Friday, June 23, 2006

Aaron Spelling Dies, Tori Cashes In
By PopCultureWhore

Dean McDermott is thanking his lucky stars tonite. His moneybags father-in-law, Aaron Spelling, died in his Los Angeles mansion Friday at age 83.

Spelling, the mastermind behind Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place and Starsky and Hutch, among others, suffered a stroke on June 8, AP reports.

Daughter Tori, or Donna Martin to true TV whores, recently divorced her first husband and married McDermott after meeting him on the set of a Lifetime movie - where all true love blossoms. They married in a private Fiji ceremony soon after McDermott had secured a divorce from his first wife, who was pregnant at the time. Ain't love grand?

Anyway, dear old dad's will should be a treasure trove of gifts that keep on giving. Put me down for the TJ Hooker commemorative lunchbox and that red hooped skirt dress Donna wore to the dance with Steve during season one. Thanks.

Donna Martin Graduates!
Sometimes I Want to Stab You!!!
By PopCultureWhore

My boss put the smackdown on any officetime enjoyment, but I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this parody of Britney's Dateline interview today. A week later and I'm still mystified by it. It was so great I don't even think I'll need anything for Christmas this year. Ok, well maybe cash. And a video iPod. But that's all. Seriously.

Watch it!
Fembot Public Affair
By PopCultureWhore

Despite the lackluster response to previous musical outings, Jessica Simpson will once again be hitting the airwaves with her latest single "A Public Affair." You might think the tune would address her life in the spotlight, but it's basically a synthesized version of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with a few Miami Sound Machine type drum beats. The problem with her singing is that she never enunciates. One of the lyrics is "all the cameras come out for a public affair." Too bad it sounds like "all the camels come out for a public affair." Catering to her Middle Eastern fans? Overall, the whole experience will probably make you want to kill yourself. Enjoy!

Her Web site now features new shots of Jessica and her breasts looking all coked up, flanked by the omnipresent hairdresser Ken Paves. She's calling on fans to make their own 30-second music videos and the winners will be featured in her upcoming video. Everyone needs to get in on that and upload to YouTube so I have something to occupy myself with at work. I think mine is just going to be me having a seizure for 30 seconds.

Listen here!

The Devil Hits The After-Party
By Taylor Marquee

I walked into 230 Fifth Ave, showed my invitation to the gorgeous doorman, and made my way to the 20th floor. "The Devil Wears Prada" is one of my favorite books and I was ecstatic to be at the movie premiere after-party.

The lounge on the 20th floor was adorned with swanky velvet couches and chairs next to tables covered in white slip covers and topped with red lights and white candles.

A beautiful waitress offered me a drink. Mimosas: good choice. I looked around and I realized that the entire staff was eye candy. The only thing that looked better was the food. Hors d'oeuvres included shrimp skewers, beef and chicken satay, vegetarian dumplings, kari puffs and pork buns. The buffet stations were serving a mixed green salad, "Romlin" burgers, rice noodles and fried rice in white Chinese food containers with chopsticks.

To top if off, the party was open bar. Food + open bar = heaven. Things could not get any better - until I ran into Sarah Jessica Parker looking absolutely fabulous. I told her how much I loved her silver dress, she told me how much she loved my hair, and for a second she replaced Kim Catrall as my favorite "Sex and the City" actress.

Cast members Anne Hathaway and Adrian Grenier were both in attendance but star Meryl Streep was missing. But it didn't matter, as over 400 guests were mingling about, including Mary J. Blige, magician David Blaine, Rosie Perez, and "Village Voice" columnist Michael Musto. Where's Perez Hilton, I wondered, but was soon distracted by Isaac Mizrahi, who sauntered by and asked one of the cocktail waitresses to model for him. Hey where is the manager? Can I get a job here?

Despite the weatherman's dire predictions, the temperature was perfect on the roof deck and the breeze was just right. A mystery brunette circulated all night and was first seen on Grenier's arm (where were Kevin Connolly and Jeremy Piven?) and then later on Blaine's. (Apparently, Blaine was not actually invited, but one of the security guards was a fan and let him in). I was still pondering mystery girl's identity when one of her friends, who I later recognized as a Vogue model, spilled her drink all over my new Manolo Blahnik shoes!

The DJ pumped everything from Biggie Smalls to Shakira and guests were grooving as they nibbled on dessert. Grenier eventually left with an unidentified male friend and a few females who didn't quite seem like groupies, but like family/management. Blaine left with the model who spilled her drink on my shoe (damn her), her entire posse and a friend who looked happy to have picked up Blaine's leftovers.

As all the major celebrities had left, I was ready to make my exit. If the movie is half as wonderful as the party they are in for a box office hit.

