Tuesday, March 06, 2007

"They're Just Clothes"
By PopCultureWhore

If I had the power to green light beat downs, Heidi Montag would move to the number one slot after this week's episode of "The Hills". Last week, young Heidi pushed Lauren's friend Jennifer to hook up with Lauren's love interest Brody and then denied having any involvement when confronted by Lauren. This week, the roommates tried to keep their fizzling friendship alive by scheduling a girl's night the Monday after Heidi returned from a weekend in Santa Barbara with Spencer, but Heidi inexplicably cancelled the outing (via a note on the coffee table) in favor of a movie with Captain Douche.

In hindsight, I'd probably thank Heidi for saving me from Brody (Douche Part Deux) if I was Lauren, but then I'd smack her again. So small and empty, yet so conniving.

On the Vogue front, Lauren and Whitney are charged with assisting a photo shoot starring young beauties, including Whitney's sister Jade. Styling the shoot is a woman who apparently lived "The Devil Wears Prada" as a Vogue assistant ("I mean, she actually worked for Anna Wintour," a saucer-eyed Whitney tells Lauren.) She's thin, spells her name in a pretentious manner (Lawren), requests that Whitney have open pins at a moment's notice and shoots down Whitney's request for an early dismissal to attend a family dinner ("Well, I'm going to need you to stay.") Basically, she's Super Intern Emily in about 15 years.

Whitney is none too enthused, channeling Eminem with a hooded sweatshirt and looking bored as Jade is anointed with lip gloss and faerie-esque head gear. Whitney tells Lauren that she worked at "W" magazine for three summers and at Teen Vogue for two years now, so she's ready to "not be someone's intern." She even commits what is likely a cardinal Vogue sin by uttering, "they're just clothes."
I hear you, sister. But Whitney needs to develop a bitchier persona and stop pronouncing her words like a toddler before the World of Vogue will accept her as its latest calorie-free minion.

Finally, who thought that bobble-headed Audrina would emerge as the show's most level headed character? She's a chirpy Orange County mother in training, setting up play dates for her new BFF Lauren and doling out disparaging looks whenever Spencer's name is brought up in conversation.

Footballers' Has Beens?
By PopCultureWhore

The American version of "Footballers Wives" is just getting trashier and trashier, which is probably appropriate, I suppose. First it was revealed that Lucy Lawless of Xena fame will play the terrifically maniacal Tanya Turner (originally played by Zoe Lucker, above) and now we hear that Dawson Leary himself will play a rookie soccer player in the series. I really didn't want to stare at Lucy's massive thighs and I definitely don't want to stare at Dawson's square Gumby head. All we need is Traci Bingham as Chardonnay, Jodie Sweetin as the blonde wife who sleeps with the Italian and a Joan Collins cameo and it's a D-List adventure best served in a red plastic cup. Watch this trash become the next "Desperate Housewives" though.