Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Fat Lady Cut to Black
By PopCultureWhore

Sopranos, Sopranos. Love it or hate it, the finale definitely accomplished the task of giving us what we least expected. I was initially miffed that David Chase gave us the sudden, “draw your own conclusions” ending, but it’s probably fitting. The series always defied expectation, so why should we have expected anything less from the finale? The “Sopranos” was a trend setting TV show and it ended in a never-before-seen fashion. Though I’m leaning towards the camp that thinks the blackout was actually Tony’s death, I’m ultimately glad Chase didn’t show it – or succumb to a maudlin, pan out family togetherness shot. That’s not how they do it in Jersey. HBO’s been busy pulling down all clips of the “Sopranos” finale from the web, so instead watch my favorite series finale moment -- “Six Feet Under”, which basically made me cry for two days. “Sex and the City” was a similarly sad goodbye, but it didn’t pack quite the same emotional punch. HBO may soon be pulling down these clips as well, so enjoy while you can!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Fart in a Mitten
By PopCultureWhore

To quote the classic TMZ message board post - "Paris is fart in a mitten." That's all I got. That's all I really should have. CNN actually sent a "breaking news alert" about Hilton being thrown back in the clink. Now she's apparently freaking out and is at some jail medical facility. Blah blah. Just do your time, sweetie. It's not like she has any real-world concerns. She's not going to get fired from a job, have trouble paying the rent, need to find babysitters. She just needs someone to watch her pocket dogs and eat all the cupcakes that were delivered to her house yesterday.


Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Tangled and Unwashed
By PopCultureWhore

If Paris’ label hadn’t dropped her, that could be the title of her next album. Maybe her next porn video instead. Until then, she’s a crying, dirty mess, according to “sources” inside the clink. "She looks unwashed, she has no makeup and her hair is tangled. She cried audibly through the first two nights,” someone told People Magazine. She probably looks something like that weird Jessica Simpson video for “I Belong to Me” where she cuts her hair off and smears lipstick all over her face. Seriously, though, besides the constant crying, is Paris a dirty, tangled mess anything new?

Fun, Laughs, Good Times
By PopCultureWhore

Posh Spice looks like she’s ready to join the cast of “Chicago” in this getup. That could be pretty interesting, except for the fact that she has the sex appeal of a praying mantis. But if Ashlee Simpson and Joey from “Blossom” can handle it, it’s only a matter of time before Posh hits the stage. It might confuse her rocks-for-brains husband David Beckham though. “Why are you singing about murdering your husband, then? Are you keen on these stone-washed manpris?”


Monday, June 04, 2007

Want to Look Like a Crackwhore?
By PopCultureWhore

“Sunset Tans” re-affirms why I never want to live in Los Angeles. My pasty, carb-eating ass prefers to simply watch the madness from the comfort of my box-sized Manhattan apartment. The clip above features a mother who paid $1300 so that her pint-sized daughter could get a “cocktail” of tanning procedures for her upcoming school picture. The store’s impudent manager sold the package by telling the Social Services-bound mother that it was the same package purchased by the now twice rehabbed Lindsay Lohan; a revelation that prompted much oohing and aahing from mother and daughter alike. Too bad mini-Lohan ended up looking like an oompa loompa instead of her alcoholic idol.

Tonight I watched an episode that featured the brain dead “Olly Twins” (Molly and Holly!) sexually harassing Chris Kattan. We also saw the aforementioned impudent manager Nick being shuttled to Las Vegas to check out a Sunset Tans location set to open in The Palms casino hotel. Unfortunately he was a little put off by a naked model jumping on him after he administered a spray tan; worrying what his stern-looking girlfriend might think about the situation. I was just shocked that he had a girlfriend. When they showed his apartment and roommate, I was sure we had a Will and Grace scenario going on.
By PopCultureWhore

WTF? I seriously had to rewind my DVR and re-watch this commerical tonight. If this woman gets that worked up over her dog scooting across the living room carpet (and in front of company, no less) she might want to consider a little daytime lithium. Toby is my new favorite whore, though. I know it's not really celeb gossip but I'm sure the kid in this commerical will have a Lohan-esque meltdown at some point, so consider it proactive gossip.
From the Britney Collection Part II
By PopCultureWhore

