Thursday, July 20, 2006
Friends don't let friends do K-Fed, but producers of the Teen Choice Awards apparently didn't get the memo. I resisted posting rumors about Britney's husband performance at the upcoming awards show for fear that the earth would tilt on its axis and be sucked into a black hole, but America's most misunderstood house-husband has confirmed to USA Today that he will close the show on Aug. 20 with his first single, Lose Control. At least they're smart enough to know that crazy closes the show (Guns 'n' Roses at the 2002 MTV Video Awards, anyone?)
Viewers will be "shocked" by K-Fed's performance, he says. "I want to prove myself as an artist, as a rapper and as a human being in society who goes through everything everybody else goes through."
Kevin also confirms that he and Britney are working on a duet (NOOOOOOO!!!). He says it's not really a love song (shocker!) but "gives my point of view of how my family is and how tight my family is." He slams breakup rumors, saying that "even with the bad stuff, you go through it, and it just makes you love each other even more." That's Federline for "Where's my check, bitch?"
Britney is supposed to attend as K-Fed's date, provided that she's not popping out baby number two. "This is my first big event, and I need her support and I want her support," he says.
K-Fed is also nominated (?) for favorite male red carpet fashion icon. Britney's ex, Justin Timberlake is up for favorite male choice hottie. PLEASE cut to him during K-Fed's performance like they did during Britney's Madonna "Like a Virgin" kiss. Just a smirk. That's all I need.
By Patrick Griffith
Superstar drug addict and part time rocker Pete Doherty, formerly of The Libertines and currently fronting Babyshambles, wants to kick his habit, but in a controversial and humorous way. The 27-year-old Brit told a judge in London last Thursday that he wants a fingertip-sized implant that releases a drug to prevent highs from opiates. Maybe Doherty should try it the old fashioned way and stick to rehab or quit cold turkey. Oh wait, he’s tried that several times and failed miserably. Personally, I’d take Doherty more seriously if he said he wanted breast implants, but this is a shocker nonetheless. Judge Jane McIvor praised Doherty when she heard the news, even though he failed a court ordered drug test and was two hours late for court. Maybe the ol’ Judge should take a competency test and see how she fares, because as we all know, Doherty is a career fuck-up. The next story I’ll be writing on Doherty will probably be about his dumb ass dying because he took drugs while on the implanted device. Cheers mate, you’re the biggest laughing stock of music since MC Hammer released a gangster rap album. So die trying, Doherty, but we pop culture whores will be right by your side laughing.
For some reason, Paris Hilton decided to chat with TMZ recently and respond to the nasty comments readers have left about her on the gossip blog. She basically just blathers on about how she is a person with feelings who is not as promiscuous as some might think, but I find it hilarious how the TMZ reporter's tone suggests that he's interviewing a world leader about the North Korea nuke threat rather than an oversexed hotel heiress. He actually asks her to respond to specific comments posted online, which include: "Paris is just an overused human condom," "Paris is like a fart in a mitten. You know it's there, you can't stand it, but you can't get rid of it," and "Would you please drop over dead or commit suicide you damn slut." Fart in a mitten?! WTF? That gets my vote for most randomly hilarious insult of the day.
Watch it HERE.
Violet Affleck in violet pants. Darling.
Put Matthew McConaughey on bongos and White Trash to the Fourth Power (WT4) is born!
Jazzercise with Xtina ...
Paris? Ashlee? Fido?
"Kevin, I know you're not 'in the studio,' dumbass."
Somebody help him. Please.
Is it liquid or ice? Or a big 'ole horse face?!
And So It Begins
Haley Joel “I see dead people” Osment gave the E! Channel its opener for his “True Hollywood Story” early this morning when he crashed his car into a brick pillar. The Oscar-nominated “Sixth Sense” star, now 18, was driving a 1995 Saturn around 1 a.m. in Los Angeles when he hit the pillar and flipped his car. He was conscious at the scene, but no additional information on his condition was available. According to his IMDB profile, he once starred in an episode of "Walker Texas Ranger," so I'm sure the lessons he learned from Chuck Norris will help in his recovery.
Madge wrapped up the NYC leg of her Confessions Tour at Madison Square Garden last night. She was much more chatty with the crowd than the June 28th opener I also attended, telling us all that she didn't want to leave NY, ordering a sit-in and giving a shout out to an exuberant crowd of gay men (the aforementioned "front row bitches") gathered stage left. I brought my camera along and used up the 150 photos in the memory card. We were section 112 bitches so we had somewhat of a side view, but I danced around like a moron nonetheless. No major celeb sightings, except transexual Amanda Lepore and Oprah's (not gay) BFF Gayle King.
A few more pics below: