Adams presents Best Original score - Atonement.

1101pm - Hilary Swank and the dead people.

1059pm - Cameron Diaz is having issues with the word "cinematography" - does it really matter? There Will Be Blood takes it; first award of the night for that movie?

1057pm - They let the Best Song girl come back out and talk about hope. *tear*

1049pm - John Travolta dances around, presents Best Song. Falling Slowly, Once gets it. Finally get something on my Oscar pool. They're cute tho. They cut the girl off, whoopsies. (Jon: God, that guy is so arrogant)

1046pm - More songs from Enchanted. They make Amy Adams waltz around the stage but not McDreamy?

1042pm - Penelope Cruz, stunning. Foreign Language Film. EW told me The Counterfeiters was a shoo-in. And they are correct!

1031pm - Nicole Kidman, sporting a tiny baby bump. Hello, diamonds. And botox? Ooh, closeup of Cameron not very flattering. Honorary Oscar time. Channel surfing time. George Lopez on Nick or Deuce Bigalow on TBS. Hmmm.

1029pm - Renee Zelweger, looking as cupie doll as ever. Presenting film editing. Bourne Ultimatum gets it. Where's Matt Damon?

1028pm - Best Picture montage. I really was not a fan of "Crash"

1023pm - Jack's back, and not in sunglasses. He's drunk. Are they giving out Best Picture before director and original screenplay? And Best Actor?

1018pm - Stewart playing the Wii against the "August Rush" singer. Colin Farrell almost bites it while walking onstage. His hair grease, perhaps? He's "chuffed" for this performance.

10:10pm - Best Actress: Marion Cotilliard, La Vie En Rose. "Thank you life, thank you love. It is true there are some angels in this city."

10:03pm - Superbad kids as Halle Berry and Judy Dench. Bourne Ultimatum gets sound editing. EW led me astray to Transformers! I had to roll my eyes at Shia's Strokes t-shirt. Bourne also takes sound mixing. I so lost my $5 Oscar pool money.

10:01pm - "Angelina couldn't be with us tonight. It's tough to get 17 babysitters on such short notice."

954pm - I thought Hannah Montana was performing but she's just introducing Kristin Chenowith and another song from Enchanted. It reminds me of a strange high school production. Kristin seems subdued.

947pm - Josh Brolin and James McAvoy for Best Adapted Screenplay. I'm liking James' Irish accent. And the Coen brothers take it. "We've only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy."

945pm - Jessica Alba salutes the geeks. "Two women pregnant at the Oscars. But then again, the night is still young. And Jack is here. Perhaps sir, we will re-tally at the end of the night."

936pm - Best Supporting Actress. Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton. Her agent apparently looks like Oscar ("the buttocks too"). Gives George kudos for climbing into the Batman & Robin suit every day ("with the nipples") under his costume.

931pm - Jerry Seinfeld - NO MORE BEE MOVIE! A montage of bees in movies?! Animated short; I think I went with the Walrus one. Nope, Peter and the Wolf. Oh look, the guy has a scary doll.

929pm - What did Owen Wilson get nominated for? Tenenbaums? Indeed, as a writer. Live Action Short goes to the Frenchies.

9:25pm - They're introducing Keri Russell as the star of "August Rush" and not "Waitress"? Oh, I guess they're going to sing a song from "August Rush." Can't wait ...

9:24pm - An Oscar salute to bincoluars and periscopes and bad dreams.

9:22pm - Jon Stewart: I believe he told his mother where the library is.

9:17pm - Duh, Javier wins it. No, it's not Penelope next to him, it's his mom. Look up, Tommy Lee! I don't know what he just said to his mom, but it sounded good.

9:15pm - A look back at past Supporting Actor winners. Cuba Gooding Jr's not there? Shooting go over on Snow Dogs 2?

9:10pm - Queen Cate, looking lovely. Presenting Art Direction. I'm thinking Sweeney Todd? And Sweeney Todd it is. That's some red lipstick on Johnny's gf Vanessa Paradis. Love the key-shaped necklace, though.

9:06pm - The Rock - I'm sorry, Duane Johnson - presenting Best Visual Effects. I just muted him. Don't they usually give out Best Supporting Actress as one of the first awards? I think I picked Transformers, because Entertainment Weekly told me to. EW, you led me astray! The Golden Compass gets it. Wow, they're quite excited. ("I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOOOOU!!")

9:03pm - Ok, I just tried to fast forward through the commercials and then remembered I'm actually watching live TV for once. I heart my DVR.

9pm - Amy Adams performs the Enchanted song. What, no computer-enhanced rats and cockroaches?

8:56pm - Katherine Heigl: best makeup. She's looking thin and scared shitless. I went with La Vie en Rose, I think. And Frenchies for the win!

8:51pm - Michael Scott! "You never seem to amaze me with your constant need for attention." I think he just said shit. "Is this being shown in Belgium?! Shit." Ok, I guessed the rat movie for the office poll. Woo, I'm 1-1.

8:47pm - George Clooney introducing "80 Years of Oscar" ... woo, montages. Wow, those gold Oscar jumpsuits are something. Oh God, not the Titanic theme song.

8:41pm - Jennifer Garner: costume design. Hair's a little messy, sweetheart. I think I picked Sweeney Todd for my office pool on this one. God damnit, losing already. It goes to Elizabeth: The Golden Age.

8:36pm - Political chat. Is Penelope sitting next to Javier?

8:32pm - Jon Stewart. "Welcome to the makeup sex."

8:16pm - Amy Adams is performing a song from "Enchanted" later. Shooting daggers at ABC correspondent for mentioning that she'll be singing in front of "billions with a 'b'" people tonight.

8:15pm - Dear Lord, what is Daniel Day Lewis' wife wearing?

8:14pm - Helen Mirren: I'm playing a madam in a whorehouse. Love her.

8:12pm - Jennifer Garner has emerged from the Busey encounter unscathed. No! She is using Rachael Zoe as her personal stylist. How long until she fades away to the under-85lbs club?

8:07pm - Mmm, Javier Bardem. Aw, he brought his mother. And now he's speaking Spanish. Yum.

8:05pm - In the meantime, it's George. This chick is apparently my age. I'm not sure if that depresses me.

8:01pm - Damnit, I forgot there was an ABC pre-show. I just sat through an hour of E! bullshit, though Gary Busey attacking Seacrest and a frightened looking Jennifer Garner was pretty great. Why was he there!?

2007-09-16T19:01:00.001-05:00

Emmy Time Whores ...
by PopCultureWhore

8:01pm - Musical number by Stewie and Brian from "Family Guy" ... at least Ryan is not singing. Ooh, Zach Braff burn. Cut to TR during Isaiah joke. Nice.

8:03pm - Is Ryan's intro music really "Party Like a Rock Star"?

8:04pm - Conan O'Brien looks a little haggard ("Like a cracked-out Robert Redford," says my roommate)

8:07pm - No singing ... thank God

8:08pm - Ray Romano. This round scenario is going to bother me. Whoops, technical difficulties ... Wife jokes. Hilarious ...

8:11pm - Ok, finally, a goddamn award. Jeremy Piven. Really? I love Ari, but I love Dwight more.

8:14pm - Seriously, what is Vanessa Williams wearing? I think a peacock died on her lap.

8:15pm - Best supporting actor in a drama is ... John Locke! Sparkly tie there, kid. Cookies and Wisteria Lane. Haha.

8:21pm - Sally Field does not look pleased to be referred to as a "legend"

8:22pm - Supporting actress in a comedy series is ... Jaime Pressly? These are some really weird selections tonight. Are all the votes for the good options cancelling each other out?!

8:25pm - "It's Hi-gull" - Katherine Heigl, after the announcer lady mispronounces her name.

8:33pm - Ellen should have hosted again. But is that a graduation tassle around her neck?

8:37pm - Supporting actress in a drama is ... Katherine Heigl. As she so eloquently put it, "Shit!" Sopranos are really getting shut out tonight.

8:44pm - Conan beats Stewart and Colbert!

8:45pm - Coming up, Queen Latifah celebrates the 30th anniversary of Roots! Par-tay!

8:47pm - That is a demonic little blonde girl in the Heinz ketchup commercial ...

8:50pm - Ooh, the carpet is made of recycled plastic? Thrilling.

8:51pm - Christina and Tony. Take that, Britney ... Do we really need all these dancers? Distracting. Christina's going all Fabulous Baker Boys on top of the piano. That was actually pretty boring. Not nearly as good as her "This is a Man's World" from the Grammy's.

8:53pm - Alec Baldwin. "Why don't you just treat your kid like shit" - my roommate.

8:56pm - Ali Larter, the whipped cream girl from "Varsity Blues" cheering Robert Duvall? Bizarro world in full effect. Nice dress, though, toots.

8:58pm - A Vanessa Hudgens joke? "Zoom out!" Seacrest barks. Really?

9:06pm - Honor the legacy of Roots, whores! Broken Trail gets ... an envelope? "The five Chinese girls were really the magic potion that held this thing together" - Robert Duvall. Alrighty, then ...

9:12pm - Finally, a Sopranos win. For directing, but a win nonetheless.

9:14pm - And again! David Chase gets an Emmy.

9:20pm - Yay! Steve Carrell. I love you, Jim! "For what? Best rack on the show?" LOL. I seriously can't wait for the season premiere. Hour-long episodes! JAM!

9:23pm - Jon Stewart gets another Emmy! And now Tony Bennett! Does that guy speaking mainline botox? He's very shiny. Oh, it's Tony's son. Must have got the hair genes from Mom. Bummer. Is that Heidi Fleiss in the background with Rob Marshall?

9:28pm - Outstanding supporting actress in a miniseries or movie is ... Judy Davis. "She's not walking down the aisle. She's not here, but I'm sure she'll be thrilled" - Marcia Cross.

9:35pm - How quickly do you think "Back to You" is going to be cancelled?

9:36pm - I'm not sure how I feel about Kyra Sedgwick's dress. Maybe if it didn't have that little poofy thing around her waist?

9:39pm - Is this the Tony's or the Emmy's? Who just passed that water bottle across the aisle? Need a little drinkie to get through the musical number, eh? That one kid looks petrified. Oh good, let's sing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" while we drop Pussy's body off the boat and shoot Jackie Jr. in the back of the head, murder Adriana, etc ...

9:43pm - My hometown in NJ is probably eating this up. It really was a great show. Let's hope they don't lose the best drama nod ...

9:49pm - MORE miniseries nominations. Zzzz. Maybe Helen Mirren will win and say something amusing. Indeed she does. Not sure about that dress, but girlfriend still looks good. Only HM could taunt the award show orchestra.

9:53pm - Louis Black is angry. Did the news channels really start the crawl after 9/11? Learn something new every day. I think Charlie Sheen is back on drugs.

9:59pm - I should get "Prime Suspect" on DVD. My mom raves about it. Is Kanye really performing?

10:04pm - Are they seriously doing a MySpace tie-in? Oh yeah, Fox owns MySpace now ... and soon they will own YOU!! Rupert is probably giving this to Al Gore's Current network as a mercy Emmy. Let's all stand for Al again. RECYCLED RED CARPET, PEOPLE!!

10:07pm - Boob jokes about CBS shows?! The horror. The twins did look like they wanted to come out and play, though, Joely. Tony Bennett is sweeping the Emmy's tonite. Did he just thank Target for being wholesome?

10:09pm - I seriously need some sugar. Cupcakes, anyone?

10:13pm - "I'm not faking this. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing" - Elaine Stritch

10:18pm - "The Office" wins its first Emmy of the night for directing ... and the winner makes a Little Red Hen reference. That was my school play in kindergarten. I was a flower. I seriously can't remember the story of the LRH. I still want cupcakes.

10:23pm - Does Kitchen Nightmares differ from Hell's Kitchen?

10:23pm - Uh, Seacrest in Tudors gear. "You know, this looked a lot less gay on the rack. Can I keep it?" - Ryan. Not as good as Ellen in Bjork's swan gear

10:27pm - "You picked the wrong time to speak properly" - Wayne Brady to Kanye.

10:39pm - I would've liked to see a Steve Carrell acceptance speech, but I guess a chest bump with Jon Stewart will have to do.

10:41pm - No Edie Falco? WTF? This is1 a truly bizarre Emmy night (Sally Field gets actress in drama for Brothers & Sisters. Bleh)

10:43pm - So was Ray Romano criticizing the war earlier when he had "technical difficulties" too?

10:53pm - Ugly Betty takes the best actress statue. Eh. I was pulling for Tina Fey.

10:54pm - Ok, seriously if James Gandolfini doesn't get this ...

10:56pm - Bizarre! Bizarre! Fucking bizarre?! Seriously, James Spader has a point. WHO is voting for the Emmy's this year?!

10:59pm - Those Oreo Cakester things look a lot like Devil Dogs. Mmm, spongey chocolate with chemically enhanced creme filling ... No Tim Gunn, step away from Martha Stewart. Don't let her draw you into her evil Macy's vortex!!

11:02pm - YES! FINALLY! 30 ROCK WINS BEST COMEDY!!

11:05pm - Can you imagine if Britney actually had agreed to "perform" on this telecast? I seriously hope she's off somewhere avoiding the Oreo Cakesters and having non-stank extensions put in.

11:08pm - Seriously, if the Sopranos hadn't won, I would've thrown something.

11:09pm - Mariska Hargitay's husband is pretty hot ...

2007-09-09T22:16:00.000-05:00

The Reviews Are In ...
by PopCultureWhore

AP - Somewhere, Kevin Federline is laughing. An out-of-shape, out-of-touch Britney Spears delivered what was destined to be the most talked about performance of the MTV Video Music Awards — but for all the wrong reasons. Not as fit as she was in her "...Baby One More Time" days, Spears still had the look of the young pop star.

