Sunday, September 16, 2007
8:01pm - Musical number by Stewie and Brian from "Family Guy" ... at least Ryan is not singing. Ooh, Zach Braff burn. Cut to TR during Isaiah joke. Nice.
8:03pm - Is Ryan's intro music really "Party Like a Rock Star"?
8:04pm - Conan O'Brien looks a little haggard ("Like a cracked-out Robert Redford," says my roommate)
8:07pm - No singing ... thank God
8:08pm - Ray Romano. This round scenario is going to bother me. Whoops, technical difficulties ... Wife jokes. Hilarious ...
8:11pm - Ok, finally, a goddamn award. Jeremy Piven. Really? I love Ari, but I love Dwight more.
8:14pm - Seriously, what is Vanessa Williams wearing? I think a peacock died on her lap.
8:15pm - Best supporting actor in a drama is ... John Locke! Sparkly tie there, kid. Cookies and Wisteria Lane. Haha.
8:21pm - Sally Field does not look pleased to be referred to as a "legend"
8:22pm - Supporting actress in a comedy series is ... Jaime Pressly? These are some really weird selections tonight. Are all the votes for the good options cancelling each other out?!
8:25pm - "It's Hi-gull" - Katherine Heigl, after the announcer lady mispronounces her name.
8:33pm - Ellen should have hosted again. But is that a graduation tassle around her neck?
8:37pm - Supporting actress in a drama is ... Katherine Heigl. As she so eloquently put it, "Shit!" Sopranos are really getting shut out tonight.
8:44pm - Conan beats Stewart and Colbert!
8:45pm - Coming up, Queen Latifah celebrates the 30th anniversary of Roots! Par-tay!
8:47pm - That is a demonic little blonde girl in the Heinz ketchup commercial ...
8:50pm - Ooh, the carpet is made of recycled plastic? Thrilling.
8:51pm - Christina and Tony. Take that, Britney ... Do we really need all these dancers? Distracting. Christina's going all Fabulous Baker Boys on top of the piano. That was actually pretty boring. Not nearly as good as her "This is a Man's World" from the Grammy's.
8:53pm - Alec Baldwin. "Why don't you just treat your kid like shit" - my roommate.
8:56pm - Ali Larter, the whipped cream girl from "Varsity Blues" cheering Robert Duvall? Bizarro world in full effect. Nice dress, though, toots.
8:58pm - A Vanessa Hudgens joke? "Zoom out!" Seacrest barks. Really?
9:06pm - Honor the legacy of Roots, whores! Broken Trail gets ... an envelope? "The five Chinese girls were really the magic potion that held this thing together" - Robert Duvall. Alrighty, then ...
9:12pm - Finally, a Sopranos win. For directing, but a win nonetheless.
9:14pm - And again! David Chase gets an Emmy.
9:20pm - Yay! Steve Carrell. I love you, Jim! "For what? Best rack on the show?" LOL. I seriously can't wait for the season premiere. Hour-long episodes! JAM!
9:23pm - Jon Stewart gets another Emmy! And now Tony Bennett! Does that guy speaking mainline botox? He's very shiny. Oh, it's Tony's son. Must have got the hair genes from Mom. Bummer. Is that Heidi Fleiss in the background with Rob Marshall?
9:28pm - Outstanding supporting actress in a miniseries or movie is ... Judy Davis. "She's not walking down the aisle. She's not here, but I'm sure she'll be thrilled" - Marcia Cross.
9:35pm - How quickly do you think "Back to You" is going to be cancelled?
9:36pm - I'm not sure how I feel about Kyra Sedgwick's dress. Maybe if it didn't have that little poofy thing around her waist?
9:39pm - Is this the Tony's or the Emmy's? Who just passed that water bottle across the aisle? Need a little drinkie to get through the musical number, eh? That one kid looks petrified. Oh good, let's sing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" while we drop Pussy's body off the boat and shoot Jackie Jr. in the back of the head, murder Adriana, etc ...
9:43pm - My hometown in NJ is probably eating this up. It really was a great show. Let's hope they don't lose the best drama nod ...
9:49pm - MORE miniseries nominations. Zzzz. Maybe Helen Mirren will win and say something amusing. Indeed she does. Not sure about that dress, but girlfriend still looks good. Only HM could taunt the award show orchestra.
9:53pm - Louis Black is angry. Did the news channels really start the crawl after 9/11? Learn something new every day. I think Charlie Sheen is back on drugs.
9:59pm - I should get "Prime Suspect" on DVD. My mom raves about it. Is Kanye really performing?
10:04pm - Are they seriously doing a MySpace tie-in? Oh yeah, Fox owns MySpace now ... and soon they will own YOU!! Rupert is probably giving this to Al Gore's Current network as a mercy Emmy. Let's all stand for Al again. RECYCLED RED CARPET, PEOPLE!!
10:07pm - Boob jokes about CBS shows?! The horror. The twins did look like they wanted to come out and play, though, Joely. Tony Bennett is sweeping the Emmy's tonite. Did he just thank Target for being wholesome?
10:09pm - I seriously need some sugar. Cupcakes, anyone?
10:13pm - "I'm not faking this. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing" - Elaine Stritch
10:18pm - "The Office" wins its first Emmy of the night for directing ... and the winner makes a Little Red Hen reference. That was my school play in kindergarten. I was a flower. I seriously can't remember the story of the LRH. I still want cupcakes.
10:23pm - Does Kitchen Nightmares differ from Hell's Kitchen?
10:23pm - Uh, Seacrest in Tudors gear. "You know, this looked a lot less gay on the rack. Can I keep it?" - Ryan. Not as good as Ellen in Bjork's swan gear
10:27pm - "You picked the wrong time to speak properly" - Wayne Brady to Kanye.
10:39pm - I would've liked to see a Steve Carrell acceptance speech, but I guess a chest bump with Jon Stewart will have to do.
10:41pm - No Edie Falco? WTF? This is1 a truly bizarre Emmy night (Sally Field gets actress in drama for Brothers & Sisters. Bleh)
10:43pm - So was Ray Romano criticizing the war earlier when he had "technical difficulties" too?
10:53pm - Ugly Betty takes the best actress statue. Eh. I was pulling for Tina Fey.
10:54pm - Ok, seriously if James Gandolfini doesn't get this ...
10:56pm - Bizarre! Bizarre! Fucking bizarre?! Seriously, James Spader has a point. WHO is voting for the Emmy's this year?!
10:59pm - Those Oreo Cakester things look a lot like Devil Dogs. Mmm, spongey chocolate with chemically enhanced creme filling ... No Tim Gunn, step away from Martha Stewart. Don't let her draw you into her evil Macy's vortex!!
