Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Probably the only thing hotter than Sanjaya’s pony hawk is Linda Gray in an early 90s Aaron Spelling night time soap opera. And the “Models Inc.” theme song. They really need to put this show on DVD so I can re-live the pre-Matrix Carrie Anne Moss (Trinity) and Cassidy Rae, that girl who became a fixture on the Lifetime movie circuit before her chin ate her face. Kylie Travis, meanwhile, was the original Tanya Turner. This was obviously pre-heroin chic because all of these girls would now be chased out of any modeling agency for not looking they’ve been subsisting on ice chips and Marlboros for the past five years.
You know who looks like Kaui? Jessica from “Laguna Beach”. And you know what happened to Jessica? Dumbass channeled her ex-boyfriend’s smarts and got hauled into jail for driving under the influence. She crashed into someone on a California highway, was arrested and is being held at the Orange County Jail Women’s Intake Release Center until someone can pay her $100,000 bail. Lauren Conrad must be loving this. First her ex Jason gets busted (twice) for being a violent ass and now the girl he kissed at that fashion show also gets thrown in the slammer. I hope Jessica and Jason can have some sort of post-jail relationship that slips into an incurable meth addiction that is later chronicled on an episode of “True Life: I’m a Laguna Beach Junkie”.
After my roommate had a near breakdown over the impending season finale of “The Hills” last night, there was a quick preview for an upcoming MTV reality series. “Taquita & Kaui” features two cast offs from “Making the Band 3” – the series that eventually produced my favorite group of trannies – Danity Kane. I loved me some “Making the Band 3” but it was not because of Taquita and Kaui. And what is it with people going to Las Vegas to “make it” now. First MTV had that depressing “True Life” about wannabe models and makeup artists heading to Sin City, then E! debuted “Paradise City” and now T&K. But looking at these MySpace pictures of Kaui, she is straight up trash, so Vegas is probably a perfect choice. Taquita? I don’t even know. She and Sanjaya can have a hair war, but that’s the extent of my interest in her – for now. Make me believe, whores!
Looks like they should head to Virginia -- Diddy is back to audition for MTB4! That means the inevitable return of choreographer Laurie Ann, aka BoomKat. Woohoo!
I’m not really an “American Idol” person. I’m one of the poseurs who watch the fools during the initial audition phase and then tune out when America goes bat shit crazy over Carrie or Taylor or whatever. But I am prompted to break the AI silence after Sanjaya rocked the pony hawk tonight. Seriously, WTF? Is that a banana clip? I seriously just called to vote for him (it was busy) because that’s the most ridiculous, and therefore fabulous, thing I’ve ever seen. The House of Sanjaya is going to be mobbed tomorrow with people begging for the PH.
Paradise City has succeeded in breaking the fundamental rule of reality television – no fewer than five and no more than eight cast members (and preferably more women than men). So far, my count is up to 10 people and each time I watch, someone new is added to the mix. How can we as viewers be expected to keep up with all of these characters and their little idiosyncrasies? How will I know who to hate? How will I know who deserves my sympathy? It’s almost not fair.
On the brighter side, the mystery of Willie has been solved. I was able to surmise that Willie is some kind of warrior Neanderthal who runs around in circles shirtless. Apparently, his body speaks volumes more than his personality. Lucky for Willie, his dry personality didn’t deter the scorned Greta from choosing him as her second-runner up lover when she realized that Rick was just not interested, nor would he ever be interested, in her.
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Speaking of Rick, was it me or was he laughing a little too hard at Anthony’s fake hypnosis show? I mean, the show was cute and it was amusing how Anthony “hypnotized” the guy and made him believe that the girl was lifting her shirt, but Anthony is no Dane Cook. Rick was doubled over laughing as if he had not seen the show about one hundred times already. Hmmm, I may have to keep my eyes on those two.
Up to her old tricks, mean girl Molly, in true queen bee fashion, whispers to Rick during the show that April has a boyfriend. Of course, this leads to another series of unfortunate events in the April/Rick saga. Keeping with the high school theme, Rick invites a bunch of PHAT (pretty hot and tempting) girls to his impromptu soiree with the sole intent of making April bitterly jealous. Needless to say, it works and April storms away. Jenner stays behind to give Rick a piece of her mind, only to have him shut her up by reminding her of her ignorance to the situation. Has April really written Rick off? Does that mean that JJ has a chance?
Okay, enough about the popular crowd. Greta finds her self in like with Willie and I guess Willie is in like with her too but unfortunately for the star-crossed lovers, neither of them are bold enough to make the first move so instead they go back and forth and discuss absolutely nothing. Willie, just kiss the girl already! Can’t you smell the desperation?
Paradise City has managed to leave its viewers with some unanswered questions, guaranteeing that we will tune in at least one more time. Have Jack and Jenner cooled off even before they heated up? Will April find out that her BFF stabbed her in the back and if so, will Molly get bitch-slapped? Where’s JJ? Will Lacy have a hot hook up of her own or continue to play the background? When will Willie cut his hair (he looks like the caveman from the Geico commercial)?