Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Next Stop: Deadwood
By PopCultureWhore

All too often I'll go to a funeral and think, "Damn, I wish that funeral director would disrobe and liven this place up." Well, my lecherous prayers have been answered in the form of the "Men of Mortuaries" calendar. They can bench press grandma's coffin and flex their pecks all at once. If Paris wasn't back with Stavros, you know she'd be all over this - the guy on the far right is looking particularly "undead" -- hot.

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Laundry, Simple Style
By Telly Whore

“I can’t do 99.9 percent of the things on that list.”

This week on The Simple Life, Paris and Nicole were introduced to the Beggs family, a family of five that is headed by an obsessive, compulsive neat freak. And the plot thickens…

Given a list of simple household tasks, the girls’ only concern this week was finishing the list and preparing a dinner for the family and their church friends. That seems simple enough, right? But when is anything ever “simple” with those two?

They each began with washing clothes. You may think that perhaps the Beggs beat their clothes upon a rock and hung them out to dry, but in actuality, they have a top of the line washing machine that practically does everything for the user except put the clothes in the machine.


Nicole instead tossed the clothes in the pool with the tide and let them soak. With technology on her side, Paris overstuffed the machine with clothes and used enough soap powder to produce suds that would make any rave party-goers jealous. And as always, Paris knew just who to call, Limar, the Roto-Rooter man. I gather that Paris must use their services often, because no matter what appliance Paris manages to dismantle, Limar never appears to be surprised. I guess he has seen it all.

Paris brought the family cameo appearance number on TSL to an all-time high of five as she escorted her brothers into Kitsons, a Hollywood fashion depot that she used to frequent with former best friend Nicole and which now sells the Team Nicole and Team Paris t-shirts. Though it was Conrad’s birthday and he was clearly bored with Paris’ “birthday present,” that didn’t stop Paris from putting on a one-person fashion show because she “just couldn’t help herself.”

Nicole, however, will not be outdone this week. Somehow and someway, the infamous Lionel Ritchie (infamous for getting beat down by his wife in the street after catching him with his mistress) just happened to make an appearance on this episode to say “Hello” while Nicole was treating the family to a day of pampering and makeovers (including a weave for the son) at the spa. He kept his appearance short and sweet but he managed to dole out some fatherly advice and admonish Nicole at the same time. I don’t know, but the whole scenario just felt kind of uncomfortable? I will leave it at that.

I must take a moment to give credit where credit is due. Paris, alone with nothing but a blower, was able to defeat the two-inch cock roaches. Under the circumstances, I was actually quite impressed because had I been in Paris’ position, I would have had to walk off the show. I am deathly afraid of bugs of any kind, especially ones that are as big as my toe. Watching her blow that roach through the house nearly gave me a heart attack and I was safe in my home. I commend Paris. Paris, that’s hot.

This week, I was able to garner more information about the Paris/Nicole feud. It seems Nicole says drugs were the reason Paris and her were even friends in the first place, stating, “I was on drugs, I didn’t know who I was friends with.” Wow.

Once again, Paris wins this round of The Simple Life with Mr. Beggs choosing her over Nicole as the better housekeeper. He even managed to look pleased when Paris presented her dinner of brownies and fruit loops to his church friends.

In the infamous last words of Mr. Beggs, “Zachary, please don’t eat any of that.” And I can’t help but to wonder if he meant that in some larger, more existential way. Please don’t eat any of that.

Previous Recaps:
Simple Wizardry
Paris, Nicole Reunion in the Works?
Til Boredom Do Us Part
Keeping That Spark Alive
PR3: Fashionable Bitches
By Leila Cohan

Welcome to the recap for what just may be my favorite Project Runway episode ever. We begin with the designers meeting Heidi on the runway. Boo! It looks like they’re sticking with the dumb Season 2 method of model selection. Kayne keeps his model from last week, Katia. Heidi tells the designers that they will be meeting bright and early with Tim the next morning to learn their challenge, which will involve outfits inspired by “one of fashion’s hottest accessories."

Back at the apartments, everyone speculates as to what the accessory might be. May I just say that immediately after Heidi said “accessory”, I knew it was going to be a baby or a puppy. The next morning, the designers get notes instructing them to meet Tim Gunn on the west side of Central Park. Awesomely, this causes Laura to believe that the accessory is horses. The designers arrive in Central Park and are greeted by …



The designers will be designing a women’s wear outfit based on a puppy, as well as outfit for the puppy itself. They should also think of a story about the dog’s owner. The designers choose their dogs. Jeffrey interviews that every designer picked themselves in the dogs.

Bradley has a poodle and Alison has a cute shaggy dog. They decide that they should switch puppies. It’s cute. Laura is not excited about the dogs and puts hers in her Hermes bag so she doesn’t have to touch it. Back at Parsons, the designers start sketching. Hilarity ensues.

Angela’s interview about the story of her dog’s owner defies description, so I must transcribe it in full: “It’s about a British headmistress of an art camp in Paris. And the camp is called Jubilee Jumbles. And so, she’s throwing a birthday party for Pattycake (the dog).” Well!