Sienna Miller Rocks Platinum Locks, Bathing Suit?

Earlier this week, I reported a Jude Law sighting in SoHo with a woman who did not look like Sienna Miller. But based on these recent paparazzi shots, it looks like his white-blonde companion was in fact Ms. Miller with a rather unfortunate dye job.

Also spotted this week:

* Chris Noth, aka Mr. Big, at a physical therapy session at 60th and Madison - Laura

* Not really a star but fitting for me ... JOHN from RealWorld Key West just got his eyebrows waxed in my nail salon! He had about 6 bags from the supermarket in the area and then came into the salon andwalked into Gateway plaza in Battery Park City - RealWorldWhore
She Works Hard For the Money ...
By Amanda L.

A very special Laguna boy made his first appearance this week on The Hills. No silly, not Dieter, he’s way too busy fighting slides. It's Jason, and he's slowly creeping his way back into Lauren’s good favor.

Heidi has little faith in Lauren’s love life. “Where did you get a tree from? Your mother?” she asks when Jason sends a huge vase of flowers to Lauren’s apartment. Ouch.

Steven? Is that you?

Over at Teen Vogue, Whitney and Lauren are dishing about Jason. Lauren tells her about the Laguna Beach fashion show she orchestrated and how she caught Jason kissing ex-girlfriend Jessica. Deep thoughts from Whitney all around.

Uh? ...

He gave you what?

Heidi, meanwhile, continues her duties at Bolthouse Productions. Luckily she isn’t getting any special MTV treatment. The staff is having a good 'ole time with it.

File this, princess!

Lauren finally stops ignoring Jason’s answering machine messages and stalker notes and gets ready to meet him for dinner. This preparation is called, “I’m-Going-To-See-An-Ex-Must-Look-Hot-So-He’ll-Feel-Guilty-For-What-He-Don’t-Got.”

Zzz. Lauren is mad. Jason feels bad but also wants to start over. He also has new Ryan Cabrera-esque hair.

Back at Bolthouse, Brent reveals that the staff is headed to The Palms in Las Vegas for a weekend event. The afterparty suite has a Jacuzzi overlooking Vegas! Yes! Bolthouse rocks!
A day of stuffing envelopes = a weekend in Vegas. Sooo worth it.

HOLLA…dream job at age 19!

Not so fast. Brent stomps on Heidi's party girl dreams faster than you can say, “Can you get me a sandwich?” Unfortunately, Heidi is the baby of the Bolthouse crew and can’t go because she’s not 21! Brent’s sad news is accompanied by a “HA HA! SORRY!” from one of his employees in the peanut gallery. Classic! Heidi must have a fake ID and Laguna privileges to go to Vegas but Bolthouse has to keep it real.

Jason, if you overdo it with the flowers, Lauren will think you are a doofy boy who only knows of cliché presents and stupid lines! Don’t ruin your game- you’re on THE HILLS (aka: your chance to redeem yourself on television after looking like an asshole!)

Flowers! But I wanted a Marc Jacobs bag …

Heidi complains to Elodie in the ladies room that she doesn't do anything cool at Bolthouse. Elodie shares the secret into Brent’s pants and directions to Mystic Tan.

Orange is the new black. Get over it.

After another date with Jason, Lauren breaks the news to Heidi. Blondie is skeptical and tells Lauren she does not want her to get hurt again, but later relents. Lauren needs some ass after all …she’s been such a boring roomie!

Switching over to, you guessed it, Bolthouse, Heidi is asked to pick up food for Brent. Nuh uh…First no Vegas and now a delivery girl? A bad delivery girl at that…she forgets to pick up his Naked Juice.

This episode wouldn’t be complete without Lauren and Jason exchanging kisses after a movie date. She goes home and opens her Sidekick revealing a text message from Jason saying, “143 LoL”.

Friday Shocker: Britney's Trash, Angelina's Got Class
By PopCultureWhore

I long for the day when my editor turns to me and requests a 1,200 word analysis of Britney Spears’ interview on Dateline. “Focus on the gum chewing,” he’ll say. “And make sure you use the phrase ‘pimp on weed.’” Until then, I’ll have to calm my beat envy and make do with the “think pieces” from outfits like The Washington Post and The New York Times.

The Post this morning features an in-depth bitch slap of Ms. Spears, in which writer Robin Givhan likens Britney’s breasts to “melons at a picnic”, marvels that her appearance was not the result of drug abuse, remarks that her “cheeks looked as though they had been smudged with cherry soda” and writes that her outfit makes her look like a “stereotypical hick.”