11:02pm - YES! FINALLY! 30 ROCK WINS BEST COMEDY!!
11:05pm - Can you imagine if Britney actually had agreed to "perform" on this telecast? I seriously hope she's off somewhere avoiding the Oreo Cakesters and having non-stank extensions put in.
11:08pm - Seriously, if the Sopranos hadn't won, I would've thrown something.
11:09pm - Mariska Hargitay's husband is pretty hot ...
Sunday, September 09, 2007
AP - Somewhere, Kevin Federline is laughing. An out-of-shape, out-of-touch Britney Spears delivered what was destined to be the most talked about performance of the MTV Video Music Awards — but for all the wrong reasons. Not as fit as she was in her "...Baby One More Time" days, Spears still had the look of the young pop star.
Reuters - Faded pop star Britney Spears launched her highly anticipated comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, dressing up like a stripper to deliver a curious performance of her new single.DListed - Was she stoned?! Did she not care? Did she think this was a rehearsal? I mean......that was it? For real?! They are joking right? Where were the mirrors? I mean...WTF?! I'm so fucking confused.
New York Daily News - Britney, eyes glassy, could barely keep time to the music and by the end wasn't even mouthing the words to her own song ... 50 Cent looked like he might have just thrown up in his mouth.
9pm - BRITNEY! Um, I don't know about that outfit, sister friend. Ok, could girlfriend have had any less energy? She's barely dancing. Get into it!! That was awful. Wasn't she supposed to disappear Criss Angel style or something? She looked seriously nervous and was obviously lip synching. Nothing came out when she said "thank you" at the end. I have lost all faith in my popstar whores. Video HERE.
9:04pm - Sarah Silverman. Ouch.
9:10pm - Let's preview the parties. Ooh, Justin. "I would probably just take off my clothes," says my roommate.
9:12pm - Monster Single of the Year. Rhianna "Umbrella". Is it bad that I've never actually heard this song all the way through? That dress kind of looks like a bad bridesmaid gown.
9:15pm - Kanye in one of those suites with the skytop pools. Sampling Daft Punk? Is this on his new album? Not digging the white shades. I wonder how much damage those people are going to do to that suite?
9:21pm - Akon kind of annoys me. He's kind of shoved to the side.
9:22pm - Yay, Seth Rogen. He's with the guy who played his partner in "Superbad" ... they're also stuffed at a makeshift gambling table.
9:23pm - JHud and Robin Thicke. His father is the dad from "Growing Pains" apparently and that's all I know about him except that he's cute in a metrosexual way. Quadruple threat? JUSTIN! "I want to challenge MTV to play more videos" ... he's probably wasted. That would make it easier to take advantage of him. I mean, congrats Justin!
Meanwhile, more Britney pics going up online ...
9:31pm - Foo Fighters. What's up ninth grade? Is MTV doing these little mini performances from the suites because of the collective ADD of its audience?
9:33pm - Kanye and 50 ... ooh, fake face-off. No banter. How cutting edge. Let me guess. Kanye's album is going to be about Gucci purses and 50's going to sing about getting shot and driving Ferraris. The end.
9:34pm - Earthshattering Collaboration = Beyonce feat. Shakira. I've also never heard this song all the way through because Shakira's voice gives me seizures. Whoa, Beyonce. Keep the girls in your dress. That double-sided tape must be holding on for dear life!
9:41pm - I'm already bored ... I don't want these people making their way through a crowded suite. I want them on stage in elaborate performances. Thanks.
9:43pm - Chris Brown does Charlie Chaplin. Boy can dance. Britney shoud have collaborated with him instead of Criss Angel. Um, looks like he is turning to Brit for lip syncing advice, though. Did he just forget to sing the first few words of the song?
9:46pm - Rihanna. Dominatrix chic. At least she's singing live? Well, as she got closer to Chis Brown, is sounded less and less like she was singing live.
9:47pm - Obligatory Michael Jackson tribute. If MJ and his melting face actually show up ... nope.
9:54pm - Farnsworth Bentley. Where the hell have you been?
9:57pm - The Hills ladies. Lauren, lipstick's too red. Justin wins for best male video. LC basically ignores him. What? He gives props to Chris Brown. Ooh, he just knocked MTV's lineup in front of the cast of its most popular reality show. Nice.
10pm - Speaking of MTV programming, promo for MySpace "star" Tila Tequila's upcoming reality stars. Premise? 16 lesbians, 16 straight guys. Who will she pick?! Kill me.
10:03pm - Promo for "Beowulf" with Angelina. Ick. Looks like she's doing another awful attempt at an accent. Wasn't "Alexander" punishment enough?!
10:04pm - 50 with Justin and Timbaland. Backstage, Britney is crying.
10:06pm - Shia LaBeouf. Porn stache?
10:08pm - Pamela Anderson needs to give it up. Her tongue down someone's throat in the desert? Next.
10:09pm - MORE Kanye. Christ, is there no one else there?
10:17pm - Who is Eugene Montross? I have no idea.
10:18pm - The Transformers whore who is sleeping with David Silver. Eh, I guess she's pretty?
10:19pm - Timbaland from Rain nightclub. He's really making the rounds tonight. Whoever set up the logistics for this show is probably going to need a strong drink when it's all over. Who the fuck is onstage right now? Linkin Park? Yeah, it is ... "I bleed it out, take it deeper just to throw it away." What? I'm getting antsy.
10:23pm - Ooh, Adrien Grenier. He has a video camera ... probably for that "documentary" he's doing about celebrity with the help of Ms. Hilton. Fall Out Boy ... Pete Wentz is tiny. This format is annoying. Get out of the shot, stupid extras!!
10:30pm - Rihanna's joining the suite parties. She's going to poke her eyes out with those earrings.
10:34pm - Alicia Keys. Girlfriend sounds good. That outfit, however ... It's a cover of "Freedom" ... brings down the house.
10:45pm - Jamie Foxx is annoying Jennifer Garner. Did she just say "Gym Class Fall Out" won the award? Awesome.
10:48am - That dumbass pageant girl is babbling about something ...
10:57pm - Shit, is Dr. Dre on steroids?
11:01pm - Did something actually happen between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock? I guess so.
11:05pm - Is Nelly Furtado performing with drag queens?
11:06pm - Do Timbaland and Dre have the same trainer?
11:08pm - Open with Britney, end with Justin ...
11:09pm - Dance for me, Justin ...
11:23pm - Um, so much for MTV not re-airing the show?
