I'll Make You A Star!
Did anyone drink half a bottle of whiskey and watch the MTV Paris Hilton special last night like me? It was supposed to show the world that she is not the sex-obsessed airhead the media has made her out to be, but the only thing I learned was that she does not use the “baby talk” voice while at home. Otherwise, she’s still a stupid, spoiled whore.
Footage of her in the studio was laughable because she was barely opening her mouth (…) while “singing” her fluffy pop hits. If I’ve learned anything from watching my Danity Kane trannies lay down their tracks, it’s that you’ve got to open wide in order to enunciate. I’ll bet producer Scott Storch doctored the shit out of her songs in order to get into her pants. He also belongs to the Travis Barker school of pot, however, as the clouds of smoke literally trailed him everywhere and the camera cleverly cut off right before we could see what he was smoking.
We also saw Fat Joe, who said he ran into Storch and Paris at a club and was talked into coming back to Storch’s studio to listen to the songs Paris had recorded. He then jumped behind the microphone and rapped a little bit, but I had to fast forward before I got sucked into some sort of D-List vortex even Kathy Griffin would find horrifying.
I also loved the conversation between Paris and “Stars are Blind” video director Scott Applebaum. He also appeared to be under the influence and talked nonsensically about wanting Paris to be the hottest she’s ever been in his cutting edge vision. Naturally, hot = video shoot on the beach. Unfortunately, cutting edge only produced her writhing around in the sand and giving come hither looks.
Overall, the whole experience made me want to key her car and cut off the stupid pigtails she was sporting in the interview segment. If any one of you buys this trash, I’ll cut you!