Hot Child in the City -

Thursday, September 07, 2006

You're Coming From Another World
By Leila Cohan

Welcome to this season’s best episode yet! Let’s rock this bitch.

Morning at Atlas. Kayne is sad to see Robert go. Vincent is excited he won. Laura is pregnant. Apparently, Angela has been waking the boys up to smoke on their porch. That is obnoxious.

At Parsons, the designers choose their models. Since they didn’t choose their models last week, two will be eliminated. All the designers stick with their models from last week, so Danielle (Robert’s model) and Alexandra (Alison’s “plus-size” model) are eliminated. In a bit of drama, the other models seem very un-excited that Amanda (Kayne’s model) is still in.

Heidi tells the designers that they will be designing for a “hip, international jetsetter.” In an interview, Kayne wins quote of the evening: “I thought it might be Tara Reid, because she was the only jetsetter I could think of that was hip. She had that show Taradise and she always took off her tops and showed her boobies.”

Heidi cryptically says that there are benefits to winning that will be revealed in a further challenge. Back in the workroom, Tim says that the designers will be designing and modeling for themselves. They have $75 and one day.


Angela seems confused by the concept, because she and her husband live on a farm in Ohio. To which I say: who’d marry Angela? Laura is making a cocktail dress. Vincent is confused because he’s never made menswear. And because he’s crazy. Jeffrey is psyched, as is Uli.

At Mood, the designers shop frantically. And here’s where things start to go wrong for our friend, Mr. Kayne. He chooses the worst fabric in the world, and then reveals plans to appliqué it to a shirt.

Jeffrey, on the other hand, has made a genius fabric selection. He finds this fantastic purple wool that looks like purple leather. It’s pretty stunning.

Uli has nothing but prints.

Uli interviews with my second favorite quote of the evening, on why she always packs party dresses when she’s flying to an exotic location: “You know, it’s something you can wear all night, even if you get wasted.” I would kind of really enjoy seeing Wasted Uli.

Vincent is standing in his underwear, rubbing off. Wait! It’s not quite as dirty as it sounds! He is using the pair of pants he was wearing to create a new pair of pants. This is called a rub-off. Oh, the things you can learn from Tim Gunn’s podcasts!

In the workroom, Jeffrey talks about how ugly his dress was from last week. It’s asshole-y, but it doesn’t seem like it’s directed to Angela. Angela, of course, tries to confront Jeffrey about it, but Jeffrey is, of course, defensive and Angela is, of course, passive-aggressive. Dull.

Tim stops into the workroom. He is pleased with the direction of Jeffrey’s outfit, as well as Laura’s. He looks, however, profoundly troubled by Kayne’s shirt.

Michael has a plan for cargo pants and a motorcycle jacket, but says he will wear his own t-shirt under the jacket, which Tim finds problematic. So ever-resourceful Michael will make a motorcycle short-sleeved top instead.

Tim is concerned by the Holly Hobbie nature of Angela’s design. As are we all, Tim, as are we all. After Tim leaves, the designers are working madly. For Angela, this means sticking those fucking rosettes anywhere and everywhere.

Back at Atlas that night, Michael is teaching Kayne how to model. It is incredibly adorable, and a little gay.

The next morning, the designers get pretty. Angela gets her hair blown out, which makes her look remarkably like Ann from Cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model. Michael skips hair and makeup to finish his look.

On the runway, Heidi informs the judges, which include guest judge Francisco Costa, creative director of Calvin Klein Women and winner of the 2006 CFDA award, that the designers will be modeling their own creations.

We begin with Vincent. There’s nothing offensive about it, but it’s so boring, I could die.

Jeffrey’s outfit is not my taste, but it’s a technical marvel. It’s extremely well-constructed and each piece stands on his own. It’s also clearly his style. I will, however, say, that for someone who’s supposed to be Mr. Rock and Roll, that shirt looks pretty Hot Topic to me.

Next we have Angela. She looks like a hot mess. Her "shants" have that weird business on all her pants where she’s placed a slightly darker cut-out in the crotch and it looks like she’s wet herself. The top just doesn’t fit, and all of it is made of shitty materials for traveling. If you’re on a plane, you want fabrics like jersey, not silk and linen.

Laura is up next. She looks great, although I would have preferred a slightly more vibrant color choice.

I actually have mixed feelings on Michael’s outfit. I think the pants are amazing, and I love the all-white theme, but the top looks a little too orderly-in-a-mental-hospital for me.

Kayne continues to be a hot mess. It’s very Elvis and completely tacky and awful. I love Kayne, but this is the third week in a row he’s disappointed me completely. Get back on track!

Last, we have Uli. Uli’s dress is cute, but I swear to god, we’ve seen her wear the exact same outfit before. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Also, it should be noted that Uli is the Worst Walker Ever. She looks frightened and galumphes down the runway.

The designers assemble on the runway, where they will all be questioned. The judges worry that Uli’s design is only appropriate for Miami, L.A., etc. The judges just plain hate Angela’s design, particularly her fabric choices. Everyone thinks Laura looks lovely, but she should move the knot in her dress to the front. Everyone loves Jeffrey’s outfit, as well as Michael’s. Francisco likes Vincent’s outfit, but Nina makes the excellent point that if you’re going to do something so basic, it needs to be impeccable, and Vincent’s outfit is not. Michael and Heidi are also bored. Everyone is seriously troubled by Kayne’s outfit. Nina invokes Elvis and Michael brings up the “What Was He Thinking?” factor.

Heidi tells the designers that one of them will be the winner and one will be out, but not tonight. They want to see how these outfits travel. There are plane tickets in the apartment and the designers have one hour to pack. Pandemonium!

When the designers get back to Atlas, they realize that the tickets don’t have a destination on them. They arrive at JFK and check in at the kiosks, where it is revealed that they’re traveling to Paris. Hurrah!

Yet more excitement ensues when they realize they’re flying first class. As the designers sip champagne, Tim Gunn arrives on the plane! For reasons I can’t even identify, this made me profoundly happy.

Paris! Oh man. I wish I was there. I love Paris. Original, right? The designers pull up in front of Parsons: Paris. That’s very cute. They make their way into their new workroom, where they realize that while there are seven designers, there are only six tables, which means someone is going home real soon. Tim brings out their “host judge”, Catherine Malandrino. Oh Jesus God, I love Catherine Malandrino’s clothing. It is so beautiful. Catherine, as we will now learn, is very, very French.

Tim tells the designers that Catherine will be their final judge for the challenge and someone will be out. That is cold!

The designers do a runway walk so Catherine can see how their outfits traveled. Most were fine, but Angela’s linen shants are a mess and her shirt has pulled down, so now her bra is visible. Classy.

Tim says that the scores have been added and the decisions have been made. Laura is in. Vincent is in. Jeffrey wins, with much excitement, although Catherine says it was very close between him and Michael.

Michael is in.

Uli is in.

Catherine addresses Kayne and Angela directly and her comments are so French and bitchy that I must transcribe them in full: “Kayne, I’m sorry. You look ridiculous. You look like a fake popstar. Angela, you are just coming from another world and you are not a jetsetter. Angela, you are out.”

Angela must go back to New York with nary an Auf Wiedersehn! Michael is sad to see Angela go. Jeffrey is not. I agree with Jeffrey.


Anonymous Jarred said...

For my part every person should read it.
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6:10 AM


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