Who's Right Now?
By Leila Cohan
Are you ready, really ready for the highest drama hour in television outside of Flavor of Love? Because here it is, bitches.
We start in the morning at Atlas. Uli and Bonnie hope they don’t have to move in with Angela. Jeffrey thinks Keith is a bullshitter. On the runway, Heidi introduces the challenge: they will be designing for Inc, Macy’s biggest in-house line. Heidi says that “to mix it up”, they will be allowed to choose new models. Uli takes Nazri, Keith’s old model, since she thinks Nazri gives Keith an advantage. Most of the designers switch models, but not all.
In the workroom, Tim introduces Mehmet Tamboren, a big up at Macy’s. He tells them that the design needs to be three-piece, and for a fashion-forward, ageless woman. They will be working in teams of three and must each pitch to Mehmet, who will choose four team leaders.
The designers sketch. Sketch, designers, sketch! They pitch to Mehmet. It’s fairly dull, except for Crazy Vincent Libretti’s proclamation that “I hear gray is going to be the next brown.” You can feel free to make your own joke about which of the voices in his head told him that.
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Back in the workroom, Mehmet chooses Robert, Bonnie, Keith, and Angela to be the team leaders. No one looks too happy that Angela was chosen.
Jeffrey interviews that he was afraid Angela would pick him. Hee. The team leaders pick their teams. Angela chooses Michael and Laura. Michael, in particular, is not all that jazzed about it.
Robert chooses Kayne and Vincent, Keith chooses Alison and Jeffrey, and Bonnie chooses Uli and poor Bradley, who’s the last to be chosen. Oh! I love Bradley. He’s dear. Tim lets the designers know that the winning design will be sold at Macy’s.
The designers caucus. Vincent is unhappy about Robert’s design. Laura also looks concerned for Angela’s plans. Keith delegates each piece to someone. He gives Alison and Jeffrey the harder pieces.
At Mood, Bonnie’s team is having some trouble finding fabrics in their price range. Michael and Laura guide Angela to some nice fabric choices, prompting Laura to give one of my favorite quotes of the episode: “It was more appropritate…than the full-tilt-boogie, quilted Angela extravaganza…of puff.” Guys, I kind of love Laura. I can’t help it. It doesn’t hurt that she’s always near my favorite contestant, Michael.
At the register, Keith is haggling with the cashier because they went over budget. Jeffrey thinks Keith is shady. In a moment of blatant foreshadowing (more like eightshadowing, really), Keith interviews that “I always kind of break the rules, like, a tiny bit sometimes, cause I know I’m right.”
The designers buckle down in the workroom. Bonnie is nagging Bradley. Bradley continues to win my love with my next favorite quote of the night: “Maybe Bonnie was doing that because she doesn’t like my beard. Maybe I should shave everything and just leave a mustache. Maybe then she’d sort of…lighten up.” Oh, Bradley Baumkirchner, marry me!
Over at Team Keith, Keith wants Alison to help him. Alison has to make the armhole for him. Jeffrey posits that Keith has previously been successful by making very simple garments and being charming. Kayne interviews that Jeffrey and Alison are doing all of Keith’s work for him. Sure looks that way to me.
The designers go home for the night and the shit hits the fan. Kayne tells Vincent that he saw pattern-making books in Vincent’s room. Vincent is appalled. Pattern-making books are serious contraband, apparently. Kayne then asks Robert and Michael. They, too, are appalled. Robert tells Kayne to take it to the producers.
Tim Gunn arrives at the apartment. He interviews that there is a rule forbidding fashion how-to books and, in an off-camera incident, Keith left the set without permission and used the internet, both of which were further violations of the rules. Tim tells Keith that the books make him sick and Keith will have to leave the production tonight.
