Monday, May 28, 2007

Lohan Rehab Redux
By PopCultureWhore

I literally laughed out loud when I heard the “Lindsay Lohan arrested for DUI” news snippet this weekend. This stuff just writes itself. In the days since the young thespian was hauled in for crashing her Benz, leaving the scene, having trace amounts of coke in said vehicle and apparently drinking and driving (underage), her jailbird Daddy has penned a note demanding that Lindsay seek help from Jesus, gossip columns have pointed the coke-fueled finger are Mommy Lohan, Svedka Vodka has pulled out of sponsoring Lindsay’s 21st Vegas birthday bash and now the little lamb has reportedly checked herself back into rehab for a little R&R.

This is obviously good news for her acting career – seeing as how her most recent films like Just My Luck, Prairie Home Companion and Georgia Rule were such critical favorites and box office blockbusters. Next up for the Oscar voters is I Know Who Killed Me, where it appears Lohan plays an amnesiac stripper with a penchant for creative writing?

Extreme Makeover: Whore Edition
by PopCultureWhore

I just killed about 3 million brain cells by watching “Ex Wives Club” on ABC tonight. It features Trump’s ex Marla Maples, K-Fed’s first baby’s mama Shar Jackson and some redhead who was engaged to Stallone trying to mend the broken hearts of jilted Americans.

I can’t wait for “The Soup” to tear this one apart. I predict they’ll either use Angie saying “The last thing I’d want to be called on my honeymoon is a bitch” quote, Shar telling us how she broke it to her kid that not everyone has a house like Britney's or the clip featuring a roomful of blindfolded nutcases screaming “I don’t deserve to be treated like this!”

Note to TV executives – neither do I!

I loved the before and after montages that literally featured clips of people having hysterical mental breakdowns in the “before” shots and then flashed to brilliant post-makeover glamour shots for the “after”.

Apparently all I have to do to get over a breakup is fling my ex-boyfriend’s prized wheels from a plane and get Marla Maples to do my PR. I mean, I’d let her sell my condo or introduce me at a work retreat, but otherwise, girlfriend’s pearly whites kind of scare me.

One of the hysterical divorcees, Rebecca, also revealed that she’d written a book after her “journey” on the show, prompting Shar to request roles for her and the ladies should the book be turned into a movie. Right. I’m thinking her best bet for now is the porn version of “Crossroads”.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Night of 1,000 Fugs
By PopCultureWhore

The stars pulled crazy out of the closet for the Met Costume Institute Benefit Gala. Lohan (above) kicked things off with a number that, for her, screams classy. Jessica Simpson, meanwhile, is probably having trouble breathing.

Juliette Lewis once again forgot that it is not 1976

Parker Posey ... love her, but aren't indie artsy fartsy types supposed to be into conservation? I think a Laura Ashley loveseat had to die to make this frock.

Scarlett. I was liking it until I scrolled down. The hair is a tad servere, too. Cameron was there looking like MyScene Barbie. Was there a JT-related cat fight? Pretty please?

Kirsten, I know you're dating a rock star and you're all skinny ugly chic, but you're not Kate Moss. Give it up. Oh god, I just noticed her companion's cowboy boots. I'd say that Anna Winour probably had a cow over these outfits, but she looked like an extra from Star Trek herself.

Finally ...
By PopCultureWhore

“The Sopranos” picked up some steam last night. Tony gave the feds some dirt. Christopher succumbed to peer pressure, got drunk and shot the guy from “Wings” in the head. AJ fell into a depression over his breakup and started a nice descent into a life of crime with the help of some sulfuric acid and a few boneheaded former classmates. And Pauly showed us what a Cadillac can really do on a $40,000 lawn. Four more episodes left … do you think “Wings” guy’s apartment was bugged? Who is Meadow’s mystery guy? Do Pauly’s sideburns give you nightmares too?


Thursday, May 03, 2007

Throw Away the Key!
By PopCultureWhore

The LA city attorney has recommended that Paris Hilton spend 45 days in jail for her drunk driving arrest. Yes! Do it! Lock her in a tower and make her the whore in the iron mask. Make her listen to Jessica Simpson music! I know she’s not going to do a damn day in jail, but a PCW can dream.

Private Dumbass
By PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson needs to stop. First, she agreed to star in a remake of “Working Girl” and now she is going to star in a movie that sounds suspiciously like Goldie Hawn’s “Private Benjamin.” Simpson will play a down-on-her-luck actress who joins the marines, presumably to spread joy and hair products throughout the land. Seriously, though, she either needs to meet a producer who doesn’t produce pop treacle and record an album of substance (…) or just call it a day. No more movies – please. Dukes of Hazard gave me brain spasms for months.

Yes, Please
By PopCulture Whore

Put together ... or a little scruffy. Whatever.

That's What PCW Said
By PopCultureWhore

The sitcom gods will smile on me with new episodes of “The Office” and “30 Rock” tonight. I was away for all the Alec Baldwin madness, but he seriously can’t quit “30 Rock”. Tina Fey is great, but Jack’s one liners make the show. Perhaps it will make more people tune in, like when people actually went to see “Nine Months” after Hugh Grant got caught with that prostitute (an aside: baked beans, Hugh? Really?) Alec wasn’t really bashful and apologetic, however. He appeared on “The View” starring as the crazy lady who lives in an attic and pledged to write a book about disenfranchised divorced dads. Sounds like a real page turner, Alec! He’d probably have better luck joining born-again Stephen’s quest to rid his NY town of porn.

In “Office” news, tonight’s episode finds Phyllis the victim of a flasher. It’s probably Creed. AOL also has a trailer for John Krasinski’s (Jim) upcoming movie “License to Wed.” Sadly, it looks pretty crappy. John and Mandy Moore are an engaged couple who must pass a marriage test administered by Mandy’s priest, played by Robin Williams. Bleh. Maybe I’ll rent it on Netflix and just turn the sound off.

Congrats to “The Office”, however, for getting a Webby Award nomination for their “webisodes”. The awards are apparently the Oscars of the Internet and acceptance speeches must be five words or less. Perfect opportunity for “That’s what she said.”
Whore Cakes Returning Soon
By PopCultureWhore

I've returned from China. Madonna has returned from Malawi. Pop culture goodness on its way!