Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Lauren Conrad (LC) from “The Hills” graces the cover of “Cosmo Girl” this month. I’d ask if this was a conflict of interest seeing as how she works for “Teen Vogue” but given that LC and Whitney work in a closet and that LC has thus far been charged with sewing fabric on an umbrella and looking bewildered in a flower store, it doesn’t seem that “Vogue” is all that concerned with the editorial process. Editor Lisa Love recently suggested that LC’s next “project” should be working with a designer on a fashion show from start to finish. And then what? Write an article about it? I don’t see how that relates to the magazine world, but what do I know?
Speaking of menial tasks, this week’s installment of “The Hills” featured Super Intern Emily, the sleek and anal New York helper who was flown to LA to help prep for a “Teen Vogue” dinner in the Hollywood Hills. Emily takes 18 credits at NYU, works two days a week at the “TV” NYC offices and one day at Chanel. There was some collective eye rolling between my roommate and I after that came out of Emily’s mouth. All LC could muster was an open-mouthed stare as she navigated her Mercedes through LA traffic.
For all those who say that you can’t learn anything from “The Hills”, we all now know that “chinoiserie” is a type of design with a heavy Chinese influence. I also learned that phrase “dry socket” grosses me out.
I also learned that Spencer and Heidi are probably made for each other because they’re both idiots. After hanging with several Playboy playmates at Area and lustily discussing the possibility of a “naked picnic” with one those blonde companions, Spencer was aghast when Heidi refused to speak with him. “I didn’t hook up with any of them!” he bleated into his Sidekick.
Heidi requested a little “time off” from Spencer before complaining to co-worker Elodie that she was still in love with him and didn’t know what to do. I wonder what these co-workers actually think of Heidi. Elodie looked like she was amused by her suffering, giving Heidi a sly smirk as the diminutive reality star whined about her love life. And I can’t remember what the other co-worker’s name is, but did you check out the bags under her eyes? Cucumbers, girl!
With a totally misplaced use of Sia’s “Breathe Me” (which was also used during the last few minutes of the “Six Feet Under” finale), the show concluded with Heidi getting into Spencer’s car (after a strange, cat-walk like prance down the hall) and presumably forgiving him and his blinged-out chain for their indiscretions. Brilliant!
“He’s not even cute,” my roommate commented. Agreed. “Entertainment Weekly” likened him to Crush, the turtle from “Finding Nemo”, but I think there needs to be a more nefarious character to embody dear Spencer Pratt. Thoughts?
Monday, February 12, 2007
Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on "The Office", has been tapped to host "Saturday Night Live" on Feb. 24. They'd better deliver a great parody of the show and perhaps a reprise of Dwight's Sith Lord. The creepy undertaker in training he played on "Six Feet Under" might be a bit too obscure to reference on SNL but could definitely be amusing. Actually, why don't they just give the SNL cast a night off and air an hour-long episode of "The Office"?
Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were not shy at the Sony/BMG Grammy after party. I’m not really sure what to make of these pictures. They both look a little drugged. What do they talk about? He seems very chatty but I’m sure we all remember the awkward dinners Jessica had with husband Nick Lachey on “Newlyweds” when the conversation mostly consisted of Jessica’s disgust over what was on her plate. John’s probably into that. He lets her get confused about why sausage is white and why anyone would want to attend an Oktoberfest celebration and then just tells her to take her shirt off and doesn’t let her answer calls from Daddy Simpson.
Record executive Clive Davis hosted a pre-Grammy party in Beverly Hills on Saturday. Whitney Houston made an appearance (with Al Gore?) and, once again, looked a thousand times better than she ever did while married to Bobby Brown. Here a few highlights from the party’s performances.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
** Justin Timberlake. Was that little close-up video camera bit at the end of “What Goes Around” a little shout-out to Britney and her dizzying angles on the atrocious “Chaotic” reality TV series?
** John Mayer. I like the curly hair – I don’t like the sneakers with the suit. Ryan Seacrest was very proud of himself when they got someone to decipher the Japanese phrase John uttered on the red carpet when asked about Jessica Simpson. “She is very beautiful – and you’re the last to know” Mayer told Seacrest in Japanese. Because Seacrest would be more interested in Mayer than Jessica?
** Carrie Underwood changed clothes during her performance – from a Dorothy Gale green number to a Stevie Nicks black ensemble. Oops, a stage hand just guided Carrie right through Ornette Coleman and Natalie Wood’s intro – probably because she’s going to win Best New Artist. Yep.
** Is Rascal Flatts really singing “Hotel California” at an awards show in 2007? I feel like I only hear this song when I’m stuck at toll booths on Rte. 95.
** Lionel Richie is singing “Hello”. I know this is a classic, but it always makes me laugh. And now thanks to Starburst, it makes me think of that disturbing commercial where the kid eats a replica of the girl’s head made of Starburst in reference to the clay model featured in Lionel’s video.
** That little kid performing with Chris Brown is extremely spastic. Someone’s been doing his pilates. I missed this flip:
** Christina, I love you, but please lay off the fake tanning spray. And the purple eye shadow. And the red lipstick. Thanks. Girl can sing, though.
