Hot Child in the City -

Monday, August 28, 2006

Flavor of Soul Food Love
By Telly Whore

Flavor Flav, oh Flavor Flav…where for art thou, Flavor Flav? Doesn’t watching this show bring to mind life’s true romances? Romeo and Juliet, Ike and Tina, Bobby and Whitney, Brittney and Kevin…or am I getting true romance confused with dysfunction? It’s hard to tell these days.

Anyway, last week on the renowned Flavor of Love, our sweet prince Flavor Flav shows his ladies all the respect they deserve. He puts the girls up to a challenge for his one-on-one affection. Based on the clothing attire of the young ladies, I am left to assume that the ladies thought they would be whisked away to some glamorous, celebrity-ridden shindig (I guess they missed last season). Instead the first set of six flavettes was dropped off at a soul food restaurant in the middle of the infamous Crenshaw (I hope it wasn’t near 54th Street). For this challenge, these six girls were given a typical “job” that one might have in a soul food restaurant, including, but not limited to, waitressing, gutting catfish, and plucking chickens.

Sumthin, not to be outdone by her more serious competitor Bootz, decided to turn her job into a big game and she was in turn fired. Yes, Sumthin was fired from her fake job. I wonder if she considered leaving a present behind on their floor. Anyway, Bootz won the challenge for showing courage in the face of adversity. She ripped open a fish the size of a toddler and never batted an eye. She was a real trooper.


Not learning from the others mistakes, the remaining six girls choose their best “dress-to-impress” attire and were soon showing signs of major disappointment as they were dropped off at a celebrity’s home, where they discovered that they were, in fact, the janitorial staff. By the way, the celebrity turned out to be the rapper/producer Warren G, probably most known for the hit Regulators circa 1990. Evidently Warren had catered a wild party that left his house in a shambles (for lack of a better word). For her bravery in attempting to clean a bathroom where I can only guess at what was concealed behind the blur, Nibblz was granted the special lobster dinner with Flavor Flav.

Of course, what is a reality show without mini subplots and melodramas? Subplot one: Flavor takes an early interest in one of the candidates nicknamed Krazy. Flavor Flav shows us his most charming and chivalrous side by making out with the candidate everywhere the cameras were certain to catch him. Subplot two: In an unforeseen turn of events, Flavor Flav secretly asks Delisshis to join him for an overnight rendezvous in his private quarters, moments before Krazy offers herself to Flavor. To make matters more dramatic, Delisshis is the young lady whom Krazy decided to confide in, spilling her sob story about her deep love for Flavor Flav, only to find out later on from another of the girls that Flav was spending QT with her confidante. Queue the alligator tears.

Meanwhile, we get to see a few potential brawls brewing. Sumthin and Bootz engage in an exchange fraught with expletives and put-downs, which proved to be less than entertaining. When Payshintz decides to confront Bootz about her disrespectful comments, Bootz proceeds to attack Payshintz verbally, causing poor Payshintz to revert to her native language of Mandarin Chinese.
In the clock ceremony, after much rhyming and pretend sullen faces, Flavor Flav chooses to eliminate Sumthin (because he can’t get over the “incident”) and Tiger (because she’s not feeling him or rather, she is not throwing her self at him). Payshintz, who had her ego and her good name bruised by the tattler, also known as Bootz, decides to eliminate her self admitting that she is just not cut out for the daily drama that is a certainty in the house of Flavor Flav.

For all of us romantics at heart, stay tuned until next week to watch the women get dirtier and more ridiculous in their pursuit of “love.”



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