Tuesday, August 15, 2006

By PopCultureWhore

Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger look pleased to see the paparazzi during a Mexican vacation. Heath even fashioned a friendly “Fuck Off!” sign to show his love. Countdown until that is on eBay. I’m going to totally move past the Grizzly Adams beard Heath is sporting and go straight to Michelle’s choice in bathing suits. Was that something that was a bit too big for daughter Matilda? I think I had something similar back in 1986. But I wore it with jellies, three purple scrunchies and a slap bracelet. I know you’re trendy Brooklynites, but get your ass a two piece, honey.

Fall’s Biggest Trend? Fembots?
By PopCultureWhore

First we got Jessica Simpson’s glassy stare in promo shots for her upcoming album, Public Affair. Now Hilary Duff is donning a sparkly disco dress and dancing amidst mirrors and flames for her latest song, aptly titled “Playing with Fire.” She shakes her hair, sings about being better off with her current man, pops a few fat-free hips. Hil and her teeth return tomorrow to sing the opening credits for the next season of Laguna Beach. If MTV creates a reality show about pyromaniacs, she’s a shoe in with this little ditty.
Idol Hopefuls Flock to Auditions
By Idol Whore

Those tones wafting on the wind -- the beautiful and the horrific -- are the sounds of "Idol" hopefuls pumping their tonsils for a chance to impress the "American Idol" staff for the right to be either embraced or insulted by Simon Cowell (let's be honest: nobody really cares what Paula and Randy have to say). Auditions for Season 6 kicked off in Pasadena last week with thousands packing into the Rose Bowl for their shot at fame. The madness moved to the East Coast on August 14 as thousands more descended upon the Continental Airlines Arena at the Meadowlands.

I wonder if that creepy Elliot was there again this year. Elliott (definitely NOT Yamin) was a delusional weirdo who kept showing up at many of the auditions across the country. He never seemed like he had all his mental dogs barking in unison, and yet the producers kept putting him through to the judges. There must be a point when it's time to call security -- or perhaps apply for a restraining order. Then again, you have to dig through the dirt to get to those diamonds in the rough, and there are probably many people who show up at the auditions who are so much scarier than Elliot that they don't qualify for air time. There just aren't enough straight jackets to go around. Good luck to those who can sing -- and good riddance to those who can't.


Hey, tunesmiths! Break out your guitars, keyboards, saxophones, harmonicas, triangles...whatever. You may not be able to sing, but if you can compose a ditty, you too may be in line to share in some of the "Idol" glory. "Idol" creator Simon Fuller has officially announced that both professional and amateur songwriters will have the opportunity to compete for the chance to write tunes for the show's finalists. The hope is that not only will the show launch the careers of some talented songwriters (which anyone who has listened to pop radio lately will admit are greatly in demand), but they will be able to develop songs that will better suit the singers who are fortunate enough to make it to the final stages of the competition. Sounds good to the Idol Whore. The very first songs released by all of the Idol winners so far have been pure cheese. Kelly Clarkson had to work overtime to get beyond "A Moment Like This," and Ruben Studdard sounded like he was snoozing his way through "Flying Without Wings." Whoever forced "Do I Make You Proud" on Taylor Hicks should be drummed out of the Idol Corps. Be brave, Fuller. Give us some really cool music this coming season.

Let's backtrack: Ruben Studdard squeezed out an "Idol" victory in the finals against Clay Aiken in Season 2. Round 1 went to Ruben. When their CDs hit the stores shortly after the competition, Clay's outsold Ruben's by a significant number. Round 2 went to Clay. Now comes the rubber match as the two once again face off with new album releases this fall. Clay's "A Thousand Different Ways," which will include 10 cover tunes and 4 originals, drops on September 19. Ruben will counterpunch with "The Return," which drops on September 26. Get your scorecards ready!

