Thursday, June 29, 2006
The government "uncovered" six drug rings and arrested 40 people thanks to the super sleuths over at Playboy. The magazine ran a July 2005 article about cross-border pot smuggling between the U.S. and Canada via planes and helicopters. The Playboy author interviewed the actual smugglers, who claimed to be invincible. The CNN article is a little lax on the details, so this basically looks like an excuse for some CNN reporter to be able to read Playboy at his desk. Is it really news that drug smugglers are using private planes or helicopters to bring drugs into the country? Did anyone watch "Blow" or any other drug-related movie from the past 20 years?
Star Jones continued the madness tonight and whined to Larry King in breathy tones about her dismissal from "The View." Does she not understand why people think she's a pretentious bitch? Getting her to give a straight answer is liking pulling teeth. A sampling.
On Gastric Bypass
KING: You're saying you always said there was [weight loss] surgery?
REYNOLDS: I've always said that there was a medical -- I mean look at me for goodness sake. I've been...
KING: So where was the impression given that you did this on a diet?
REYNOLDS: I have no idea why anybody would suggest that that's the statement that I've made. I actually have always said it was a medical intervention always.
KING: That means surgery right?
REYNOLDS: What else could it mean?
On Being Hurt
KING: Are you very hurt?
REYNOLDS: Gosh you ask the tough question. [Insert blather]
KING: So, sure you're hurt.
REYNOLDS: Of course.
On Being Fired
KING: Are you saying now that you were fired?
REYNOLDS: My contract was not renewed.
KING: That's fired right?
REYNOLDS: Well the statement is the truth. My contract was not renewed and I was told for the first time in April and for two months I came to work every day.
Assault your senses and read the full transcript here.
And I couldn't stand posting another picture of Star, so above is a little Debbie Matenopoulos for your old-school tastes. At least she went out quietly when "The View" bitches got out their claws, but that's probably because she was too dumb to find the CNN offices for her big LK interview.
This week's Entourage opened with Frank Sinatra crooning, "I've Got The World on a String." How befitting, as Ari treats the boys (decked out in swankier threads than is their norm) to a celebratory dinner of champagne, caviar, jumbo shrimp, etc. But the festivities are cut short since Ari had to get home to check up on his 13-year-old daughter, who was having a "date" with an actor.
Ari: He's only 13. That's like 30 in celebrity years.
Turtle: So what does that make you, Drama, like 105?
Drama: So you admit, I'm a celebrity.
The boys arrive home to an unlocked door and, preparing to fight an intruder, instead find ex-con Dom, a friend from home. E is immediately put on the defensive, partly because Dom calls him "Ebola" and partly because Dom just got out of the big house, paroled for good behavior.
Drama and Turtle are initially charmed by Dom, but eventually fall in line with E's thinking after Dom commandeers Drama's skillet and then usurps Turtle's role as driver.
"Aquaman" is still the number one movie in the country, which merits a ride at a Six Flags water park. Despite the fact that Dom roughs up a press photographer, curses and hits on a very pregnant Shauna, Vince still goes to bat for him. In fact, right before the closing credits roll, Vince informs E that he's hired Dom as head of security. Why? He blames himself for Dom's incarceration since Dom was caught carrying two joints that belonged to Vince. But as E points out, it's not Vince's fault that Dom proceeded to punch the cop in the face.
Only time will reveal Dom's true intentions. He's already asked E to read his screenplay, which of course he believes would be perfect for Vince's next movie. But will it end there? Meanwhile, my love for Ari has only increased tenfold with the unexpected "overly protective father" act, prompting an impassioned “I hate you” from his daughter and his wife predicting $50,000 in child therapy bills. If only she knew her father secretly monitors her buddy list and online activity too!