Reuters - Faded pop star Britney Spears launched her highly anticipated comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, dressing up like a stripper to deliver a curious performance of her new single.

DListed - Was she stoned?! Did she not care? Did she think this was a rehearsal? I mean......that was it? For real?! They are joking right? Where were the mirrors? I mean...WTF?! I'm so fucking confused.

New York Daily News - Britney, eyes glassy, could barely keep time to the music and by the end wasn't even mouthing the words to her own song ... 50 Cent looked like he might have just thrown up in his mouth.

2007-09-09T20:03:00.000-05:00

That's It?!
By PopCultureWhore

9pm - BRITNEY! Um, I don't know about that outfit, sister friend. Ok, could girlfriend have had any less energy? She's barely dancing. Get into it!! That was awful. Wasn't she supposed to disappear Criss Angel style or something? She looked seriously nervous and was obviously lip synching. Nothing came out when she said "thank you" at the end. I have lost all faith in my popstar whores. Video HERE.

9:04pm - Sarah Silverman. Ouch.

9:10pm - Let's preview the parties. Ooh, Justin. "I would probably just take off my clothes," says my roommate.

9:12pm - Monster Single of the Year. Rhianna "Umbrella". Is it bad that I've never actually heard this song all the way through? That dress kind of looks like a bad bridesmaid gown.

9:15pm - Kanye in one of those suites with the skytop pools. Sampling Daft Punk? Is this on his new album? Not digging the white shades. I wonder how much damage those people are going to do to that suite?

9:21pm - Akon kind of annoys me. He's kind of shoved to the side.

9:22pm - Yay, Seth Rogen. He's with the guy who played his partner in "Superbad" ... they're also stuffed at a makeshift gambling table.

9:23pm - JHud and Robin Thicke. His father is the dad from "Growing Pains" apparently and that's all I know about him except that he's cute in a metrosexual way. Quadruple threat? JUSTIN! "I want to challenge MTV to play more videos" ... he's probably wasted. That would make it easier to take advantage of him. I mean, congrats Justin!

Meanwhile, more Britney pics going up online ...

9:31pm - Foo Fighters. What's up ninth grade? Is MTV doing these little mini performances from the suites because of the collective ADD of its audience?

9:33pm - Kanye and 50 ... ooh, fake face-off. No banter. How cutting edge. Let me guess. Kanye's album is going to be about Gucci purses and 50's going to sing about getting shot and driving Ferraris. The end.

9:34pm - Earthshattering Collaboration = Beyonce feat. Shakira. I've also never heard this song all the way through because Shakira's voice gives me seizures. Whoa, Beyonce. Keep the girls in your dress. That double-sided tape must be holding on for dear life!

9:41pm - I'm already bored ... I don't want these people making their way through a crowded suite. I want them on stage in elaborate performances. Thanks.

9:43pm - Chris Brown does Charlie Chaplin. Boy can dance. Britney shoud have collaborated with him instead of Criss Angel. Um, looks like he is turning to Brit for lip syncing advice, though. Did he just forget to sing the first few words of the song?

9:46pm - Rihanna. Dominatrix chic. At least she's singing live? Well, as she got closer to Chis Brown, is sounded less and less like she was singing live.

9:47pm - Obligatory Michael Jackson tribute. If MJ and his melting face actually show up ... nope.

9:54pm - Farnsworth Bentley. Where the hell have you been?

9:57pm - The Hills ladies. Lauren, lipstick's too red. Justin wins for best male video. LC basically ignores him. What? He gives props to Chris Brown. Ooh, he just knocked MTV's lineup in front of the cast of its most popular reality show. Nice.

10pm - Speaking of MTV programming, promo for MySpace "star" Tila Tequila's upcoming reality stars. Premise? 16 lesbians, 16 straight guys. Who will she pick?! Kill me.

10:03pm - Promo for "Beowulf" with Angelina. Ick. Looks like she's doing another awful attempt at an accent. Wasn't "Alexander" punishment enough?!

10:04pm - 50 with Justin and Timbaland. Backstage, Britney is crying.

10:06pm - Shia LaBeouf. Porn stache?

10:08pm - Pamela Anderson needs to give it up. Her tongue down someone's throat in the desert? Next.

10:09pm - MORE Kanye. Christ, is there no one else there?

10:17pm - Who is Eugene Montross? I have no idea.

10:18pm - The Transformers whore who is sleeping with David Silver. Eh, I guess she's pretty?

10:19pm - Timbaland from Rain nightclub. He's really making the rounds tonight. Whoever set up the logistics for this show is probably going to need a strong drink when it's all over. Who the fuck is onstage right now? Linkin Park? Yeah, it is ... "I bleed it out, take it deeper just to throw it away." What? I'm getting antsy.

10:23pm - Ooh, Adrien Grenier. He has a video camera ... probably for that "documentary" he's doing about celebrity with the help of Ms. Hilton. Fall Out Boy ... Pete Wentz is tiny. This format is annoying. Get out of the shot, stupid extras!!

10:30pm - Rihanna's joining the suite parties. She's going to poke her eyes out with those earrings.

10:34pm - Alicia Keys. Girlfriend sounds good. That outfit, however ... It's a cover of "Freedom" ... brings down the house.

10:45pm - Jamie Foxx is annoying Jennifer Garner. Did she just say "Gym Class Fall Out" won the award? Awesome.

10:48am - That dumbass pageant girl is babbling about something ...

10:57pm - Shit, is Dr. Dre on steroids?

11:01pm - Did something actually happen between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock? I guess so.

11:05pm - Is Nelly Furtado performing with drag queens?

11:06pm - Do Timbaland and Dre have the same trainer?

11:08pm - Open with Britney, end with Justin ...

11:09pm - Dance for me, Justin ...

11:23pm - Um, so much for MTV not re-airing the show?

2007-09-09T19:27:00.000-05:00

T-Minus 20 Minutes Until Britney
By PopCultureWhore

VMA pre-show is going strong. Basically all the VJ's have been instructed to ask all attendees about a) Britney Spears and b) the Kanye/50 Cent chart showdown next week and c) whether they will be hitting parties after the show. Duh.

8:32 pm – Pussycat Nicole. Um, ok is that her climbing around inside the box? Yes, it is. I wonder what kind of shampoo she uses. This setup kind of makes it look like she’s a whore in an Amsterdam red light district window. That dancer just kissed her kneecap? John Norris (who might want to lay off the highlights) just called her limber.

I love that AP news tagged Brody Jenner as a "socialite" in the picture slugs. I suppose that's appropriate, though. I also wonder what shampoo he uses.

8:40pm - Who the hell are Gym Class Heroes? I'm getting old.

8:41pm - Ludacris and Jennifer Hudson. What has she been up to? Ludacris is a Virgo. Luda-Day Weekend, yo. Mmm, birthday cake. JHud wants some Britney. Ludacris thinks the Britney record is "jammin".

8:42pm - Paris and the new haircut looks almost demure. WTF?

8:43pm - Kanye's tux looks a tad too snug for him. He wants Video of the Year because "people don't remember number two," he said. Kanye decided that he and 50's album should come out on the same day. "We wanted to do something to create the hype and we did."

8:45pm - Jennifer Garner and Jamie Foxx. Jennifer seems like she's a bit too old to be there. Ten more years and Violet will be squeezing into teen gear and hamming it up, Jen.

Looks like these whores are still together ...

8:50pm - Paris Hilton in leopard Dolce and Gabana. She's been in Toronto filming a movie called Repo. Um, right. "We haven't heard much from you since you were locked up," says Sway. LOL. Blah blah entrepreneur blah blah. Sway: Enjoy your freedom! Classic.

8:52pm - Pharell and his posse from Clipse. Brit VJ boy: In a word, how excited are you to see Britney? Pharell: I'm excited. I'm here to support my man Timbaland, I'm here to support Justin. Snap.

"Oh my God" -- my roommate's reaction to John Norris and his eyeliner.

2007-09-04T21:41:00.000-05:00

It’s Britney, Bitch
By PopCultureWhore

I’m currently rocking out to a new Britney Spears song. And no, I’m not having a flashback to 1999. A few new Britney tracks have leaked to the Internet in the past few weeks and, on the whole, they are basically a testament to why she should lay off the Parliament lights and perhaps re-hire her entire management team. It appears that all is not lost, however, with the release of “Gimme More”, which I hope is the song she will “sing” at the upcoming MTV VMAs in Vegas. The lyrics are basically about how people can’t keep their eyes off her and her current flame at a dance club (“cameras are flashing while we’re dirty dancing”), but it’s a catchy dance record, and there are hints of Britney circa “I’m a Slave 4 U”. There’s no way she could ever pull off this song with a live mic, but do we really turn to Britney for vocal chops? Now if she could just dump those damn knee-high boots for some Louboutins and the awful wigs for some professional extensions, we might be back in business.

2007-08-17T13:46:00.000-05:00

Future Sex/Love Obsessed
By PopCultureWhore

My ongoing, one-sided love affair with Justin Timberlake continued last night at Madison Square Garden.

I didn’t actually bring my camera so you'll have to make do with this grainy and not-at-all clear camera phone picture.

Anyway, JT was sexual and cocky and fabulous and my teenage crush persists. He opened with Future Sex/Love Sound and I almost passed out. He danced his ass off and as he was executing some Michael Jackson-esque pelvic thrusts and the like, I thought that if I were Britney I would just kill myself.

The only lull came during a strange intermission thing where Timbaland basically just played snippets of random songs - presumably while JT changed clothes/smoked weed.

JT also didn’t sing dick in a box or bring Madonna on stage to sing some of their new songs. I suppose I’ll forgive him for not getting Madge, but I demand some live dick in a box at some point in my life, damnit. Perhaps he didn’t want his first HBO special to include a section of him singing about wrapping his manhood in Christmas decorations. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, JT!

Check out Rolling Stone for more concert details.

2007-08-17T11:41:00.000-05:00

PopoZao Redux?
By PopCultureWhore

So Heidi and Spencer of “The Hills” fame have been hard at work in the recording studio and the fruits of their labor debuted this week on Ryan Seacrest’s LA radio show. In a dance song that samples heavily from Yaz’s “Situation”, Heidi coos about “looking for a boss type” and Spencer … wait for it … raps. His efforst are predictably laughable and Seacrest later said he was working too hard on the Diddy impression (“Got my eyes on a sassy pearl, Heidi Montag, yeah that’s my girl”). I was listening to the song, however, and found, to my horror, that I found portions of it slightly catchy. But then I realized what it was – the underlying beats sound exactly like “SexyBack”.

Elements of JT aside, however, Heidi is apparently “upset” that the song foud its way to radio. Though Seacrest said the dynamic duo “got it to us first”, Pratt tells People that he and Heidi did the song “as a joke. Over my dead body would I rap on Heidi’s first song.”

Their protests remind of Kevin Federline and the “Popozao” affair. After his song got some play online – and was skewered by everyone under the sun – K-Fed said that the song was a joke and was never meant to hit the airwaves.

A K-Fed and Heidi musical collaboration? The stuff of dreams.

2007-07-31T22:09:00.000-05:00

Don’t Go, Sweet BoomKat
By PopCultureWhore

Basically the only reason I’ve been watching “Making the Band 4” is for the contestants’ rousing renditions of “On Bended Knee” and the television gold that is choreographer Laurie Ann “BoomKat” Gibson.

So imagine my horror when my beloved BoomKat was chased off the screen by a grumpy Diddy, who disapproved of her positive feedback and only giving her boys five hours to learn a dance routine after he’d requested an entire weekend of booty shaking.

First of all, whatever “group” comes out of this TV show is not going to be the next musical phenomenon. We all know that. Danity Kane certainly had staying power, didn’t they? SO, knowing that, let’s focus on whatever drama and craziness we can stir up during the actual taping. And who better to bring the crazy than BoomKat? She’d probably cut me in a dark alley while doing the running man, but I love that bitch. Don’t disappoint me, Diddy. I don’t want shots of your kids lounging around a Manhattan loft. I want BoomKat in a black hoodie looking like she hasn’t decided whether to teach me an eight count dance routine or stuff my body in her trunk.

That being said, she’s apparently doing ok for herself, as she proudly announced on the video above. If doing ok for yourself includes wearing parachute pants and praising the Lord.

2007-07-31T21:37:00.000-05:00

Scott Baio's Bitch Slap
By PopCultureWhore

I’ve just had a chance to peruse some of the trash I’ve accumulated on my DVR of late and the summer shit storm is in full effect. The selection that has prompted the most discussion among my friends, however, would be Vh1’s trainwreck “Scott Baio is 45 and Single”.

Baio, formerly of Chachi and Charles in Charge fame, is now 45 and questioning why he has yet to settle down. To wrap his head around this conundrum, Baio has hired a life coach, who has ordered him to remain celibate and track down his former girlfriends for insight on his lothario past. Think “High Fidelity” if that were written by a drunken producer from “The Surreal Life”.

Sample e-mails in the last few days alone include:

Click HERE for more ...

“Dude, you’re 45 – COME ON!”

“I change a dozen diapers a day, open juice bags, run baths and Scott Baio finds flaws in gorgeous women.”

“Is he for real? Chicken?”

The last remark refers to Baio’s first ex-girlfriend visit, to which he brings a bucket of chicken from KFC as a gift – for no reason. She – and basically every other girlfriend Baio tracks down – tells him he was an asshole because he cheated on them relentlessly.

I’ll admit to wanting Charles in charge of me at one point, but I also had a thing for Davy Jones back in the day, so let’s not trust my judgment on 80s heartthrobs. Regardless, any love I had for Charles dissipated immediately upon viewing his extended adolescence.

