Thursday, September 07, 2006

You're Coming From Another World
By Leila Cohan

Welcome to this season’s best episode yet! Let’s rock this bitch.

Morning at Atlas. Kayne is sad to see Robert go. Vincent is excited he won. Laura is pregnant. Apparently, Angela has been waking the boys up to smoke on their porch. That is obnoxious.

At Parsons, the designers choose their models. Since they didn’t choose their models last week, two will be eliminated. All the designers stick with their models from last week, so Danielle (Robert’s model) and Alexandra (Alison’s “plus-size” model) are eliminated. In a bit of drama, the other models seem very un-excited that Amanda (Kayne’s model) is still in.

Heidi tells the designers that they will be designing for a “hip, international jetsetter.” In an interview, Kayne wins quote of the evening: “I thought it might be Tara Reid, because she was the only jetsetter I could think of that was hip. She had that show Taradise and she always took off her tops and showed her boobies.”

Heidi cryptically says that there are benefits to winning that will be revealed in a further challenge. Back in the workroom, Tim says that the designers will be designing and modeling for themselves. They have $75 and one day.


Angela seems confused by the concept, because she and her husband live on a farm in Ohio. To which I say: who’d marry Angela? Laura is making a cocktail dress. Vincent is confused because he’s never made menswear. And because he’s crazy. Jeffrey is psyched, as is Uli.

At Mood, the designers shop frantically. And here’s where things start to go wrong for our friend, Mr. Kayne. He chooses the worst fabric in the world, and then reveals plans to appliqué it to a shirt.

Jeffrey, on the other hand, has made a genius fabric selection. He finds this fantastic purple wool that looks like purple leather. It’s pretty stunning.

Uli has nothing but prints.

Uli interviews with my second favorite quote of the evening, on why she always packs party dresses when she’s flying to an exotic location: “You know, it’s something you can wear all night, even if you get wasted.” I would kind of really enjoy seeing Wasted Uli.

Vincent is standing in his underwear, rubbing off. Wait! It’s not quite as dirty as it sounds! He is using the pair of pants he was wearing to create a new pair of pants. This is called a rub-off. Oh, the things you can learn from Tim Gunn’s podcasts!

In the workroom, Jeffrey talks about how ugly his dress was from last week. It’s asshole-y, but it doesn’t seem like it’s directed to Angela. Angela, of course, tries to confront Jeffrey about it, but Jeffrey is, of course, defensive and Angela is, of course, passive-aggressive. Dull.

Tim stops into the workroom. He is pleased with the direction of Jeffrey’s outfit, as well as Laura’s. He looks, however, profoundly troubled by Kayne’s shirt.

Michael has a plan for cargo pants and a motorcycle jacket, but says he will wear his own t-shirt under the jacket, which Tim finds problematic. So ever-resourceful Michael will make a motorcycle short-sleeved top instead.

Tim is concerned by the Holly Hobbie nature of Angela’s design. As are we all, Tim, as are we all. After Tim leaves, the designers are working madly. For Angela, this means sticking those fucking rosettes anywhere and everywhere.

Back at Atlas that night, Michael is teaching Kayne how to model. It is incredibly adorable, and a little gay.

The next morning, the designers get pretty. Angela gets her hair blown out, which makes her look remarkably like Ann from Cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model. Michael skips hair and makeup to finish his look.

On the runway, Heidi informs the judges, which include guest judge Francisco Costa, creative director of Calvin Klein Women and winner of the 2006 CFDA award, that the designers will be modeling their own creations.

We begin with Vincent. There’s nothing offensive about it, but it’s so boring, I could die.

Jeffrey’s outfit is not my taste, but it’s a technical marvel. It’s extremely well-constructed and each piece stands on his own. It’s also clearly his style. I will, however, say, that for someone who’s supposed to be Mr. Rock and Roll, that shirt looks pretty Hot Topic to me.

Next we have Angela. She looks like a hot mess. Her "shants" have that weird business on all her pants where she’s placed a slightly darker cut-out in the crotch and it looks like she’s wet herself. The top just doesn’t fit, and all of it is made of shitty materials for traveling. If you’re on a plane, you want fabrics like jersey, not silk and linen.

Laura is up next. She looks great, although I would have preferred a slightly more vibrant color choice.

I actually have mixed feelings on Michael’s outfit. I think the pants are amazing, and I love the all-white theme, but the top looks a little too orderly-in-a-mental-hospital for me.

Kayne continues to be a hot mess. It’s very Elvis and completely tacky and awful. I love Kayne, but this is the third week in a row he’s disappointed me completely. Get back on track!

Last, we have Uli. Uli’s dress is cute, but I swear to god, we’ve seen her wear the exact same outfit before. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Also, it should be noted that Uli is the Worst Walker Ever. She looks frightened and galumphes down the runway.