Entourage: One Day in the Valley
For those of you who have not sampled the campy goodness that is Footballers' Wives, a major incentive should be the contributions of Tanya Turner, played by Zoe Lucker. Her scheming, murdering, pill popping, cocaine sniffing and pregnancy puffing makes Melrose Place's Kimberly look like Pollyanna. Here she is at the Prince's Trust gala celebration in May. I'm sure Camilla is in some corner stuffing brownies down her throat, plotting a busty demise for Ms. Lucker. Speaking of busty, imbd.com reports that Zoe played "Busty Babs" in an TV movie called "Brazen Hussies." Somebody needs to find me a copy of that pronto!
Stay tuned for Footballers' Wives recaps from SoapOperaWhore.
The odd celeb baby names tradition continues with Law & Order: SUV star Mariska Hargitay, who gave birth to a son named August on Wednesday. While perhaps not as unusual as Jason Lee's son Pilot Inspektor or Penn Jillette's daughter Moxie Crimefighter, it's still borderline Apple-esque. August was apparently in no hurry to make his debut. He was a week overdue and tipped the scales at 10lbs, 9oz. Mariska, 42, wisely opted for a c-section. Congrats to the new parents!
Sean P. is obviously still tanked in this picture. He and Mom just shared a bottle of Jack and had some "magic cookies" out of the red plastic bin of fun to his right. But it's all in the name of fun, people! He got it together enough to get on Mom's plane and not puke on her tie-dye haute couture, but the stomach gurgles started again once Daddy popped in the tape of "PopoZao."
A Nebraska nun accused of stealing $300,000 from the church has turned herself into authorities. AP reports that Sister Barbara Markey spent almost $68K on casinos alone. This child of God is the author of the Catholic Church’s most widely used marriage preparation documents, which stress open communication.
Now, I know being a nun must be totally boring, but come on. She should’ve joined the convent at my all girls high school. It was a pretty cushy setup in the rolling hills of Northern New Jersey. They got cable, access to the Ford Taurus and unlimited rosary beads, I imagine. Judging by the number of Alzheimer’s nuns babbling about the 40s in the infirmary, it also made them certifiably insane, but that’s what happens when you wear the same outfit every day.
My Latin teacher was about 95-years-old, looked like Skeletor in a habit and was convinced our pencil sharpener was possessed by Satan. She routinely told us we were going to hell, made us watch Richard Nixon’s funeral on television, and admitted to using racial slurs as a child when referring to Chinese people. One religion teacher, meanwhile, had an arthritic hand that had no feeling, so she’d slam it against her podium to get our attention. She made us memorize 30 descriptions of Jesus Christ (he is a carpenter, he is the son of God …) and got pissed at me when I braided rosary beads into classmate Heather’s hair.
People has the Marcia Cross wedding pics. She and money manager Tom Mahoney tied the knot in San Gabriel, Calif. this past weekend. In attendance were "Desperate Housewives" co-stars Eva Longoria, Felicity Huffman and Doug Savant - but not Teri Hatcher!
More pics below and on the People site!
Jenna Bush is heading south of the border to continue her teaching career in Latin America, according to The Washington Post. You know that means she’s going to be giving scuba diving lessons in Acapulco and teaching the locals how best to fold her clothes. But I hope SlutPants ends up in a Mexico City hovel with two squares of toilet paper and a copy of “Millie’s Book.” J.B. put down the bottle long enough to teach at the Elsie Whitlow Stokes Community Freedom Public Charter School for the past year and a half, where she read Candace Bushnell books to third graders – in English and Spanish.
So said Queen Madge to her court on Wednesday night at Madison Square Garden. The crowd's response to "I Love New York" was not as boisterous as she wanted and she demanded more enthusiastic dancing during "Ray of Light." And what Madonna wants, Madonna gets!
The arena was a sweaty mess since Madonna apparently prefers to preserve her voice in non air conditioned venues. Nonetheless, it was definitely the most entertaining of the three tours I've attended. A good combination of new and old, including Like a Virgin, La Isla Bonita and Erotica.
Random celebrity sighting: Kyan from Queer Eye. Sweaty is a good look for him.
More details later. If anyone attended the show, or will be in the coming days, send over your reviews!
