Friday, August 11, 2006

This Week In Spoiled Whore Land ...
By PopCultureWhore

MySpace has become quite the spot for D-list celebs to spill their guts. Jason Wahler, the monosyllabic former boyfriend of “The Hills” star Lauren Conrad, has posted a grammatically challenged missive on the demise of their relationship. It’s not hot or sexy. He didn’t kiss his ex-girlfriend at a fashion show, tell LC he only wanted to be friends at a New Year’s Eve bash or get a hotel room for her birthday and then get pissy when she wanted to actually stay in it.

Basically, he says, they started arguing after a July vacation and then just drifted apart and had very little to say to one another. “I was out at clubs partying, and she was doing the same and our trust for each other faded,” he writes. He implores us not to think of him as “laguna beaches [sic] bad boy” and says that “Lauren will always be a part of me no matter what happens.” Translation: I’m here if you ever want to have sex again. He says “we dont [sic] go out of our way to hang out,” but comments on their pages suggest that the two had a mini-golf outing recently. How darling.

Lauren also posted some dumb poem about love on her MySpace blog, but I couldn’t get through it. But Lauren’s page links to Heidi, her roommate on The Hills and it looks like that's LC rival Kristen Cavallari in Heidi’s main MySpace picture? Also, Heidi had her named trademarked?

Nine Days Until History
By PopCultureWhore

We only have to wait nine more days until Kevin Federline graces us with his musical stylings on the Teen Choice Awards. I am counting down the minutes, yo. So far today I've heard new music from Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton. Question is, where will K-Fed's "Lose Control" fall on the scale of musical mediocrity? Jessica has a decent voice, but shit songs, Paris has a shit voice but noted producers. K-Fed? He has four kids, a MySpace page and a sugar mama. Again, I implore Teen Choice Awards producers to PLEASE flash to Justin Timberlake during K-Fed's performance like they did after Britney kissed Madonna during the VMAs? I imagine his look this time around will be a little more jovial. Watching that video is priceless for the celeb audience reaction if nothing else, including Mary J. Blige, the Fab 5, Avril Lavigne, 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg cracking up.

The Hits Keep Coming
By PopCultureWhore

Paris Hilton is hot, boys are fighting over her, blah blah, poke me in the eye. Click HERE for Ms. Hilton’s latest joint – a little number from Scott Storch featuring Fat Joe. It has a catchy beat, I suppose, but the subject matter is beyond vacuous and Paris’ “singing” is basically just heavy breathing. But what did you expect? I can’t believe I’m even analyzing this. But to get even deeper here, doesn’t Paris Hilton’s outfit from the Carl’s Jr. ad look like what Aubrey had to wear in Danity Kane’s “Showstopper” video? I dare say Paris looks a bit better in hers, but I might just be hungry for a burger. Or some deep thoughts.

Three New Castaways Join 'Lost'
By Lakshmi Kalimireddi

Three unknown actors are getting the opportunity of a lifetime. Elizabeth Mitchell (The Lyon's Den), Kiele Sanchez (Related) and Brazilian actor Rodrigo Santoro (Love Actually) have officially been cast as the newest regulars on Lost.

The Lost season 2 finale left Jack, Kate and Sawyer captured and bound by the Others, thanks to the back-stabbing A-hole, Michael. Unless they break free in the first episode, this means we'll finally get to know a little more about fake-beard-guy Zeke and his Dharma Project posse. As if there weren't enough characters and story lines to follow, the three newbies will be mixing things up for the Oceanic Flight 815 survivors.


Mitchell, Santoro (Hubba Hubba!) and Sanchez are all rumored to be on the Other team.

Santoro (seriously ladies, this guy's a babe, and I'm sure the accent won't hurt either) is said to be playing an Other, which means Sanchez's (above) character Nikki, who is slated to be his love interest (I hate her already), will very likely be one as well.

Mitchell (below), who will play Juliet, will be the shoulder Jack leans on...nuzzles...kisses, as producers say that the Jack-Kate-Sawyer love triangle will be resolved within season three's first six episodes.

The new Lost season begins October 4th!

Choose A Flop
By PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson wants me to help her pick her next single! She’s calling on the masses to go to her Web site, listen to six new songs and vote for your favorite. I totally believe that Papa Simpson will leave Jessica’s next career move in our hands, so let’s roll. Click on the song title to hear the magic.

If You Were Mine
Taylor Dayne is back! “If I was your lover, I could blow your mind,” she coos. Unfortunately, it’s not as naughty as Janet Jackson’s “If” but more like “Stars are Blind” with a better range.

The Lover in Me
Jon Secada is back! She’s not afraid to love, y’all. Or use tin drums.

I Belong to Me
If Mariah Carey had a kid sister and she took leftovers from “We Belong Together,” it would result in this song. There’s a clappy little downbeat that sounds like it came from a Casio keyboard and few chime-like synthesizer accents.