Clay's battles continue on another front. He is being sued by a woman who claims that Clay has squashed sales of her book, which she describes as an "unauthorized tribute" to the "Idol" runner-up. Jeannie Holleman, who has written a book entitled Out of the Blue – 'Clay' it Forward, claims to be a lifelong friend of a Raleigh family that was close to Clay's mother. Holleman's book is a compilation of interviews with that family, along with the author's personal recollections and stories from various Claymates. Her lawsuit alleges that Clay and his mother have denied ever even knowing her, insisted that her stories were lies, and blasted her book on websites to squelch sales. She's seeking $500,000 in damages. Clay seems to be taking it all in stride. After all, Holleman isn't the first person to try to make a buck off his celebrity -- nor will she be the last. In a statement issued to the press, Clay says, "As a so-called 'celebrity' I have become used to scurrilous allegations and untruths being made about me and my work. I have always taken the path of not reacting to these matters and have accepted them as, somehow, coming with the 'job.' However, I cannot, and will not, stand by when these attacks are made on my family." Memo to Jeannie Holleman: Claymates may look cute and harmless, but they have a very testy dark side -- and they are RELENTLESS! (Need proof? Just ask John Paulus, the ex-Marine.) Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!

Show's over, kids. Idol Whore out!
Farewell Sweet Prince
By Leila Cohan

Woo! It’s the most wonderful time of the week! We begin in the Atlas apartments. Jeffrey bitches about his failure to win a challenge thus far. Michael also wants to win. Robert feels humbled by his poor results last week.

On the runway, Heidi introduces a major shift. The models are going to pick the designer they want to work with. That’s a pretty awesome twist, if you ask me. Since we lost two designers last week, the last two models whose names Heidi picks from the bag will be out. Alexandra chooses Alison, Clarissa chooses Angela, Amanda chooses Kayne, Nazri chooses Michael (yay!), Lindsey chooses Uli, Danielle picks Robert, Marilinda picks Jeffrey, Camilla picks Laura, Jia chooses Vincent, and Katie is stuck with Bradley…once again, the last to be picked. Katia and JV are out.

Heidi tells the designers that their next challenge will involve modernizing a fashion icon, which will be chosen by the models. Ooh! The plot thickens. The models meet Tim Gunn in the workroom. There are ten pictures of fashion icons on a table.


When he tells them they can choose their icon, madness ensues. There is much pushing and grabbing. Tim looks, quite frankly, scared shitless.

The designers enter the workroom. Most of them are incredibly excited. Angela has Audrey Hepburn. Michael got Pam Grier. Robert gets to work on Jackie O. Jeffrey got Madonna. Kayne will be working on Marilyn Monroe. Uli’s doing Diana Ross. Laura will be modernizing Katharine Hepburn. Other designers are more nervous. Alison has Farah Fawcett, Vincent will be working on Twiggy, and poor, lovely Bradley Baumkirchner got Cher, who he knows nothing about. Aaand, I guess that clears up any ambiguity about Bradley’s sexual orientation, huh?

The designers and Tim head over to Mood. Michael is psyched and chooses some gorge hot pink fabric.

Back in the workroom, Kayne says he’s trying for the love child of Marilyn Monroe and Gwen Stefani. Crazy Vincent Libretti is really effing excited about his “bell-like sleeves."

With four hours until the end of Day 1, Angela has messed up Bradley’s machine. Bradley moves to Alison’s machine. Drama ensues between Angela and Jeffrey. Jeffrey tells Angela that if she fucks a machine up, she needs to fix it. As is so often the case with Jeffrey, he’s right, but he’s also being an asshole. Laura steps in with maybe the best line of the episode: “You’re so fucking successful and you know so much, what are you doing here, Jeff?” Jeffrey responds with the ever-mature “God, I wish that fucking bitch would have a stroke.”

And here, once again, we come to my issue with Jeffrey. Sir, I watched Santino Rice. Santino Rice is a MySpace friend of mine. You, sir, are no Santino Rice. First of all, that’s way meaner than anything Santino ever said, and second, Santino backed it up with the clothes, which I haven’t seen from you as of yet. Get it together, sir.