By Tiffany Westlie
Week two on "So You Think You Can Dance" started out with the dancers all tarted up and ready to go. Already I really cannot stand Ben’s crazy eyes. I’m hoping he’s out cause I’m so over it.
Martha and Travis
I love Travis, as do the judges. But poor little white boy equates krumping to King Kong? LiL C is their choreographer and he is quite amused at their attempts, which includes a lot of pounding and looking hardcore. Travis is wearing a big old sweatshirt, which on “So You Think You Can Dance” makes you “street.” But they bang it out, and Nigel is so taken aback he actually krumps himself. It’s awkward and kind of fantastic.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP!
Jessica and Jaymz
Jaymz loves himself a lot and Jessica has the personality of a cardboard box. Unfortunately they draw the equally boring American fox trot. They bounce around the stage though and make it look fun. The judges are into it and creepy Mia attempts to Nigel it out and calls it “bloody beautiful”. Poor babies need a more dynamic dance but I have a feeling when they finally get hip hop Jessica is going to fall on her boring little face.
Ivan and Allison
Ivan should have been gone last week, but picking hip hop saves him. Allison is really not gangster and the routine is kind of slow but they make it work. I agree with Mia and Nigel that there weren’t many fireworks. Hip hop usually makes me want to get up and dance but this fell a bit short.
Dmitry and Joy
Oh Dmitry, even though you never fully button up your shirt up in true Eurotrash fashion, I seriously am in love with you and your cute little accent. Liquid sex. Joy looks so confused learning the choreography and I’m really scared for their performance. Joy tries to work her yellow dress for all its worth, but looks incredibly awkward next to hottie Dmitry. Creepy Mia hates it but I have to agree.
Musa and Natalie
Prom King and Queen are up next. I honestly wonder if something is going on between these two because they always look like they are going to jump each other. They do a contemporary routine, which, shockingly, Musa aces. Both really put their heart and loins into the performance. They judges love it and I’m guessing that this couple stays for a while.
Ryan and Heidi
Heidi is such a little pageant queen while Ryan always just seems a little stoned. He is a great dancer but as a person I’m so over him. Their pop routine falls really flat, as does Heidi’s bad, curly 80s hair. She needs a partner with more oomph.
Ashlee and Ben
Last week, these two basically put together a fifth grade talent show version of “What a Feeling.” This week, they essentially do the same thing in different costumes. Yes, they are cute, but they can’t really dance. Over it!
Aleksandra and Jason
Aleksandra always look like she needs a nap. Poor Jason has to slow down his routine to make up for the fact that she can’t keep up even though “she’s taken hip hop classes in Chicago.” It doesn’t show and their Juicy tracksuits do little to help. Nigel thinks its lame and so do I. Boring!
Benji and Donyelle
Benji has become a breakout personality on this show. The happy closeted Mormon boy! They are going to Cha Cha. Donynelle is large and in charge. Well, large for a dancer. I have to give it to the show though because they put her in a hot dress perfectly suited for her body and gave Benji a cute little black hat and they put their heart and soul into this dance.
Thursday - Dance For Your Life!
Poor Joy struts around in all of her long torsoed naked glory but does the same dance moves all the girls seem to do. Dimitry is next and he works it. It looks like he is wearing a skirt, I guess they are flowly man pants but really his hotness makes up for really anything he does on stage. I really think I’m in love. Miss Heidi has had a few cups of coffee this evening and just shakes it for all its worth. Ryan again looks stoned. I understand he is a ballet dancer but he doesn’t have a very graceful personality.
Aleksandra, meanwhile, has decided to get out of bed and perform her solo. Honestly the girl is wearing a big t-shirt and sex hair and honestly looks like this is the last place that she wants to be. I don’t understand really what she is doing. Awful...boring and I’m kind of over her. Jason brings it. Move it...shake it. Work it. Done.
Judges deliberate ... drumroll please.
Heidi - safe.
Joy - buh bye!
Dmitry - safe (be still my beating heart!)
Ryan - safe!
Jason - buh bye!