I had higher hopes for this one, seeing as how Britney’s “Boys” was pretty catchy and Ashlee’s “L.O.V.E” didn’t completely make me want to vomit, but this is another 80’s throwback. I watched “Mannequin” the other day and I think they sampled some of the background tracks on that movie for this.

You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)
I’m liking this song the best, but that’s probably because it’s a total rip off the Dead or Alive classic. They basically don’t change a thing, except that Jessica can’t do Pete Burns’ sustained “ooooh” in the middle of the song. I can already picture the Studio 54-esque video this is going to produce. Unless the last song is musical brilliance, I’m voting for this one.

I Don’t Want to Care
Nine seconds in – yeah, I’m voting for Spin me Right Round. Add a yacht and some bling and R. Kelly could be singing this song for his next mini opera.

Mariah wins again. So far “I Belong to You” is winning with 4,687 votes while “You Spin me Round” is in last place. My musical opinions are being ignored!
The Final Four
By Tiffany Westlie

So this is the finale for "So You Think You Can Dance."

We have Donyelle, Benji, Heidi and Travis; four out of a thousand.

Dancers will have solos and will then return to dance with each other. “So You Think You Can Dance” is getting kinky for the finale.Nigel, Mary, and Brian Friedman are your judges, settling in for 11 dances.

Heidi and Travis: Disco.
They are super cute together. It seems a little slow and mildly awkward; sort of like bad pairs skating. I like these two but this isn’t going to get the audiences voting. Nigel things that Heidi is a great partner. Travis is great, got to keep up his energy. Mary loved the way they danced. Brian thought they were super disco fabulous. I wasn’t wowed; not as dynamic as I hoped it would be.

Donyelle and Benji: Vietnamese Waltz.
Frenchie is going to choreograph something difficult. I like the choice of the song and the update of the older style. Benji is definitely a showman and keeps the partnering quite smooth. But Nigel thinks their turns weren’t very classical and their legs weren’t smooth. Mary was disappointed. She thought that they were going to have more powerful movement. Brian thought it was a bit tense and rough. I think that technically it might have fallen a bit short but I was a big fan of the performance as a whole.


Our top four are having their 15 minutes of fame! They get to go the opening of “Step Up” the hot new dance movie starring Jenna Dewan and hotttie Channing Tatum. Movie is opening Friday. Shamless plug. Check!

Heidi does her salsa solo wearing a crazy peacock number. Not only did she shake it, but she falls down in the end, I believe. She is so sweet and fun but I’m still not the biggest “Heidi as a soloist” fan.

Travis and Benji: Hip Hop
Shane Sparks returns to choreograph a hip hop routine about nerds who break out in sweet moves. It’s funky weird and has a lot of energy and sass. Really cool partnering lift moves. Nigel loved the idea of closet crumpers. Mary loved it loved it loved it. This woman is nuts...I think she just talked to her hand. Then screamed at it, and Brian. Brian loved their dorktasticness. They are a great team.

Donyelle does a lyrical jazz African inspired solo. It’s not as clean as my favorite girls who have left us but she still does bring a lot to her solos. I think the boys have got the competition nailed.

Travis’s solo is next and I’ve decided he is the best. He is hamming it up and doing everything in his power to energize America. He does a crazy spin that ends with him almost spinning into the ground. He really just danced for his life. I hope America listened.

Heidi and Donyelle: Broadway
Tyce choreographed their routine to “Big Spender.” Heidi out-danced Donyelle. She has the style down pat and Donyelle honestly just looks big next to little Heidi. Nigel thinks that they didn’t bring what they needed to bring to make the dance interesting. Mary thought that they didn’t bring enough attitude. Brian thought that they didn’t really bring the performance element but the dancing was good.

Benji’s solo is up next and he comes out like a firecracker. He has such a controlled energy. He somehow can take swing dancing and make it a solo and that is really admirable. It ends with him stage diving. Wow, so rock-and-roll Benji. Work it out.

Donyelle and Travis: Contemporary
These two will now have to face Mia Michaels. It is fluid and once again Donyelle is outdanced. Nothing to write home about really. Nigel thought it was beautiful and it captured their styles well. Crazy Mary loved it and thought they were captivating. Brian gives props to Donyelle.

Benji and Heidi: Salsa
America’s sweethearts have the club salsa down pat. They are so amazing to watch together. Fantastic. Lots of attitude and sass. Nigel states the obvious - they were sensational. Mary hops on the love boat for this great couple. Brian wants them to dance at his birthday party. I’m on the love boat for Benji and Heidi. They really have rocked my world this week.

The finale to this evening will be a group dance to a Wade Robson routine. I’ve got to give some love out to Wade. He’s the guy that did all of Britney Spears’ routines for the VMAs. You know you loved it when she ripped off her clothes and was wearing that sparkly body suit. Oh yeah...that was Wade. And when she danced with the snake? Wade too. Weird funky outfits. Lots of Sass. Classic fantastic Wade.