In the workroom, Michael calmly states that it’s not cool that everyone is ganging up on Angela. Michael awesomely interviews that he’s “not trying to play Captain Save-a-Ho”, but he feels bad for Angela. Throughout all of this, Michael is very chill and non-confrontational. Guys, I love Michael. He’s a dear. And then! He goes off to call his mommy! Michael interviews that his parents are very supportive. His mom tells him to keep praying and he says he does every night. Man. I really hope Michael wins this whole damn thing. He interviews that after talking to his mom, he felt energized.

With fifteen minutes until the end of the workday, Vincent and Robert trade fabrics. Robert will now be making a linen suit. Oy vey is mir.

The next day, the designers get back into the workroom. Kayne and Angela feel very positive about their designs, as does Alison. Bradley, not so much. His top is, as Jeffrey puts it, “supercallafragilisticexpiallacrazy.” How crazy is it? So crazy that Vincent says he wants one for himself.

Tim comes by and tells the designers that the models will be coming in for about fifteen minutes. Michael tries his dress on Nazri, but is worried that it doesn’t look like. He decides to redo it.

Bradley’s pants for Katie are too big and the crotch is a mess. Kayne’s model, Amanda, delivers a nonstop monologue about her recent birthday. Kayne wants her to shut up, as do Michael and Robert. Finally, she leaves.

Tim asks the designers to gather round and introduces Nathanial Hawthorne, New England Victorian writer…oops, I mean Nathanial Hawkins, lead stylist for Tresemme. He babbles about hair and then drops the bombshell: the winning designer’s look and model will be featured in a Tresamme ad in Elle.

With two hours to go on Day 2, Tim comes to look at the designs. He’s concerned by the dull aspects of Robert’s design. He loves Kayne’s dress as well as Michael’s garment. Michael has kept the top of the dress and wants to make a hotpant for the bottom. Tim Gunn, like myself, hates hotpants, but they are very in right now, so the implication is that Michael should go for it. Poor Bradley is just a hot mess. His top looks like the Tin Woodman. Ouch.

On the day of the runway show, everyone is getting fitted. Robert is not happy with the way his outfit has turned out. Kayne tells his model to shut up as he’s fitting her. Michael has made a pair of shorts very quickly. Yay, Michael! Robert is still sewing as Tim kicks everyone out of the workroom.

On the runway, Heidi is wearing a supercute mini-dress that I think might be Catherine Malandrino, who I love. Michael Kors is finally back! Hurrah! He is joined by Nina Garcia and another of my favorite designers, Ms. Diane Von Furstenberg. There will be no immunity this week.

Alison’s garment is first down the runway, and I have to say, I really don’t like it. It looks cheap, and a little bit like a figure skating dress.

Bradley’s design is next and…it’s just really bad. The top looks cheap and doesn’t fit and I can see what he was going for, but it just looks…homemade. In a bad way. The bottom is basically ill-fitting track pants. I love Bradley, but he’s always had fit issues and this time, they seem to be insurmountable.

Angela is up next. I really don’t care for Angela, but I have to admit her look is pretty great. It conforms perfectly to the challenge. It really does look like what Audrey would wear today.

Kayne’s dress looks fantastic and, chatty as she might be, his model was worth it, since she walks like a dream. My one complaint is that it looks a little hippy, but then, that’s how Marilyn dressed.

Laura’s outfit is next and it’s definitely all class and definitely Katharine Hepburn, but I can’t see where the modernizing comes in.

Vincent’s is next and…it’s not very good. It has some very strange pockets and this weirdly aprony design. It just doesn’t seem very Twiggy.

Aw yeah! It’s time for Michael’s outfit and it is hot! Nazri looks fierce, it’s a bold color palette that pays off, and it’s very Pam Grier.

Oh Lord. Robert. It’s just so…dowdy. Jackie O. was never matronly or dowdy. She was always fresh. This really reminds me of Raymundo’s MyScene Barbie outfit from last season. Ugh.

I don’t like Uli’s dress per se, but I do think it’s very Diana Ross, so, go Uli, I guess.

