Friday, July 14, 2006

Hey Y'all ... Wait, I Forget
by PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson is SO excited, y'all! In what will be a fruitless effort to bring down Britney's pop empire, Jessica is putting the final touches on her upcoming album. In a personal memo to fans, she writes: "Today is my last day in the studio!!!! I can't wait for ya'll to listen to this new album. I've had so much fun putting it together. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and wishing on the stars that it will make ya'll smile. Have a good day. I love you guys! -- Jessica"

I'm wishing on the stars that it doesn't make me yack. Jessica will be on TRL (sans Vanessa Minnillo) to premiere the video for "Public Affair" on Wednesday, July 19. It's a little 80s-inspired, roller skate number with Eva Longoria, Christina Applegate, Christina Milian and Ryan Seacrest as a limo driver.
A (Netflix) Star is Born!
By PopCultureWhore

Despite having heavy-weight co-stars like Morgan Freeman and Kevin Spacey, Justin Timberlake’s feature film debut is heading straight to DVD on July 18. JT stars as a journalist looking to expose police force corruption who gets a little too close to the story in “Edison Force,” a film originally set to hit theaters in spring 2005. LL Cool J also makes a S.W.A.T.-like appearance, as does Dylan McDermott and Cary “Princess Bride” Elwes. Based on the trailer, Justin is still rocking the almost fro and giving the audience penetrating stares. This might just go the way of Britney’s “Crossroads," but it's still going on my Netflix queue for your recapping pleasure.

JT's next film venture will be “Alpha Dog,” which chronicles the life and alleged crimes of Jesse James Hollywood, with Bruce Willis and Sharon Stone. Her films always seem to do well!

For now, he's pushing his upcoming album FutureSex/LoveSounds. He performed at London’s Hammersmith Palais Thursday to promote the album, which debuts Sept 12. Though I was initially skeptical, I have to admit that I've been rocking out to the first single, SexyBack.

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PR3: Malan, Febreze, Crazy Vincent
By Leila Cohan

Alright, since we’ve all been introduced to the designers in the casting special, I’ll skip the reintros here. We start with everyone moving into their Atlas apartments. Malan, Michael, Robert and Bradley are sharing one apartment. Laura, Angela, and Stacey have another. Kayne, Jeffrey, Crazy Vincent, and Keith are roommates. Alison, Uli, Bonnie, and Katherine are in the Apartment of Adorable!

All the designers are invited up to the roof to party with Tim and Heidi. Champagne! The designers mingle. Crazy Vincent is a little crazy.

Robert used to work for Issac Mizrahi. It was one of the best and worst experiences of his life. At times, he “wanted to drive a stake through that man’s heart.” Let’s hope Issac isn’t a guest judge, huh? In related news, if you haven’t seen Unzipped, the documentary about Issac Mizrahi’s Fall 1994 collection, go rent it right now. I’ll wait. It’s okay. That shit is amazing. Issac Mizrahi is as crazy as he is brilliant, and the man’s a genius.

Anyways, back on the actual show, it’s time for Heidi to reveal the challenge. The designers have to construct an outfit using materials from their apartments. Shock and awe ensues.

Fucking Malan is irritated that they have to use substandard fabrics because he prefers higher-quality materials. Okay. I can tell you right now that he is going to piss me off. If you’re going to come on this show, you have to accept that you’re going to be doing some wacky things, because Project Runway is about making beautiful clothes, but it’s also about making good television. Deal. Don’t act like you’re too good for it.

The designers have only fifteen minutes to gather their materials. Craziness ensues.

Fucking Malan is amazed at “how inappropriate” people are acting. How are they being inappropriate? This is the challenge. I hate you, Malan. The apartments are looking pretty sad.


The designers work. Work, work, work designers! Tim tells them that they will have until 1:00 AM tonight to finish their look, giving them about twelve hours. The winner of the challenge will have immunity for next week.

Keith Michael has never made a dress in his life. This is the first time Stacey has used a basic sewing machine. Oh dear.

