“Kiss Me Bye Bye”
Am I the only one who thought this entire season of “The Hills” was going to be in Paris? Instead we get one episode of Parisian goodness spliced in with some awful acting from Heidi and Spencer.
Lauren and Whitney descended upon Paris for a week of running errands and hanging with French indie rockers. Among those rockers was Matthias, a guitarist who could be cute if he didn’t have crazy eyes, and a French accent that got slightly Irish when he was trashed.
Crazy eyes proposes that the crew hit up the Eiffel Tower with a bottle of champagne, and the boys later invite LC and Whitney to an “exclusive” French club, where the dress code is apparently quite posh.
When Lauren eyed that ball gown and suggested hemming it for a night on the town, you knew something was going to happen to it. But are you seriously telling me that Lauren went to Paris as an assistant with a fashion magazine and didn’t bring one clubbing appropriate outfit?
Anyway, instead of a spilled drink, drunken French vomit or cigarette ash, the dress instead was burned by Lauren’s curling iron, back in the safety of their opulent hotel room. Whoops.
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The ladies and their driver raced over to the Alberta Ferretti showroom, where Lauren got a second dress. But while she thanked the guy for accommodating them, it did not appear that she returned the damaged dress, and she didn’t apologize for ruining a frock that probably cost somewhere around $1,500.
The second dress, meanwhile, looked as though it was less than supportive.
And speaking of the ball, it really didn’t look all that fun. A bunch of teenagers dancing awkwardly in haute couture? No thanks.
Lauren must have felt the same way because she made a swift exit to spend the night touring Paris on a Vespa with Matthias. But girlfriend did this while wearing the second ball gown. Sure, she tucked it under, but it looked like it was raining or snowing. Are you telling me she wasn’t covered in street dirt by morning? Dumbass!
Besides Matthias drunken request that Lauren “kiss me bye bye” (vomit), it didn’t look like they had any actual make out sessions, but that’s probably good because according to his MySpace page, Matthias is married. Homeslice is also only 24. What? He doesn’t look 24 here; he actually looks like that guy Goldie Hawn almost married in “Private Benjamin.”
Meanwhile, back in the states, Heidi showed off her newly plumped lips while visiting her parents in Colorado. Spencer jumped a plane in an effort to woo Ms. Heidi, but she and her family appeared less than enthused by his arrival. Their exchanges were really just so ridiculous, though, I don’t even want to talk about it.
Oh yeah, Brody has a new girlfriend. But previews for the season show a re-appearance of Stephen (looking a little sickly) so Lauren will probably not be hurting for the mens.
And while I appreciated MTV randomly telling us what music was playing, Lauren and Whitney’s Crillon Ball entrance music was recycled from the “Sex and the City" series finale when Carrie leaves the museum, and dashes across town to her fan club party.
Also, they totally should have had Heidi performing her latest "single" at the after party instead of Mariah Carey.