VMA pre-show is going strong. Basically all the VJ's have been instructed to ask all attendees about a) Britney Spears and b) the Kanye/50 Cent chart showdown next week and c) whether they will be hitting parties after the show. Duh.
8:32 pm – Pussycat Nicole. Um, ok is that her climbing around inside the box? Yes, it is. I wonder what kind of shampoo she uses. This setup kind of makes it look like she’s a whore in an
I love that AP news tagged Brody Jenner as a "socialite" in the picture slugs. I suppose that's appropriate, though. I also wonder what shampoo he uses.
8:40pm - Who the hell are Gym Class Heroes? I'm getting old.
8:41pm - Ludacris and Jennifer Hudson. What has she been up to? Ludacris is a Virgo. Luda-Day Weekend, yo. Mmm, birthday cake. JHud wants some Britney. Ludacris thinks the Britney record is "jammin".
8:42pm - Paris and the new haircut looks almost demure. WTF?
8:43pm - Kanye's tux looks a tad too snug for him. He wants Video of the Year because "people don't remember number two," he said. Kanye decided that he and 50's album should come out on the same day. "We wanted to do something to create the hype and we did."
8:45pm - Jennifer Garner and Jamie Foxx. Jennifer seems like she's a bit too old to be there. Ten more years and Violet will be squeezing into teen gear and hamming it up, Jen.
Looks like these whores are still together ...
8:50pm - Paris Hilton in leopard Dolce and Gabana. She's been in Toronto filming a movie called Repo. Um, right. "We haven't heard much from you since you were locked up," says Sway. LOL. Blah blah entrepreneur blah blah. Sway: Enjoy your freedom! Classic.
8:52pm - Pharell and his posse from Clipse. Brit VJ boy: In a word, how excited are you to see Britney? Pharell: I'm excited. I'm here to support my man Timbaland, I'm here to support Justin. Snap.
"Oh my God" -- my roommate's reaction to John Norris and his eyeliner.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
I’m currently rocking out to a new Britney Spears song. And no, I’m not having a flashback to 1999. A few new Britney tracks have leaked to the Internet in the past few weeks and, on the whole, they are basically a testament to why she should lay off the Parliament lights and perhaps re-hire her entire management team. It appears that all is not lost, however, with the release of “Gimme More”, which I hope is the song she will “sing” at the upcoming MTV VMAs in Vegas. The lyrics are basically about how people can’t keep their eyes off her and her current flame at a dance club (“cameras are flashing while we’re dirty dancing”), but it’s a catchy dance record, and there are hints of Britney circa “I’m a Slave 4 U”. There’s no way she could ever pull off this song with a live mic, but do we really turn to Britney for vocal chops? Now if she could just dump those damn knee-high boots for some Louboutins and the awful wigs for some professional extensions, we might be back in business.
Friday, August 17, 2007
My ongoing, one-sided love affair with Justin Timberlake continued last night at Madison Square Garden.
I didn’t actually bring my camera so you'll have to make do with this grainy and not-at-all clear camera phone picture.
Anyway, JT was sexual and cocky and fabulous and my teenage crush persists. He opened with Future Sex/Love Sound and I almost passed out. He danced his ass off and as he was executing some Michael Jackson-esque pelvic thrusts and the like, I thought that if I were Britney I would just kill myself.
The only lull came during a strange intermission thing where Timbaland basically just played snippets of random songs - presumably while JT changed clothes/smoked weed.
JT also didn’t sing dick in a box or bring Madonna on stage to sing some of their new songs. I suppose I’ll forgive him for not getting Madge, but I demand some live dick in a box at some point in my life, damnit. Perhaps he didn’t want his first HBO special to include a section of him singing about wrapping his manhood in Christmas decorations. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, JT!
Check out Rolling Stone for more concert details.
So Heidi and Spencer of “The Hills” fame have been hard at work in the recording studio and the fruits of their labor debuted this week on Ryan Seacrest’s LA radio show. In a dance song that samples heavily from Yaz’s “Situation”, Heidi coos about “looking for a boss type” and Spencer … wait for it … raps. His efforst are predictably laughable and Seacrest later said he was working too hard on the Diddy impression (“Got my eyes on a sassy pearl, Heidi Montag, yeah that’s my girl”). I was listening to the song, however, and found, to my horror, that I found portions of it slightly catchy. But then I realized what it was – the underlying beats sound exactly like “SexyBack”.
Elements of JT aside, however, Heidi is apparently “upset” that the song foud its way to radio. Though Seacrest said the dynamic duo “got it to us first”, Pratt tells People that he and Heidi did the song “as a joke. Over my dead body would I rap on Heidi’s first song.”
Their protests remind of Kevin Federline and the “Popozao” affair. After his song got some play online – and was skewered by everyone under the sun – K-Fed said that the song was a joke and was never meant to hit the airwaves.
A K-Fed and Heidi musical collaboration? The stuff of dreams.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Basically the only reason I’ve been watching “Making the Band 4” is for the contestants’ rousing renditions of “On Bended Knee” and the television gold that is choreographer Laurie Ann “BoomKat” Gibson.
So imagine my horror when my beloved BoomKat was chased off the screen by a grumpy Diddy, who disapproved of her positive feedback and only giving her boys five hours to learn a dance routine after he’d requested an entire weekend of booty shaking.
First of all, whatever “group” comes out of this TV show is not going to be the next musical phenomenon. We all know that. Danity Kane certainly had staying power, didn’t they? SO, knowing that, let’s focus on whatever drama and craziness we can stir up during the actual taping. And who better to bring the crazy than BoomKat? She’d probably cut me in a dark alley while doing the running man, but I love that bitch. Don’t disappoint me, Diddy. I don’t want shots of your kids lounging around a Manhattan loft. I want BoomKat in a black hoodie looking like she hasn’t decided whether to teach me an eight count dance routine or stuff my body in her trunk.
That being said, she’s apparently doing ok for herself, as she proudly announced on the video above. If doing ok for yourself includes wearing parachute pants and praising the Lord.
I’ve just had a chance to peruse some of the trash I’ve accumulated on my DVR of late and the summer shit storm is in full effect. The selection that has prompted the most discussion among my friends, however, would be Vh1’s trainwreck “Scott Baio is 45 and Single”.
Baio, formerly of Chachi and Charles in Charge fame, is now 45 and questioning why he has yet to settle down. To wrap his head around this conundrum, Baio has hired a life coach, who has ordered him to remain celibate and track down his former girlfriends for insight on his lothario past. Think “High Fidelity” if that were written by a drunken producer from “The Surreal Life”.
Sample e-mails in the last few days alone include:
Click HERE for more ...
“Dude, you’re 45 – COME ON!”