I’d agree, of course. I wanted to hose her down in one of those biohazard tents and teach her that “less is more” when it comes to mascara and blonde extensions. She appears to have heeded the call on that point at least, having been spotted in Manhattan yesterday sporting newly darkened locks.

And a quick note to Matt Lauer - ditch the dad jeans and for the love of God, no sockless loafers!

The Times, meanwhile, reserved its fire for the Angelina Jolie-Anderson Cooper refugee tête-à-tête that aired Tuesday on CNN, though the article did briefly refer to Britney’s interview as “ghastly.” But while Angelina “gracefully slipped past viewer cynicism,” Anderson was “too eager to put himself on par with his guest.” Angelina’s interest in Africa is a “lasting fancy that is impossible to fault” while CNN “used her humanitarian work to showcase its own talent.”

Anderson “relentlessly” promoted the interview, writes Alessandra Stanley. “With journalists like that, its [sic] a small wonder celebrities are starting to do their own reporting.”

Meow! But again, I’d have to agree. Despite being more on Team Aniston in the whole Brad/Angelina/Jennifer media frenzy, I’d agree that Angelina seemed genuinely concerned about the plight of African refugees. But Anderson made sure to mention how many times he’d been to Africa, even bringing out ancient footage from his Channel 1 news days (and rocking the Zach Morris hairdo) and throwing in a Katrina reference. Yes, we know you’re the silver fox, with penetrating stares and dizzying graphics, but seriously, interview your subjects, don’t try to one up them.

Old blue eyes explains more in his latest blog posting (scroll down).

Angelina's son Maddox, meanwhile, is not one to sit around and let Shiloh get all the glory. People Magazine reports that a papparazzi photographer was arrested at Maddox's Malibu daycare center Thursday after he was found hovering in the bushes, camera in hand. Twenty-five-year-old Clint Brewer will likely face trespassing charges.

See also:
Britney's Dateline Debacle, Scripps Howard News Service
Could Britney Spin Things Any Worse?, Delco Times
A Gun-Chewing, Mascara-Clumping Train Wreck, The Seattle Times
Angelina Imparts Wisdom, Eschews Gum, TMZ
Britney Gets a Dressing Down, Boston Herald
Angelina + Anderson = Big Ratings for CNN, The National Ledger

Photo: AP
Entourage: "One Day in the Valley"
By RemoteControlWhore

Much to Drama's chagrin, and to my personal delight, this week's Entourage brought the boys to the California desert community known as The Valley.

It was opening day for "Aquaman" and each of the fearsome fivesome dutifully fulfilled their designated roles: Turtle planting the seed with Vince that his movie should open bigger than Spiderman, Drama explaining that this isn't plausible as Spiderman has the bigger comic fan base, Vince feigning aloofness, and E being harassed at 5am by Ari with studio projections of $95 million. ("We go 1 over, I've got wood, we're 1 below, you better have a gun in your mouth and make sure I'm standing behind you").

Ari even went so far as to abstain from sex with his wife for three weeks prior to opening day. Ari. Refusing sex. Now that's what I call dedication. But not even this or Lloyd's gift of an authentic 12th-century Mongolian warrior statuette (later obliterated by an empty coffee pot) could prevent the 105-degree weather from imposing rolling blackouts from San Francisco down to San Diego.

Ari's emergency couples-counseling session is thrown into complete darkness ("Can we get this pro-rated?"), as are Vince's plans to buy Ducati motorcycles for him and his roomies.
Stuck in the Valley, the guys tag along with two dorky fans to a high school graduation party, enabling Vince to pay homage to the “I am a golden god” scene from “Almost Famous" while simultaneously embracing his roots. E and Vince make the most logical and obvious decision-to get wasted. Vince ends up drunk on the roof, Drama is thrown to the ground trying to wrestle a teenager, and Turtle misses an opportunity to get laid.

Ari makes an appearance with some welcome news, but he and his $900 shoes quickly end up in the pool. He’ll likely be able to afford a new pair, however, as Aquaman surpasses Spiderman opening numbers. Vince celebrates by giving the aforementioned dorks the keys to E’s car and making a swift exit with Ari.

Thank God for whomever saw "Heaven Help Us" and decided to pluck Kevin Dillon from virtual obscurity to cast him as Mr. Johnny "Drama" Chase. And Jeremy Piven was clearly born to play codependent Ari Gold, stereotype extraordinaire. Personally, Ari is my favorite character, not just on Entourage, but on television in general (perhaps I'm biased, as I'm a sucker for sarcastic Jewish boys from suburbia). Whether he's bellowing "LLOYD!!!!" or acting like a pimp/whore, he always delivers. Real New Yorkers wouldn't have it any other way.