Friday, August 18, 2006

The Flavor of Class
By TellyWhore

Our favorite bachelor is back and once again, he is looking for love in all the wrong places. Chicken-eating, gold-tooth wearing, every sentence rhyming Flavor Flav has become VH1’s interpretation of an eligible bachelor with "Flavor of Love 2."

In case you are unfamiliar with him, he won fame in the 80’s as part of the group Public Enemy, building his career from a few well-placed “yeaaaah boys.” Flavor Flav is hip hop’s first hype man (for those of you who don’t know, a hype man is the other guy on the stage who mimics the more important, and more popular artist, known also for “hyping” up the crowd).

Having completely dropped off the face of the Earth and totally forgotten, Flavor Flav has regained notoriety in a major way in the last few years making appearances on The Surreal Life and Strange Love. If being dumped by the former beauty turned serious alcoholic Brigitte Nielson wasn’t eerie enough, VH1 hit ratings jackpots last year as they created a new show, The Flavor of Love, where Flavor Flav had his pick of twenty girls, in the end, choosing one to wear his gold-plated grill. But it seems that the love affair was brief and Flavor Flav is back for his second chance at love and romance.

Somehow, Flavor Flav, well into his 40s, has managed to assemble a group of more outrageous, more outlandish, more uncivilized 20-somethings to compete for his affection. Imagine Miss America meets the Bachelorette at a seedy strip club around 3am and there you have the chosen few.

The season premiere aired on August 6, so if you’ve missed the first episode, allow me to get you up to speed. Flavor Flav used nicknames again this season instead of their birth given names. Flav (as he is affectionately called) isn’t nicknaming the girls words like Brainy, or Smarty, or Intelligence. Oh no, he has chosen more appropriate names like those that one might give to a stripper, perhaps…names like Bootz (because he wants to knock them…that’s Flav’s not mine) and Delisshis (this is not a misspelling).

Of course, I have to mention the fight that took place in the first 15 minutes of the show, a fight that was re-played at least five more times during the 90 minute episode and the bodily removal of a loud and a little “off” house guest. In her defense, she did offer the girl some lip chap. There was also an incident with a young lady who left “sumthin” on the floor and the steps, but I refuse to go any further on that incident. You can use your imagination.

All of this brings us to this week’s episode, where each of the girls is given 10 minutes to woo Flav in a literally blind date. To further illustrate how idiotic these females are, someone on the production team or script writing team thought it would be a good idea to give these a-little-less-than-high-school educated ladies a menu with items like escargot and filet mignon, and have them choose an entrĂ©e for Flav. Needless to say, few knew what they were choosing and the ever-prepared Flav had a bucket of KFC standing by just in case. He picked three girls, Like Dat, Buckwild and Tiger to accompany him on a private gondola date.

In the meantime, the other girls decided to entertain themselves with a raunchy game of truth or dare that included a separate nudity and lesbian scene. Only on VH1, right?

I watched this show with interchanging facial expression of disgust and pure pity. Even as I write this, reliving the shame I felt at witnessing this television catastrophe, I find my self looking forward to the next episode. And I’m not the only one. There is a large group of us out there, completely disgusted and enraged at the audacity of this show, yet we will tune in each week. What’s worst is that we secretly love it. We would never admit in a crowded room that we watch it, but if we were to spot any of the girls on the street, we would yell out their Flav-given name unabashedly. We are like a secret society of down-low watchers, always fearful that we will be discovered. Your secret is safe with me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aaahh yes, Flavor of Love is back and I am so glad.Where else can we sit in our beds munching unhealthy snacks and see this absolute gorgeous specimen of mandingo male?
And let us not forget the ghetto gumps and trailer trash stripper wanna-be's.Honestly, who in their right mind find him even remotely approachable?Needless to say kissable or marriage material.
Oh well,I too anxiously await next episode of ebonics gone wild!!