Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Did Sylvia Brown Predict This?
By PopCultureWhore

Who cares wedding/breakup/children week continues with Montel Williams, who proposed to his flight attendant girlfriend at Tavern on the Green this week. Her name is straight out of Dynasty - Tara Fowler. Expect some shoulder pads and catfights at this shindig. The is marriage number three for Montel. He'll catch up to Christie Brinkley in no time. Does anyone watch his piece of trash show anymore? I watch Maury occasionally to feel better about myself, but Montel's topics range from "My Dog Ate My Face" to "Miracle Diet Secrets!" Click.

Meanwhile, Brenda Walsh has finally gotten over Dylan McKay and wants to find a perfectly coiffed boy of her own. "I'm a little too old to be making the same mistakes," she told Extra. Those mistakes include Ashley Hamilton, son of George and the guy featured in Paris Hilton's sex tape. Classy stuff. I'm sure third time will be the charm for Montel and Brenda.
The Secret Word Is SPAZ!
By PopCultureWhore

Put away the Ritalin. The cure for ADD is on Cartoon Network every week day at 10pm as Pee Wee’s Playhouse makes its triumphant return to TV. Usually when you watch a show that you loved as a child, you’ll find that it’s rather slow, antiquated and not all that interesting (“Small Wonder” anyone?). So I wasn’t expecting much when I DVR’d the first few episodes of Pee Wee this week. But much to my surprise, I actually watched the entire thing, probably because it’s weird as shit. There’s a wish-giving head in a box in the kitchen, a talking chair with teeth, a sadistic redheaded puppet, a robot that dispenses magic words and Laurence Fisburne as a jeri-curled cowboy. It laid the foundation for the cinematic masterpiece that is “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.” I’ll always remember that there’s no basement in the Alamo.
Whore Links

Kimberly Stuart: Not Quite Paris (PITNB)

K-Fed + Shar = Musical Genius (Crunk + Disorderly)

Penelope Saves Dog From Small Horse?! (PopSugar)

Natalie Not Showing the Goods (TMZ)

Beyonce's Diet Secret? Cereal (Hollywood Rag)

Suri Cruise Is "Funny Looking" (Blogocritics)

LeAnn Rimes Under the Knife (BBC)

Pearl Jam Donates the Green (BBC)

Jackie Chan Gets In a Rumble (AP)
Who's My Baby's Daddy?
By SoapOperaWhore

On "All My Children", Kendall suspects that the father of baby Spike (that's right she named her child Spike) is the very dead Dr. Greg Madden, and not Ryan, her onetime lover who has fallen in love with her all over again.

How's a girl to prove that the crazy dead doctor who wanted to steal her baby is actually the baby's father? Go to his son, Josh and get a DNA sample. The test proves Greg is indeed Spike's father, but there is one small problem: Josh is the baby that Erica "aborted" but that Dr. Madden somehow saved (that still hasn't really been explained), and kept as his own.


Alas, Kendall and Josh are half brother and sister, so of course Spike's DNA is going to match Josh's. Erica hasn't yet come clean about her connection to Josh, but it may be time or poor Spike is going to grow up thinking that the dastardly Dr. Madden is his father. Ultimately, I'm fairly positive Ryan will turn out to be Spike's father. The addition of Josh to both the Kane and Martin clans is obviously going to cause some riptides throughout Pine Valley.

Megan McTavish, the head writer of AMC, is obsessed with baby plots. That is all that she seems to know how to write. I'm over baby-centered plots. There are other things in life. I know that people think that the woman is a brilliant writer, but is the return of the baby that Erica Kane "aborted" really genius storytelling? I am curious to see how Erica is going to handle the situation when Josh finds out, which should be any day now if Erica has any sort of conscience.

Extra: Kendall's Hart to Heart

"Days of Our Lives" is blessing Hope with yet another bundle of joy. The child is not the product of super couple Bo and Hope, but burgeoning couple Hope and Patrick. Ever since Bo's long lost daughter, Chelsea, accidentally killed Bo and Hope's youngest son, Zach, Hope has been unable to let Bo back into her heart. I'm so over Bo and Hope. I want something to put a jolt into these characters, and Hope staying with Patrick rather than going back to Bo is exactly what they need. It certainly is looking like a Hope/Patrick coupling is where things are headed, but I'm not deluded enough to think that it means a permanent end to Bo and Hope. Just make it long enough so Bo-Hope-Patrick is a viable triangle with rooting interest on both sides. A baby between Hope and Patrick certainly gives them some rooting value….

"The Bold and The Beautiful" has been teasing us with a major death on the horizon, and the identity of the victim has finally been revealed: Darla.

Darla is a fairly minor character who I really could care less about, but her death is going to produce immense amounts of story. Taylor mows Darla down while she is helping Taylor's daughter, Phoebe change a tire. If this were a tragic accident it would be terrible, but not criminal. However, Taylor has been drinking like a fish lately. It seems as if she may have been under the influence when she hit Darla. She confesses this tidbit to Hector, who has been dying to get into Taylor's pants for months. This is going to spin story in all different directions: a grieving Thorne, a guilty Taylor, and a torn Hector.