** Justin’s back. His “Grammy moment” winner looks a tad awkward, but I guess she can sing? Eh. More Justin, less random girl.
** Red Hot Chili Peppers are a bit tame. Does this mean they’re going to win an award next because they’re performing? The confetti is obnoxious. Some divas in the audience are not happy it’s getting in their hair. I wonder who has to clean that up? I’m thinking about this because their performance is booooring.
** Al Gore and Queen Latifah. Yeah. Red Hot Chili Peppers get the award. I totally called that.
** I wonder what they’re going to do for the 50th annual Grammy awards? Will Britney be back in top form to give us a VMA-esque performance? A duet with Justin? A whore can dream.
That boring model who dated Britney Spears has sold his story to the British tabloid News of the World. Class act. Isaac Cohen basically paints her as sex crazed and insecure. Shocking! The most amusing part of the article is the fact that she has her wedding dress framed in a glass box and that Issac said, “As we made love that night, it was like Kevin was in bed beside us.” What?! That’s when he should’ve gotten the hell out of there. You don’t want K-Fed anywhere near your bed. Speaking of K-Fed, he and Justin ran into each other on the red carpet recently, but Justin was cordial and greeted his former backup dancer.
Mary J. Blige went for the grecian goddess look for her big night.
Fergie. Um, I like the shoes?
Mandy, did you forget to take off your bathrobe and dress for the occasion? I know you've been depressed and you're dating Nicole Richie's ex-boyfriend, but let's make a little effort.
Jennifer Hudson shows off the goods in advance of her likely Oscar win. As my roommate put it, "It's crazy that Beyonce is singing tonight instead of Jennifer Hudson."
Christina. Eh, she's done better. Much prefer the black number she wore last night at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party.
Carrie Underwood. She totally looks like my Crystal Barbie in this dress.
Not bad, Scarlett. E! asked her about the Justin rumors, but she said they were just friends and co-stars in the video for "What Goes Around". Click HERE to watch it.
Nelly Furtado. Someone got their skirt and bangs a little too close to the shredder.
Hilary Duff, this is a hair brush. Hair brush, this is Hilary Duff. I hope you two have a lovely life together.
When you're done with that brush, perhaps you want to hand it over to Shakira?
MTV has apparently had its fill of sea-side reality TV series and is now setting its sites on NYC. Flyers have been distributed at Brooklyn Tech High School calling for sophomores and juniors to apply for an upcoming reality series. MTV already has the go-ahead to film inside the school, so it’ll be more focused on school-related activities than “Laguna Beach”. MTV calls Brooklyn “a cross between Harlem in its hey day and Paris” – um yeah. So when one of the shows' graduates moves to Manhattan to work in the music industry, will it be called "The City" a la LC's "The Hills"? I'd be more interested in that than more high school crap. More details HERE.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
WTF? Anna Nicole Smith died this afternoon after being found unconscious in a Florida hotel room. Poor thing. She might not have been the brightest bulb in the lamp but she definitely had had her share of hardships in the past few months.
One of my guilty pleasures is obviously “The Hills” on MTV, but I enjoy it mainly because its stars stay inside the little glowing box in my living room and only assault my senses for 30 minutes every Monday. Their leggings, fake tans, extensions, expensive luxury cars and popped collar, chain wearing boyfriends are thousands of miles away from the frigid temperatures and subway delays of NYC and that’s where I like them.
So you can imagine that I was slightly horrified (though not altogether shocked) to discover that the empty-headed Heidi is working on an album … of songs … that she will sing … reportedly produced by Grammy-award winner David Foster. What? She can barely talk; now she is singing? Apparently Heidi has forgiven boyfriend Spencer for the Playmate snafu from this week’s episode and has added “manager” to his title. Spencer knows Brody, Brody’s mom used to be married to David Foster and the rest is bargain bin music history. All Heidi needs to do is hook up with Scott Storch for a “hot track” and she can officially become a
I’m already imaging the classic lyrics she and Spencer might create.
Oh yeah, LA is hot
Oh yeah, Audrina is not
Yeah boy, I’ll get you into the club
Order a drink and meet me at the hot tub
I am awesome; you better believe that
Saturday, February 03, 2007
So “Ghostbusters III” is in the works and Bill Murray is in. Unfortunately it’s going to be a cartoon instead of live action, damnit. How is that going to be amusing? Millions of children (and pop culture whores) are craving nonsensical movies memories like the Stay Puft marshmallow man running through the streets of Manhattan, the Statue of Liberty becoming mobile with the help of the mysterious subterranean goo, the “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” guy frantically searching for the gatekeeper and, my personal favorite, Sigourney Weaver becoming possessed by Zuul. Live the dream ... one more time:
I’ve seen this Olive Garden “date night” commercial about 1,000 times (“Endless breadsticks and salad!”) but it was only last night that I realized the perky hostess was played by Becki Newton, better known as the bitchy receptionist Amanda on “Ugly Betty.” Olive Garden fare, a patterned necktie and a plastic nametag? I’m sure Amanda would rather die. Damn, now I want some stuffed rigatoni.
Thursday, February 01, 2007