“I change a dozen diapers a day, open juice bags, run baths and Scott Baio finds flaws in gorgeous women.”
“Is he for real? Chicken?”
The last remark refers to Baio’s first ex-girlfriend visit, to which he brings a bucket of chicken from KFC as a gift – for no reason. She – and basically every other girlfriend Baio tracks down – tells him he was an asshole because he cheated on them relentlessly.
I’ll admit to wanting Charles in charge of me at one point, but I also had a thing for Davy Jones back in the day, so let’s not trust my judgment on 80s heartthrobs. Regardless, any love I had for Charles dissipated immediately upon viewing his extended adolescence.
Baio basically has contempt for any activity that doesn’t involve him guzzling liquor while two feet away from a stripper’s boobs or $10,000 worth of poker chips (are rerun royalties really that lucrative?). He says something to the effect of “There’s nothing I hate more than the sound of a woman’s voice in the morning” when his life coach phones him in Palm Springs with an assignment. The simplest tasks elicit temper tantrums. He almost has a seizure attending a “Happy Days” autograph signing event. His idiot best friend tries to sabotage his marriage efforts at every turn so he can sample Charles’ cast offs.
Time will tell if this is scarier than “The Two Coreys”, which apparently debuts tonight, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to actually watch. Basically I can’t wait for this to happen to our current teen sensations: “The Cheerleader is 37 and Lost Her Botox Prescription”, “Walt Will Kill You”, “Bravo Presents: Turtle’s New Entourage”, “Gilmore Trannies”, etc.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Dwight + Pam + Michael = Emmy magic. The Emmy nominations were announced this week and there was plenty of love for my favorite, “The Office”. Rainn Wilson (Dwight) and Jenna Fischer (Pam) secured what I believe are their first nods for supporting roles, while Steve Carrell (Michael) got a nomination for lead actor in a comedy series. The rest of the cast was not forgotten, however, as the show was also nominated for best comedy series. If Rainn does win, I hope he reenacts Dwight’s speech (“Blood alone moves the wheels of history!”).
More nominees, predictions, wish lists after the jump:
I actually only watch The Sopranos and given that it recently ended, I’d put my money on the family. House is a favorite among the award show crowd, but usually only for Hugh Laurie. Heroes could emerge as a surprise winner given its following, but I’m going to predict Sopranos.
Lead Actor in a Drama Series:
Kiefer Sutherland, 24
James Spader, Boston Legal
Hugh Laurie, House
Denis Leary, Rescue Me
James Gandolfini, The Sopranos
Again, only watch Sopranos. And again, Hugh Laurie is an Emmy favorite, but James Gandolfini will probably take home the gold. Kiefer’s received some award action in his time, but the Sopranos machine might be too much to topple.
Lead Actress in a Drama Series:
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos
I’d say Kyra and Edie are the two to beat. If I had to choose one, I’d go Kyra just because Carmela’s story line wasn’t as intriguing this season as in years past.
Supporting Actor, Drama:
William Shatner, Boston Legal
TR Knight, Grey’s Anatomy
Masi Oka, Heroes
Terry O’Quinn, Lost
Michael Emerson, Lost
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos
TR Knight might win some support because of the Grey’s scuffle this year, but my vote’s for Michael Imperioli. Christopher’s bloody demise at the hands of Tony after years of battling alcoholism, drug addiction and conflicting desires for his future was shocking and heartbreaking and deserves recognition. I’d be surprised if a Lost cast member took it home, even though we got a lot of background (and intense stares) on John Locke this season. Shatner and Masi will probably split the nerd vote.
Supporting Actress, Drama:
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Aida Turturro, The Sopranos
Lorraine Bracco, The Sopranos
Eh, I’m actually not thrilled by anyone in this category. I loved Rachel on Six Feet Under but never got into Brothers & Sisters. Maybe I’ll go with Aida because Janice was just so maddeningly self-centered, yet intriguing. I imagine one of the Grey’s chicks will actually take it home, though.
Two and a Half Men
Obviously I’m going to go for The Office because it makes my Thursdays bright, though I’m also a big fan of 30 Rock. Entourage has been a little flat this season despite the Medellin fiasco and Ugly Betty’s camp is entertaining but occasionally annoying. Two and a Half Men is basically a more mature Full House. It’s going to come down to The Office and Ugly Betty.
Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Extras, Ricky Gervais
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Steve Carrell, The Office
Charlie Sheen, Two And a Half Men
Alec Baldwin has taken home a number of well-deserved awards for his role on 30 Rock, but the irate voicemails he left for daughter Ireland earlier this year might work against him come Emmy time. That could help Steve Carrell step in and take home the prize. Extras is hilarious, but Ricky Gervais kind of serves as a foil to the babblings of his dim-witted sidekick and the various celebrity guest stars rather than leading man. Charlie Sheen really can’t beat Steve Carrell and don’t get me started on Monk.
Lead Actress in Comedy Series:
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Mary Louise-Parker, Weeds
Emmy loves Julia Louis-Dreyfus so my bet is on her. Tina Fey has done a great job with 30 Rock, but she’s basically a foil for Alec Baldwin. America could be Julia’s biggest competition (she took home the Golden Globe), but Emmy loves the old guard. Felicity’s great, but can Desperate Housewives just die already? The handful of “Weeds” episodes I’ve seen were amusing, but Elizabeth Perkins was more engaging than Mary Louise-Parker.
Supporting Actor, Comedy:
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Rainn Wilson, The Office
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Dwight! I was really happy to see Rainn Wilson’s name on this list because he was hilarious this season on The Office. Kevin and Jeremy might split the Entourage vote, but Ari’s been a little restrained this season anyway. Of the few episodes I’ve seen, Neil Patrick Harris is pretty funny on HIMYM, but he’s no Dwight.
Supporting Actress, Comedy:
Jaime Pressly, My Name is Earl
Jenna Fischer, The Office
Conchata Ferrell, Two and a Half Men
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
It’s between Jenna Fischer and Vanessa Williams for me, personally. Elizabeth Perkins could be a surprise win and Jaime Pressly has received oddly glowing reviews. I’ll go out on a limb and say Jenna Fischer because her Pam character was allowed to do more than answer the phone and stare longingly at Jim this season.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
Penn & Teller: Bullshit
I mention this category only because I love “My Life on the D-List”. Kathy did some hilarious bit in her stand-up routine about how she jokingly bitched out the team from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition when she lost to them last year. She said she’d probably never be invited back again, but she made it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
“Making the Band” is back on MTV but it unfortunately does not involve my favorite trannies, Danity Kane. This time Diddy is looking to recapture the magic of the boy band, but these guys are more kumbaiya than cat fight. Except for a brief battle over who ate someone’s food and a laughable living room sing-off with the “new guys”, this season’s crop of MTBers have been far too mature and focused for an MTV reality show. Bring back the ladies!