The designers assemble on the runway, where they will all be questioned. The judges worry that Uli’s design is only appropriate for Miami, L.A., etc. The judges just plain hate Angela’s design, particularly her fabric choices. Everyone thinks Laura looks lovely, but she should move the knot in her dress to the front. Everyone loves Jeffrey’s outfit, as well as Michael’s. Francisco likes Vincent’s outfit, but Nina makes the excellent point that if you’re going to do something so basic, it needs to be impeccable, and Vincent’s outfit is not. Michael and Heidi are also bored. Everyone is seriously troubled by Kayne’s outfit. Nina invokes Elvis and Michael brings up the “What Was He Thinking?” factor.

Heidi tells the designers that one of them will be the winner and one will be out, but not tonight. They want to see how these outfits travel. There are plane tickets in the apartment and the designers have one hour to pack. Pandemonium!

When the designers get back to Atlas, they realize that the tickets don’t have a destination on them. They arrive at JFK and check in at the kiosks, where it is revealed that they’re traveling to Paris. Hurrah!

Yet more excitement ensues when they realize they’re flying first class. As the designers sip champagne, Tim Gunn arrives on the plane! For reasons I can’t even identify, this made me profoundly happy.

Paris! Oh man. I wish I was there. I love Paris. Original, right? The designers pull up in front of Parsons: Paris. That’s very cute. They make their way into their new workroom, where they realize that while there are seven designers, there are only six tables, which means someone is going home real soon. Tim brings out their “host judge”, Catherine Malandrino. Oh Jesus God, I love Catherine Malandrino’s clothing. It is so beautiful. Catherine, as we will now learn, is very, very French.

Tim tells the designers that Catherine will be their final judge for the challenge and someone will be out. That is cold!

The designers do a runway walk so Catherine can see how their outfits traveled. Most were fine, but Angela’s linen shants are a mess and her shirt has pulled down, so now her bra is visible. Classy.

Tim says that the scores have been added and the decisions have been made. Laura is in. Vincent is in. Jeffrey wins, with much excitement, although Catherine says it was very close between him and Michael.

Michael is in.

Uli is in.

Catherine addresses Kayne and Angela directly and her comments are so French and bitchy that I must transcribe them in full: “Kayne, I’m sorry. You look ridiculous. You look like a fake popstar. Angela, you are just coming from another world and you are not a jetsetter. Angela, you are out.”

Angela must go back to New York with nary an Auf Wiedersehn! Michael is sad to see Angela go. Jeffrey is not. I agree with Jeffrey.

Is Brit Popping One Out?
By PopCultureWhore

Britney Spears is reportedly in labor right now. She was supposed to have a scheduled c-section, though, so I don't think you actually go into labor in that case? I don't know. I'm not down with rugrats at this point. Can any c-section mommies enlighten me? If so, this dashes all our white trash hopes of her having her second child on the same day as Sean P's birthday. Stay tuned.
Lohan Robbed!
By PopCultureWhore

Lindsay Lohan has lost some major baubles. A Hermes Birkin bag with items, including jewelry and Lindsay’s asthma medication, worth an estimated $1 million was stolen at London’s Heathrow Airport. Were her cigarettes with that medication too? How about the major bling she was sporting at the Venice Film Festival? What do these celebrities do with their luggage? I watch my crap LL Bean bookbag like a hawk at airports and Lohan is just tossing around a Birkin bag with diamonds inside? Serves her spoiled ass right.

JT On The Leak
By PopCultureWhore

Yes, it’s another Justin post. His full album is now available on MTV’s The Leak until its Tuesday debut. I’m liking Future Sex/Love Sound, LoveStoned, What Goes Around and of course, SexyBack. I think My Love and Damn Girl could grow on me too, but he sounds kind of young purring “Damn girl” and it’s almost more amusing than sexy.

Two things, though. Does the background to LoveStoned remind you of the Monster Mash or am I going crazy? And does the sample for Chop it Up sound a lot like the opening chords of the Untitled track on the Danity Kane album?

Click above for an MTV news report, clips and interview from his post-VMA, Roseland Ballroom show. There are also amateur videos of Cry Me A River, Rock Your Body, SexyBack and more on YouTube.
Rocketing To Number Five!
By PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson’s camp is spinning away after her fifth place debut for “A Public Affair.” Placing behind Bob Dylan, Danity Kane and Christina Aguilera, among others, marks “the singer's highest chart debut and biggest opening week sales of her music career,” according to her e-mail newsletter. They make sure to point out that this was even after she was unable to perform the week of its debut because of the vocal chord injury. Given the material, that might have worked in her favor. Jessica’s last album, “In This Skin,” opened at number 10. I guess number five isn’t too bad given her dismal pre-Newlyweds sales, but I’m sure Papa Simpson was hoping for something better. Jess is supposed to be on Jay Leno tonight and on Ellen on Monday, so tune in for some facial contortions and an 80’s synth-pop revival. Her next single will be “I Belong to You,” a song originally conceived as a bonus track for CD’s sold at Wal-Mart (what?) but due to popular demand (Ken Paves e-mailing her label?) it’ll be on all the discs and iTunes.

