Sunday, November 05, 2006

My Favorite Whore ... Hayley Rey
By PopCultureWhore

I found myself watching several episodes of “Dr 90210” on E! yesterday and I’m oddly intrigued by Hayley, the wife of plastic surgeon Dr. Rey. Earlier in the year, she was besieged by Nicole Richie’s “inability to put on weight” and dropped down to 88 lbs. after having her second child. Turns out she just “forgot” to eat. Who forgets to eat? I forget to go to the dry cleaners, mail my Netflix movies or pay my cell phone bill, but I never forget to eat. Doesn’t the tiny gremlin in your stomach give you shit for not feeding it on a consistent basis?

This problem has apparently rectified itself somewhat, however, because these days, Hayley’s big issue is the daunting size of her Beverly Hills mansion and the fact that all her close friends are at home in Montreal. She returned to Canada for the first time in six years in the most recent episode, where she saw old friends, the store she used to own and a former acting instructor – prompting her to surmise that perhaps Beverly Hills is just the land of vapid nothingness and her husband is its king. When she returned home to tell Dr. Rey that she really wants to develop a hobby outside her childrearing duties – most likely acting – he is more enthused to show her how he has re-arranged her closet, had various condiments canned and put their white Chihuahua on a diet in her absence. He prattled on about a few of his other achievements, but I was too blinded by the atrocious gray and pink pin-striped suit he was wearing.

All of this might lead you to believe that I can’t stand Hayley and think she should shut the fuck up and spend her husband’s money on something to stop her depressive episodes. But oddly enough, I kind of feel for her and wish she’d actually get it together. She started a business in Canada – start a business in Beverly Hills. Tell Dr. Rey to stop taking 5,000 jujitsu classes every week and come home and watch the damn kids so she can stop moping around and leave the house without a brat in tow. And eat a goddamn bagel.

Speaking of, here’s her husband in a Carl’s Jr. ad. Why would he promote a fast food chain? So people can eat it and require his liposuction services even more?