And then, then, something awesome happens: Keith apologizes to the other male designers. It doesn’t go well. Keith apologizes, Kayne says that Keith brought this upon himself and Robert also shames him. Now, while you could read this as Kayne and Robert kicking Keith while he was down, the way Keith responds is to invite pity on himself in a profoundly assholish voice. So, the winner in this argument? Everyone who is not Keith. Keith says he never used the books to give himself an unfair advantage. Bye Keith! No Auf Wiedersehn for you!
The next day in the workroom, Tim tells the designers about Keith. No one seems too surprised. Laura interviews that she’s glad Keith is gone. Tim delivers what is, perhaps, the Ultimate Tim Gunn Line: “Jeffrey and Alison are going to have to carry on and, frankly, make it work.” They look pretty freaked out. Alison seems sad. Alison is sweet.
Over at Team Bonnie, things are alright, although Bradley looks scared of Bonnie. He finishes up the trifecta of awesome quotes from the night when he interviews “I’m a fish out of water, I’m a squid with no ocean, I’m an eagle with no sky” and then giggles. Yay!
Team Robert can’t decide how they feel about their design. Vincent and Kayne look concerned, but Robert stands by it.
Over at Team Angela, Angela is making some more fucking rosettes. Laura and Michael talk shit about her in the sewing room. I love their friendship. Michael is reall disturbed by the possibility of the rosettes. Laura very sensibly suggests that maybe the rosettes could just be the buttons. Everyone seems to be okay with that.
Tim visits. He worries that Robert’s design is matronly. He thinks Angela’s design looks good. Bonnie’s pants (made by Bradley) have some trouble in the front. Uli interviews that this was the fault of Bonnie’s design, not Bradley’s sewing. Jeffrey and Alison are doing great.
On the morning of the runway show, Team Robert realizes that the slit on the skirt is way too high. Michael takes over the styling for Team Angela. I love Michael. I desperately want him to make the final three.
Runway time! Vera Wang is once again sitting in for La Kors. WHERE ARE YOU, MICHAEL KORS???? I miss you. Also, what is Heidi wearing???
First up, we have Team Angela. God help us all, but it’s actually super cute. Commercial, but not too dull, whimsical, but not too precious. I hate to say it, but good job, Angela.
Next up, we have Team Robert. It’s strange on multiple levels. Most obviously, the jacket simply doesn’t go with the rest of the outfit. Furthermore, even if we’re only dealing with the bottom part of the outfit, the top is very matronly, while the skirt is a little…duh nuh nuh nuh.
Team Bonnie is next. It’s not that it isn’t cute, but it’s incredibly dull.
Finally, we have the Former Team Keith. I think it looks absolutely fantastic on the model, and I love love love the jacket and pants, but I feel like the top might be a little avant garde for the client. It looks a little like a broken unitard.
The Former Team Keith and Team Angela have the highest scores. Team Bonnie and Team Robert have the lowest. Heidi sends the crappy teams off stage so the judges can talk to the good teams. The judges like the proportions and color palette of Team Angela’s design. They’re impressed by Jeffrey and Alison’s work skills, and the sexiness of the pants. Heidi tells the designers that the winning outfit will be displayed in the window of the Herald Square Macy’s the next morning and the designers will see who won then.
The low-scoring teams are brought out. Heidi asks Bonnie’s model to take off the jacket. Oh! It is not pretty when she does. The tunic is really ill-fitting and, while the cowl neck looked okay above the jacket, it looks disgusting on the tunic.
Heidi thinks the pants look cheap and Nina just hates them. Nina asks Bradley how he feels about the outfit. Bradley brilliantly responds “I think what we made is very close to the sketch.” Way to totally blame Bonnie without saying it! That was awesome. The judges are as confused by Team Robert’s outfit as I am.
The judges deliberate and then bring the bad designers back to the runway. Uli is in, Kayne is in, Vincent is in, and Bradley is in. Robert is in, and so Bonnie is out. She cries. It’s very sad.
The next morning, Team Angela and The Former Team Keith head over to Macy’s. Angela won! I dislike Angela immeasurably, but I do think that’s the correct decision for the client. Jeffrey and Alison are sad. Better luck next week!