Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Jake Gyllenhaal is officially playing Lance Armstrong in a biopic about the cyclist's life. How boring is that? Biking. Biking. Hydrating. Biking. Biking. Sleeping. Beating ball cancer. Biking. Biking. Biking. Sheryl Crowe. Biking. Biking. Vomit. This means we will be subjected to many more paparazzi shots of Jake in unflattering spandex rather than the more flattering West Village basketball game ensembles. Are those shoes he's wearing velcro?! Bleh.
Britney is packing up her belongings and heading out to the frontier. She’s tired of spending $235 for little Sean P’s spit up bibs and will instead fashion them out of straw on a ranch in Wyoming. Walking 10 miles to the nearest town will also make her totally ripped for that comeback tour that will shock the world and make us all forget about that bad, bad dream known as K-Fed. There, there. Just sleep. That’s it … shhhhh.
Katie Holmes must be locked in a closet somewhere. Paramount Pictures announced today that they are cutting ties with Tom Cruise’s production company after 14 years because he’s batshit crazy. Viacom Chairman Sumner Redstone said that Tom’s recent behavior “has not been acceptable to Paramount.” Apparently couch jumping on Oprah and bitch slapping Matt Lauer on the Today’s show doesn’t make all your dreams come true. Redstone blames Cruise’s antics for less than stellar returns on “Mission Impossible: III.” Well, duh. I’ve been a little anti-Tom ever since he ditched Nicole just shy of the ten year California “community property” mark and his recent rants have done little to help that. Let’s hope Suri is indeed an illusion and Katie can make a break for it before her handlers kill her in a secret Scientology ritual.
Paris Hilton has devised a super plan for picking out friends. “I’ll pick out two outfits, one which is disgusting and one nice and I’ll ask my ‘friend’ what they think,” Slutface told the London Independent. “If they go for the revolting one, I cut them out of my life.” I wonder which friends picked out these amazing ensembles? Paris’ album hits stores today, by the way, so be sure to hit up the nearest music store and hide all the discs behind some Yanni CDs.
Recognize this guy? It’s Joey Lawrence of “Blossom” fame. He’s gearing up for a new season of “Dancing with the Stars” and admits that his hair “went along with my career.” At least he’s realistic! I’d totally rather watch “Blossom” reruns than Joey, Jerry Springer, Tucker Carlson (what. the. fuck) and Shanna Moakler doing the samba, though. Joey discusses his turn on the dance floor HERE.
Click HERE to watch Brittany Murphy and the dead girl from “Eye for an Eye” rip Joey’s shirt off. Click HERE to relive the early 1990’s and watch Joey’s video for “Nothin’ My Love Can’t Fix” (for you, baby!). And click HERE to watch Joey chat with Olsen twins during their “Full House” years.
Did watching K-Fed perform drain all the color out of Britney’s skin? I suppose fake baking and sunless tanning lotion is probably not the best choice during pregnancy, so props to mom of the year, but wasn’t she a bit more golden at the Teen Choice Awards? Who knows when the paps actually stalked her to get these shots though!
"Broadway is no joke. I'm getting up early every day at 8 a.m., and I usually wake up after 12. I can't say I've ever held a schedule like that in my life!"
- Usher, who is prepping for his Broadway debut as lawyer Billy Flynn in "Chicago"
A Miami judge had declared music producer Scott Storch the legal father of a five-month-old Jalen Scott Storch by default after Storch failed to show up for a court date. Dalene ''Dae'' Jennifer Daniel claims that the Paris Hilton compadre and Miami Beach millionaire fathered her child and needs to pay up. Storch says he was in St. Tropez and missed the court date, but insists he would “never, ever be a deadbeat dad.” Storch has a 14-year-old son from a previous relationship. He has a $10.5 million mansion on Miami Beach’s Palm Island. The house was burglarized in June, allegedly by a handy man, and $100,000 worth of jewelry was stolen.
The Miami Herald article that reported the tiff cites Christina Aguilera as one of his writing partners, but the two have recently parted ways, with Christina penning the song F.U.S.S. Use your imagination as to what the letters stand for. Storch says her new album is “full of fillers, over-singing, and lame Vegas-like cabaret music.”
By Kimmie Smith
Nothing screams pop culture like Do's and Don'ts. When I say this I mean, the infamous Glamour magazine Do's and Don'ts. I always wonder who has the job of finding people when they look oh so amazing or when they are so very wrong. Do they have a style guru that plays scout and points out the offender? Now, rather than waiting for that issue of Glamour to get your fill of black bars across the faces of unsuspecting fashion victims, Glamour editor Cindi Lieve has compiled a coffee table book with over 700 pictures! The book also includes fashion advice from designers like Michael Kors and Alexander McQueen, to name a few. If you are a fan of the Lucky fashion tip book, then this book is for you. Of course this makes me think that stylists and certain celebs, regardless of their star power, should look at pictures of themselves on the red carpet to see why their look is a don't!