Baio basically has contempt for any activity that doesn’t involve him guzzling liquor while two feet away from a stripper’s boobs or $10,000 worth of poker chips (are rerun royalties really that lucrative?). He says something to the effect of “There’s nothing I hate more than the sound of a woman’s voice in the morning” when his life coach phones him in Palm Springs with an assignment. The simplest tasks elicit temper tantrums. He almost has a seizure attending a “Happy Days” autograph signing event. His idiot best friend tries to sabotage his marriage efforts at every turn so he can sample Charles’ cast offs.

Time will tell if this is scarier than “The Two Coreys”, which apparently debuts tonight, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to actually watch. Basically I can’t wait for this to happen to our current teen sensations: “The Cheerleader is 37 and Lost Her Botox Prescription”, “Walt Will Kill You”, “Bravo Presents: Turtle’s New Entourage”, “Gilmore Trannies”, etc.

(Source)

2007-07-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

You're PMS'ing Pretty Bad, Huh?
By PopCultureWhore

Dwight + Pam + Michael = Emmy magic. The Emmy nominations were announced this week and there was plenty of love for my favorite, “The Office”. Rainn Wilson (Dwight) and Jenna Fischer (Pam) secured what I believe are their first nods for supporting roles, while Steve Carrell (Michael) got a nomination for lead actor in a comedy series. The rest of the cast was not forgotten, however, as the show was also nominated for best comedy series. If Rainn does win, I hope he reenacts Dwight’s speech (“Blood alone moves the wheels of history!”).

More nominees, predictions, wish lists after the jump:

Drama Series:
Boston Legal
Grey’s Anatomy
Heroes
House
The Sopranos

I actually only watch The Sopranos and given that it recently ended, I’d put my money on the family. House is a favorite among the award show crowd, but usually only for Hugh Laurie. Heroes could emerge as a surprise winner given its following, but I’m going to predict Sopranos.

Lead Actor in a Drama Series:
Kiefer Sutherland, 24
James Spader, Boston Legal
Hugh Laurie, House
Denis Leary, Rescue Me
James Gandolfini, The Sopranos

Again, only watch Sopranos. And again, Hugh Laurie is an Emmy favorite, but James Gandolfini will probably take home the gold. Kiefer’s received some award action in his time, but the Sopranos machine might be too much to topple.

Lead Actress in a Drama Series:
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos

I’d say Kyra and Edie are the two to beat. If I had to choose one, I’d go Kyra just because Carmela’s story line wasn’t as intriguing this season as in years past.

Supporting Actor, Drama:
William Shatner, Boston Legal
TR Knight, Grey’s Anatomy
Masi Oka, Heroes
Terry O’Quinn, Lost
Michael Emerson, Lost
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos

TR Knight might win some support because of the Grey’s scuffle this year, but my vote’s for Michael Imperioli. Christopher’s bloody demise at the hands of Tony after years of battling alcoholism, drug addiction and conflicting desires for his future was shocking and heartbreaking and deserves recognition. I’d be surprised if a Lost cast member took it home, even though we got a lot of background (and intense stares) on John Locke this season. Shatner and Masi will probably split the nerd vote.

Supporting Actress, Drama:
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Aida Turturro, The Sopranos
Lorraine Bracco, The Sopranos

Eh, I’m actually not thrilled by anyone in this category. I loved Rachel on Six Feet Under but never got into Brothers & Sisters. Maybe I’ll go with Aida because Janice was just so maddeningly self-centered, yet intriguing. I imagine one of the Grey’s chicks will actually take it home, though.

Comedy Series:
30 Rock
Entourage
The Office
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty

Obviously I’m going to go for The Office because it makes my Thursdays bright, though I’m also a big fan of 30 Rock. Entourage has been a little flat this season despite the Medellin fiasco and Ugly Betty’s camp is entertaining but occasionally annoying. Two and a Half Men is basically a more mature Full House. It’s going to come down to The Office and Ugly Betty.

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Extras, Ricky Gervais
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Steve Carrell, The Office
Charlie Sheen, Two And a Half Men

Alec Baldwin has taken home a number of well-deserved awards for his role on 30 Rock, but the irate voicemails he left for daughter Ireland earlier this year might work against him come Emmy time. That could help Steve Carrell step in and take home the prize. Extras is hilarious, but Ricky Gervais kind of serves as a foil to the babblings of his dim-witted sidekick and the various celebrity guest stars rather than leading man. Charlie Sheen really can’t beat Steve Carrell and don’t get me started on Monk.

Lead Actress in Comedy Series:
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Mary Louise-Parker, Weeds

Emmy loves Julia Louis-Dreyfus so my bet is on her. Tina Fey has done a great job with 30 Rock, but she’s basically a foil for Alec Baldwin. America could be Julia’s biggest competition (she took home the Golden Globe), but Emmy loves the old guard. Felicity’s great, but can Desperate Housewives just die already? The handful of “Weeds” episodes I’ve seen were amusing, but Elizabeth Perkins was more engaging than Mary Louise-Parker.

Supporting Actor, Comedy:

Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Rainn Wilson, The Office
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Dwight! I was really happy to see Rainn Wilson’s name on this list because he was hilarious this season on The Office. Kevin and Jeremy might split the Entourage vote, but Ari’s been a little restrained this season anyway. Of the few episodes I’ve seen, Neil Patrick Harris is pretty funny on HIMYM, but he’s no Dwight.

Supporting Actress, Comedy:
Jaime Pressly, My Name is Earl
Jenna Fischer, The Office
Conchata Ferrell, Two and a Half Men
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds

It’s between Jenna Fischer and Vanessa Williams for me, personally. Elizabeth Perkins could be a surprise win and Jaime Pressly has received oddly glowing reviews. I’ll go out on a limb and say Jenna Fischer because her Pam character was allowed to do more than answer the phone and stare longingly at Jim this season.

Reality Program:
Antiques Roadshow
Dog Whisperer
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
Penn & Teller: Bullshit

I mention this category only because I love “My Life on the D-List”. Kathy did some hilarious bit in her stand-up routine about how she jokingly bitched out the team from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition when she lost to them last year. She said she’d probably never be invited back again, but she made it.

2007-07-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

I Belong to BoomKat
By PopCultureWhore

“Making the Band” is back on MTV but it unfortunately does not involve my favorite trannies, Danity Kane. This time Diddy is looking to recapture the magic of the boy band, but these guys are more kumbaiya than cat fight. Except for a brief battle over who ate someone’s food and a laughable living room sing-off with the “new guys”, this season’s crop of MTBers have been far too mature and focused for an MTV reality show. Bring back the ladies!

Even more tragic is the lack of BoomKat. Everyone’s favorite spastic choreographer shows up briefly to wipe away tears as various contestants bleat their way through “Down on Bended Knee”, but save for one hilarious scene in which BoomKat dons a barely there blue leotard, MTB4 is seriously lacking in some quality BoomKat psycho crazy fun time.

And seriously, is it 1992? I mean, I loved me some Boyz II Men back in the day. My friends and I made up a dance to “Motown Philly” in sixth grade, there was a tearful middle school slide show set to “End of the Road” and there’s a strong possibility I lip synched in the mirror to Mariah’s part on “One Sweet Day”, but this season’s wannabe boy banders (or producers) seem just a tad obsessed with all things Boyz II Men.

I’m not going to go into a breakdown of the contenders just yet given that Diddy keeps adding a dozen or so new “soldiers” every episode. But seriously boys, you have some tough, daisy duke clad shoes to fill. Make me believe it’s 1992 again.

2007-06-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

The Fat Lady Cut to Black
By PopCultureWhore

Sopranos, Sopranos. Love it or hate it, the finale definitely accomplished the task of giving us what we least expected. I was initially miffed that David Chase gave us the sudden, “draw your own conclusions” ending, but it’s probably fitting. The series always defied expectation, so why should we have expected anything less from the finale? The “Sopranos” was a trend setting TV show and it ended in a never-before-seen fashion. Though I’m leaning towards the camp that thinks the blackout was actually Tony’s death, I’m ultimately glad Chase didn’t show it – or succumb to a maudlin, pan out family togetherness shot. That’s not how they do it in Jersey. HBO’s been busy pulling down all clips of the “Sopranos” finale from the web, so instead watch my favorite series finale moment -- “Six Feet Under”, which basically made me cry for two days. “Sex and the City” was a similarly sad goodbye, but it didn’t pack quite the same emotional punch. HBO may soon be pulling down these clips as well, so enjoy while you can!

2007-06-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

Fart in a Mitten
By PopCultureWhore

To quote the classic TMZ message board post - "Paris is fart in a mitten." That's all I got. That's all I really should have. CNN actually sent a "breaking news alert" about Hilton being thrown back in the clink. Now she's apparently freaking out and is at some jail medical facility. Blah blah. Just do your time, sweetie. It's not like she has any real-world concerns. She's not going to get fired from a job, have trouble paying the rent, need to find babysitters. She just needs someone to watch her pocket dogs and eat all the cupcakes that were delivered to her house yesterday.

(Source)

2007-06-06T15:37:00.000-05:00

Tangled and Unwashed
By PopCultureWhore

If Paris’ label hadn’t dropped her, that could be the title of her next album. Maybe her next porn video instead. Until then, she’s a crying, dirty mess, according to “sources” inside the clink. "She looks unwashed, she has no makeup and her hair is tangled. She cried audibly through the first two nights,” someone told People Magazine. She probably looks something like that weird Jessica Simpson video for “I Belong to Me” where she cuts her hair off and smears lipstick all over her face. Seriously, though, besides the constant crying, is Paris a dirty, tangled mess anything new?

(Source)

2007-06-06T08:37:00.000-05:00

Fun, Laughs, Good Times
By PopCultureWhore

Posh Spice looks like she’s ready to join the cast of “Chicago” in this getup. That could be pretty interesting, except for the fact that she has the sex appeal of a praying mantis. But if Ashlee Simpson and Joey from “Blossom” can handle it, it’s only a matter of time before Posh hits the stage. It might confuse her rocks-for-brains husband David Beckham though. “Why are you singing about murdering your husband, then? Are you keen on these stone-washed manpris?”

(People)

2007-06-04T22:55:00.000-05:00

Want to Look Like a Crackwhore?
By PopCultureWhore

“Sunset Tans” re-affirms why I never want to live in Los Angeles. My pasty, carb-eating ass prefers to simply watch the madness from the comfort of my box-sized Manhattan apartment. The clip above features a mother who paid $1300 so that her pint-sized daughter could get a “cocktail” of tanning procedures for her upcoming school picture. The store’s impudent manager sold the package by telling the Social Services-bound mother that it was the same package purchased by the now twice rehabbed Lindsay Lohan; a revelation that prompted much oohing and aahing from mother and daughter alike. Too bad mini-Lohan ended up looking like an oompa loompa instead of her alcoholic idol.

Tonight I watched an episode that featured the brain dead “Olly Twins” (Molly and Holly!) sexually harassing Chris Kattan. We also saw the aforementioned impudent manager Nick being shuttled to Las Vegas to check out a Sunset Tans location set to open in The Palms casino hotel. Unfortunately he was a little put off by a naked model jumping on him after he administered a spray tan; worrying what his stern-looking girlfriend might think about the situation. I was just shocked that he had a girlfriend. When they showed his apartment and roommate, I was sure we had a Will and Grace scenario going on.

2007-06-04T22:43:00.000-05:00

TOBY!!!!
By PopCultureWhore

WTF? I seriously had to rewind my DVR and re-watch this commerical tonight. If this woman gets that worked up over her dog scooting across the living room carpet (and in front of company, no less) she might want to consider a little daytime lithium. Toby is my new favorite whore, though. I know it's not really celeb gossip but I'm sure the kid in this commerical will have a Lohan-esque meltdown at some point, so consider it proactive gossip.

2007-06-04T20:29:00.000-05:00

From the Britney Collection Part II
By PopCultureWhore

Brooke Hogan took to the stage in a pair of denim fisherman's boots and some underwear recently. Seriously, WTF? I've watched a little "Hogan Knows Best" on Vh1 and the Hulk goes apeshit if Brooke is within a 10-ft radius of a pelvic thrust, so how is he ok with his daughter looking like a cast member from "Hookers at the Point"? CSC = Crazy Slut Carnival? Click HERE for more. They literally ripped out the crotch on a pair of jeans. Subtle.

2007-06-04T15:34:00.000-05:00

From the Britney Spears Collection
By PopCultureWhore

“Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere channels Britney’s lack of style for this little number. The scraped back hair, the sweaty complexion, too much gold jewelry – homegirl is a hop, skip and a jump away from going to jail, marrying a backup dancer or driving her Benz into a curb high on coke. She’s already dating a former reality TV star – “Laguna Beach’s” Stephen Coletti. And as we all know from the first season’s Cabo episode, he is quite the dashing young gentleman (“YOU SLUT!”). To be fair, though, he yelled that at Kristen so I'll give him a little credit.

2007-06-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

Brangelina Become 'Dr Phil' Episode
By PopCultureWhore

I have some very sad news to report. Brad and Angelina are too busy to schedule in regular sexy time. Lest we all think that Casa Brangelina is a 24-7 re-creation of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, Angelina tells Marie Claire magazine that “Mommy and Daddy need to try to figure out more time right now.” Shockingly, having four children under the age of 10 is not conducive to getting down.

This may be a no brainer to anyone with a child, but this is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie we’re talking about. She flies planes, goes on vacation to Pakistan and makes out with her brother. She once had sex with Billy Bob in a limo on her way to an award’s ceremony and there’s no time for Brad? Actually, cars might be her thing, as evidence by this video of the duo making out in their limo after a Cannes event.

When there is not vehicle available, however, here’s what you do. Plop Z and Pax in front of a “Little Nemo” DVD and give Shiloh to the staff of “US Weekly” for a few hours so they can more accurately delve “inside her world” like they did for last week’s cover story. Maddox is a bad ass and can take of himself. Put him in one of his trendy t-shirts and put a switchblade in his Che Guevara lunchbox and he’s ready to go.