Nigel loved it and thinks they showed us why they are here. Mary is crazy and thinks Travis is really a standout. Brian thought it was “couture dance elegant.”Think it is down to Benji and Travis. We will find out next week!!!
Guess Who's Seeing JT?
By PopCultureWhore

Justin Timberlake
Roseland Ballroom
Thurs., Aug 31, 2006

Who's going? PopCultureWhore and her fellow JT admirer, Nicole. We had to resort to eBay after tix sold out in about 2.5 seconds, but we're there. I'll try to smuggle in the camera for some photographic goodness.
Kanye Finds His Golddigger
By PopCultureWhore

Grammy winning rapper Kanye West will have someone with whom to share his Louis Vuitton luggage. He is engaged to a woman named Alexis, whose last name and occupation was not known to People magazine. I don’t know what she did in the past, but now I imagine her title will be professional shopper and lie-about. I give this about two years, but if Kanye is still hanging out with Jamie Foxx, I give it about two weeks. I was watching The Simpsons last night and it was the one where Bart and Lisa get a glimpse into their future. “Marriage is a two-year commitment,” says the girl Bart has just proposed to. I’m thinking Hollywood feels the same way.


Ooh, She's a Bright Light. Gizmo!
By PopCultureWhore

I’m a bit tardy on my MTB3 recap from last week, but I think I was just so overwhelmed to once again be in BoomKat’s presence, I locked myself in my room for days to thank God for her spunkiness.

The ladies are in Los Angeles to shoot their first video and Diddy has put them up in a house that was likely used last week to shoot a porn video.

Dawn is so excited she has to adjust herself.

There's no time for dilly dallying, though. It's back in the studio with BoomKat. "Wanita, show me who you think you are on this record," she demands. I like that BK is not playing into this D-Woods nonesense.

Wanita is apparently going to be Bobby Brown on this record.


BoomKat succumbs to her “Mommie Dearest” tendencies, however, when the girls tell her that they’re not sure what version of the song will be used for the video.

“So you guys know I’m mad at you, right?” she says with a wicked smile.

Aubrey, who has apparently learned nothing from Christina Crawford, asks why, prompting BoomKat to go from zero to frantic hose beast in record time. “When you go to that video set tomorrow, and I know it’s your first video, but it’s a bunch of bull crap. Everybody on the set is going to buy into the hype. You’re going to hit your mark and then what are you going to do? Sit there and tell the world a story that you never had time?”

“I’m just saying …”

One more BoomKat-ism before they get down. “They’re not going to care what it could be until you hit a brick wall and you’re going down in flames.”

But not before shattering Aubrey’s dreams. “We’re not strippers,” BK barks. “Stripper’s done.” Those fancy boots are telling a different story honey. I’m just saying …

Ever the elegant, walking contradiction, BK begs with the girls to stay focused on set. “Don’t let the gas train kick in. Let’s just commit to it. We’ll get to that video that you want. But don’t get there and flip out on me.” You mean like this?

Bringing more credence to my theory that BK sits at home most nights watching herself in “Honey,” she closes the dance practice by asking, “What does Danity Kane mean?” She asks in a tone that would suggest she’s a grandmother battling Alzheimer’s and can’t quite remember why she’s there. It’s sweet.

She has the same tone on set the next day when crew members are hooking up the lighting rigs. “Oooh, she’s a bright light!” she coos. “Gizmo!” Does this mean she wants Gizmo exposed to the bright light and to die before our very eyes or is she warning the Gizmo only she can see to take cover?

It’s time for the video shoot. “Careful moms, don’t slip!” she yells to the girls as they make their way out onto Hollywood Boulevard. Mommie Dearest re-emerges as she demands that the ladies keep the “ENERGY UP!!”

But they make Mama proud. “You still throw the kids up against a wall and they bring it home,” she muses.

For more on the ladies' trashtastic video, click HERE.

Previous Recaps:
Episode 7: Love Is Only Half the Battle
Episode 6: Beauty and the Beastly Boyfriend
Episode 5: These Dudes Keep Grabbing Me!
Episode 4: Aubrey: Boom Kat For Life

Episode 3: I Love You Whores Forever!

Episode 2: Boom Kat, You Bitches!
Episode 1: Trannies Save New Orleans
Til Porn Star Do Us Part
By PopCultureWhore

Dave Navarro’s newfound admiration for porn star Jenna Jameson has apparently left a sour taste in estranged wife Carmen Electra’s mouth (…) – the former Baywatch star filed for divorce from her husband of almost two years yesterday. The pair announced their separation last month. I don’t really think Carmen should have any trouble finding a date, but it’s go to sting somewhat when you’re known for your sexpot image and your husband ditches you for a porn star. I imagine Jenna Jameson is among the few women who could give Carmen a complex.