Finally, we have Jeffrey’s look. And I think that Jeffrey kind of had an especially difficult challenge, since Madonna is the most currently visible of all the icons. Do you do something Madonna would actually wear now, or do you do something that looks like what 80s-era Madonna would wear now? Jeffrey seems to have opted for the latter and his model looks like an extra in a punk-rock version of Les Miserables. I just hate it.

Alison, Laura, Uli and Jeffrey are safe. This leaves Kayne, Michael and Angela as the best and Vincent, Robert, and Bradley as the worst.

The judges love the Goth Marilyn and the sexy back (no relation to Mr. Timberlake). The judges hate Vincent’s pockets and the overall dourness of the outfit. Fortunately, the judges agree that Michael’s outfit is hot, hot, hot. Poor Bradley can’t really defend his terrible outfit. Heidi makes the very valid point that it looks like a store-bought Halloween costume. The judges like the details and timelessness of Angela’s dress. Robert’s outfit is just too plain and dowdy.

After the judges deliberation, Angela is in. Michael wins! Hurrah!!!! He does a cute victory dance on the runway.

Kayne is in. Vincent is in. Robert is in, so poor Bradley is out. I am more than a little sad. Bye Bradley! I will miss your awesome one-liners.

“I Don’t Think You Really Want It”
By PopCultureWhore

The wait is over! You can now preview Danity Kane’s debut album on MTV’s web site in advance of its Aug. 22 release. I gave it a listen and honestly only like one song – “Want It.” But the hook – “I don’t think you really want it” – basically speaks to the rest of the album. I might also be persuaded to enjoy “Ride For You,” except when Dawn’s part comes in and sounds like she is about to vomit all over the microphone. If I’d had about half a dozen beers, I might also bounce along to “One Shot” and “Touching My Body,” but no promises. Why they chose the ridiculous “Showstopper” as their first single is beyond me. Diddy was apparently too busy making baby number three to consider his new superstar group. “Sleep on It” is worth a listen for its comedic value because they kept the “throw on our open toes and get jazzy” line.
Adrianne Curry: Thespian!
By PopCultureWhore

Have Broadway producers gone mad? Thankfully, rumors of Tori Spelling joining the cast of “Chicago” as Roxie Hart have died down, though Usher is still prepping to step into the shoes of lawyer Billy Flynn as we speak. Now comes word that “America’s Next Top Model” winner and “My Fair Brady” trollop Adrianne Curry might be the next has-been to be Broadway bound. “Today at 4 p.m., I tried out for a Broadway musical!” she writes on her blog, though she would not disclose which one. “If I get this role, I will no longer be the reality TV joke that so many think I am. I will have done something that many acters/actresses [sic] have never done. BROADWAY!” Right. Because John Stamos and Molly Ringwald’s turns in “Cabaret” rocketed them back to relevance and Christina Applegate is fighting off Oscar worthy roles in her post “Sweet Charity” days. Let's hope she's offered the role of a dying cat, because I imagine that's what her singing voice most resembles.
Buckwild & Cindy: Soulmates?
By PopCultureWhore

Have any of you ever watched the HBO documentary “Hookers at the Point?” It’s a special narrated by Ice-T that follows the lives of prostitutes working the streets of Hunts Point, NY in the Bronx. Watching Vh1’s “Flavor of Love 2” recently, I thought I spotted one of its alumnae on the show in the form of Buckwild. In her drunken and disheveled moments, she bears an uncanny resemblance to Cindy, one of Hunts Point’s more lively characters (though the Cindy of 40lbs, a dozen dentist appointments and far too many questionable encounters ago). I’ve searched in vain for a picture of Cindy online, but to no avail. If any of you are privy to this piece of Internet gold, please send it my way. In the meantime, enjoy THIS IM conversation posted to Buckwild’s MySpace blog.