If not, I’m sure Jennifer Aniston would give up a few hours of hang-out time with Courteney Cox for old time’s sake.

2007-06-04T10:48:00.000-05:00

Paris Jailed, World Peace Attained
By PopCultureWhore

It can be a little tough to get out of bed on Monday mornings, but the extra skip in my step today can be attributed to the fact that Paris Hilton is now behind bars. Stripped of her Sidekick, lap dogs, hair extensions, luxury vehicles, head bands and bevy of coked-up Hollywood hangers-on, Paris made an MTV Movie Awards appearance last night and then checked herself into jail.

Her last few hours were anything but champagne toasts of good luck from the A-List. Movie Awards host Sarah Silverman joked that Paris’ cell bars should be made out of penises but worried that she might chip her teeth. Calls for an extended stay behind bars during the show were also met with cheers. Paris is receiving slight special treatment by not being placed with the jail’s general population, but it hardly sounds like a stay at Promises.

I hope her cellmate becomes like Kelly Taylor’s psycho rehab roommate on 90210.

Meanwhile, the record label which has since dropped Paris from its roster was sued for allegedly copying UB40's "Kingston Town" for Paris’ first single “Star are Blind”.

2007-06-01T13:26:00.000-05:00

First Tinky Winky, Now Shrek?
By PopCultureWhore

Did you realize that “Shrek the Third” is not simply a summer blockbuster about the adventures of a lovable ogre but actually a vehicle to promote the transgender lifestyle? Thank you Illinois Review (crossroads of the conservative community) for cluing me into this shocking revelation!

“Right in the midst of a warm ‘traditional family’ setting, the film writers place a man dressed as a woman in with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White (the good gals),” writes Fran Eaton. “The cross-dressing character simply doesn't make sense, except as a ploy to desensitize children and parents to transgenders.”

Seriously? Fran, from the looks of the banner running atop your sweet little organization’s Web site, it appears that you might be bored amidst the corn and two-lane roads and looking to stir up a little controversy. But in a movie that features talking green ogres and a wisecracking donkey, is the presence of one of those ogres in a dress really what draws your suspicion? It’s a cartoon. With talking green monsters.

I assure you that any sort of underlying social commentary goes right over the heads of kids pissing themselves with glee over Donkey’s antics. But even if producers did intend for this character (voiced by Larry King btw) to be transgender, who cares?

I mean, Justin Timberlake is in this movie, Fran. Just enjoy that fact alone. Sounds like you might need a little Future Love/Sex Sounds in your life.

2007-05-28T23:14:00.000-05:00

Lohan Rehab Redux
By PopCultureWhore

I literally laughed out loud when I heard the “Lindsay Lohan arrested for DUI” news snippet this weekend. This stuff just writes itself. In the days since the young thespian was hauled in for crashing her Benz, leaving the scene, having trace amounts of coke in said vehicle and apparently drinking and driving (underage), her jailbird Daddy has penned a note demanding that Lindsay seek help from Jesus, gossip columns have pointed the coke-fueled finger are Mommy Lohan, Svedka Vodka has pulled out of sponsoring Lindsay’s 21st Vegas birthday bash and now the little lamb has reportedly checked herself back into rehab for a little R&R.

This is obviously good news for her acting career – seeing as how her most recent films like Just My Luck, Prairie Home Companion and Georgia Rule were such critical favorites and box office blockbusters. Next up for the Oscar voters is I Know Who Killed Me, where it appears Lohan plays an amnesiac stripper with a penchant for creative writing?

2007-05-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

Extreme Makeover: Whore Edition
by PopCultureWhore

I just killed about 3 million brain cells by watching “Ex Wives Club” on ABC tonight. It features Trump’s ex Marla Maples, K-Fed’s first baby’s mama Shar Jackson and some redhead who was engaged to Stallone trying to mend the broken hearts of jilted Americans.

I can’t wait for “The Soup” to tear this one apart. I predict they’ll either use Angie saying “The last thing I’d want to be called on my honeymoon is a bitch” quote, Shar telling us how she broke it to her kid that not everyone has a house like Britney's or the clip featuring a roomful of blindfolded nutcases screaming “I don’t deserve to be treated like this!”

Note to TV executives – neither do I!

I loved the before and after montages that literally featured clips of people having hysterical mental breakdowns in the “before” shots and then flashed to brilliant post-makeover glamour shots for the “after”.

Apparently all I have to do to get over a breakup is fling my ex-boyfriend’s prized wheels from a plane and get Marla Maples to do my PR. I mean, I’d let her sell my condo or introduce me at a work retreat, but otherwise, girlfriend’s pearly whites kind of scare me.

One of the hysterical divorcees, Rebecca, also revealed that she’d written a book after her “journey” on the show, prompting Shar to request roles for her and the ladies should the book be turned into a movie. Right. I’m thinking her best bet for now is the porn version of “Crossroads”.

2007-05-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

Night of 1,000 Fugs
By PopCultureWhore

The stars pulled crazy out of the closet for the Met Costume Institute Benefit Gala. Lohan (above) kicked things off with a number that, for her, screams classy. Jessica Simpson, meanwhile, is probably having trouble breathing.

Juliette Lewis once again forgot that it is not 1976

Parker Posey ... love her, but aren't indie artsy fartsy types supposed to be into conservation? I think a Laura Ashley loveseat had to die to make this frock.

Scarlett. I was liking it until I scrolled down. The hair is a tad servere, too. Cameron was there looking like MyScene Barbie. Was there a JT-related cat fight? Pretty please?

Kirsten, I know you're dating a rock star and you're all skinny ugly chic, but you're not Kate Moss. Give it up. Oh god, I just noticed her companion's cowboy boots. I'd say that Anna Winour probably had a cow over these outfits, but she looked like an extra from Star Trek herself.

2007-05-07T22:09:00.000-05:00

All Babies Are Cute ...
By PopCultureWhore

... except this one. Alabama Barker, spawn of Playboy Playmate Shanna Moakler and former Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker, looks like she's stab me with that lollipop stick for my lunch money.

(Source)

2007-05-07T22:06:00.000-05:00

Finally ...
By PopCultureWhore

“The Sopranos” picked up some steam last night. Tony gave the feds some dirt. Christopher succumbed to peer pressure, got drunk and shot the guy from “Wings” in the head. AJ fell into a depression over his breakup and started a nice descent into a life of crime with the help of some sulfuric acid and a few boneheaded former classmates. And Pauly showed us what a Cadillac can really do on a $40,000 lawn. Four more episodes left … do you think “Wings” guy’s apartment was bugged? Who is Meadow’s mystery guy? Do Pauly’s sideburns give you nightmares too?

(Source)

2007-05-03T15:43:00.000-05:00

Throw Away the Key!
By PopCultureWhore

The LA city attorney has recommended that Paris Hilton spend 45 days in jail for her drunk driving arrest. Yes! Do it! Lock her in a tower and make her the whore in the iron mask. Make her listen to Jessica Simpson music! I know she’s not going to do a damn day in jail, but a PCW can dream.

(Source)

2007-05-03T15:27:00.000-05:00

Private Dumbass
By PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson needs to stop. First, she agreed to star in a remake of “Working Girl” and now she is going to star in a movie that sounds suspiciously like Goldie Hawn’s “Private Benjamin.” Simpson will play a down-on-her-luck actress who joins the marines, presumably to spread joy and hair products throughout the land. Seriously, though, she either needs to meet a producer who doesn’t produce pop treacle and record an album of substance (…) or just call it a day. No more movies – please. Dukes of Hazard gave me brain spasms for months.

(Source)

2007-05-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

Yes, Please

By PopCulture Whore

Put together ... or a little scruffy. Whatever.

(Source)

2007-05-03T15:03:00.000-05:00

That's What PCW Said
By PopCultureWhore

The sitcom gods will smile on me with new episodes of “The Office” and “30 Rock” tonight. I was away for all the Alec Baldwin madness, but he seriously can’t quit “30 Rock”. Tina Fey is great, but Jack’s one liners make the show. Perhaps it will make more people tune in, like when people actually went to see “Nine Months” after Hugh Grant got caught with that prostitute (an aside: baked beans, Hugh? Really?) Alec wasn’t really bashful and apologetic, however. He appeared on “The View” starring as the crazy lady who lives in an attic and pledged to write a book about disenfranchised divorced dads. Sounds like a real page turner, Alec! He’d probably have better luck joining born-again Stephen’s quest to rid his NY town of porn.

In “Office” news, tonight’s episode finds Phyllis the victim of a flasher. It’s probably Creed. AOL also has a trailer for John Krasinski’s (Jim) upcoming movie “License to Wed.” Sadly, it looks pretty crappy. John and Mandy Moore are an engaged couple who must pass a marriage test administered by Mandy’s priest, played by Robin Williams. Bleh. Maybe I’ll rent it on Netflix and just turn the sound off.

Congrats to “The Office”, however, for getting a Webby Award nomination for their “webisodes”. The awards are apparently the Oscars of the Internet and acceptance speeches must be five words or less. Perfect opportunity for “That’s what she said.”

2007-05-03T14:33:00.000-05:00

Whore Cakes Returning Soon
By PopCultureWhore

I've returned from China. Madonna has returned from Malawi. Pop culture goodness on its way!

2007-04-04T22:15:00.000-05:00

Shanghai Surprise 2007

By PopCultureWhore

I am jetting my Pop Culture Whore self off to China tomorrow until April 14 so there will be no blog posts until I return! In the interim, check out my favorites like DListed, ONTD, Best Week Ever blog, etc and all the other whorecakes on the sidebar --->

2007-04-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

'Paradise' City Breakdown
By PopCultureWhore

It seems that paradise isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; at least not when the cast of “Paradise City” is involved. Emotions flared and tempers ran high this week. Rick summed it up with, “this is not relationship city; this is sin city.”

Most of the main events of Sunday’s “Paradise City” took place during Anthony’s poker party. “Who is Anthony?” you may ask. Don’t fret, I asked the same question only to be reminded by none other than his biggest fan Rick that Anthony headlines his very own Vegas show hypnotizing people for the amusement of his audience. (Eye roll here)

Most of the “Paradise City” crew is in attendance at the poker party. Anthony, Willie and April kick off the festivities. Jenner arrives with Laci, and Greta arrives tucked under Rick’s arm. I think Jack may have been there but who knows and frankly, who even cares? Surprisingly, Molly and her fake nails did not show up. Apparently, her job always comes first.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ...

At the poker party, all the guys gang up on April about her nonexistent boyfriend. No matter how much April adamantly denies this figment of Molly’s imagination, the guys won’t let up until April, 30 going on 13, finally storms out, unable to take the taunts any longer. Rick follows, of course.

The big discussion finally ensues and Rick reveals that Molly is the one who let it slip that April had a boyfriend. April is obviously floored judging by the way her chin scrapes the ground. Anyway, they talk and make up and I guess live happily ever after, at least until next week.

April eventually confronts Molly about her mean girl behavior. Molly confesses that she may have said something like April “dates” other people but she really couldn’t care less about Rick (yeah right!). It is true what they say, misery sure does love company. I crossed my fingers hoping April would slap that silly, condescending smile right off Molly’s face or better yet, pluck each of those tacky, plastic nails off of her fingers and shove them up her nose. Unfortunately, my wish was not granted.

On a more serious note, the winner for best drama queen in a reality series goes to GRETA! She had a hysterical, babbling meltdown to rival anything any A-list actress could throw out. When Willie received a mysterious phone call and made his exit, Greta spun out of control into this sniveling, snotting, crying, yelling wreck. Poor, pitiful Greta. I feel sorry for the girl. She’s like an abandoned puppy dog, drooling and sniffing around anybody that shows her a little attention. A piece of advice for Greta, make them work for your undying love and admiration, don’t just give it to every Tom, Rick, and Willie!

I especially feel sorry for the girl because she showed off her dramatic flair way to early in the season. Where is the buildup? The girl lost it as if Willie didn’t just tell her, last week, that he wanted to be FRIENDS. He even admitted to her that he was not boyfriend material. I propose that we, as the audience, take up a collection for Greta to help her buy a clue.

Willie does eventually apologize for hurting her little feelings and she smiles, and I guess everything is right with her world again.

Completely outdone by the drama surrounding Aprick and Willeta, Jack and Jenner go on another sweet date to the desert. A blanket, a bottle of wine and a friendly dog makes for a boring, boring date. In real life, that’s sweet, but this isn’t real life this is REALITY TV and dates in reality TV world just are not sweet and cuddly. They should take a page from the ‘I Love New York’ book.

Stay tuned…

2007-04-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

I Live With Your Stuff

By PopCultureWhore

Did Whitney get the damn job? I sat through that atrocious "Hills" season finale after-show to see if they might shed some light on the situation, but all I got was a sparkly dress and Whitney telling us that she was preparing to graduate. I imagine that means that Super Emily prevailed, but come on! That ruffled shirt probably sealed her fate.

I love that Lauren has become the cynic of “The Hills.” When Heidi announced that she was moving in with Spencer, Lauren smirked, responded “What could go wrong?” in a sing-songy voice and unceremoniously left for work. Earlier, she was quite blasé when Heidi expressed concern that she would be leaving Lauren alone if she left the apartment. “You don’t even live with me. I live with your stuff,” Lauren answered.

Spencer naturally continued his reign of sleaze. He told Brody that he was only pressuring Heidi to move in with him to get her away from Lauren. He also announced that he had a “girlfriend phone” and a homeboy phone. Later, he told Heidi that he was “still sort of mad” at her for taking so long to decide to move in with him. WTF?

The award for best conversation goes to Elodie and Heidi:

Heidi: I’m going to cook him dinner for [Spencer] tonight. I’ve never cooked for him before.
Elodie: Have you ever cooked dinner?
H: No
E What are you cooking?
H: I think pasta, or something easy.
E: I mean do you even have all the equipment to cook
H: Oh god, no, I have to go get it.
E: What’s it called?
H: Dinner?
E: No.
H: Pasta?
E: No, the equipment to cook. Oh, pots and pans!
H: No, yeah, I have to go get all that
E: Well, good luck with that!