With two hours until deadline, Tim stops by. He is concerned for Jeffrey, Stacey, and Vincent. He thinks that perhaps Keith’s design is not innovative enough. In a confessional, Keith says that he knows of the people who will be judging and doesn’t respect some of their personal style. Ooh, is Keith a stealth asshole? I think so!

The designers work frantically. Jeffrey thinks there’s a lot of “remedial, intermediate bullshit.” Huh? The issue is that Jeffrey’s design isn’t looking that hot itself. I was willing to take a certain amount of shit-talking from Santino, because, hey, it ain’t bragging if it’s true, but, thus far with Jeffrey, the look isn’t justifying the attitude.

Oh Lord. Stacey is just a hot mess. She needs to do a second layer of her (sheer, white) skirt, but she doesn’t think she’ll have enough time. Yeah, that might not go so well.

The designers return to their apartments, ready to sleep. Too bad their apartments are still in shambles!

It’s the day of the runway show! Frantic preparations ensue. In reference to Michael’s garment, a dress made of coffee filters, Kayne gets my favorite quote of the episode: “It looks soft and like it would smell like Febreze.”

Tim arrives with the models following shortly behind. Stacey’s skirt is way too sheer, so she makes some undies. Crazy Vincent has a crazy hat and crazy sunglasses for his crazy outfit.

Off to the runway show! Oof, Heidi’s outfit is not so cute. I don’t care how hot you are. Leather pants are usually a bad idea. Our guest judge today is Kate Spade.

First up in the show, we have Laura. I don’t want to like her garment: it’s a lot over-the-top, but somehow, it works.

Next up is Bradley. It’s obviously not super-wearable, but I love the proportions. Cute.

Keith’s dress is up next, and I have to say, it’s stunning. I don’t think it is the most innovative, by any means, but I do think that it’s really gorgeous. There are some really cute Marc-by-Marc-Jacobs-ish red buttons on the back.

Next we have Angela’s look. I’m really very bothered by the trashiness of the top, especially when paired with the leather skirt. I own a leather skirt and I love it, but really, you need to go demure on the top if you don’t want to look like a lady of the night.

Kayne’s look is probably my favorite. I think it’s crazy-hot and really innovative. In this picture, you can’t see the back, but there’s some really interesting curls of the orange rubber. It’s awesome.

Malan is up next and I hate the length of the skirt. I think the weird mid-calf action and the bulkiness of the top make the model look very matronly. Not pretty.

Okay, so I like Bonnie’s dress in theory. I think that the trim at the top is super-cute. But. First of all, it doesn’t fit the model even a little and second of all, it is WAY too busy in the midsection.

Next up we’ve got Katherine. I’m not wild about the hood, but I love the dress and the puffiness of the jacket at the bottom.

Michael is next. It’s a little commercial and a lot done, but definitely cute and sexy. I’d wear it.

Oh Lord. Crazy Vincent. You know what? I’m just going to present this without comment.

Alison’s is cute, if a little commercial. I’m also not sure how I feel about the paunchiness in the crotch area.

Stacey’s is just a mess. The skirt is too sheer, the top is ill-fitting and the belt doesn’t go with the outfit. Ghastly.

Robert’s is really lovely. Very Maria in West Side Story, but the back is very low cut and held together by the jewelling. It’s really quite something.

Next, we have Uli. It’s cute. I like the colors, even if I’m not wild about the fit.

Last and possibly least, we have Jeffrey. While I actually quite like the dress, the jacket does not go AT ALL, so the whole effect is rather jarring.

The designers step onto the runway.

Alison, Bradley, Angela, Kayne, Malan, Bonnie, Katherine, Michael, and Uli are safe.

Laura, Robert and Keith are the top three, and Jeffrey, Vincent and Stacey are the bottom three.

As predicted, the judges hate the hat, find Jeffrey’s outfit distracting, and think Stacey’s is a wreck. Laura is safe. Keith is the winner.

Robert is safe. Vincent is safe. Jeffrey is in and Stacey is out. Bye, Stacey!

My early favorites? Robert, Kayne and (probationally) Michael. I’m so excited Project Runway is back and I can’t wait for the rest of the season.

Click HERE for a recap of the casting special.