By Tiffany Westlie
“So You Think You Can Dance” packed quite a lot of excitement into its two-hour finale. They went big with six judges: Nigel, Crazy Mary, Brian, Shane, Mia, and Dan Karaty.
Since Shane is totally the man we got an awesome group routine with all top 20 dancers. I have to say that this makes me really happy. Shane has done my favorite stuff so far in the competition. If I could do a Crazy Mary scream in this post I would.
Ok I will…..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Done.
Did you know that versions of this show air in Norway, Turkey, New Zealand and Israel? I would actually like to see one of those. Something about this show hosted by a Drag Queen really piques my interest.
Benji picks Heidi to perform the Black Mambo with him. It’s probably my favorite dance in the whole competition. This was seriously hot and that little Heidi is such a firecracker. I never really thought I honestly was that into ballroom dancing until this routine.
Heidi’s choice for her favorite dance is the beautiful contemporary routine that she did with Travis. This was a great choice as well. Must give some props to Mia Michaels once more for the use of the bench. This was very moving and I really want Travis to win after watching this beautiful number.
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We find out Natalie and Dmitry are DATING. Sparks on and off the dance floor? Hot “So You Think You Can Dance” love? This finale is getting better and better as we go.
Ciara lip syncs a song off the “Step Up” soundtrack. At least it’s exciting to watch. It’s sad how many of these performances have been really, really boring. At least there is dancing in this one. Actually this is the first one that I have watched the whole thing and not used my DVR to bypass the madness. (Click HERE to watch the final four attend the premiere of “Step Up").
Donyelle picks Benji to do her favorite routine “You Can’t Stop the Beat.” This wasn't my favorite routine of hers. I actually think she should have done the Hip Hop she did the first week with Benji. Maybe she is gunning for a spot in “Hairspray” on Broadway?
Mia picked Ivan and Allison’s Contemporary as her favorite routine. Wow, Mia really was lovin on the Ivan. I forgot how hot this routine was and honestly they must be doing this in the show cause it’s even better than before! I miss Ivan; he really was quite a little beam of sunlight for me. Allison also reminds American “you made a big mistake by not having me in the top four…big mistake.”
That was followed by a Wade Robson routine that is reminiscent of the weird Backstreet Boy’s Victorian un-dead video. But it’s cool and fun again and I’m feeling lots of love for Wade.
But alas, we were asked to say goodbye to our bottom 20 since they will not be appearing on the tour. I really am just sad Musa won’t be making an appearance.
Heidi then did a super lame solo during which she took off her shirt. Why didn’t she just do her shake it shake it routine?. As a soloist she isn’t that strong but she is so darn cute. But cute didn’t cut it because Cat Deely informed her that she is not America’s favorite dancer. I’m ok with this. She is an amazing partner when it comes to duets but this, in the end, just wasn’t her competition to win.
Travis’s favorite routine was his excellent Paso Double with Heidi. This dance was super hot and with Heidi (the best girl partner we had all season) he really could shine. Our little girly boy Travis really actually looked masculine in this one. It takes a little sprite like Heidi to make you look like a big strong man.
Donyelle did her solo in a very unattractive dress. I mean, if this was my last time on stage for all of America I would want to be put in something a little more flattering. She was full of soul, however, and I do give her props for being a curvy female and being one of our “sex symbols” of the show. She’s a hot lady and I promise you her booty will be shakin it in a rap video quite soon.
Brian’s favorite routine was “Steam Heat” by Travis and Martha and we were treated once again to a fantastic performance. I feel sorry for Martha. She is a really good dancer and I think maybe her nerves got to her cause watching her in the finale she is just on fire. Great technique and I would put her on Broadway in a second.
Benji did one more solo that wasn't really his style and I was a little sad about that. These solos are sort of lame tonight but I am a big fan of the Benji. He has more personality that anybody up there and for a little Mormon boy who was ballroom dancing with his cousin, this I bet is a huge deal. He is wholesome and I bet middle America just wants to eat him up.
Travis performed his solo and proved that he is a true talent. I am his biggest fan and he is my winner. His solo rocked because he does what he does best. He is so grounded and super cute.
Fergie made an appearance but it's lame and I really think something is wrong with her face. Who told this woman she could sing?
