Saturday, July 01, 2006

Love is Dead
By PopCultureWhore

Nick and Jessica are looking to speed up their divorce. The duo filed for "bifurcation", which is legal speak for "Vanessa Minnillo is a bitch!!!" Actually, it means they want to finalize the divorce before the financial details are hashed out. The morons didn't have a prenup, so Nick could stand to make millions. They could be officially dunzo within a month.

And what the hell is this picture? Were they trying out for Dirty Dancing Havana Nights?

Danger, Harry Potter, Danger!
By Lakshmi Kalimireddi

Two Harry Potter characters will bite the dust in series' final installment, author J.K. Rowling has revelaed. AP reports that the title character is as much of a target as anyone else....maybe even more so.

First of all, Rowling says she understands "the mentality of an author who thinks, `Well, I'm gonna kill them off because that means there can be no non-author written sequels. So it will end with me, and after I'm dead and gone they won't be able to bring back the character'." Hasn't she ever heard of prequels? Plus, the book is about Magic, why wouldn't there be a loophole spell to bring him back?

Since original thoughts and stories are scarce nowadays, I'm sure some mooch will find a way to piggyback of the already established Harry Potter fame and audience. Rowling, who wrote the last chapter of book seven (but has not finished writing the book) before she even had a publisher for the first one, says she has changed the ending only slightly, saving one character and killing two different ones. "A price has to be paid" she says, "We are dealing with pure evil here. They don't target extras do they? They go for the main characters. Well, I do."

I think killing off Harry Potter would be so much more awesome than some lame, Disney, rainbows and sunshine happy ending.
Madge Dances, Sweats Up MSG
By MadonnaWhore

Madonna played the first of 6 sold-out shows at Madison Square Garden Wednesday night, and the sweaty crowd ate her up with a sparkly disco spoon.

Around 9pm, an ominous announcement came over the public address system: "Due to technical difficulties, tonight's concert cannot be performed as it was conceived. Madonna apologizes for the imperfection."

Twenty minutes later, the house lights went down. And the show was underway. This being Madonna's first NYC date, I expected her to be "on." Sadly, it seemed like she was going thorough the motions. (Like Buffy at the beginning of Season 6. You feelin' me, Buffyheads?) She was hitting her marks but seemed to be missing the occasional vocal cue. During the first half of the show she didn't say much to the crowd beyond the requisite semi-scripted moments before Like A Virgin and before Jump. And she was positively catatonic while strapped to her Live To Tell crucifix. Like she was taking a nap.

Later, she took a moment to explain her mood: "Okay, I've been fucking everything up tonight. I've been so nervous. You guys got me all worried, and I wanted to impress you. But then, I realized, I don't have to impress anyone, right?"

Right. An "off night" for Madonna is still 200 percent better than most concerts. Highlights included:

Jump - incredible, where does she find these dancers?
Drowned World - gorgeous as always
Sorry - campy and fun
Music Inferno (above) - more spirited than I expected
La Isla Bonita - enjoyable because Madonna seemed to be having a genuinely good time

Catch the Confessions Tour if you can, kiddies. It'll be over and done sooner than you think.

Yours in light and love,

PS - Does anyone know what "imperfections" MSG officials were referring to? The Like A Virgin catwalk seemed short to me, but this was the first time I'd seen it in person.

Now... An open letter to Madonna:

Dear M: We love your show, but...The air conditioning!!! Seriously!!?!?! I know it's "your thing" or whatever, but it's oppressive and mean. Please turn the A/C on.

All 1,000,000 people who have seen or will see you on the Confession Tour
She Used Her Magic Stick
By PopCultureWhore

L'il Kim has been released from jail three months early for good behavior. LK was sent to the slammer for a year after being convicted of perjury. She lied about knowing someone who was involved in a shooting or something. That doesn't exactly make for a thrilling movie of the week, but it's L'il Kim, so I'm sure she'll think of something. Welcome back from the big house Kimbo!
Proud To Be An American ...
By PopCultureWhore

Just in time for the holiday weekend, Paris Hilton releases another song to serve as the soundtrack for American independence. I was ok with "Stars are Blind" in an innocuous, Hillary Duff with STDs kind of way, but "Turn it Up" is trash. If you buy this crap I'll cut you!

Listen and vomit