Hot Child in the City - PopCultureWhoreNYC@gmail.com

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Return of Danny Wood!
By PopCultureWhore




The Brits just can’t let go of their boy band stars. MTV UK is airing a reality show called “Totally Boyband” that tries to create pop glory by creating a new boy band out of … former boy banders. The only one of significance off this band (dubbed Upper Street) to most Americans of a certain age is Danny Wood of New Kids on the Block. The others are Dane Bowers (Another Level), Jimmy Constable (911) and Bradley McIntosh (S Club 7), none of whom I could picked out of a lineup. I think they know better than to air this tripe on MTV here in the states, even though I’d DVR it with guilty pleasure and recap it in all its ridiculous glory. Danny Wood kind of looks like he should be a meathead personal trainer on Bravo’s Workout at this point. He was about a useless in NKOTB as Chris Kirkpatrick from N’Sync and Howie from the Backstreet Boys, but formerly useless makes for some good reality TV.

Here’s a little classic NKOTB. The boys went on Oprah (I remember watching this in a lime green sweatshirt I’d puffy painted with all the band member’s names) and Oprah asked Donnie to describe Jordan. Even better than his non-answer is the jacket Jordan is sporting and the hairdos of the female audience members.


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Milk, You Ignorant Slut!
By PopCultureWhore


















Rather than penning passionate letters to our nation’s leaders, today's youth are reviewing … milk. Amazon.com last month started selling a variety of grocery items, including Tuscan-brand milk. Though it's currently unavailable, it’s prompted an unprecedented 763 customer “reviews” on the e-commerce Web site. Impish Internet scribes are likening this lactose laden treat to nectar of the Gods, blaming it for the demise of their marriage and accusing it of drowning Snap, Crackle and Pop of Rice Krispie fame. Click HERE to add your own thoughts.

Additional observations include:

When I achieved transcendence and perfect enlightenment … I was glad it was Tuscan milk that shot out of my nose.

I deeply, deeply love and cherish Tuscan whole milk, and when Tuscan whole milk proposed to me, I was the happiest girl in the whole world. Unfortunately, the ignorant and hateful lawmakers in my state have prohibited our union.

If god spit in my mouth, I assume this is what it would taste like.

I give it only 3 stars because it only comes in one color.

I eat nothing but potatoes! So consequently I got scurvy! Wouldn't you know it? I bought a gallon of this delicious milk on Amazon, and it knocked up my daughter and stole my car!

I gave Tuscan milk to my kitten last week. Before last week, she has always been a normal, fuzzy orange kitten. After lapping Tuscan Milk for the first time, she went to the store and stole a blue mask and red cape. Now she flies around the neighborhood shooting lasers out of her eyes at the neighborhood children.

(Source)

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Whore Links
By PopCultureWhore






















Madonna’s mission to outer space (PopSugar)

Mariah, Black Eyed Peas lead American Music Award nominations (People)

Janet Jackson’s album leaks onto the Internet (ONTD)

Fashion road kill (DListed)

Sugary cocaine goodness! (New York Post)

Mischa Barton dates fuglies so she doesn’t have to share mirrors (X17Posted by Picasa

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It's A Versayce!
By PopCultureWhore











Showgirls the Musical! That’s really all I need to write, but I’ll continue. Screenwriter Joe Esterhas is teaming up with the producers of “Urinetown” to bring the camp classic to the stages of Las Vegas. I really need to rent this from Netflix because I’ve actually only ever seen it during the 1,352 times Vh1 has put it on the air with little stenciled in boob covers. That version apparently deletes a lap dance scene with Trey from “Sex and the City," a laughable pool sex scene, also with Trey, and stuff like this:




Meanwhile, check out an interview Elizabeth Berkley did with David Letterman a week before the movie was released and her career went bottoms up. Precious, really. It’s hilarious to hear her describe her “character” with a straight face.




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This Movie Will Self-Destruct
By PopCultureWhore























Rumor has it that Brad Pitt wants to further damage his career and take over for Tom Cruise in the Mission Impossible franchise. I have a feeling Tom would sooner let Katie go outdoors without a Scientology escort than give up his beloved MI duties, but he may not have a choice given that the franchise is under the control of his former business partners at Paramount. Oopsies! I think Brad’s kind of a dick, so playing a cocksure secret agent might be right up his alley. Movie analysts point to the success of Mr. and Mrs. Smith as a good indication of his box office appeal. Uh hello, no one gave a shit about the movie – they just wanted to get a glimpse of him getting down with Angelina.




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Host It. Just Like That.
By PopCultureWhore























Justin has been tapped (I wish) to host the MTV Europe Music Awards in Denmark on Nov. 2. This will be his second try at hosting an MTV gig. He and “American Pie” star Seann William Scott hosted the Movie Awards in 2003. The music thing also seems to be working for Justin. His sophomore album, Future Sex/Love Sounds sold more than 710,000 copies this week, an improvement over his debut album “Justified,” which moved 439,000 copies in its first week.

(Source) and (Source)

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Bow Before the Car, Minion!
By PopCultureWhore
















Jay-Z comes out of retirement in style on the set of his newest music video. I don’t know what the song is or even what kind of cars those are, but I’ll take one. I hope there’s a speedboat and some champagne (not Cristal) involved too.
























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Dude Looks Like a Lady
By PopCultureWhore






















Uh, Steven Tyler's new girlfriend looks a bit too much like his daughter Liv to make these snaps anything less than creepy. Steven also looks like Carly Simon's haggard twin in the second picture.

And who's that other 80's rock beauty with the lovely rosy glow and meticulous eye makeup? It's Axl, of course, in all his chest waxed glory. No need to take me to the paradise city. I'm already there!























(Source) and (Source)

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Carry Meeee!!!!
By PopCultureWhore























Eva Longoria is saving her energy for the unemployment line. Last week, she told AP that she will “never” do another TV show after “Desperate Housewives.” Judging by the box offices receipts for “The Sentinel” and the fact that her next movie role has her starring as a ghost meddling in her living boyfriend’s new relationship, it might be safe to assume that our days of dealing with the pint-sized whiner are numbered.

(Source)

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