Brooke Hogan took to the stage in a pair of denim fisherman's boots and some underwear recently. Seriously, WTF? I've watched a little "Hogan Knows Best" on Vh1 and the Hulk goes apeshit if Brooke is within a 10-ft radius of a pelvic thrust, so how is he ok with his daughter looking like a cast member from "Hookers at the Point"? CSC = Crazy Slut Carnival? Click HERE for more. They literally ripped out the crotch on a pair of jeans. Subtle.
From the Britney Spears Collection
By PopCultureWhore

“Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere channels Britney’s lack of style for this little number. The scraped back hair, the sweaty complexion, too much gold jewelry – homegirl is a hop, skip and a jump away from going to jail, marrying a backup dancer or driving her Benz into a curb high on coke. She’s already dating a former reality TV star – “Laguna Beach’s” Stephen Coletti. And as we all know from the first season’s Cabo episode, he is quite the dashing young gentleman (“YOU SLUT!”). To be fair, though, he yelled that at Kristen so I'll give him a little credit.
Brangelina Become 'Dr Phil' Episode
By PopCultureWhore

I have some very sad news to report. Brad and Angelina are too busy to schedule in regular sexy time. Lest we all think that Casa Brangelina is a 24-7 re-creation of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, Angelina tells Marie Claire magazine that “Mommy and Daddy need to try to figure out more time right now.” Shockingly, having four children under the age of 10 is not conducive to getting down.

This may be a no brainer to anyone with a child, but this is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie we’re talking about. She flies planes, goes on vacation to Pakistan and makes out with her brother. She once had sex with Billy Bob in a limo on her way to an award’s ceremony and there’s no time for Brad? Actually, cars might be her thing, as evidence by this video of the duo making out in their limo after a Cannes event.

When there is not vehicle available, however, here’s what you do. Plop Z and Pax in front of a “Little Nemo” DVD and give Shiloh to the staff of “US Weekly” for a few hours so they can more accurately delve “inside her world” like they did for last week’s cover story. Maddox is a bad ass and can take of himself. Put him in one of his trendy t-shirts and put a switchblade in his Che Guevara lunchbox and he’s ready to go.

If not, I’m sure Jennifer Aniston would give up a few hours of hang-out time with Courteney Cox for old time’s sake.
Paris Jailed, World Peace Attained
By PopCultureWhore

It can be a little tough to get out of bed on Monday mornings, but the extra skip in my step today can be attributed to the fact that Paris Hilton is now behind bars. Stripped of her Sidekick, lap dogs, hair extensions, luxury vehicles, head bands and bevy of coked-up Hollywood hangers-on, Paris made an MTV Movie Awards appearance last night and then checked herself into jail.

Her last few hours were anything but champagne toasts of good luck from the A-List. Movie Awards host Sarah Silverman joked that Paris’ cell bars should be made out of penises but worried that she might chip her teeth. Calls for an extended stay behind bars during the show were also met with cheers. Paris is receiving slight special treatment by not being placed with the jail’s general population, but it hardly sounds like a stay at Promises.

I hope her cellmate becomes like Kelly Taylor’s psycho rehab roommate on 90210.

Meanwhile, the record label which has since dropped Paris from its roster was sued for allegedly copying UB40's "Kingston Town" for Paris’ first single “Star are Blind”.

Friday, June 01, 2007

First Tinky Winky, Now Shrek?
By PopCultureWhore

Did you realize that “Shrek the Third” is not simply a summer blockbuster about the adventures of a lovable ogre but actually a vehicle to promote the transgender lifestyle? Thank you Illinois Review (crossroads of the conservative community) for cluing me into this shocking revelation!

“Right in the midst of a warm ‘traditional family’ setting, the film writers place a man dressed as a woman in with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White (the good gals),” writes Fran Eaton. “The cross-dressing character simply doesn't make sense, except as a ploy to desensitize children and parents to transgenders.”

Seriously? Fran, from the looks of the banner running atop your sweet little organization’s Web site, it appears that you might be bored amidst the corn and two-lane roads and looking to stir up a little controversy. But in a movie that features talking green ogres and a wisecracking donkey, is the presence of one of those ogres in a dress really what draws your suspicion? It’s a cartoon. With talking green monsters.

I assure you that any sort of underlying social commentary goes right over the heads of kids pissing themselves with glee over Donkey’s antics. But even if producers did intend for this character (voiced by Larry King btw) to be transgender, who cares?

I mean, Justin Timberlake is in this movie, Fran. Just enjoy that fact alone. Sounds like you might need a little Future Love/Sex Sounds in your life.