This last piece of information is a tidbit more then anything else. The word is that talks between One Life to Live" and Michael Easton (John McBain) are going in such a direction that the writers have been instructed to write in his death for August. It's all hearsay at the moment, but I can't imagine Natalie would take too kindly having yet another man that she loves taken from her prematurely.
That’s So Vomit Inducing
By PopCultureWhore

Olivia Huxtable is trying to ruin my childhood. Former Cosby kid and “That’s So Raven” star Raven Symone is going to star in a remake of 80’s classic “Adventures in Babysitting.” What? The best part is the campy 80’s-ness of it all. Don’t crush my dreams!

The 1987 version was Elisabeth Shue in all her pre-Nicholas Cage Vegas alcoholic glory. It begins as every good 80’s movie should – with Shue’s Chris Parker character dancing around her room and using the bedpost as a microphone while deciding what to wear.

Too bad her boyfriend, who has the oh-so 80’s name of Mike Todwell (“The West Wing’s” Bradley Whitfield) stands her up and Chris is instead forced to babysit some rugrats who could probably take care of themselves. Naturally, shit happens and Chris is forced to go on a rag-tag adventure (with kids in tow) to rescue an idiotic friend who ran away from home, decided against it, but then had no way to get home from a Chicago bus station. Uh, sit your ass on a bench until the parents come home? Mayhem ensues, they get hooked up with some sort of street gang, Chris is mistaken for a Playboy centerfold and romanced by a “mature college guy” and they take turns dangling off a Chicago skyscraper – all in one night! I love that the little girl was obsessed with Thor and that a Thor-look-alike showed up in the parking garage to save the gang at the last minute.

I’m so putting this movie on my Netflix queue now – in protest!

(Source) and (Source)
By PopCultureWhore

Available: one CNBC news writer. During a Monday afternoon telecast, CNBC anchor Joe Kernan was discussing the weekend box office returns. He said that the $132 million brought in by the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel beats out the “previous three-day record [of] “Aquaman” at $120-plus.” One problem. “Aquaman” is a fictitious James Cameron film from the HBO series “Entourage” that never actually hit theaters. A recent episode of the comedy was centered around whether or not “Aquaman” would beat the $115 million opening of “Spiderman” in 2002. Has fact-checking gone the way of Britney’s career? This is not public access, you fools.

Jessica Stages Birthday Fun
by PopCultureWhore

Jessica celebrated birthday 26 in Cabo San Lucas with family and friends Ken Paves and CaCee Cobb. I don’t know where these shots came from, though, because they look far too staged to be paparazzi numbers and hairstylist Paves is seen fixing Simpson’s mane in one shot. People probably got the exclusive shots. What’s the ratty tie-dye thing she’s clinging to? Good news on the awkwardness front – looks like Jessica’s ex-husband Nick Lachey and his current squeeze Vanessa Minnillo will be on hand for the Teen Choice Awards, an August bash set to be hosted by Ms. Simpson herself.

Death, Sharp Cheekbones Very 'In'
By PopCultureWhore

So, Claire Danes died. But the party girl trooper that she is, she returned from the dead for Tuesday’s Serpentine Gallery summer party in London. She was joined by Chuck Norris, his gold belt and Linda Evangelista, who had her head removed from the cryo chamber just for the night and placed on the body of her choice. Actually, gold belt is Italian designer Stefano Pilati, but he still looks like he’d have a killer roundhouse kick.

Drugs, Sex & Rock 'n' Roll
By PopCultureWhore

Perhaps stories of a collaboration between Madonna and Lindsay are true, but Madonna has demanded that Lindsay learn the guitar (and Hebrew and how to tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue) before they can go any further. More than likely, though, this is some publicity stunt during which Lindsay is given a guitar for her services that she will later use to smash open the packages of coke at her next rager. I mean, serenade the crowd with her latest hit.

Until then, she’s been practicing other skills on the set of her upcoming movie “Georgia Rule.”

(Source) and (Source)
Beautiful People Can't Make It Work
By PopCultureWhore

It was a “who cares?” wedding weekend, so why not a “who cares?” breakup week? Christie Brinkley, ‘80s supermodel and the inspiration behind ex-husband Billy Joel’s hit “Uptown Girl” is calling it quits with fourth husband Peter Cook. Brinkley, 52, married Cook, an architect, in 1996 and they had one child together, a daughter named Sailor. Yes, Sailor. Luckily there’s also a Captain Jack among their children (with third husband Richard Taubman) for a full pirate crew. These two were really nauseatingly perfect, as evidenced in a Town & Country spread on how they make Christmas special (“she paints and does crafts!”). If Brinkley’s track record is any indication, she won’t be single for very long, so no tears everyone, ok? Brinkley and Cook put their Hamptons “retreat” on the market last year for a mere $30 million.