Hot Child in the City -

Friday, August 18, 2006

You're Either In or You're Way Out
By PopCultureWhore


So I watched the new season of “Laguna Beach” on Wednesday night and as my roommate put it, “I think I’m getting dumber just by watching this.”

It’s obvious that queen bees Kyndra and Cami are two of the more vapid and self-obsessed characters to grace reality TV of late and will likely provide me with many “what the fuck?” moments this season. It’s a pre-nose job Ashlee Simpson and her chunky amigo to the rescue.

But can we talk about Jessica for a minute?

I’m sure you all remember Jessica from last season of “Laguna Beach.” She dated Jason, most recently seen on “The Hills” as LC’s loser boyfriend, but she was so clingy, whiny and obnoxious that he dumped her ass for a girl named Alex before moving on to LC. Jessica wouldn’t let it die, however, confronting Alex about Jason at their senior prom (where Cami was his date) and later kissing Jason at a fashion benefit organized by LC, prompting Jason and LC’s first breakup.

Even though Jessica is now a high school graduate and is rumored to be attending a nearby community college, the first episode of season three finds her making a play for Cameron, a JUNIOR in high school. I haven’t really done the math, but if this season ends with Jessica being arrested for statutory rape, that would go down in my book as the greatest reality TV moment of all time.

But by making a play, I really mean she’s reenacting “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” without a hint of irony. During a dinner date with Cameron, she flips through his cell phone and grills him about text messages from Kyndra. That little trollop was hosting a weekend BBQ and Jessica asks Cameron about five different ways whether or not he’s going, to which he responds “yes” each time.

Oh, and this is Cameron.

I don’t get it either, but the ladies of Laguna are all aflutter over this beefy kid. Kyndra apparently sinks her hooks into him at her BBQ and he ends up spending the night. Um, parents? Anyone? At lunch the next day, Kyndra asks Cami if she thinks Jessica is interested in Cameron. “I hope so because it’s more fun that way,” she cackles.

At the party, she also iced out a group of classmates. “Those weirdos are here that I don’t want here,” she complained.

Kyndra had extended an invite to former friend and show narrator Tessa, but was miffed when Tessa also brought along her friend Rocky.

The ladies of the manor regrouped away from the “weirdos” and stared them down until they left. Now I went to an all-girls high school with only 36 girls in my class so cattiness was bound to arise, but it never got that bad.

Oh, and this is a shot of the Laguna cast and me, setting myself on fire in an effort to escape the insanity.


Blogger Lakshmi said...

Great ending!


2:17 PM

Anonymous Terence said...

Very worthwhile piece of writing, thank you for the post.
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9:09 PM


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