UPDATE: Simpson's camp might not be as tickled as her e-mail newsletter suggests. TMZ reports that Jess has fired longtime publicist Rob Shuter.

Her upcoming Glamour cover:

Ellen Loses Mind, Possibly Lunch
By PopCultureWhore

Ellen apparently wanted a real good laugh because she let K-Fed perform “Lose Control” on her show this week. The opening chords to the song sound like something you’d hear on some sports wrap-up show. K-Fed handed Ellen his bling and she danced along, but she was definitely not as into it as she was when Justin showed up just a few days earlier. Just saying ...

Reality Whore Not Actually A Whore
by PopCultureWhore

"Meet the Barkers" star Shanna Moakler denies ever cheating on estranged husband Travis Barker. Well, that's a load off my mind! Shanna denies being a lazy ass, despite hours of footage to the contrary. She blames the demise of their relationship on them having different schedules and Travis being surrounded by people who always kissed his ass. Yawn! She'll be on "Dancing with the Stars" this season, so I'm sure we'll have some more whining at that point!

(Source) Posted by Picasa
Eh ...
By PopCultureWhore

Brad Pitt looks more like he just got caught feeing Shiloh processed food than an Esquire cover boy. But I find him annoying regardless. I wouldn't go quite so far as to say I'm Team Aniston (more like Team Vince), but come on. Get your head out of your ass. You're still just an actor. Posted by Picasa
Your World In Pictures
By PopCultureWhore

Mischa Barton, heading to auditions for a live-action revivial of "Sweet Child of Mine."

Scarlett goes for 50's housewife beehive at the "Black Dahlia" premiere.

Lisa Marie Presley has apparently married a Muppet and gotten a job at the local library.

Kelly Clarkson presents Sen. Obama with his Grammy for spoken word album, shuns stylist.

This Would Lead Me To Drink
By PopCultureWhore

In honor of today's princess, Paris Hilton, here's her inspired performance at a post-VMA party. Obviously she's lip synching seeing as how her panting continues on the track when she pulls the mic away from her mouth. She urges the crowd to get hyped, but they barely register her request. I think I heard "Oh hell to the NAW!" Poor little lamb.
I, Like, Totally Stole Your Boyfriend
By PopCultureWhore

“Laguna Beach” star Kristin Cavallari was spotted on the arm of DJ AM at an event in NYC this week. Is she seeking revenge on AM’s ex Nicole Ritchie, who is now dating Kristin’s ex Brody Jenner? Kristin claims they’re all just best buddies. “I think she’s a sweetheart,” Kristin tells US Weekly. “I think they’ll be good together. So I’m happy for both of them.” DJ AM is “just a friend,” she claims. What? Where’s the bitchy Kristin of Laguna Beach past? Bring out the claws! Call Nicole chunky and Brody a bad lay. Prove your uselessness! At the very least, a girl fight between Nicole and Kristin would likely be more interesting than anything Drunky McHilton could muster. As for the men, I doubt either of them give a shit as long as they’re getting some. At least that’s what I’m getting from AM’s half smirk come hither pose.

Santa Came Early This Year!
By PopCultureWhore

Today’s top story made my year. I can now retire a happy little pop culture whore. Paris Hilton was arrested for DUI! That’s right bitches. She was put in the police car, taken to headquarters and booked like your average criminal. I love it! She should also be booked for assault with a deadly musical taste. Her minion Elliot Mintz claims Ms. Hilton consumed only one margarita before jumping into her car to go to In ‘N’ Out burger and attributed her erratic driving to fatigue. She blew a .08, which is the lowest you can get in order to be arrested in California. I think Mel blew a .12? I don’t believe there were any anti-Semitic tirades on Paris’ part, but that’s probably because she doesn’t know what anti-Semitic means. Her sister Nicky and boyfriend Kevin Connolly came to bail out the young heiress. I can’t wait for the mug shot.

Click HERE to see Paris being driven away by the cops and her car being towed.

Click HERE to hear Paris defend herself on the radio.

Click HERE to watch Paris arrive home after the arrest and Mr. Mintz give a statement to the paparazzi gathered at her house.

Click HERE to watch Nicky, Kevin and Elliot arrive at the police station.

Click HERE to see what Paris was up to before her alcoholic bender. Or something.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Hilton's arrest was the second time she was pulled over on Wednesday night.