Keith’s dog is “exotic” (read: ugly). He just wants to put a collar and chain on his ugly dog and nothing else. Meanwhile, Vincent is, predictably, having the time of his life (as opposed to last week’s nightmare of his life). He sings to his dog: “La la la, you’re so handsome, you’re such a good boy.” It’s pretty amazing. Katharine asks her puppy if she’s designed a good outfit and he high-fives her. It’s precious.

The designers go to Mood and then start constructing their garments. Poor Bradley can’t think of what to do. He scraps his original idea for a top, since it looks to hard to sew. He decides to change the whole thing right before everyone goes home.

The next morning, the designers head back to Parsons. Vincent is cracking his own shit up with his design for the puppy. Yes, there is a tiny hat. Guys, I kind of love Crazy Vincent Libretti.

My love, Bradley seems to be struggling a little bit. It’s his birthday tomorrow. It sure would suck if he went home on his birthday.

Meanwhile….oh good Lord. Angela. As Keith puts it, it’s “purple and pink and…scary.” There is a scuffle between Keith and Laura. Keith wants to use Michael’s sewing machine and Laura takes offense to this because she and Michael are besties (which, by the by, I love). Keith interviews that Laura is a bad mommy.

With two hours left, Tim comes to visit. He’s worried that Katherine’s dress is too simple and thinks she should make the model a hoodie to match the one the dog will wear. Tim loves Uli’s dress, as well as Alison’s. He’s concerned by Keith’s plan to bring a naked dog down the runway. Keith interviews that “this challenge is about ‘accessorizing the dog’, but it’s so lame.” Keith is a major-league asshole, y’all.

Angela’s garment continues to be a hot mess. Tim thinks it’s way over the top. Tim tells Bradley that he needs to majorly rework his top. Bradley is stressed the hell out. He tells Keith that he’d rather forfeit than show something he’s embarrassed by. Oh, Bradley!

The next morning, the designers have an hour to get ready before the models arrive. Tim remains concerned about Bradley, although he does say happy birthday. Awesomely, the producers have changed Bradley’s age in his interviews.

The models come in and the designers continue to scramble. Then the puppies enter! Hurray! Uli’s dog has an adorable onesie that says “Hi Ladies!” on the side. The puppies are all extraordinarily cute. Katherine did not have time to finish the model’s hoodie. Bradley is going with the top he already has.

Runway time! Vera Wang is filling in for La Kors again and the guest judge is Ivanka Trump, for some reason.

First up, we have Kayne. It’s definitely a little loud, but there’s an undeniable point of view.

Next up is Uli. I love the dog’s garment and her use of prints, but I’m a little underwhelmed by the jacket. Also, I do believe that Uli is wearing this necklace I totally covet. It’s a silver envelope, and when you open the envelope, there’s a little silver square that says “I love you.” It’s intensely cute.

Robert’s models come down the runway next. His outfit is very Chanel, but that was his dog’s name, so what else could he do?

Alison is up next and her outfit is, like her, adorable. The dress and jacket are very mod and the puppy is wearing a tiny matching motorcycle jacket. It’s pretty amazing.

Next up, we have Bradley. It really doesn’t look that bad. Like his Atlas apartment challenge outfit, it’s got some balloon-y proportions that aren’t my thing, but are very big right now, so that’s a good thing, I guess.

Keith’s dress is really ridiculously beautiful, but his dog is naked.

Bonnie just seems like dead weight to me. I haven’t been too impressed with anything she’s done yet and this week is no exception. Her outfit isn’t bad, it’s just…not exciting.

Katherine’s dog looks adorable and I like the dress she made for the model, but…well, Katherine’s a textile designer for Target and you could buy this dress at Target. It would be a great find, but still.

I think that Michael has been criminally slept-on so far. His dress is amazing. Sexy and original. I think he’s going to be like Daniel V. – stay in the background for the first third of the season and then become a wunderkind.

Vincent’s model looks good, but it’s a dull outfit – at least as dull as Katherine’s. His dog, on the other hand, looks precious, although he is only focused on getting the hat off his head.

I’m a little confused about the fur collar on Laura’s suit. It seems oddly placed. The look is cute, if a little commercial and the dog is just ridiculously sweet.

Pop quiz! Angela’s dress is a) very 1980s, b) very similar to what she herself is wearing, c) insanely ugly, or d) all of the above. Of course, dear reader, the answer is D.

Oh my goodness gracious, Jeffrey made his dog a tiny suit!!! The dress is really cute as well (the first design of his that I’ve really been impressed by), but that dog is just crazy, although he is as poorly behaved on the runway as Vincent’s puppy.

The designers are called onto the runway. Jeffrey, Michael, Vincent, Bonnie, Robert, Kayne, and Laura are safe. The judges love the thought behind Uli and Alison’s garments. Katherine’s model’s garment is not as cute as the dog’s and the dress looks unfinished. They think that Angela’s story is bogus and her outfit inappropriate. Bradley’s puppy keeps barking and Heidi tells him that he’s being a bad boy. It’s a little hot.