Meanwhile, the debut of "Taquita and Kaui" was the most depressing 30 minutes of television I’ve ever watched. T&K are “Making the Band 3” cast offs trying to make it big in Las Vegas. On the one hand, it appears to be an accurate portrayal of how difficult it is to “make it” in show business, but on the other hand, I felt kind of dirty “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” style after looking at that grimy motel, cheesy casino magic show and Vegas buffet lunch. Ick.

2007-04-02T21:56:00.001-05:00

Get the F&*K Out of This House!
by PopCultureWhore

This is actually quite ingenious. Some guy wraps up the last 10 years of Sopranos in 7.5 minutes in preparation for the premiere of the final season on April 8.

2007-04-02T21:26:00.000-05:00

Alanis Covers Fergie, World Weeps
By PopCultureWhore

Alanis Morisette must have some time on her hands now that she doesn't have Ryan Reynolds around for naked time (...) She's channeled her break-up energy into a maudlin cover of Fergie's "My Humps". Basically it makes me want to kill myself, much like the rest of her material. For real kicks, though, check out video of a drag queen making fun of "Fergalicious". Make sure you wait until you get to the shot of him (her?) rolling around on the bed.

2007-04-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

I Have a Problem

By PopCultureWhore

Justin is coming back to Madison Square Garden in August and given that I missed out on his last MSG stop because I was a good sister and bought the younger PopCultureWhore tix to JT's DC outing, my friend Nicole and I will be taking in Mr. Timberlake in a few short months as a reward for her completing the bar! This will be the sixth time I've seen him in concert. I could have a sickness.

2007-03-27T23:51:00.000-05:00

My Favorite Whore: Models, Inc.
By PopCultureWhore

Probably the only thing hotter than Sanjaya’s pony hawk is Linda Gray in an early 90s Aaron Spelling night time soap opera. And the “Models Inc.” theme song. They really need to put this show on DVD so I can re-live the pre-Matrix Carrie Anne Moss (Trinity) and Cassidy Rae, that girl who became a fixture on the Lifetime movie circuit before her chin ate her face. Kylie Travis, meanwhile, was the original Tanya Turner. This was obviously pre-heroin chic because all of these girls would now be chased out of any modeling agency for not looking they’ve been subsisting on ice chips and Marlboros for the past five years.

2007-03-27T23:20:00.000-05:00

I, Like, Totally Paused

By PopCultureWhore

You know who looks like Kaui? Jessica from “Laguna Beach”. And you know what happened to Jessica? Dumbass channeled her ex-boyfriend’s smarts and got hauled into jail for driving under the influence. She crashed into someone on a California highway, was arrested and is being held at the Orange County Jail Women’s Intake Release Center until someone can pay her $100,000 bail. Lauren Conrad must be loving this. First her ex Jason gets busted (twice) for being a violent ass and now the girl he kissed at that fashion show also gets thrown in the slammer. I hope Jessica and Jason can have some sort of post-jail relationship that slips into an incurable meth addiction that is later chronicled on an episode of “True Life: I’m a Laguna Beach Junkie”.

(Source)

2007-03-27T22:54:00.000-05:00

No BoomKat?
By PopCultureWhore

After my roommate had a near breakdown over the impending season finale of “The Hills” last night, there was a quick preview for an upcoming MTV reality series. “Taquita & Kaui” features two cast offs from “Making the Band 3” – the series that eventually produced my favorite group of trannies – Danity Kane. I loved me some “Making the Band 3” but it was not because of Taquita and Kaui. And what is it with people going to Las Vegas to “make it” now. First MTV had that depressing “True Life” about wannabe models and makeup artists heading to Sin City, then E! debuted “Paradise City” and now T&K. But looking at these MySpace pictures of Kaui, she is straight up trash, so Vegas is probably a perfect choice. Taquita? I don’t even know. She and Sanjaya can have a hair war, but that’s the extent of my interest in her – for now. Make me believe, whores!

Looks like they should head to Virginia -- Diddy is back to audition for MTB4! That means the inevitable return of choreographer Laurie Ann, aka BoomKat. Woohoo!

2007-03-27T22:50:00.000-05:00

Pony Hawk For Life
By PopCultureWhore

I’m not really an “American Idol” person. I’m one of the poseurs who watch the fools during the initial audition phase and then tune out when America goes bat shit crazy over Carrie or Taylor or whatever. But I am prompted to break the AI silence after Sanjaya rocked the pony hawk tonight. Seriously, WTF? Is that a banana clip? I seriously just called to vote for him (it was busy) because that’s the most ridiculous, and therefore fabulous, thing I’ve ever seen. The House of Sanjaya is going to be mobbed tomorrow with people begging for the PH.

(Source)

2007-03-27T22:25:00.000-05:00

Willie Slays Hearts, Dinner Theatre

By Telly Whore

Paradise City has succeeded in breaking the fundamental rule of reality television – no fewer than five and no more than eight cast members (and preferably more women than men). So far, my count is up to 10 people and each time I watch, someone new is added to the mix. How can we as viewers be expected to keep up with all of these characters and their little idiosyncrasies? How will I know who to hate? How will I know who deserves my sympathy? It’s almost not fair.

On the brighter side, the mystery of Willie has been solved. I was able to surmise that Willie is some kind of warrior Neanderthal who runs around in circles shirtless. Apparently, his body speaks volumes more than his personality. Lucky for Willie, his dry personality didn’t deter the scorned Greta from choosing him as her second-runner up lover when she realized that Rick was just not interested, nor would he ever be interested, in her.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ...

Speaking of Rick, was it me or was he laughing a little too hard at Anthony’s fake hypnosis show? I mean, the show was cute and it was amusing how Anthony “hypnotized” the guy and made him believe that the girl was lifting her shirt, but Anthony is no Dane Cook. Rick was doubled over laughing as if he had not seen the show about one hundred times already. Hmmm, I may have to keep my eyes on those two.

Up to her old tricks, mean girl Molly, in true queen bee fashion, whispers to Rick during the show that April has a boyfriend. Of course, this leads to another series of unfortunate events in the April/Rick saga. Keeping with the high school theme, Rick invites a bunch of PHAT (pretty hot and tempting) girls to his impromptu soiree with the sole intent of making April bitterly jealous. Needless to say, it works and April storms away. Jenner stays behind to give Rick a piece of her mind, only to have him shut her up by reminding her of her ignorance to the situation. Has April really written Rick off? Does that mean that JJ has a chance?

Okay, enough about the popular crowd. Greta finds her self in like with Willie and I guess Willie is in like with her too but unfortunately for the star-crossed lovers, neither of them are bold enough to make the first move so instead they go back and forth and discuss absolutely nothing. Willie, just kiss the girl already! Can’t you smell the desperation?

Paradise City has managed to leave its viewers with some unanswered questions, guaranteeing that we will tune in at least one more time. Have Jack and Jenner cooled off even before they heated up? Will April find out that her BFF stabbed her in the back and if so, will Molly get bitch-slapped? Where’s JJ? Will Lacy have a hot hook up of her own or continue to play the background? When will Willie cut his hair (he looks like the caveman from the Geico commercial)?

Stay tuned…

2007-03-21T13:17:00.000-05:00

XXX Jenny Craig
By PopCultureWhore

Porn star Jenna Jameson is offended that so many people have taken note of a weight loss that has basically turned her into the adult film version of Posh Spice. In a recent MySpace blog, she blames her skinny appearance on the stress of her ongoing divorce and begs fans and detractors alike to leave her alone during this stressful time. Fair enough, but you make your living having sex with strangers. I think I’d rather have someone make a bitchy comment about my chicken legs than star in “Saving Ryan’s Privates III”. Her estranged husband retaliated with a MySpace blog post of his own. It’s basically rambling, incoherent and devoid of any juicy tidbits. But what type of revenge do you take if your ex-wife is a porn star? Chances are, you’ve probably already slept with many of her friends, right?

(Source)

2007-03-21T13:08:00.000-05:00

National Holiday
By PopCultureWhore

I don’t know why I’m at work on such a holy day. Twenty-nine years ago, Kevin “K-Fed” Federline made his debut in this world and white trash has never been the same. I think President Bush will be at a Denny’s in Northern Virginia later today to truly commemorate the occasion.

2007-03-20T23:46:00.000-05:00

The Future of Meth

By PopCultureWhore

Stephanie Tanner has passed on her meth torch and Aaron Carter appears to be the grateful recipient. He and his butterface girlfriend dropped by some LA fashion event on their way to CVS for 15 packs of Sudafed and some Nyquil.

Meanwhile, remember this train wreck? It's Ally Hilfiger, daughter of designer Tommy. She and her former BFF Jamie starred on MTV's "Rich Girls", which likely kicked off the network's obsession with pampered teens a la "Laguna Beach" and "My Super Sweet 16". I vaguely remember Ally, Jamie and some other chick trying hard to remember who had invented electricity while lounging at Ally's family home in Mustique. Later, Ally freaked out about the food options in the home and called her father weeping, demanding to know why he had not been more strict with her. Maybe because he doesn't care about you, sweetie! He certainly didn't care enough about you to tell you that the red lipstick makes your chompers look like they could eat a baby rhino!

(Source) and (Source)

2007-03-20T23:26:00.000-05:00

JT And My Weird Dreams
By PopCultureWhore

Last night I had a dream that Justin Timberlake and I sang “Cry Me A River” at an outdoor concert complete with fake rain. Later, Joey Fatone, decked out in that 70s-inpsired number he sported on “Dancing with the Stars” this week, showed up with a BlackBerry full of unflattering Britney pictures. Take that for what it’s worth, but I don’t think I’ll be having my onstage moment with JT any time soon because he tells Details magazine that he regrets doing that “My Grammy Moment” where he sang with an American Idol reject. “I’m the nice guy who follows through on things he commits to,” he says. Note to self: get JT tanked and make him commit to being chained to my bed frame. I mean, the cover does say he just wants to be alone. He can totally chill with my DVR and some Slim Jims while I’m at work. He can’t wear that sweater, though. The stripe down the middle makes it look like he yacked on himself.

(Source)

2007-03-20T10:11:00.000-05:00

Lip Gloss, Spiky Bangs, Big Dreams
By Telly Whore

What do you get when you mix gorgeous hair, a few thirty-somethings pretending to be twenty somethings and beauty minus the brains in Las Vegas? PARADISE CITY!! Somehow, someway, the ever obnoxious Ryan Seacrest has managed to finagle another show out of the E! network. (Seriously, who is Ryan sleeping with over there?) As executive producer, he searched far and wide and came up with April the Playboy bunny, Molly the mean girl, Jenner the “nice” girl, Rick the un-player musician, JJ the baller, Jack the regular guy and a few other forgettable characters. I have no doubt that once MTV’s “The Hills” ends in about two weeks, this show is sure to be a hit.

Sunday’s episode kicked off with April’s penthouse birthday party, hosted and sponsored by none other than JJ the baller, who works at The Palms casino hotel. He makes it perfectly clear that he likes April (a lot, judging by the Tiffany box he gave her) and intends to purchase her affection. Even though April-bunny leaves the party with the laid-back Rick, JJ still invites April on a sugar-daddy date complete with a private jet, floor seats at a Sacramento Kings basketball game, and Sacramento King’s memorabilia. (Screw you Holly, Bridget, and Kendra, you’re not the only Playgirls that get the royal treatment!) Unfortunately for JJ, April forgets the first rules of gold-digger appreciation, “you must give when you receive.” How much is it going to cost JJ to make April forget Rick? My guess is one more penthouse suite, a shopping spree, and three more Tiffany boxes.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ...

Speaking of buying women’s integrity and dignity, JJ took a more chivalrous route with poor, unfortunate Greta. After dropping $1500 of cold, hard cash, he was still unable to convince Greta to lose her pants and drop it like it’s hot on a stripper pole in the suite’s shower. Here’s a hint for JJ, women are way cheaper than they used to be…try a little more liquor and a compliment, save the money.

Moving on, what would reality TV be without a love triangle? In Paradise City, it goes a little something like this:

TV host Molly ...

... likes Jack, who likes Jenner ...

... I think Jenner likes Jack, so of course, Molly despises Jenner and makes little effort to conceal it. To prove just what a “mean girl” she is, Molly invited Jenner for lunch, faking concern for Jenner’s struggling online magazine. (So fetch!) During the lunch powwow, Molly takes on the personality of a rabid pit bull, hurling questions at Jenner about her lack of ambition, making certain to remind Jenner how she made it possible for Jenner to interview her friends. And oh yeah, “Why does Jack like you?” For Molly’s sake, I hope her mean girl antics keep her warm at night while Jack is keeping Jenner warm.

Needless to say, Jenner leaves the meeting feeling a little salty. Could this be the reason she accepts the date with Jack? Maybe. Maybe not. Intimate candlelight, a hotel room, conversation, blah, blah, blah. Boring with a capital ‘B.’ Though Jack and Jenner did manage to exchange more sarcastic banter than Will and Grace.

Word of advice to Ryan, just spend the money and hire some real writers. Look what it did for “The Hills”.

BTW, who the hell is Willie?

2007-03-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

True Love Wins Again
By PopCultureWhore

The world may never witness another Camelot, but tonight we’ve come a little closer. Shanna Moakler has reunited with drummer husband Travis Barker. “I’m madly in love with my husband,” she tells People magazine. Barker was too busy texting Paris Hilton to comment for the story. I kid. Paris is probably too busy ordering her minion publicist to do damage control on the photo that emerged this morning of the heiress in a possibly compromising position with a well-known rapper. But I digress. Travis and Shanna split last year after he accused her of being a lazy cheat. He then made out with Hilton at a club, a MySpace blog battle ensued, Shanna allegedly assaulted Hilton at another Hollywood club, lost out on “Dancing with the Stars” and likely figured that Barker was probably the best thing she had going for herself. Seriously, honey, we saw you act on “Meet the Barkers”. Stick to lingerie and bitch sessions.

