Thursday, August 03, 2006

Love is Only Half the Battle
By PopCultureWhore

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.

Danity Kane’s littlest munchkin is back on the market. Rudy, Aundrea’s beau of two years, threw the pint-sized singer out with the bong water.

How could such an atrocity take place? Read on …

Danity Kane is “down with Diddy,” Mr. Combs explains.

That’s why the ladies get to work with Rodney “sexual chocolate” Jerkins, who predicts that his song “Hold me Down” will be a major hit for DK, “for real.”

Dawn is sold. “Rodney Jerkins is chill,” she purrs. “He is like the ice in the glass that melts slowly.” Quick! Write that down, bitch! It could be your next hot joint!

Rodney soon proves that he’s a divider, not a uniter, as he asks DK to pick who they think should lead his song. Aundrea is quickly named as queen of the mic, though D-Woods is less than enthusiastic. “Drea … or me,” she responds.

Sorry poodle, it’s going to Tiny Tim.

Rodney: Squeeze your booty cheeks real tight! Tight booty, tight record.

Aubrey explains that Aundrea is getting her groove back. Prior to this session, he freedom roar was more “gurp” and now it’s “RAWR!” Insightful. Thanks, peaches!


Back in the bat cave, it’s time for some quality time with Rudy. Unfortunately, he’s bar hopping with his buddy Rob and tells Aundrea that he’ll have to talk to her tomorrow. “Cant you talk to me for five minutes?” she asks. Rudy ignores her and tells her he’s trying to plan a trip to Las Vegas.

Rather than telling him he’s a major tool box and hanging up the damn phone, Aundrea meekly asks if he might possibly, maybe, kind of have any particular reason to visit … oh I don’t know … New York?


Their next conversation goes just as well.

Rudy: Why didn’t you call me last night?
Aundrea: I just fell asleep. Are you mad?
Rudy: Yes.
Aundrea: How come?
Rudy: Because I’m sick of it. I’m sick of not getting your phone calls at night.

I’m waiting for Aundrea to tell him he’s a piece of shit, but she instead explains that it’s hard to get to a phone with their schedule.

Rudy says he “don’t buy that” because there are “only” five girls. Boyfriend has obviously never lived with women because five girls and one phone means Rudy ain’t getting any calls.

It doesn’t matter, though, because poetic Rudy says “it’s all trivial now” and that he’s “numb to it.” He then tells Aundrea that he’s seen her true colors, that she’s 100 percent phony and that he’s “done” with the relationship.

This is when I wanted some fireworks. I needed Aundrea to tell him that she’s on a goddamn TV show being followed by cameras 24-7 but still calls his lazy “Prison Break” watching, music producing ass whenever she gets a chance. Instead she hangs up the phone calmly and goes to the bathroom to cry.

D-Woods comes in for the bear hug.

She fills DK in on Rudy’s latest dick move. It’s shock and awe all around.

The girls chit chat and create lyrics for their next song.

Aubrey: What an asshole.

D-Woods: The minute you go back home, he’s going to see you and it’s going to be another story.

Aubrey: This isn’t getting any easier. If anyone’s boyfriends are complaining at this point, it’s over.

Aundrea and her breasts emerge from the bathroom. D-Woods informs her that Rudy is stupid and that he’s “just let go of a very good piece of stock. You’re on your way up.”

Dawn comes in with the bridge. “Love is only half the battle. Love is not enough.” Sing it, girl! Oh wait.

Aundrea doesn’t have too long to wallow in sadness. Producer Rob Lewis (Aubrey like – shocker!) shows up at the bat cave to inform the girls that they’ll be performing at the Village Underground that night.

The ladies sound ok but are in desperate need of some BoomKat moves.

Next week ... BOOMKAT! She calls Aubrey "pumpkin" and tells them they're phony! Score!

Previous Recaps:

Episode 6: Beauty and the Beastly Boyfriend
Episode 5: These Dudes Keep Grabbing Me!
Episode 4: Aubrey: Boom Kat For Life

Episode 3: I Love You Whores Forever!

Episode 2: Boom Kat, You Bitches!
Episode 1: Trannies Save New Orleans
We're, Like, Coming Back. OMG!
By PopCultureWhore

** The kids from “The Hills” will be back for a second season of parentally funded fun in Los Angeles. I hope next year features the demise of Lauren and Jason. Not that LC is that much of an intellectual prize, but you give up Paris to spend a summer with that dolt? Was she afraid he was going to run off with Heidi like Kelly and Dylan on 90210? Probably.

** Jenny from the block is not heading to Texas. Jennifer Lopez has reportedly come to her senses and backed out of the big screen version of “Dallas.” She was set to play the alcoholic Sue Ellen opposite John Travolta, who was going to play J.R. Ewing. Her husband Skeletor probably didn’t want his woman around any cowboys.

** Unfortunately we might have to see Jake Gyllenhaal mock his own beauty via spandex for a bit longer. He has emerged as the front runner to play buddy Lance Armstrong in a biopic about the cyclist’s life. Do we really need to see that? I watched his appearance on Oprah. Lance has about as much personality as the bran he probably eats every morning before cycling 5,002 miles to God knows where. Unless there are gratuitous Jake “happy trail” shots, count me out. Posted by Picasa
No Way!
By PopCultureWhore

The Sydney Morning Herald gets today's obvious headline award with "Gibson discovers anti-Semitism plays badly." No kidding! Posted by Picasa
Like a Heretic
By PopCultureWhore

It’s 1990 again everyone. Catholic, Muslim and Jewish leaders in Rome have condemned a portion of Madonna’s Confessions Tour in which she hangs from a mirrored cross with a crown of thorns atop her head while singing “Live to Tell.”

"It is disrespectful, in bad taste and provocative," said Father Manfredo Leone of Rome's Santa Maria Liberatrice. "Being raised on a cross with a crown of thorns like a modern Christ is absurd. Doing it in the cradle of Christianity comes close to blasphemy."

Madonna encountered problems from the Vatican during her 1990 Blonde Ambition tour, which included a performance of the controversial “Like a Prayer,” among other objectionable thrustings and such.

Whatever. Perhaps several years at an all-girls Catholic school have made me immune to church folk whining about nothing, but seriously, it’s a show. Feed the poor, walk on water, do your duty, but don’t waste your breath condemning someone who is not going to take your sass. It didn’t work 16 years ago; probably won’t work today.

During the “Live to Tell” portion of her show, pictures of impoverished children and statistics about AIDS flash on a huge screen behind the singer. Madonna yesterday announced that she plans to raise at least $3 million to fund programs for orphans in the African country of Malawi.

Madge plays her second Wembley Arena show tonight in London and is scheduled to move to Rome’s Olympic Stadium for a Sunday show. On Tuesday, she was honored at Wembley Arena with a bronze cast of her hands.

 Posted by Picasa