Even more tragic is the lack of BoomKat. Everyone’s favorite spastic choreographer shows up briefly to wipe away tears as various contestants bleat their way through “Down on Bended Knee”, but save for one hilarious scene in which BoomKat dons a barely there blue leotard, MTB4 is seriously lacking in some quality BoomKat psycho crazy fun time.
And seriously, is it 1992? I mean, I loved me some Boyz II Men back in the day. My friends and I made up a dance to “Motown Philly” in sixth grade, there was a tearful middle school slide show set to “End of the Road” and there’s a strong possibility I lip synched in the mirror to Mariah’s part on “One Sweet Day”, but this season’s wannabe boy banders (or producers) seem just a tad obsessed with all things Boyz II Men.
I’m not going to go into a breakdown of the contenders just yet given that Diddy keeps adding a dozen or so new “soldiers” every episode. But seriously boys, you have some tough, daisy duke clad shoes to fill. Make me believe it’s 1992 again.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sopranos, Sopranos. Love it or hate it, the finale definitely accomplished the task of giving us what we least expected. I was initially miffed that David Chase gave us the sudden, “draw your own conclusions” ending, but it’s probably fitting. The series always defied expectation, so why should we have expected anything less from the finale? The “Sopranos” was a trend setting TV show and it ended in a never-before-seen fashion. Though I’m leaning towards the camp that thinks the blackout was actually Tony’s death, I’m ultimately glad Chase didn’t show it – or succumb to a maudlin, pan out family togetherness shot. That’s not how they do it in Jersey. HBO’s been busy pulling down all clips of the “Sopranos” finale from the web, so instead watch my favorite series finale moment -- “Six Feet Under”, which basically made me cry for two days. “Sex and the City” was a similarly sad goodbye, but it didn’t pack quite the same emotional punch. HBO may soon be pulling down these clips as well, so enjoy while you can!
Friday, June 08, 2007
To quote the classic TMZ message board post - "Paris is fart in a mitten." That's all I got. That's all I really should have. CNN actually sent a "breaking news alert" about Hilton being thrown back in the clink. Now she's apparently freaking out and is at some jail medical facility. Blah blah. Just do your time, sweetie. It's not like she has any real-world concerns. She's not going to get fired from a job, have trouble paying the rent, need to find babysitters. She just needs someone to watch her pocket dogs and eat all the cupcakes that were delivered to her house yesterday.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
If Paris’ label hadn’t dropped her, that could be the title of her next album. Maybe her next porn video instead. Until then, she’s a crying, dirty mess, according to “sources” inside the clink. "She looks unwashed, she has no makeup and her hair is tangled. She cried audibly through the first two nights,” someone told People Magazine. She probably looks something like that weird Jessica Simpson video for “I Belong to Me” where she cuts her hair off and smears lipstick all over her face. Seriously, though, besides the constant crying, is Paris a dirty, tangled mess anything new?
Posh Spice looks like she’s ready to join the cast of “Chicago” in this getup. That could be pretty interesting, except for the fact that she has the sex appeal of a praying mantis. But if Ashlee Simpson and Joey from “Blossom” can handle it, it’s only a matter of time before Posh hits the stage. It might confuse her rocks-for-brains husband David Beckham though. “Why are you singing about murdering your husband, then? Are you keen on these stone-washed manpris?”
Monday, June 04, 2007
“Sunset Tans” re-affirms why I never want to live in Los Angeles. My pasty, carb-eating ass prefers to simply watch the madness from the comfort of my box-sized Manhattan apartment. The clip above features a mother who paid $1300 so that her pint-sized daughter could get a “cocktail” of tanning procedures for her upcoming school picture. The store’s impudent manager sold the package by telling the Social Services-bound mother that it was the same package purchased by the now twice rehabbed Lindsay Lohan; a revelation that prompted much oohing and aahing from mother and daughter alike. Too bad mini-Lohan ended up looking like an oompa loompa instead of her alcoholic idol.
Tonight I watched an episode that featured the brain dead “Olly Twins” (Molly and Holly!) sexually harassing Chris Kattan. We also saw the aforementioned impudent manager Nick being shuttled to Las Vegas to check out a Sunset Tans location set to open in The Palms casino hotel. Unfortunately he was a little put off by a naked model jumping on him after he administered a spray tan; worrying what his stern-looking girlfriend might think about the situation. I was just shocked that he had a girlfriend. When they showed his apartment and roommate, I was sure we had a Will and Grace scenario going on.
WTF? I seriously had to rewind my DVR and re-watch this commerical tonight. If this woman gets that worked up over her dog scooting across the living room carpet (and in front of company, no less) she might want to consider a little daytime lithium. Toby is my new favorite whore, though. I know it's not really celeb gossip but I'm sure the kid in this commerical will have a Lohan-esque meltdown at some point, so consider it proactive gossip.
Brooke Hogan took to the stage in a pair of denim fisherman's boots and some underwear recently. Seriously, WTF? I've watched a little "Hogan Knows Best" on Vh1 and the Hulk goes apeshit if Brooke is within a 10-ft radius of a pelvic thrust, so how is he ok with his daughter looking like a cast member from "Hookers at the Point"? CSC = Crazy Slut Carnival? Click HERE for more. They literally ripped out the crotch on a pair of jeans. Subtle.
“Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere channels Britney’s lack of style for this little number. The scraped back hair, the sweaty complexion, too much gold jewelry – homegirl is a hop, skip and a jump away from going to jail, marrying a backup dancer or driving her Benz into a curb high on coke. She’s already dating a former reality TV star – “Laguna Beach’s” Stephen Coletti. And as we all know from the first season’s Cabo episode, he is quite the dashing young gentleman (“YOU SLUT!”). To be fair, though, he yelled that at Kristen so I'll give him a little credit.
I have some very sad news to report. Brad and Angelina are too busy to schedule in regular sexy time. Lest we all think that Casa Brangelina is a 24-7 re-creation of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, Angelina tells Marie Claire magazine that “Mommy and Daddy need to try to figure out more time right now.” Shockingly, having four children under the age of 10 is not conducive to getting down.
This may be a no brainer to anyone with a child, but this is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie we’re talking about. She flies planes, goes on vacation to Pakistan and makes out with her brother. She once had sex with Billy Bob in a limo on her way to an award’s ceremony and there’s no time for Brad? Actually, cars might be her thing, as evidence by this video of the duo making out in their limo after a Cannes event.