(Source)

2007-03-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

This Must Stop
By PopCultureWhore

The opening chords of this Gap commercial with Claire Danes now elicit groans from my roommate. It was probably a cute idea when a group of Williams marketing grads came up with the idea between hits of meth and creamy Skippy peanut butter, but if you’re going to have an early 90’s TV star dance around in her underwear, make it something interesting like Shannen Doherty or Elizabeth “Nomi” Berkley. Claire doesn’t need boyfriend khakis. She needs a push-up bra and a course on how not to date guys with girlfriends who are seven months pregnant. But that’s neither here nor there.

If I’m forced to watch Gap commercials, show me this one. Those are some boyfriend pants I’d wear:

2007-03-19T11:40:00.000-05:00

Sisterly Love: Amelle BerraDUH
By PopCultureWhore

I have no idea who the Sugarbabes are, but I’m sure they’re a UK pop trash confection I’d love if I were living the lifestyle of an alcoholic socialite in London. Anyway, I mention them because it appears that one of the group’s members, Amelle Berrabah, has returned to a boyfriend who was accused of raping her sister. Wow. How low does your self-esteem have to be to date your sister’s alleged rapist? And check out this picture. He looks like a low-rent Michael Buble, and Buble already falls into my “looking rough” category. I mean, Amelle also looks like Eva Longoria’s collagen-challenged third cousin, so perhaps it’s a match made in heaven, but he was accused of raping your sister, you whore! You’d be better off waiting until Jordan’s half-wit, five-year-old, blind and obese son Harvey comes of age!

(Source)

2007-03-19T11:26:00.000-05:00

Um, What?
By PopCultureWhore

This is apparently a video intended to teach vulnerable Japanese (?) women how to protect themselves against American attackers wielding butter knives and sporting panties on their heads. There are also some nifty hand movements (and snazzy early 90's bike short/sports bra combos) to help you learn the necessary vocab to fend off a mugging and alert the nearest police officer. Spare me my life!

2007-03-12T23:35:00.000-05:00

Foundation as Path to Enlightenment
By PopCultureWhore

Jay Manuel from “America’s Next Top Model” is wearing about as much makeup as I had to cake on to play a dancing munchkin guard in my high school production of “The Wizard of Oz”. But he totally reminds of Keanu Reeves in that “Little Buddha” movie, where Mr. Whoa himself played Buddha. Seriously.

2007-03-12T23:27:00.000-05:00

That's Unfortunate ...
By PopCultureWhore

Looks like Liz Hurley's son got his looks from father Steve Bing ... ouch.

(Source)

2007-03-12T23:18:00.000-05:00

God Wears Chiffon?!
By PopCultureWhore

I haven’t watched too much of “I Love New York” on Vh1 because she kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but this random interview she did with “Blender” is just too priceless not to share. Turns out her high school nick name was “dick breath”, she suspects that Donald Trump is “probably packin’” more than a sour disposition, believes God wears a “long chiffon robe of love and forgiveness”, likes to be slapped around in bed, and has a third eye with which she sees the future. Bitch, please. Chiffon?! God could wear a coat made of unicorn fur and he’s going to wear something from the sale rack at TJ Maxx?! Somewhere, Tim Gunn is plotting your death.

2007-03-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

Divorce, Y'all!
By PopCultureWhore

“There is a trashy-ass couple on who already have two kids. The ‘bride’ just shoved fake chicken cutlet boobs into her ghetto David’s Bridal dress. Yikes.”

My friends understand my love of crap-tastic MTV reality shows and “Engaged & Underaged” is no exception. So when my friend Nicole sent me the e-mail above, I knew there was going to be a special treat waiting for me at home on my DVR.

Now, you might think that tonight’s episode featuring the 19-year-old pregnant girl who looks suspiciously like Amanda Bynes or the woman who waxed her future daughter-in-law’s hoo-ha might take the Golden Twinkie of Trash prize, but trust me, the Florence, KY two-some of Josh and Ashley win by a landslide.

Gawker.com has this segment where they rate the NYT wedding section like a Fantasy Football type thing, with points gained for Ivy League graduates, doctors, Hampton homes, board memberships and the like. Let’s do that with Josh and Ashley, Kentucky style:

Mother of the bride resembles substitute PE teacher: -4
Bridge and groom wear bandanas during their episode: +2
Honeymoon suite includes dead animal heads: +8
Mother of the bride threatens to kill groom: +5
Glow-worm of a daughter is named Neveah (“Heaven” backwards): +10
Son is cute enough to do commercials that would support family: +3
Wedding reception at a VFW: -1
Groom wakes up on wedding day with permanent marker on face: +4
Bride angry over bachelor party strip club outing: +1
Bride not old enough to legally drink champagne toast: +3
Bride is already a “former” beauty queen at age 18: +1
Water tower in your town says “Florence, Y’all”: +15

Click HERE to read the E&U blog.

2007-03-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

Zarf It
By PopCultureWhore

The folks over at the “Best Week Ever” blog are in love with this transexual character on “All My Children” named Zarf. Props to AMC for tackling new subject matter, but they unfortunately forgot to throw some quality writing and acting talent in Zarf’s general direction. My favorite clip, though, is probably Zarf singing a Josh Groban song at some woman’s funeral. I need to start writing for a soap opera.

2007-03-07T01:24:00.000-05:00

It's the Whore Flu!
By PopCultureWhore

The long-awaited debut of the Pussycat Dolls reality show, The Search for the New Doll, finally rocked my world tonight. The public couldn’t suffice with a half dozen, possibly post-op Dolls and is looking to add one more to the litter. Rumor has it that “lead singer” Nicole wants to break out in a solo way, so we might have the whore version of Menudo on our hands, but all the better to fill these blog pages, my pretties.

Unfortunately we don’t get to see any of the inevitably painful auditions from the delusional, tone deaf or rhythm-challenged and are introduced to 19 hopefuls at the outset, 9 of whom are sent packing with push-up bras and hormones pills in tow by the end of the first episode.

While the episode is sparse on audition footage, it is chock full of barf and booty shaking. One of the contestants brought her A-game and some airborne STDs, promptly infecting half of her competition. Half a dozen girls alone came down with flu-like symptoms after seeing the PCD in concert. While I’d like to think they were all sickened by the thought of what their future might hold as traveling advertisements for stripper gear and low self-esteem (aspiring trannies notwithstanding), it was simply just a bug.

But the show must go on and PCD creator (and apparent botox/collagen fan) Robin Antin (sister of Sir Cries a Lot Hair STYLIST Jonathan Antin) instructs the girls to grind through the waves of nausea. Nine lovely ladies survive the firing squad and are given access to their PCD house, but I wasn’t really paying attention at that point except to notice that STD girl got the boot. *Crocodile tears*

Reality whore watch: One of the Melissa’s was almost a member of Danity Kane. Yeah, big whoop. When’s “Blow Out” coming back?

2007-03-07T00:17:00.000-05:00

Is There Hair Gel In the Slammer?
By PopCultureWhore

It has been a trashtastic day for the kids from “The Hills”.

First up is Jason Wahler, Lauren’s ex-boyfriend and the original Spencer. He was sentenced to 60 days in jail today because of a September fight he and his now ex-girlfriend Kristen DeLuca got into with a tow truck driver trying to tow an illegally parked car.

Jason also has to attend 104 AA meetings (with Lohan?) because his blood alcohol was .22 at the time and do 36 hours of anger management classes. He and DeLuca also get to participate in a one-day “Museum of Tolerance” program because of the slurs they hurled during the incident.

This sentencing doesn’t even address Jason’s most recent run-in with the law. He was arrested this past weekend after cops said he “resisted a public officer” during a raid on an underage drinking party in North Carolina.

Not exactly Area in West Hollywood, huh Jason?

Still prowling the LA clubs is Heidi, who gave an interview to the LA Times this morning. She reveals that cameras are on the cast four days a week and that she doesn’t regret anything she does. She channels Katie Holmes to wax poetic about Spencer and gives me my 2007 mantra: “Everyone’s a player until they find someone who’s worth not playing for.”

Genius.

2007-03-06T23:59:00.000-05:00

"They're Just Clothes"
By PopCultureWhore

If I had the power to green light beat downs, Heidi Montag would move to the number one slot after this week's episode of "The Hills". Last week, young Heidi pushed Lauren's friend Jennifer to hook up with Lauren's love interest Brody and then denied having any involvement when confronted by Lauren. This week, the roommates tried to keep their fizzling friendship alive by scheduling a girl's night the Monday after Heidi returned from a weekend in Santa Barbara with Spencer, but Heidi inexplicably cancelled the outing (via a note on the coffee table) in favor of a movie with Captain Douche.

In hindsight, I'd probably thank Heidi for saving me from Brody (Douche Part Deux) if I was Lauren, but then I'd smack her again. So small and empty, yet so conniving.

On the Vogue front, Lauren and Whitney are charged with assisting a photo shoot starring young beauties, including Whitney's sister Jade. Styling the shoot is a woman who apparently lived "The Devil Wears Prada" as a Vogue assistant ("I mean, she actually worked for Anna Wintour," a saucer-eyed Whitney tells Lauren.) She's thin, spells her name in a pretentious manner (Lawren), requests that Whitney have open pins at a moment's notice and shoots down Whitney's request for an early dismissal to attend a family dinner ("Well, I'm going to need you to stay.") Basically, she's Super Intern Emily in about 15 years.

Whitney is none too enthused, channeling Eminem with a hooded sweatshirt and looking bored as Jade is anointed with lip gloss and faerie-esque head gear. Whitney tells Lauren that she worked at "W" magazine for three summers and at Teen Vogue for two years now, so she's ready to "not be someone's intern." She even commits what is likely a cardinal Vogue sin by uttering, "they're just clothes."
I hear you, sister. But Whitney needs to develop a bitchier persona and stop pronouncing her words like a toddler before the World of Vogue will accept her as its latest calorie-free minion.

Finally, who thought that bobble-headed Audrina would emerge as the show's most level headed character? She's a chirpy Orange County mother in training, setting up play dates for her new BFF Lauren and doling out disparaging looks whenever Spencer's name is brought up in conversation.

2007-03-06T23:21:00.000-05:00

Footballers' Has Beens?
By PopCultureWhore

The American version of "Footballers Wives" is just getting trashier and trashier, which is probably appropriate, I suppose. First it was revealed that Lucy Lawless of Xena fame will play the terrifically maniacal Tanya Turner (originally played by Zoe Lucker, above) and now we hear that Dawson Leary himself will play a rookie soccer player in the series. I really didn't want to stare at Lucy's massive thighs and I definitely don't want to stare at Dawson's square Gumby head. All we need is Traci Bingham as Chardonnay, Jodie Sweetin as the blonde wife who sleeps with the Italian and a Joan Collins cameo and it's a D-List adventure best served in a red plastic cup. Watch this trash become the next "Desperate Housewives" though.

2007-02-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Well ...

By PopCultureWhore

If Demi Moore can go from GI Jane to Charlie's Angel (with only raw food, not Dr. 90210, I'm sure ...)

Then maybe there's hope for Britney. The first pic of America's (former?) pop princess in rehab. (Sigh).

2007-02-20T22:01:00.000-05:00

You Are NOT the Father!
By PopCultureWhore

Ian Bernardo is high class. For those of you unfamiliar with him, he’s the kid who had an ego-filed spaz attack after unsuccessfully trying out for “So You Think You Can Dance” and “American Idol”. I hesitate to mention him because he’s such a toolbox, but I had to laugh when I spotted him in the audience of The Maury Povich Show over the long weekend. Maury was hosting yet another paternity test show and I spotted Ian in all his spastic glory as Maury introduced a reluctant father. Tight shirt? Check. Headband? Check. Requisite “Oh no she didn’t!!” look of horror when male guest is not the father? Check. They don’t have that particular show on YouTube, but here’s a taste of the glory that is the Maury Povich paternity test show.

2007-02-13T16:54:00.000-05:00

Super Interns and Pratt Falls
By PopCultureWhore

Lauren Conrad (LC) from “The Hills” graces the cover of “Cosmo Girl” this month. I’d ask if this was a conflict of interest seeing as how she works for “Teen Vogue” but given that LC and Whitney work in a closet and that LC has thus far been charged with sewing fabric on an umbrella and looking bewildered in a flower store, it doesn’t seem that “Vogue” is all that concerned with the editorial process. Editor Lisa Love recently suggested that LC’s next “project” should be working with a designer on a fashion show from start to finish. And then what? Write an article about it? I don’t see how that relates to the magazine world, but what do I know?

Speaking of menial tasks, this week’s installment of “The Hills” featured Super Intern Emily, the sleek and anal New York helper who was flown to LA to help prep for a “Teen Vogue” dinner in the Hollywood Hills. Emily takes 18 credits at NYU, works two days a week at the “TV” NYC offices and one day at Chanel. There was some collective eye rolling between my roommate and I after that came out of Emily’s mouth. All LC could muster was an open-mouthed stare as she navigated her Mercedes through LA traffic.

For all those who say that you can’t learn anything from “The Hills”, we all now know that “chinoiserie” is a type of design with a heavy Chinese influence. I also learned that phrase “dry socket” grosses me out.

I also learned that Spencer and Heidi are probably made for each other because they’re both idiots. After hanging with several Playboy playmates at Area and lustily discussing the possibility of a “naked picnic” with one those blonde companions, Spencer was aghast when Heidi refused to speak with him. “I didn’t hook up with any of them!” he bleated into his Sidekick.