The big ending was delayed with a really sappy music montage and an odd version of the cellblock tango featuring the top 10. But the show wasn’t done yet and viewers were treated to our last routine complements of Travis and Benji, or “Tranji” as they dubbed themselves. This was Dan Karaty’s favorite and I have to admit it was super cute. Shane’s dorky Hip Hop really did strike a chord with America as Tranji are our top two. It’s still is as homo-tastic as ever. I want to know what these Mormons think of lil ole Benji.
The moment of truth came after 10 fake endings; the American Idol formula wore thin.
AND OUR WINNER IS: BENJI!!!!!!
Click HERE to read an Entertainment Weekly interview with the top four and HERE for a solo interview with Benji after his win.
By Patrick Griffith
Junkie extraordinaire and Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has pleaded guilty to five counts of possessing drugs, which included crack cocaine. Poor guy must be hard for money these days if he’s going after the poor man’s coke, although when you have a girlfriend named “Cocaine Kate” Moss, life can be rather expensive. The only thing Doherty can look forward to smoking is a big black man named Bubba’s one eyed trouser snake, because he’s had far too many run-ins with the law to get any type of probation. Too bad, because I was really looking forward to Doherty’s “The Implant Sessions,” an album he planned to create while he was trying to clean up from drugs with the help of a small implant in his body. But who am I kidding? This guy loves drugs way too much to kick the habit for good. Plus how’s he going to find his creative edge, by getting loose off orange juice? The only thing this guy’s ever accomplished that’s remotely cool was shacking up with Moss, but even that can be achieved by anyone with a penis and an 8-ball. Cross your fingers for ol’ Petey on September 4 when he’s sentenced in a London courthouse.
Meanwhile, reports suggest that Pete might have missed an impromptu wedding to Kate because of his drug problems.
Well, if the world didn’t end after K-Fed’s Teen Choice performance, maybe it’ll end today with the release of Danity Kane’s debut album. I kid, of course. I’ll probably buy the song “Want It” and dance around my apartment in short shorts just for kicks, but the jury’s still out on the rest of the album.
The ladies were on TRL yesterday to perform “Show Stopper” and the teeny boppers seemed very enthused by Aundrea and Aubrey. They were ho’d out of course, but the fashion choices were a bit better than the Medieval Times inspired bar wench costumes they sported during their season finale performance.
The final episode this season saw the ladies prepping for their Brooklyn Bridge debut. BoomKat was thrilled with their shimmy shake.
The ladies were also enthused by their male backup dancers.
Aundrea announces that one male backup dancer will be her lover while the other will be her husband. “Oh, you’re fantasizing!” BoomKat purrs, before demanding to know why the black guy always has to be the lover. The dancer in question apparently doesn’t know his place and announces that he’s always the lover. Super.
Grandma Betty was back with a stunning sequined ensemble. She instructed DK to pretend that their mic stands were men during a particularly saucy number. “I wasn’t always 52!” she giggles. She’s only 52? She’s the same age as Christie Brinkley?
Unfortunately, the ladies’ first performance is rained out. The wind made BoomKat squint. Don’t make BoomKat squint. She’ll cut you.
Knowing that retail therapy would cure the blues, Diddy arrives at the rescheduled concert with Tiffany bags in tow.
He hands out diamond crosses that will go so nicely with the leather chaps, push-up bras, four-inch stiletto thigh boots and mounds of hair extensions.
Diddy knows what’s what, though, and makes BoomKat an honorary sixth member of the group (YES!) and hands over the bling. BoomKat like.
Danity Kane then takes to the stage. There’s some groping of dancer boys, a few tightly choreographed spins and lots of pouty looks. It’s a little blah.
But this guy doesn’t seem to care.
Episode 8: Ooh She's a Bright Light, Gizmo!
Episode 7: Love Is Only Half the Battle
Episode 6: Beauty and the Beastly Boyfriend
Episode 5: These Dudes Keep Grabbing Me!
Episode 4: Aubrey: Boom Kat For Life
Episode 3: I Love You Whores Forever!
Episode 2: Boom Kat, You Bitches!
Episode 1: Trannies Save New Orleans
Brittany Murphy is not having the best of luck in the love department. She’s called off her engagement to “best boy grip” Joe Macaluso. The pair met while filming “Little Black Book” and went on 17 dates before sharing their first kiss. Wait, what? Is she getting love advice from “Uptown Girls” co-star Dakota Fanning? Prior to shacking up with Joe, Brittany was engaged to manager Jeff Kwatinetz. She also had a fling with Ashton Kutcher, creating the first ever vortex of obnoxiousness.