The Manny Returns!
By PopCultureWhore

When you’re trying to dispel the rumor that you’re a dirty piece of white trash, I don’t know that you should have your man slave rush off to the grocery and pick up five boxes of Velveeta. The good news is that Britney’s Manny Perry has made his return; the bad news is that he has not only failed at getting K-Fed kicked to the curb, but he is now shopping for Mr. PopoZao. X17 reports that Perry was picking up some ingredients for K-Fed’s famous macaroni and cheese (marshmallows?). Who knows if that’s true, but it’s a better story than Manny shopping for himself and eating Velveeta in his one-room LA hovel while watching “Rockstar Supernova.”

Michael Douglas Is a Smart Man
By PopCultureWhore

Last night I watched the most hilarious movie ever – Basic Instinct 2. FourFour beat me to it with his own recap but that’s fine because it means I don’t have to watch it again myself!

The opening sequence is about as cliché as you can get with Sharon Stone’s Catherine Tramell engaging in some sexual fisticuffs while behind the wheel of a Very Fast Car.

Naturally it ends with said car flying off a London bridge and into the water. Ms. Tramell emerges unscathed, but a faulty seatbelt and some pesky muscle paralyzing drugs make that a bit more difficult for her footballer companion.

The cops later ask her why she isn’t more upset about the incident. “I’m traumatized,” she responds. “I might never cum again.” I seriously almost spit my Diet Coke out across the room. A curiously enraged officer emerges from the questioning room and screams to no one in particular, “I want that cunt in jail!”

After such a graceful repartee, I had to check who had written this eloquent prose. It’s Henry Bean and Leona Barish, whose most notable credits include HBO’s short-lived “K Street” and “Desperately Seeking Susan” – respectively.

They put their writing skills to the test once again during Catherine’s “you know you want me” speech to the good doctor, apparently played Liam Neeson’s bloodless brother. She straddles a chair and describes sexual positions and whatnot, but it’s about as hot as the Monique’s Fat Chance horse riding segment on Entertainment Tonight.

I think there was some twist at the end, shifting the “did she or didn’t she” brouhaha from Ms. Tramell to the good doctor, but I wasn’t really paying attention at that point. Icky kiss, longing stare, insert laughter, roll credits.

Check out FourFour for a more indepth analysis.
Send This Bitch to Jail!
by PopCultureWhore

The latest court filings are further proof that the United Arab Emirates should have locked up Naomi Campbell and not the coke-snorting record producer that visited the country for her birthday. Yet another former servant of the long-legged supermodel has filed suit against her for verbal and physical assault. Amanda Brack, the 19-year-old Campbell hired as her assistant in February 2005, says Naomi beat her ass on four separate occasions and she wants payback.

Among the highlights:

** Campbell struck Brack in the face with her Blackberry, slammed her against a wall and slapped her repeatedly across the face because a piece of her luggage got left behind during a trip to Brazil.
** Campbell threw a cell phone at Brack's face during a subsequent outburst at the model's New York apartment.
** Naomi was pissed that Brack forgot an article of clothing for a Morocco photo shoot. As a result, she left her assistant stranded in Morocco without money, tore up her passport and threw it into the swimming pool and left her to pay the hotel bill.
** Finally, back in New York, Campbell allegedly ripped Brack's sweater "off her neck" and accused the assistant of stealing the garment.

Seriously, can we PLEASE send Naomi to jail? For insulting Ty-Ty if nothing else! Average-looking people have gone to the slammer for far less! Bitch needs to put down the cell phones and start making me a license plate. At the very least, deport her since she's a British citizen! Immigration reform starts with Naomi.

It's Friday. Eat a Sandwich
By PopCultureWhore

Does Orlando restrict her food intake? Girlfriend is going the way of Nicole Ritchie. So much more appealing in "Blue Crush." Love the shoes, though.

The Morning Brew

Jazz Hands For Usher (People)

Angelina Makes Aniston’s Day (Again) (People)

Analyzing Justin Timberlake (The New York Times)

South Park Smackdown (The Washington Post)

White Trash 4Eva (People)

Jake to Andy? Downgrade (

Tobey Joins the Baby Boom (