Sunday, June 25, 2006
Marcia Cross Gets Hitched [People]
Tori Reconciles With Checkbook, ahem, Father [Dlisted]
Charlie Sheen's New Gal Pal Moves In? [Post Chronicle]
Spice Girls Reunion? [Sunday Mirror]
Madonna Not A Conn. Fan? [Hartford Courant]
Hilton Ex Drops $9.2 Million For Mansion [CBS]
Natalie Portman as Anne Boelyn? [Celebrity Cafe]
Lawyers for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are warning media outlets that stolen pictures of the couple's baby shower are being shopped around. Someone apparently took a digital camera video card with 450 pictures on it, is e-mailing around the photo above and asking for money in exchange for the rest of the pics. First of all, who the hell takes 450 pictures of an event? Second, can celebrities not take care of anything? Personally, if I were pregnant with Shiloh or had made a sex tape or a had a hot new song, I'd be damned if anyone got their hands on the goods. Lesson here - do it yourself, you lazy fuckers.
Justin Timberlake is apparently back from oblivion. Timberlakefan.com has a snippet of the former N'Syncer's latest song, SexyBack. A little robotic, but sounds like it has potential. Maybe? Admittedly, I've seen JT in concert when he was with N'Sync, on the Justified-Stripped tour and during the "more intimate" club outings, so I'm hoping for something catchy to add to my iPod this fall. Check out the handwritten lyrics he provided to Entertainment Weekly. Not exactly earth shattering, but really, is that what we're looking for? Nah, just shut up and dance!
By Kaitlyn Nagy
The original fire crotch chose a delicate, empire-waist Balenciaga number for her Sunday wedding to too-tanned fellow Aussie-turned-country-bumpkin Keith Urban.
Kidman reportedly met with Balenciaga designer Nicholas Ghesquiere last year shortly after Urban popped the question. To make sure she stays true to her hot-but-still-realizes-she’s-a mom form, Nicole wore a slip underneath the dress and paired it with a matching cream colored lace veil.
The wedding took place Gothic-style St. Patrick's College building, with Nicole’s daughter Isabella serving as bridesmaid and son Connor doing his duty as one of Urban’s ushers. Tom Cruise’s sister Cass escorted Isabella and Connor from Los Angeles to Sydney and accompanied them on a visit to a nearby children’s hospital, but it was unclear whether she attended the wedding. Would the devote Scientologist lure guests into a secret room to tell them about robots and aliens?
"We just want to thank everyone in Australia and around the world who have sent us their warm wishes," the couple said in a statement.
To keep the paparazzi at bay, Kidman and Urban released a wedding photo just mere hours after the ceremony for…get this…free! B-O-R-I-N-G. Almost as boring as Nic’s bachelorette party, which was at her sister Antonia’s house and consisted of Naomi Watts, a dabble of other friends, and Chinese take-out. Crazy bitches! You would think she would have learned something from starring in Moulin Rouge.
The duo met at a 2005 awards ceremony. It is the first marriage for 38-year-old Urban. Kidman divorced Tom Cruise in 2001.
I give the marriage about two years. Good people, just too weird together. Balenciaga and cowboy boots just don’t work, no matter how flattering an accent you have.
This past Friday, television mogul Aaron Spelling passed away at the age of 83, leaving behind him a television legacy to which few in the industry can ever hope to compare. According to IMDB, Spelling produced 212 films and TV shows. Oh, he also produced this ...
But we’re pretty sure he’d rather be remembered for the good things he accomplished. That said, at the end of a man’s life it is customary to measure out his accomplishments so that we can determine the impact he left on the world around him. With that in mind, we felt it only fitting to pay tribute to the man that had so many single housewives glued to their TV sets for so many years by naming our top five Aaron Spelling creations.
5. T.J. Hooker
The post Star Trek years were awkward ones for William Shatner. Desperately trying to find a television role that would give him life after James T. Kirk, Shatner instead found himself awkwardly miscast in TV flops like Columbo: Fade to Murder and a surprising number of wild west themed TV projects (Remember Barbary Coast? Didn’t think so.). Enter Aaron Spelling, who thought the Shat Man might be perfect for the role of a hard-nosed detective whose life was surrounded by the drama, action, and violence of the streets. What resulted was one of the most iconic portrayals of cops on TV that America has ever seen, one that continues to be either imitated or lampooned today..