Heidi requested a little “time off” from Spencer before complaining to co-worker Elodie that she was still in love with him and didn’t know what to do. I wonder what these co-workers actually think of Heidi. Elodie looked like she was amused by her suffering, giving Heidi a sly smirk as the diminutive reality star whined about her love life. And I can’t remember what the other co-worker’s name is, but did you check out the bags under her eyes? Cucumbers, girl!

With a totally misplaced use of Sia’s “Breathe Me” (which was also used during the last few minutes of the “Six Feet Under” finale), the show concluded with Heidi getting into Spencer’s car (after a strange, cat-walk like prance down the hall) and presumably forgiving him and his blinged-out chain for their indiscretions. Brilliant!

“He’s not even cute,” my roommate commented. Agreed. “Entertainment Weekly” likened him to Crush, the turtle from “Finding Nemo”, but I think there needs to be a more nefarious character to embody dear Spencer Pratt. Thoughts?

2007-02-12T23:49:00.000-05:00

Dwight!
By PopCultureWhore

Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on "The Office", has been tapped to host "Saturday Night Live" on Feb. 24. They'd better deliver a great parody of the show and perhaps a reprise of Dwight's Sith Lord. The creepy undertaker in training he played on "Six Feet Under" might be a bit too obscure to reference on SNL but could definitely be amusing. Actually, why don't they just give the SNL cast a night off and air an hour-long episode of "The Office"?

(Source)

2007-02-12T12:21:00.000-05:00

Weird
By PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were not shy at the Sony/BMG Grammy after party. I’m not really sure what to make of these pictures. They both look a little drugged. What do they talk about? He seems very chatty but I’m sure we all remember the awkward dinners Jessica had with husband Nick Lachey on “Newlyweds” when the conversation mostly consisted of Jessica’s disgust over what was on her plate. John’s probably into that. He lets her get confused about why sausage is white and why anyone would want to attend an Oktoberfest celebration and then just tells her to take her shirt off and doesn’t let her answer calls from Daddy Simpson.

(Source)

2007-02-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

Clive’s Pre-Grammy Party
By PopCultureWhore

Record executive Clive Davis hosted a pre-Grammy party in Beverly Hills on Saturday. Whitney Houston made an appearance (with Al Gore?) and, once again, looked a thousand times better than she ever did while married to Bobby Brown. Here a few highlights from the party’s performances.

Carrie Underwood

Christina Aguilera

Justin rehearsing for a performance he never gave. According to Page Six, Justin was a no-show at the party because of a "103 degree temperature" but that temperature might have actually been a hangover ...

But Justin was with the Black Eyed Peas at their Avalon show the night before

(Source)

2007-02-12T10:01:00.000-05:00

Yes, Please
by PopCultureWhore

That's all.

(Source)

2007-02-11T23:04:00.000-05:00

Grammy Run Down

By PopCultureWhore

** Justin Timberlake. Was that little close-up video camera bit at the end of “What Goes Around” a little shout-out to Britney and her dizzying angles on the atrocious “Chaotic” reality TV series?

** Beyonce’s skirt was a tad see-through. CBS did its best to shield the outline of her thighs from Middle America.

** John Mayer. I like the curly hair – I don’t like the sneakers with the suit. Ryan Seacrest was very proud of himself when they got someone to decipher the Japanese phrase John uttered on the red carpet when asked about Jessica Simpson. “She is very beautiful – and you’re the last to know” Mayer told Seacrest in Japanese. Because Seacrest would be more interested in Mayer than Jessica?

** Ludacris gives a shout-out to Oprah and Bill O’Reilly, both of whom have criticized his racy lyrics. Luda best watch his back. Queen Oprah will smote him.

** Carrie Underwood changed clothes during her performance – from a Dorothy Gale green number to a Stevie Nicks black ensemble. Oops, a stage hand just guided Carrie right through Ornette Coleman and Natalie Wood’s intro – probably because she’s going to win Best New Artist. Yep.

** Is Rascal Flatts really singing “Hotel California” at an awards show in 2007? I feel like I only hear this song when I’m stuck at toll booths on Rte. 95.

** Lionel Richie is singing “Hello”. I know this is a classic, but it always makes me laugh. And now thanks to Starburst, it makes me think of that disturbing commercial where the kid eats a replica of the girl’s head made of Starburst in reference to the clay model featured in Lionel’s video.

** That little kid performing with Chris Brown is extremely spastic. Someone’s been doing his pilates. I missed this flip:

** Christina, I love you, but please lay off the fake tanning spray. And the purple eye shadow. And the red lipstick. Thanks. Girl can sing, though.

** Why do they keep flashing to Jamie Foxx after every performance?

** Ok, back to Ludacris. He’s performing with Earth, Wind & Fire? Somebody’s getting high up in the kitchen? Poor Lisa. Whoa, Mary J. is rocking the Farrah hair.

** Is James Blunt STILL singing this song?!

** Justin’s back. His “Grammy moment” winner looks a tad awkward, but I guess she can sing? Eh. More Justin, less random girl.

** Oh God, Quentin Tarantino needs to lay off the hair gel. And what is he wearing? Ok, and he’s talking much too loud. I think he’s been sampling the back stage liquor.

** Red Hot Chili Peppers are a bit tame. Does this mean they’re going to win an award next because they’re performing? The confetti is obnoxious. Some divas in the audience are not happy it’s getting in their hair. I wonder who has to clean that up? I’m thinking about this because their performance is booooring.

** Al Gore and Queen Latifah. Yeah. Red Hot Chili Peppers get the award. I totally called that.

** I wonder what they’re going to do for the 50th annual Grammy awards? Will Britney be back in top form to give us a VMA-esque performance? A duet with Justin? A whore can dream.

** Scarlett Johansson is recording an album? Ew. I vaguely remember some song of hers from a movie that got onto the Internet?

** Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks is married to the guy from "Heroes"? I actually remember him (Adrian Pasdar) from that Lifetime movie "Love in Another Town", where he romanced a jilted Victoria Principal.

2007-02-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

Framed Wedding Dress?
By PopCultureWhore

That boring model who dated Britney Spears has sold his story to the British tabloid News of the World. Class act. Isaac Cohen basically paints her as sex crazed and insecure. Shocking! The most amusing part of the article is the fact that she has her wedding dress framed in a glass box and that Issac said, “As we made love that night, it was like Kevin was in bed beside us.” What?! That’s when he should’ve gotten the hell out of there. You don’t want K-Fed anywhere near your bed. Speaking of K-Fed, he and Justin ran into each other on the red carpet recently, but Justin was cordial and greeted his former backup dancer.

(Source)

2007-02-11T22:36:00.000-05:00

Whoa!
By PopCultureWhore

Tyra Banks at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party. I have no words. Remember when Tyra thought she'd be a music star? I'm shocked she never won a Grammy for Shake Ya Body.

(Source)

2007-02-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

The Women of the Grammys
By PopCultureWhore

Mary J. Blige went for the grecian goddess look for her big night.

Fergie. Um, I like the shoes?

Mandy, did you forget to take off your bathrobe and dress for the occasion? I know you've been depressed and you're dating Nicole Richie's ex-boyfriend, but let's make a little effort.

Jennifer Hudson shows off the goods in advance of her likely Oscar win. As my roommate put it, "It's crazy that Beyonce is singing tonight instead of Jennifer Hudson."

Christina. Eh, she's done better. Much prefer the black number she wore last night at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party.

Carrie Underwood. She totally looks like my Crystal Barbie in this dress.

Not bad, Scarlett. E! asked her about the Justin rumors, but she said they were just friends and co-stars in the video for "What Goes Around". Click HERE to watch it.

Nelly Furtado. Someone got their skirt and bangs a little too close to the shredder.

Hilary Duff, this is a hair brush. Hair brush, this is Hilary Duff. I hope you two have a lovely life together.

When you're done with that brush, perhaps you want to hand it over to Shakira?

Oddly enough, Pink looks pretty good. That's what being on tour with Justin does for you.

2007-02-11T21:01:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Brooklyn
By PopCultureWhore

MTV has apparently had its fill of sea-side reality TV series and is now setting its sites on NYC. Flyers have been distributed at Brooklyn Tech High School calling for sophomores and juniors to apply for an upcoming reality series. MTV already has the go-ahead to film inside the school, so it’ll be more focused on school-related activities than “Laguna Beach”. MTV calls Brooklyn “a cross between Harlem in its hey day and Paris” – um yeah. So when one of the shows' graduates moves to Manhattan to work in the music industry, will it be called "The City" a la LC's "The Hills"? I'd be more interested in that than more high school crap. More details HERE.

(Source)

2007-02-11T20:42:00.000-05:00

Vampire Jim
By PopCultureWhore

Last week’s episode of “The Office” once again did not bring us the Pam and Jim moment we’ve all been waiting for. Pam left Phyllis’ wedding with ex-fiancé Roy, prompting Jim to immediately tell the camera how happy he is with girlfriend Karen. Fear not, JAM hopefuls. Word on the street is that Rashida Jones, who plays Karen, has been selected to play the lead in a new Fox pilot called “The Rules of Starting Over”. Are Karen’s days at the Scranton branch numbered? I can’t imagine we’ll have answer this week, but we will get Jim trying to convince Dwight he is a vampire after a bat gets loose in the office.

2007-02-08T15:54:00.000-05:00

Anna Nicole Smith Dies
By PopCultureWhore

WTF? Anna Nicole Smith died this afternoon after being found unconscious in a Florida hotel room. Poor thing. She might not have been the brightest bulb in the lamp but she definitely had had her share of hardships in the past few months.

(Source)

2007-02-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

Baby Paris
By PopCultureWhore

One of my guilty pleasures is obviously “The Hills” on MTV, but I enjoy it mainly because its stars stay inside the little glowing box in my living room and only assault my senses for 30 minutes every Monday. Their leggings, fake tans, extensions, expensive luxury cars and popped collar, chain wearing boyfriends are thousands of miles away from the frigid temperatures and subway delays of NYC and that’s where I like them.

So you can imagine that I was slightly horrified (though not altogether shocked) to discover that the empty-headed Heidi is working on an album … of songs … that she will sing … reportedly produced by Grammy-award winner David Foster. What? She can barely talk; now she is singing? Apparently Heidi has forgiven boyfriend Spencer for the Playmate snafu from this week’s episode and has added “manager” to his title. Spencer knows Brody, Brody’s mom used to be married to David Foster and the rest is bargain bin music history. All Heidi needs to do is hook up with Scott Storch for a “hot track” and she can officially become a Los Angeles cliché.

Naturally, she revealed this information in an interview with “Stuff” magazine. She was a bit miffed that didn’t land the cover because she is not yet 21 (is Area an 18+ club?) but said that gives her something to work towards. Right.

I’m already imaging the classic lyrics she and Spencer might create.

Oh yeah, LA is hot
Oh yeah, Audrina is not

Yeah boy, I’ll get you into the club
Order a drink and meet me at the hot tub

My hair is so shiny, my stomach so flat
I am awesome; you better believe that

2007-02-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

Damnit!
By PopCultureWhore

Since I saw Justin in his post-VMA concert at Roseland Ballroom last summer (and three other times throughout my youth), I was a nice sibling and bought my sister two tickets to JT’s DC concert last week for her birthday in lieu of my own attendance at his Madison Square Garden outing last night. But of course JT had to go ahead and sing “Dick in a Box” with Andy Samberg at the show in full Color Me Badd regalia. CLICK THE BOX ABOVE to watch it live and relive the magic below.

(Source)

2007-02-03T19:18:00.000-05:00

I (Heart) Peter Venkman
By PopCultureWhore

So “Ghostbusters III” is in the works and Bill Murray is in. Unfortunately it’s going to be a cartoon instead of live action, damnit. How is that going to be amusing? Millions of children (and pop culture whores) are craving nonsensical movies memories like the Stay Puft marshmallow man running through the streets of Manhattan, the Statue of Liberty becoming mobile with the help of the mysterious subterranean goo, the “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” guy frantically searching for the gatekeeper and, my personal favorite, Sigourney Weaver becoming possessed by Zuul. Live the dream ... one more time:

2007-02-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

Olive Garden ‘Ugly’
By PopCulturewhore

I’ve seen this Olive Garden “date night” commercial about 1,000 times (“Endless breadsticks and salad!”) but it was only last night that I realized the perky hostess was played by Becki Newton, better known as the bitchy receptionist Amanda on “Ugly Betty.” Olive Garden fare, a patterned necktie and a plastic nametag? I’m sure Amanda would rather die. Damn, now I want some stuffed rigatoni.

2007-02-01T23:40:00.001-05:00

Preview of New JT Video
By PopCultureWhore

A preview of Justin Timberlake's video for "What Goes Around (Comes Around)" featuring Scarlett Johansson has hit the Web. Click HERE for a peak. Only a quick shot of Scarlett looking distressed while driving in a car. Full video availble on iTunes on Feb. 9.

2007-02-01T18:47:00.000-05:00

Hey Brody, You So Fine?
By PopCultureWhore

Can we talk about Brody Jenner for a minute? Why is this guy getting so much tail? Rumor has it that his latest conquest is Lindsay Lohan, who reportedly responded to a text with “McDonald’s and sex” when he asked what she wanted.

Obviously, he’s an attractive guy but his brief stints on “The Hills” this season as LC’s latest crush have been positively vomit inducing. He does nothing more than compliment LC’s smile and her eyes, but he does it in a way that suggests all he has to do is utter, “I just love your eyes” and the panties will come flying off. Now I know that LC is not the sharpest tool in the shed, given that her previous loves have included Laguna Beach boys Stephen and Jason, but is she seriously buying this tripe? She at least called him a “cheese ball” in this week’s episode, but then proceeded to make out with him.

