Thursday, August 03, 2006

Love is Only Half the Battle
By PopCultureWhore

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.

Danity Kane’s littlest munchkin is back on the market. Rudy, Aundrea’s beau of two years, threw the pint-sized singer out with the bong water.

How could such an atrocity take place? Read on …

Danity Kane is “down with Diddy,” Mr. Combs explains.

That’s why the ladies get to work with Rodney “sexual chocolate” Jerkins, who predicts that his song “Hold me Down” will be a major hit for DK, “for real.”

Dawn is sold. “Rodney Jerkins is chill,” she purrs. “He is like the ice in the glass that melts slowly.” Quick! Write that down, bitch! It could be your next hot joint!

Rodney soon proves that he’s a divider, not a uniter, as he asks DK to pick who they think should lead his song. Aundrea is quickly named as queen of the mic, though D-Woods is less than enthusiastic. “Drea … or me,” she responds.

Sorry poodle, it’s going to Tiny Tim.

Rodney: Squeeze your booty cheeks real tight! Tight booty, tight record.

Aubrey explains that Aundrea is getting her groove back. Prior to this session, he freedom roar was more “gurp” and now it’s “RAWR!” Insightful. Thanks, peaches!


Back in the bat cave, it’s time for some quality time with Rudy. Unfortunately, he’s bar hopping with his buddy Rob and tells Aundrea that he’ll have to talk to her tomorrow. “Cant you talk to me for five minutes?” she asks. Rudy ignores her and tells her he’s trying to plan a trip to Las Vegas.

Rather than telling him he’s a major tool box and hanging up the damn phone, Aundrea meekly asks if he might possibly, maybe, kind of have any particular reason to visit … oh I don’t know … New York?


Their next conversation goes just as well.

Rudy: Why didn’t you call me last night?
Aundrea: I just fell asleep. Are you mad?
Rudy: Yes.
Aundrea: How come?
Rudy: Because I’m sick of it. I’m sick of not getting your phone calls at night.

I’m waiting for Aundrea to tell him he’s a piece of shit, but she instead explains that it’s hard to get to a phone with their schedule.

Rudy says he “don’t buy that” because there are “only” five girls. Boyfriend has obviously never lived with women because five girls and one phone means Rudy ain’t getting any calls.

It doesn’t matter, though, because poetic Rudy says “it’s all trivial now” and that he’s “numb to it.” He then tells Aundrea that he’s seen her true colors, that she’s 100 percent phony and that he’s “done” with the relationship.

This is when I wanted some fireworks. I needed Aundrea to tell him that she’s on a goddamn TV show being followed by cameras 24-7 but still calls his lazy “Prison Break” watching, music producing ass whenever she gets a chance. Instead she hangs up the phone calmly and goes to the bathroom to cry.

D-Woods comes in for the bear hug.

She fills DK in on Rudy’s latest dick move. It’s shock and awe all around.

The girls chit chat and create lyrics for their next song.

Aubrey: What an asshole.

D-Woods: The minute you go back home, he’s going to see you and it’s going to be another story.

Aubrey: This isn’t getting any easier. If anyone’s boyfriends are complaining at this point, it’s over.

Aundrea and her breasts emerge from the bathroom. D-Woods informs her that Rudy is stupid and that he’s “just let go of a very good piece of stock. You’re on your way up.”

Dawn comes in with the bridge. “Love is only half the battle. Love is not enough.” Sing it, girl! Oh wait.

Aundrea doesn’t have too long to wallow in sadness. Producer Rob Lewis (Aubrey like – shocker!) shows up at the bat cave to inform the girls that they’ll be performing at the Village Underground that night.

The ladies sound ok but are in desperate need of some BoomKat moves.

Next week ... BOOMKAT! She calls Aubrey "pumpkin" and tells them they're phony! Score!

Previous Recaps:

Episode 6: Beauty and the Beastly Boyfriend
Episode 5: These Dudes Keep Grabbing Me!
Episode 4: Aubrey: Boom Kat For Life

Episode 3: I Love You Whores Forever!

Episode 2: Boom Kat, You Bitches!
Episode 1: Trannies Save New Orleans

1 comment:

Baldric said...

Pretty effective material, much thanks for your article.
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