When there is not vehicle available, however, here’s what you do. Plop Z and Pax in front of a “Little Nemo” DVD and give Shiloh to the staff of “US Weekly” for a few hours so they can more accurately delve “inside her world” like they did for last week’s cover story. Maddox is a bad ass and can take of himself. Put him in one of his trendy t-shirts and put a switchblade in his Che Guevara lunchbox and he’s ready to go.
If not, I’m sure Jennifer Aniston would give up a few hours of hang-out time with Courteney Cox for old time’s sake.
It can be a little tough to get out of bed on Monday mornings, but the extra skip in my step today can be attributed to the fact that Paris Hilton is now behind bars. Stripped of her Sidekick, lap dogs, hair extensions, luxury vehicles, head bands and bevy of coked-up Hollywood hangers-on, Paris made an MTV Movie Awards appearance last night and then checked herself into jail.
Her last few hours were anything but champagne toasts of good luck from the A-List. Movie Awards host Sarah Silverman joked that Paris’ cell bars should be made out of penises but worried that she might chip her teeth. Calls for an extended stay behind bars during the show were also met with cheers. Paris is receiving slight special treatment by not being placed with the jail’s general population, but it hardly sounds like a stay at Promises.
I hope her cellmate becomes like Kelly Taylor’s psycho rehab roommate on 90210.
Meanwhile, the record label which has since dropped Paris from its roster was sued for allegedly copying UB40's "Kingston Town" for Paris’ first single “Star are Blind”.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Did you realize that “Shrek the Third” is not simply a summer blockbuster about the adventures of a lovable ogre but actually a vehicle to promote the transgender lifestyle? Thank you Illinois Review (crossroads of the conservative community) for cluing me into this shocking revelation!
“Right in the midst of a warm ‘traditional family’ setting, the film writers place a man dressed as a woman in with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White (the good gals),” writes Fran Eaton. “The cross-dressing character simply doesn't make sense, except as a ploy to desensitize children and parents to transgenders.”
Seriously? Fran, from the looks of the banner running atop your sweet little organization’s Web site, it appears that you might be bored amidst the corn and two-lane roads and looking to stir up a little controversy. But in a movie that features talking green ogres and a wisecracking donkey, is the presence of one of those ogres in a dress really what draws your suspicion? It’s a cartoon. With talking green monsters.
I assure you that any sort of underlying social commentary goes right over the heads of kids pissing themselves with glee over Donkey’s antics. But even if producers did intend for this character (voiced by Larry King btw) to be transgender, who cares?
I mean, Justin Timberlake is in this movie, Fran. Just enjoy that fact alone. Sounds like you might need a little Future Love/Sex Sounds in your life.
Monday, May 28, 2007
I literally laughed out loud when I heard the “Lindsay Lohan arrested for DUI” news snippet this weekend. This stuff just writes itself. In the days since the young thespian was hauled in for crashing her Benz, leaving the scene, having trace amounts of coke in said vehicle and apparently drinking and driving (underage), her jailbird Daddy has penned a note demanding that Lindsay seek help from Jesus, gossip columns have pointed the coke-fueled finger are Mommy Lohan, Svedka Vodka has pulled out of sponsoring Lindsay’s 21st Vegas birthday bash and now the little lamb has reportedly checked herself back into rehab for a little R&R.
This is obviously good news for her acting career – seeing as how her most recent films like Just My Luck, Prairie Home Companion and Georgia Rule were such critical favorites and box office blockbusters. Next up for the Oscar voters is I Know Who Killed Me, where it appears Lohan plays an amnesiac stripper with a penchant for creative writing?
I just killed about 3 million brain cells by watching “Ex Wives Club” on ABC tonight. It features Trump’s ex Marla Maples, K-Fed’s first baby’s mama Shar Jackson and some redhead who was engaged to Stallone trying to mend the broken hearts of jilted Americans.
I can’t wait for “The Soup” to tear this one apart. I predict they’ll either use Angie saying “The last thing I’d want to be called on my honeymoon is a bitch” quote, Shar telling us how she broke it to her kid that not everyone has a house like Britney's or the clip featuring a roomful of blindfolded nutcases screaming “I don’t deserve to be treated like this!”
Note to TV executives – neither do I!
I loved the before and after montages that literally featured clips of people having hysterical mental breakdowns in the “before” shots and then flashed to brilliant post-makeover glamour shots for the “after”.
Apparently all I have to do to get over a breakup is fling my ex-boyfriend’s prized wheels from a plane and get Marla Maples to do my PR. I mean, I’d let her sell my condo or introduce me at a work retreat, but otherwise, girlfriend’s pearly whites kind of scare me.
One of the hysterical divorcees, Rebecca, also revealed that she’d written a book after her “journey” on the show, prompting Shar to request roles for her and the ladies should the book be turned into a movie. Right. I’m thinking her best bet for now is the porn version of “Crossroads”.
Monday, May 07, 2007
The stars pulled crazy out of the closet for the Met Costume Institute Benefit Gala. Lohan (above) kicked things off with a number that, for her, screams classy. Jessica Simpson, meanwhile, is probably having trouble breathing.
Juliette Lewis once again forgot that it is not 1976
Parker Posey ... love her, but aren't indie artsy fartsy types supposed to be into conservation? I think a Laura Ashley loveseat had to die to make this frock.
Scarlett. I was liking it until I scrolled down. The hair is a tad servere, too. Cameron was there looking like MyScene Barbie. Was there a JT-related cat fight? Pretty please?
Kirsten, I know you're dating a rock star and you're all skinny ugly chic, but you're not Kate Moss. Give it up. Oh god, I just noticed her companion's cowboy boots. I'd say that Anna Winour probably had a cow over these outfits, but she looked like an extra from Star Trek herself.
“The Sopranos” picked up some steam last night. Tony gave the feds some dirt. Christopher succumbed to peer pressure, got drunk and shot the guy from “Wings” in the head. AJ fell into a depression over his breakup and started a nice descent into a life of crime with the help of some sulfuric acid and a few boneheaded former classmates. And Pauly showed us what a Cadillac can really do on a $40,000 lawn. Four more episodes left … do you think “Wings” guy’s apartment was bugged? Who is Meadow’s mystery guy? Do Pauly’s sideburns give you nightmares too?
Thursday, May 03, 2007
The LA city attorney has recommended that Paris Hilton spend 45 days in jail for her drunk driving arrest. Yes! Do it! Lock her in a tower and make her the whore in the iron mask. Make her listen to Jessica Simpson music! I know she’s not going to do a damn day in jail, but a PCW can dream.