4. Melrose Place
Love it or hate it, there was a time when America was captured by the spell of a tiny Los Angeles apartment complex where rich men schemed, beautiful women deceived, and Heather Locklear’s Amanda Woodward managed to sleep with every male character over the course of seven years. In fact, in the character of Amanda, Spelling created a template for a brilliant, scheming, and beautiful seductress that many female-led dramas, such as Desperate Housewives, continue to use. For our money, Eva’s still got nothing on Heather.
3. Luke Perry
That’s right, Aaron Spelling didn’t just make TV shows; he made stars. Before he met Spelling, Luke Perry was just a guy with a pretty face who worked at a doorknob factory between fleeting TV guest roles. Then Beverly Hills 90210 happened. Since then, Perry has appeared in 42 different movies and TV shows (none of them that good, but us whores are quantity people, not quality). Before he goes to sleep at night, Perry had better hope that somewhere, Aaron Spelling is looking after his well-toned butt from above. Luke latest endeavor - NBC's Windfall.
2. The final demise of Shannen Doherty’s career
Ok, so this is technically not an Aaron Spelling “creation,” but come on, you know you hated Shannen Doherty too, yet for some reason Aaron Spelling continued to cast this waste of screen space in project after project. Fortunately for the viewing public, Ms. Doherty is as pretty as she is stupid, and her tensions with Charmed co-star Alyssa Milano forced Spelling to banish Doherty to the TV abyss, from which she has never returned, unless you consider North Shore to be quality programming, in which case you should probably see a doctor…to be sterilized. She will next be seen on the Oxygen network in a show called "Breaking Up" where she will help people end relationships.
If you are a man and have watched The Love Boat, then chances are you’ve taken advice in some form from friendly ship bartender Isaac Washington. From 1977 to 1986, this cruise ship mixologist and doctor of lovenomics taught a generation of men how to smooth-talk, move in, and get the girl. Rumor has it that actor Ted Lange gets royalties every time someone has sex.
And there you have it, our top five Aaron Spelling creations. Love him or hate him, there’s no denying that the television watching world will always be grateful for many of the contributions he made to entertainment…oh, and they’ll probably also be pissed about him giving his daughter work for all those years, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
Lace up your short shorts and polish those ho boots - the ladies are ready to perform!
Diddy kicks off this week's show reminding us what a major showstopper he is. Uh, I just saw that cheestastic commerical for your "Unforgiveable" fragrance. You migh want to stick to throwing color themed parties ...
Cut to Johnny Music Producer's compound where Boom Kat and Black Skeletor are rehearsing the ladies for their first performance at the All-Star game in Houston.
"We made a band, now we have to make history."
Boom Kat's going to for subtlety this season. When she demonstrates how she's trying to hold in screams of frustrations, she'd doing it out of tranny love.
Someone told Alchie that there's no sex in the champagne room.
She took it out on her sweater, so the gals hit up Forever 21 in Orlando, Fla. and turn trash into an art form. Seriously, though, this group could turn a Laura Ashley dress into something only a $3 whore would love.
Boom Kat, Black Skeltor and Johnny Record Producer put the ho's in front of a web cam so Diddy can evaluate their fashion choices. He is none too impressed with Orlando's offerings, including Aubrey's dead rat inspired shrug.
Every man knows the way to a girl's heart is to tell her she's fat! "You're one burger away!" Diddy warns Wanita. From what?
Looking like his ex-girlfriend?
God, I'm surprised they can fit Fatty McMasters in this frame. They make her stand now. It burns more calories.
Even this little dog is disgusted.
Dissapointed by his protege's fashion senses, Diddy calls in a few professionals.
Only people with higher money can buy this stuff!
Fattie alert ...
"It seems like something's bothering you," Boom Kat observes after basically likening Wanita to one of those housebound obese women on a Richard Simmons special.
It's finally time for the trannie parade.
With half a pint of scotch running through her veins, Aubrey resorts to the chicken dance. The girls then channel their best Chaka Khan voices and introduce themselves. Up first is Shannon, who informs everyone that she is from "the great Northwest" and that she's an Aries.
Diddy is not impressed.
Smug Boom Kat
Aundrea then informs everyone that good things come in small (jailbait) packages. And that she's a Cancer (pronounced "Cansuh" because she's "street")
And guess what? Fattie' s ass gets the best response. Shocker!
Boom Kat like.
Rico and Tommy. Future Danity Kane stalkers.
This girl definitely auditioned in Cleveland and is crying inside.
Guess what y'all? You sucked ass!
Yeah, that's it ...
Next week, Aubrey breaks our hearts all over again!