Hot Child in the City -

Friday, December 08, 2006

That’s Retarded, Yo
By PopCultureWhore

MTV’s new reality show Twenty-Four Seven has helped control the population of Los Angeles at least by one, because after watching the living, breathing brain farts that make up the show’s cast, I certainly never want to live there.

The show is basically Laguna Beach: The Later Years with the words “seriously” and “random” replaced with “dude” and “retarded”. Much like Jason and his posse from “The Hills”, I spent most of the time wondering how these frosty locked men about town could afford to eat in restaurants with real silverware when it did not appear that any of them had any consistent income.

The exception might be Greg, a nightclub entrepreneur who was seen opening his second club in the series premiere. It probably doesn’t hurt that he is dating Hilary Duff’s sister. His business savvy might need a little work, however, seeing as how he bumbled efforts to get a skeptical investor to offer an open bar on the club’s opening night and ended a fight with brother Chris by sputtering, “You’re retarded.”

That spirited older brother, whose band was the featured performer on the club’s opening night, left LA for a hunting trip in the Deep South just two days before the event. Greg worried that Chris would somehow fuck things up and, indeed, Chris wound up getting himself arrested and missed the gig.

The rest of Greg’s entourage includes the flaky Cipes, a musician reminiscent of former MTV veejay Jesse Camp who encourages his friends to tell their water that they love it so that it will nourish their bodies in a more effective manner. Frankie, the self-proclaimed Mexican Hugh Hefner, spends his days chatting up the ladies who will fill Greg’s clubs. Maybe I’m just getting older but the “hot girls” these guys rounded up throughout the show looked as though they could barely get into a rated R movie and had about as much sexual appeal as a box of raisins.

There are a few more pretty boys and a pampered Chihuahua in the mix. Blah Blah. I think next time around, MTV should put those featured on their “True Life” series into a house together. Perhaps a Staten Island girl, someone with Tourette’s, one of the meth addicts, that chubby Jersey girl from the “I’m Jealous” show, the party hearty gay guy who moved to Vegas and the pampered chick who ran up a $500 electric bill on the “I’m Moving to NYC” episode. Oh and definitely the kid who got the calf implants.

Luke the calf implant boy, by the way, later went on to do gay porn under the name Tony Cage. He reportedly appeared on the Tyra show with his wife (...), where he claimed to no longer be gay. I guess Luke and his calves are no longer single.


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