Jessica Simpson needs to stop. First, she agreed to star in a remake of “Working Girl” and now she is going to star in a movie that sounds suspiciously like Goldie Hawn’s “Private Benjamin.” Simpson will play a down-on-her-luck actress who joins the marines, presumably to spread joy and hair products throughout the land. Seriously, though, she either needs to meet a producer who doesn’t produce pop treacle and record an album of substance (…) or just call it a day. No more movies – please. Dukes of Hazard gave me brain spasms for months.
The sitcom gods will smile on me with new episodes of “The Office” and “30 Rock” tonight. I was away for all the Alec Baldwin madness, but he seriously can’t quit “30 Rock”. Tina Fey is great, but Jack’s one liners make the show. Perhaps it will make more people tune in, like when people actually went to see “Nine Months” after Hugh Grant got caught with that prostitute (an aside: baked beans, Hugh? Really?) Alec wasn’t really bashful and apologetic, however. He appeared on “The View” starring as the crazy lady who lives in an attic and pledged to write a book about disenfranchised divorced dads. Sounds like a real page turner, Alec! He’d probably have better luck joining born-again Stephen’s quest to rid his NY town of porn.
In “Office” news, tonight’s episode finds Phyllis the victim of a flasher. It’s probably Creed. AOL also has a trailer for John Krasinski’s (Jim) upcoming movie “License to Wed.” Sadly, it looks pretty crappy. John and Mandy Moore are an engaged couple who must pass a marriage test administered by Mandy’s priest, played by Robin Williams. Bleh. Maybe I’ll rent it on Netflix and just turn the sound off.
Congrats to “The Office”, however, for getting a Webby Award nomination for their “webisodes”. The awards are apparently the Oscars of the Internet and acceptance speeches must be five words or less. Perfect opportunity for “That’s what she said.”
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
I am jetting my Pop Culture Whore self off to China tomorrow until April 14 so there will be no blog posts until I return! In the interim, check out my favorites like DListed, ONTD, Best Week Ever blog, etc and all the other whorecakes on the sidebar --->
It seems that paradise isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; at least not when the cast of “Paradise City” is involved. Emotions flared and tempers ran high this week. Rick summed it up with, “this is not relationship city; this is sin city.”
Most of the main events of Sunday’s “Paradise City” took place during Anthony’s poker party. “Who is Anthony?” you may ask. Don’t fret, I asked the same question only to be reminded by none other than his biggest fan Rick that Anthony headlines his very own Vegas show hypnotizing people for the amusement of his audience. (Eye roll here)
Most of the “Paradise City” crew is in attendance at the poker party. Anthony, Willie and April kick off the festivities. Jenner arrives with Laci, and Greta arrives tucked under Rick’s arm. I think Jack may have been there but who knows and frankly, who even cares? Surprisingly, Molly and her fake nails did not show up. Apparently, her job always comes first.
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At the poker party, all the guys gang up on April about her nonexistent boyfriend. No matter how much April adamantly denies this figment of Molly’s imagination, the guys won’t let up until April, 30 going on 13, finally storms out, unable to take the taunts any longer. Rick follows, of course.
The big discussion finally ensues and Rick reveals that Molly is the one who let it slip that April had a boyfriend. April is obviously floored judging by the way her chin scrapes the ground. Anyway, they talk and make up and I guess live happily ever after, at least until next week.
April eventually confronts Molly about her mean girl behavior. Molly confesses that she may have said something like April “dates” other people but she really couldn’t care less about Rick (yeah right!). It is true what they say, misery sure does love company. I crossed my fingers hoping April would slap that silly, condescending smile right off Molly’s face or better yet, pluck each of those tacky, plastic nails off of her fingers and shove them up her nose. Unfortunately, my wish was not granted.
On a more serious note, the winner for best drama queen in a reality series goes to GRETA! She had a hysterical, babbling meltdown to rival anything any A-list actress could throw out. When Willie received a mysterious phone call and made his exit, Greta spun out of control into this sniveling, snotting, crying, yelling wreck. Poor, pitiful Greta. I feel sorry for the girl. She’s like an abandoned puppy dog, drooling and sniffing around anybody that shows her a little attention. A piece of advice for Greta, make them work for your undying love and admiration, don’t just give it to every Tom, Rick, and Willie!
I especially feel sorry for the girl because she showed off her dramatic flair way to early in the season. Where is the buildup? The girl lost it as if Willie didn’t just tell her, last week, that he wanted to be FRIENDS. He even admitted to her that he was not boyfriend material. I propose that we, as the audience, take up a collection for Greta to help her buy a clue.
Willie does eventually apologize for hurting her little feelings and she smiles, and I guess everything is right with her world again.
Completely outdone by the drama surrounding Aprick and Willeta, Jack and Jenner go on another sweet date to the desert. A blanket, a bottle of wine and a friendly dog makes for a boring, boring date. In real life, that’s sweet, but this isn’t real life this is REALITY TV and dates in reality TV world just are not sweet and cuddly. They should take a page from the ‘I Love New York’ book.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Did Whitney get the damn job? I sat through that atrocious "Hills" season finale after-show to see if they might shed some light on the situation, but all I got was a sparkly dress and Whitney telling us that she was preparing to graduate. I imagine that means that Super Emily prevailed, but come on! That ruffled shirt probably sealed her fate.
I love that Lauren has become the cynic of “The Hills.” When Heidi announced that she was moving in with Spencer, Lauren smirked, responded “What could go wrong?” in a sing-songy voice and unceremoniously left for work. Earlier, she was quite blasé when Heidi expressed concern that she would be leaving Lauren alone if she left the apartment. “You don’t even live with me. I live with your stuff,” Lauren answered.
Spencer naturally continued his reign of sleaze. He told Brody that he was only pressuring Heidi to move in with him to get her away from Lauren. He also announced that he had a “girlfriend phone” and a homeboy phone. Later, he told Heidi that he was “still sort of mad” at her for taking so long to decide to move in with him. WTF?
The award for best conversation goes to Elodie and Heidi:
Heidi: I’m going to cook him dinner for [Spencer] tonight. I’ve never cooked for him before.
Elodie: Have you ever cooked dinner?
E What are you cooking?
H: I think pasta, or something easy.
E: I mean do you even have all the equipment to cook
H: Oh god, no, I have to go get it.
E: What’s it called?
E: No, the equipment to cook. Oh, pots and pans!
H: No, yeah, I have to go get all that
E: Well, good luck with that!