[That gang is at Area]

B: You look amazing, by the way. I’m being serious
LC: You’re so nice.
B: You have the most beautiful eyes, honestly, I’ve ever seen. I’m being … I really do.
LC: Thank you.
B: I like you. I want to hang out with you.
LC: (coy smile)

[Cut to Brody’s condo]

B: Did you have fun tonight?
LC: (nods) Did you?
B: Yes, I had an amazing time.
[Goes in for the kiss and scores]
B: Give me a hug. [She complies]. I’m so glad I’m with you right now. I swear to God, there is nowhere else I would rather be than with you right now.
LC: You little cheese ball.
B: I’m a cheese ball? Why am I a cheese ball? Shut up. I, like, really would not want to be anywhere else.
LC: Thank you.
B: Why are you thanking me? I’m just being real with you. I love seeing you smile.
LC: Well, you make me smile.
B: You have a beautiful smile.
LC: Thank you!

[Earth is sucked into black hole. End scene.]

Also, I’m wondering what makes LA nightclubs like Area any more exclusive and fabulous than a run-of-the-mill club in New York or LA? As my roommate pointed out, they were playing Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” in the background on opening night. Where were the hottest DJ’s and exclusive tracks from Britney, JT and the like? Somehow I don’t think most of these kids were there for the music.

And this? Seriously?

2007-01-28T22:41:00.000-05:00

High Maintenance, But Bi-Lingual!
By PopCultureWhore

Judging by the number of hits this blog has received in recent days from people searching for Allison Pearson from E!’s “High Maintenance 90210”, I am apparently not the only one who has an unhealthy relationship with MTV and E! reality TV shows. For those of you not up to speed, Allison and her BFF Rachael were featured on MTV True Life: I’m Getting Plastic Surgery about six years ago and Allison recently appeared on HM90210 as the vapid fiancée of a wealthy music producer.

Since the show’s airing, Allison has made her MySpace page private, so I’ll have to send a friend request so I can join the never ending party train that is her life. The fact that there’s also a best-selling author named Allison Pearson makes it hard to track this young ingénue’s comings and goings via Google. But here’s a random tidbit from the E! message boards:

"I met Alison at the gym this morning while we were waiting for our cars in valet...yes they have valet at gyms in BH. Anyhow, I recognized her from the show I saw with my wife who is a reality fan...and being I have the typical cynical NY attitude I was going to say something with a hint of criticism to her. Until that is she started speaking fluent spanish to the valet attendants who LOVED her! So I just decided to say hello and tell her my wife was a fan of the show, and she couldn't have been a sweeter person. We laughed about her "onscreen persona" and she called the show "really silly". I was also BLOWN AWAY when Jay-Z, who had been working out at the gym also, came over with his body guard to say hi. Apparently he knows her fiancee. To make a VERY LONG story short don't judge a person before you meet them like I did. I was very impressed with her otherwise I wouldn't be at work typing this long stupid story.”

Thrilling, I know. Spanish and Jay-Z. Rock on.

2007-01-28T22:18:00.000-05:00

My Favorite Whore: Frosty Hardison
By PopCultureWhore

A Seattle area man helped scar his teenage daughter for life when he publicly blasted her seventh-grade teacher for showing Al Gore’s global warming film "An Inconvenient Truth" in science class. "No you will not teach or show that propagandist Al Gore video to my child, blaming our nation -- the greatest nation ever to exist on this planet -- for global warming," Frosty Hardison wrote in an e-mail to the school board. Yeah, his name is Frosty. A guy name Frosty is pissed off about global warming theories. Anyway, this dingbat is an evangelical Christian who believes that a warmer planet is one of the signs that Jesus is on his way back to earth to judge us all. Seems logical. If he actually watched the movie, he’d know that Gore did not place the blame for global warming solely on the United States. Frosty must hate the polar bears.

(Source)

2007-01-28T21:43:00.000-05:00

An 'Office' Wedding
By PopCultureWhore

In honor of their SAG win, a little preview of upcoming nuptials on "The Office." Sadly, it's not Jim and Pam (yet), but Phyllis and her Vance Refridgeration boy toy. More pictures HERE. I don't see Karen (or Andy) in any of these shots. Is the reign of Stamford transplants finally over? Part of the plot apparently has Dwight on the lookout for wedding crashers after Jim convinces him they are targeting Phyllis' wedding.

2007-01-28T21:29:00.000-05:00

Yay!
By PopCultureWhore

The cast of “The Office” won a SAG award for Best Comedic Ensemble tonight, beating out Entourage, Desperate Housewives, Weeds and Ugly Betty. I’m not too sure about the outfit Jan was sporting (blue number third from left below), but kudos to John Krasinski (Jim) for chatting up presenter Mary Tyler Moore while Steve Carrell was accepting the award.

And the award for best line of the evening goes to:

“It’s about all those 10 cast members sitting over there and the other one in rehab.”
- Grey’s Anatomy’s Chandra Wilson after winning Female Actor in Drama Series

2007-01-24T23:52:00.000-05:00

Flipping Burgers Is Respectable, Yo
By PopCultureWhore

K-Fed can't win. His commercial for Nationwide Insurance – which features him daydreaming about being a famous rap star while making fries at a fast-food joint – has come under fire from the National Restaurant Association. The group's president says the depiction is insulting, but Nationwide doesn't seem to care. "We're not making fun of anyone, except maybe Kevin Federline," according to a Nationwide flack. Classic. Also classic is a claim by "Star" magazine that K-fed is "begging" Britney to enter rehab.

(Source)

2007-01-24T23:48:00.000-05:00

Posh Braving Mean Streets
By PopCultureWhore

"I'm still finding my way around as LA is a big place I'm trying to work out how to get from Santa Monica to Malibu, and from Brentwood to Bel Air... But we'll get there." Send your prayers to Victoria Beckham as she and her driver endure this harrowing ordeal. The former Posh Spice penned this quick hello to fans on her official blog, where she also discussed LA's unseasonably cold weather and her Golden Globes party attire. Be on the lookout for the word "amazing" – since her brainwashing, that seems to be Katie Holmes' word of choice and its looks as though Posh and Becks are headed down the dark alleys of Scientology crazies.

And is Katie Holmes attending a Paris Fashion Week show or getting ready for high tea at the Plaza? This getup makes her look about 65 years old. What are you doing Joey Potter?!

(Source) and (Source)

2007-01-24T23:46:00.000-05:00

Celestia Calling Her Home
By PopCultureWhore

Ellen Degeneres should be glad she got out while she did. Her crazy pants ex-girlfriend Anne Heche has reportedly pulled a Tori Spelling and left her husband for a "Men in Trees" co-star. Heche's rep confirmed to ET that the star left husband Coley Laffoon in November but wouldn't comment about a possible on-set romance. Those of you schooled in 90's Hollywood couple drama will know that Heche at one point dated Steve Martin. She later left him for Ellen Degeneres, and Martin is rumored to have written the bitchy Hollywood wannabe character in his 1999 movie "Bowfinger" about Heche. Degeneres and Heche were together for several years until Heche broke it off and was later discovered wandered aimlessly in the California desert mumbling about a voice in her head named Celestia. Um yeah. She married Laffoon in 2001 and the two have a son together.

(Source)

2007-01-24T23:44:00.000-05:00

Is Rehab the New Black?
By PopCultureWhore

No pun intended. "Grey's Anatomy" star Isaiah Washington has reportedly entered rehab to get a handle on why he used a gay slur in reference to co-star T.R. Knight. He's agreed to undergo a psychological assessment, according to Life & Style Magazine. I can predict the results already – he's a level 5 dumbass. Washington joins Lindsay Lohan, who is also on a somewhat flexible rehab schedule of her own – one that appears to require almost no face-time at rehab and continued partying. Someone seems to be missing the point, but isn't that usually the case with Ms. Lohan? Her quest to be part of a widely recognized film has yet to be realized as well. "A Prairie Home Companion" got lackluster response and "Bobby" was shut out of yesterday's Academy Award nominations.

(Source)

2007-01-24T23:31:00.000-05:00

Hef Likes 'Em Plastic, Kid
By PopCultureWhore

Hugh Hefner has shot down a suggestion that Kelly Osbourne could appear in "Playboy" with the help of Photoshop. "We don't airbrush to that extent," the 80-year-old magazine tycoon says. Ouch! Kelly recently said she'd be willing to go totally nude provided there was "some airbrushing on my tits." I'm all for girl power or whatever, but that's not really something I'd want to see. Anyone who has caught a glimpse of girlfriend number one, Holly Madison, knows that Hef's style is more "blow-up doll come to life" than twice-rehabbed, foul-mouthed rock star child. But as ONTD points out, Hef did allow train wreck and former WWF wrestler Chyna to pose nude (prepare your eyes) for the mag.

(Source)

2007-01-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

Is Diddy Sampling the Sexy?
By PopCultureWhore

Diddy has descended upon Park City for the Sundance Film Festival. He was spotted roaming the streets with several children … and Danity Kane band member Aubrey O'Day. The other fashion-challenged ladies were nowhere in sight ... not even BoomKat?!

(Source)

2007-01-23T00:09:00.000-05:00

My Favorite Whore ... Lisa Love
By PopCultureWhore

“The Hills” has returned and our former “Laguna Beach” moppets are at it again. We’re two episodes in and while Lauren (LC) has redeemed herself after ditching a summer Teen Vogue internship in Paris in favor of living with now ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler, her editor Lisa Love felt the need to pour a bit more salt on Lauren’s wound in the season’s debut episode. “How was the summer at the beach with your boyfriend?” she asks coyly when LC and co-worker Whitney return from their summer break. “Did that work out for you?” Snap! I’d say exactly the same thing, of course. It’s just hilarious that a grown woman (and girlfriend is looking haggard) would feel the need to belittle a 20-year-old to such a degree, but that’s why this tripe is so great.

Lauren’s roommate Heidi, meanwhile, is still working the LA club promotion circuit and has picked up a little gem named Spencer Pratt. He drives a BMW despite having a rather nebulous career path managing his best friend, but his look is very porn-esque so I’d keep an eye out for him in the bargain bin of the local adult video store.

Spencer manages to bring Heidi’s now enemy Audrina to the opening of LA nightclub Area and convince both women that he can’t stand the other one, despite them both being in the same room. When Heidi is confronted with a pregnancy scare, she decides to “test” Spencer by telling him she might be pregnant when she already knows the test was negative. Because he responded “I’ll do whatever you want to do” rather than pushing her out of the car and speeding off, Heidi figures he’s a good catch. Too bad he goes home and calls up Audrina for a date, though she wisely deflects his advances.

Coincidentally, Spencer’s BFF is Brody Jenner. The two both appeared on the short-lived Fox reality show “The Princes of Malibu”, in which Brody, his brother and their friend Spencer annoyed the shit out of music producer step-father David Foster. Brody also dated former LB star and LC enemy Kristin Cavallari. When Heidi suggests that she, Spencer, LC and Brody all double date, LC exclaims “But he’s been with Kristin! He’s tainted!” Then she goes out with him anyway. He spends the entire date complementing her smile and batting his oddly long eye lashes. He has about as much natural charm as a “Road Rules” cast member after a booze-fueled night in a South American dive bar, but LC falls for it anyway and arrives home like a smitten school girl.

2007-01-22T23:14:00.000-05:00

"Can We Take a Break?"
By PopCultureWhore

So I just killed about 15,000 brain cells and watched “High Maintenance 90210” on E! It was the episode that featured Allison Pearson, who made her reality TV debut six years ago on “True Life: I’m Getting Plastic Surgery”. Back then, a 19-year-old Allison and best friend Rachael (dubbed Sugar and Spice) got various plastic surgeries for all the world to see (Click HERE for a clip). Since then, she has apparently married a wealthy music producer named Andy, but still can’t manage to do much more each day than buy expensive clothing and drink wine. She is on the E! show now because her husband hired her a personal assistant to help her “organize her life”. Instead, she spends $1,000 on a sweatshirt for her new boy toy assistant, buys herself a $20,000 necklace and refuses to focus for more than five minutes on a closet reorganization effort before she pops open a bottle of bubbly. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, we can also get another glimpse into Allison’s life via her MySpace page (where she's only listed as "In a Relationship" and not "Married" btw).

Click HERE for a clip of Allison on HM90210.

Allison and Rachael (still BFF!) show off the doctor's good work ...

These two look like they could be Allison and Rachael's mothers but sadly, I believe they are just friends who have tanned and drank a bit too much ...

Uh, I think this might be her "husband" Andy? Ew ...

2007-01-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

Hilary Redux
By PopCultureWhore

Chad Lowe’s new girlfriend, producer Kim Painter, is giving me a Hilary Swank vibe. It’s probably the bangs. I watched “The Black Dahlia” recently and had to turn it off because it was so awful. Josh Hartnett garbled his words and Hilary as a femme fatale was laughable. She should go back to Beverly Hills and romance Steve Sanders on 90210. That Ewok-looking child and Hilary’s early 90’s bangs had Steve wondering if he should unbutton the top button on his patterned silk shirts, trim the mullet and ditch the Corvette for a mini-van. Alas, it was not meant to be. Hilary had karate kids to vanquish and Steve had to develop a heroin addiction and throw Donna Martin off a cliff. Or something. Hilary's ex Chad, meanwhile, is prepping to help Jack Bauer save the world on '24'.

(Source)

2007-01-16T00:02:00.000-05:00

Frosty Tips and Attitudes
By PopCultureWhore

I’ve never really been a big Angelina fan but tonight sort of cinched that deal. Perhaps she was trying to let her nominee boyfriend Brad have the spotlight but girlfriend might have well been wearing a “I’d Rather Be Adopting” t-shirt and spit on anyone who spoke to her. She could not have looked more bored and I personally could not be more bored with the Earth Mother/Homewrecker routine. I hope Jennifer’s BFF Courtney Cox put some extra strength ex-lax in Angie’s white wine spritzer.