The judges love Bradley’s outfit. Nina says she could put it into Elle right now. Well! Happy birthday, Bradley!

The judges are real pissed about Keith’s dog’s lack of an outfit. Keith lies through his teeth and says he made many outfits for the dog and then implies that he made the dog a collar. Heidi gets up to look at the dog’s collar and says, very dramatically, that it’s from the Macy’s accessory wall and is “not made at all.” Heidi then gets my favorite line of the episode: “I find it hard to judge when there is no outfit on the dog.” Fabulous!

After the judges deliberation, the designers are called back onto the runway. Uli is the winner. Alison is safe. Bradley is safe. Keith is safe. Angela’s dress was fug, but Katherine’s was dull and poorly executed. Angela is in, so Katherine is out. Bull! Bye Katherine! We’ll miss you!

Previous Recaps:
Episode 2: It Was the Nightmare of my Life
Episode 1: Malan, Febreze, Crazy Vincent
Casting Special: Designers, Rock the Casbah
Studio Whores ...
By PopCultureWhore

** HEATH LEDGER will ditch the cowboy hat for face makeup to play The Joker in the next Batman film, dubbed “The Dark Knight.” CHRISTIAN BALE will reprise his role as Bruce Wayne and Christopher Nolan will return to direct. Ledger danced around in “10 Things I Hate About You” so he’s probably up for a campy cartoon romp, but can he really fill Jack’s shoes? (ETOnline.com)

** Surprise! ABC has decided not to go ahead with a mini-series about the Holocaust it was developing with … MEL GIBSON! The series was supposed to be based on a memoir about a Dutch Jew during WWII (The Times). Meanwhile, Gibson has again apologized for his behavior following a DUI arrest. Gibson says there's "no excuse" and there should be "no tolerance" for "anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of anti-Semitic remark." In a statement, Gibson says, "I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a D-U-I charge." Gibson goes on to say, "I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith." He asks to meet with leaders of the Jewish community for what he calls a "one-on-one discussion" to find "the appropriate path for healing." (AP)

** A sound stage used for many of the “James Bond” films was destroyed by fire. It “will need to be demolished and rebuilt,” according to Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire, England. No one was harmed. It was most recently used to house a replica of Venice for the upcoming “Casino Royale” flick, starring DANIEL CRAIG as Mr. Bond. (ETOnline.comPosted by Picasa
Meet the Bong
By PopCultureWhore

The curse of MTV reality looks to be wreaking havoc on another Hollywood romance. Page Six reports that former Blink 182 drummer and Playboy playmate wife Shanna, stars of MTV’s “Meet the Barkers,” got into it at LA club Privilege. Shanna reportedly spied her tattooed hubby taking a picture with a curvy patron and decided to rectify the situation by emptying her drink on the woman and throwing her glass at Barker. Are they trying the wrestle the "White Trash Couple" award away from Paris and Stavros?

Barker’s rep had no comment, which translates into, “Crazy slut needs a job.” Anybody ever watch that show? Shanna is sloth personified, sleeping the day away, barely tending to her three children and pouting whenever Barker is not gracing her with his pot-stoned presence. She had her first daughter (who looks a bit too much like Kori Federline for my tastes) with Oscar de la Hoya, who eventually recognized crazy and got the hell out. I guess I hope they don’t go the Nick & Jessica and Carmen & Dave reality divorce route “because of the children” but Shanna doesn’t seem to have trouble finding the mens. Posted by Picasa
Boy Toy? Cigs? Strippers? Check.
By PopCultureWhore

I think we all need to leave LINDSAY LOHAN alone. She’s just a young thespian looking to hone her craft; a fine dramatic artist on the precipice of greatness who works constantly despite her sometimes debilitating case of bronchial asthma. I’m sure that on the flight from New York to Las Vegas, just one week after being hospitalized for exhaustion, that she and Hard Rock CafĂ© heir HARRY MORTON ran lines (from a script) and quoted from their favorite Shakespeare adaptations. That cigarette spied in her mouth while partying at Tao nightclub is likely an organic version used by non-smoking actors in preparation for her role as legal patron of 21 and up after hours establishments.

She is apparently so dedicated to her acting career that she has let music slip by the wayside. U.K. record label Island Records, the previous home of U2, reportedly fired Lohan after she failed to travel to London to promote her album, Speak. "In the end they didn't even bother releasing the album in Britain. She didn't bother to come over to the UK to do interviews or make TV appearances to help sell the album. Island have now decided not to do another one with her,” according to reports.

Speaking of Tao nightclub, Page Six reports that porn star and former Surreal Life cast member RON JEREMY was spotted partying with KEVIN FEDERLINE'S mom in a VIP sky box at the club on Saturday. BRITNEY dined downstairs with family and friends while K-Fed was “making the video” at Pure. That's just too perfect for words.