Meanwhile, the debut of "Taquita and Kaui" was the most depressing 30 minutes of television I’ve ever watched. T&K are “Making the Band 3” cast offs trying to make it big in Las Vegas. On the one hand, it appears to be an accurate portrayal of how difficult it is to “make it” in show business, but on the other hand, I felt kind of dirty “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” style after looking at that grimy motel, cheesy casino magic show and Vegas buffet lunch. Ick.
Alanis Morisette must have some time on her hands now that she doesn't have Ryan Reynolds around for naked time (...) She's channeled her break-up energy into a maudlin cover of Fergie's "My Humps". Basically it makes me want to kill myself, much like the rest of her material. For real kicks, though, check out video of a drag queen making fun of "Fergalicious". Make sure you wait until you get to the shot of him (her?) rolling around on the bed.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Probably the only thing hotter than Sanjaya’s pony hawk is Linda Gray in an early 90s Aaron Spelling night time soap opera. And the “Models Inc.” theme song. They really need to put this show on DVD so I can re-live the pre-Matrix Carrie Anne Moss (Trinity) and Cassidy Rae, that girl who became a fixture on the Lifetime movie circuit before her chin ate her face. Kylie Travis, meanwhile, was the original Tanya Turner. This was obviously pre-heroin chic because all of these girls would now be chased out of any modeling agency for not looking they’ve been subsisting on ice chips and Marlboros for the past five years.
You know who looks like Kaui? Jessica from “Laguna Beach”. And you know what happened to Jessica? Dumbass channeled her ex-boyfriend’s smarts and got hauled into jail for driving under the influence. She crashed into someone on a California highway, was arrested and is being held at the Orange County Jail Women’s Intake Release Center until someone can pay her $100,000 bail. Lauren Conrad must be loving this. First her ex Jason gets busted (twice) for being a violent ass and now the girl he kissed at that fashion show also gets thrown in the slammer. I hope Jessica and Jason can have some sort of post-jail relationship that slips into an incurable meth addiction that is later chronicled on an episode of “True Life: I’m a Laguna Beach Junkie”.
After my roommate had a near breakdown over the impending season finale of “The Hills” last night, there was a quick preview for an upcoming MTV reality series. “Taquita & Kaui” features two cast offs from “Making the Band 3” – the series that eventually produced my favorite group of trannies – Danity Kane. I loved me some “Making the Band 3” but it was not because of Taquita and Kaui. And what is it with people going to Las Vegas to “make it” now. First MTV had that depressing “True Life” about wannabe models and makeup artists heading to Sin City, then E! debuted “Paradise City” and now T&K. But looking at these MySpace pictures of Kaui, she is straight up trash, so Vegas is probably a perfect choice. Taquita? I don’t even know. She and Sanjaya can have a hair war, but that’s the extent of my interest in her – for now. Make me believe, whores!
Looks like they should head to Virginia -- Diddy is back to audition for MTB4! That means the inevitable return of choreographer Laurie Ann, aka BoomKat. Woohoo!
I’m not really an “American Idol” person. I’m one of the poseurs who watch the fools during the initial audition phase and then tune out when America goes bat shit crazy over Carrie or Taylor or whatever. But I am prompted to break the AI silence after Sanjaya rocked the pony hawk tonight. Seriously, WTF? Is that a banana clip? I seriously just called to vote for him (it was busy) because that’s the most ridiculous, and therefore fabulous, thing I’ve ever seen. The House of Sanjaya is going to be mobbed tomorrow with people begging for the PH.
Paradise City has succeeded in breaking the fundamental rule of reality television – no fewer than five and no more than eight cast members (and preferably more women than men). So far, my count is up to 10 people and each time I watch, someone new is added to the mix. How can we as viewers be expected to keep up with all of these characters and their little idiosyncrasies? How will I know who to hate? How will I know who deserves my sympathy? It’s almost not fair.
On the brighter side, the mystery of Willie has been solved. I was able to surmise that Willie is some kind of warrior Neanderthal who runs around in circles shirtless. Apparently, his body speaks volumes more than his personality. Lucky for Willie, his dry personality didn’t deter the scorned Greta from choosing him as her second-runner up lover when she realized that Rick was just not interested, nor would he ever be interested, in her.
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Speaking of Rick, was it me or was he laughing a little too hard at Anthony’s fake hypnosis show? I mean, the show was cute and it was amusing how Anthony “hypnotized” the guy and made him believe that the girl was lifting her shirt, but Anthony is no Dane Cook. Rick was doubled over laughing as if he had not seen the show about one hundred times already. Hmmm, I may have to keep my eyes on those two.
Up to her old tricks, mean girl Molly, in true queen bee fashion, whispers to Rick during the show that April has a boyfriend. Of course, this leads to another series of unfortunate events in the April/Rick saga. Keeping with the high school theme, Rick invites a bunch of PHAT (pretty hot and tempting) girls to his impromptu soiree with the sole intent of making April bitterly jealous. Needless to say, it works and April storms away. Jenner stays behind to give Rick a piece of her mind, only to have him shut her up by reminding her of her ignorance to the situation. Has April really written Rick off? Does that mean that JJ has a chance?
Okay, enough about the popular crowd. Greta finds her self in like with Willie and I guess Willie is in like with her too but unfortunately for the star-crossed lovers, neither of them are bold enough to make the first move so instead they go back and forth and discuss absolutely nothing. Willie, just kiss the girl already! Can’t you smell the desperation?
Paradise City has managed to leave its viewers with some unanswered questions, guaranteeing that we will tune in at least one more time. Have Jack and Jenner cooled off even before they heated up? Will April find out that her BFF stabbed her in the back and if so, will Molly get bitch-slapped? Where’s JJ? Will Lacy have a hot hook up of her own or continue to play the background? When will Willie cut his hair (he looks like the caveman from the Geico commercial)?
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Porn star Jenna Jameson is offended that so many people have taken note of a weight loss that has basically turned her into the adult film version of Posh Spice. In a recent MySpace blog, she blames her skinny appearance on the stress of her ongoing divorce and begs fans and detractors alike to leave her alone during this stressful time. Fair enough, but you make your living having sex with strangers. I think I’d rather have someone make a bitchy comment about my chicken legs than star in “Saving Ryan’s Privates III”. Her estranged husband retaliated with a MySpace blog post of his own. It’s basically rambling, incoherent and devoid of any juicy tidbits. But what type of revenge do you take if your ex-wife is a porn star? Chances are, you’ve probably already slept with many of her friends, right?
I don’t know why I’m at work on such a holy day. Twenty-nine years ago, Kevin “K-Fed” Federline made his debut in this world and white trash has never been the same. I think President Bush will be at a Denny’s in