Dlisted also has a conversation with Toastee. She confirms that the girls are kept away from all forms of media. “No TV, no Internet, no books or magazines. Like we read anyway.” Amen, sister.
Tori's Tiffany Dreams Online
By PopCultureWhore

The Tiffany’s wedding registry from Tori Spelling’s first marriage is still online. At $2,800, the menorah with octagonal base pictured above is the most expensive item purchased for Tori’s August 2004 nuptials to Charlie Shanian. The couple divorced a year later so Tori could marry Lifetime movie co-star Dean McDermott, but not before amassing things like a $1,500 Atlas mantel clock, a $495 diamond cut flared vase and a $2,585 sterling silver governor’s tray. No one threw down any cash for the $185 sterling silver memo pad holder, but that’s because they probably knew that precious Tori never writes her own memos. Why on earth would you want any of these things? When I get married, I’m registering at Bank of America. Quantity requested? Whatever you want to give me!

(Thanks djcorndog)
Like a Boob Job in the Wind
By PopCultureWhore

Prince Harry was snapped feeling up his friend Natalie at a London nightclub while brother William, future king of England, took a few bleary-eyed sips of a martini. It’s good to see these two hanging out together. I’m sure they came up with a few brilliant ideas on how to make their kingdom bigger, better and brighter when Wills takes the throne. First order of business will likely be replacing some of the antique furniture in Buckingham Palace with a stripper pole. I love how the Sun newspaper capitalizes and bolds the word “BOOB” in the story accompanying these pictures just to make its point. Harry is reportedly dating a blonde named Chelsy Davy, who looks quite a bit like Natalie. But the picture of the duo below might suggest that Chelsy is not the most stimulating conversationalist.

UPDATE: The Guardian newspaper reports that the pictures are from 2003. "The pictures are three years old and we have asked the Sun to correct it," said Paddy Haverson, Prince Charles' communications secretary.

'Sense of Terrible Foreboding'
By PopCultureWhore

The UK’s Guardian newspaper is none too impressed with Paris Hilton’s debut album. “She sounds both distracted and bored stiff, as if making an album is keeping her from the more serious business of standing around a nightclub in a pair of really enormous sunglasses,” writes Alexis Petridis. Paris apparently told the Sunday Times (children’s section, no less) that she is qualified to be a singer because she hears music every day. Exactly. “Listening to her sing Rod Stewart's Do Ya Think I'm Sexy, you are gripped by the fear that civilization as we know it is doomed and that brimstone is going to start raining from the sky any minute,” according to the Guardian. “It doesn't, but a sense of terrible foreboding is further stoked by the sleeve notes, which make reference to "all my albums to come.” You can apparently access the entire album via AOL Music, but my computer is perhaps having a psychic moment and not allowing me to connect.
I'll Be There For You, Psycho
By PopCultureWhore

Is Courteney Cox really starved for attention? Marie Claire had her “I want plastic surgery” article last month, People recently had a huge “Courtney: I’m in Therapy” headline and this week it’s “I Lean on Jen Aniston.” I realize tabloids can take one offhanded comment and spin it into a whole story, but get over yourself. Maybe she’s leaning on Aniston a bit too much, because the whininess is taking over. Have another kid and name it Puffs, so you can have Coco and Puffs. That’ll amuse husband David as he takes another bong hit.

Speaking of having babies, is Diddy going to be a daddy again? No, it’s not Aubrey. His long-time girlfriend and mother to one of his two sons is reportedly pregnant again. Eh. Too many babies lately for my taste. I call for a new Bennifer-style romance or a drug problem that doesn’t involve Pete Doherty, Mel Gibson or Robin Williams.

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Her Majesty Requests Silence
By PopCultureWhore

Construction around Madonna’s London home is preventing the Material Girl from getting her beauty sleep. During one of her Wembley Arena shows, she told fans, "I only got three hours sleep last night because I have got construction work going on in stereo at my house. This morning I was so tired I thought: 'Fuck, I can't do my show.' But I'm getting lots of energy from the smiles on your faces." The site manager for the construction site says his company has agreed to be quiet until 10 a.m. so Madge can “get her lie-in.”

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