Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Farewell Sweet Prince
By Leila Cohan

Woo! It’s the most wonderful time of the week! We begin in the Atlas apartments. Jeffrey bitches about his failure to win a challenge thus far. Michael also wants to win. Robert feels humbled by his poor results last week.

On the runway, Heidi introduces a major shift. The models are going to pick the designer they want to work with. That’s a pretty awesome twist, if you ask me. Since we lost two designers last week, the last two models whose names Heidi picks from the bag will be out. Alexandra chooses Alison, Clarissa chooses Angela, Amanda chooses Kayne, Nazri chooses Michael (yay!), Lindsey chooses Uli, Danielle picks Robert, Marilinda picks Jeffrey, Camilla picks Laura, Jia chooses Vincent, and Katie is stuck with Bradley…once again, the last to be picked. Katia and JV are out.

Heidi tells the designers that their next challenge will involve modernizing a fashion icon, which will be chosen by the models. Ooh! The plot thickens. The models meet Tim Gunn in the workroom. There are ten pictures of fashion icons on a table.


When he tells them they can choose their icon, madness ensues. There is much pushing and grabbing. Tim looks, quite frankly, scared shitless.

The designers enter the workroom. Most of them are incredibly excited. Angela has Audrey Hepburn. Michael got Pam Grier. Robert gets to work on Jackie O. Jeffrey got Madonna. Kayne will be working on Marilyn Monroe. Uli’s doing Diana Ross. Laura will be modernizing Katharine Hepburn. Other designers are more nervous. Alison has Farah Fawcett, Vincent will be working on Twiggy, and poor, lovely Bradley Baumkirchner got Cher, who he knows nothing about. Aaand, I guess that clears up any ambiguity about Bradley’s sexual orientation, huh?

The designers and Tim head over to Mood. Michael is psyched and chooses some gorge hot pink fabric.

Back in the workroom, Kayne says he’s trying for the love child of Marilyn Monroe and Gwen Stefani. Crazy Vincent Libretti is really effing excited about his “bell-like sleeves."

With four hours until the end of Day 1, Angela has messed up Bradley’s machine. Bradley moves to Alison’s machine. Drama ensues between Angela and Jeffrey. Jeffrey tells Angela that if she fucks a machine up, she needs to fix it. As is so often the case with Jeffrey, he’s right, but he’s also being an asshole. Laura steps in with maybe the best line of the episode: “You’re so fucking successful and you know so much, what are you doing here, Jeff?” Jeffrey responds with the ever-mature “God, I wish that fucking bitch would have a stroke.”

And here, once again, we come to my issue with Jeffrey. Sir, I watched Santino Rice. Santino Rice is a MySpace friend of mine. You, sir, are no Santino Rice. First of all, that’s way meaner than anything Santino ever said, and second, Santino backed it up with the clothes, which I haven’t seen from you as of yet. Get it together, sir.

In the workroom, Michael calmly states that it’s not cool that everyone is ganging up on Angela. Michael awesomely interviews that he’s “not trying to play Captain Save-a-Ho”, but he feels bad for Angela. Throughout all of this, Michael is very chill and non-confrontational. Guys, I love Michael. He’s a dear. And then! He goes off to call his mommy! Michael interviews that his parents are very supportive. His mom tells him to keep praying and he says he does every night. Man. I really hope Michael wins this whole damn thing. He interviews that after talking to his mom, he felt energized.

With fifteen minutes until the end of the workday, Vincent and Robert trade fabrics. Robert will now be making a linen suit. Oy vey is mir.

The next day, the designers get back into the workroom. Kayne and Angela feel very positive about their designs, as does Alison. Bradley, not so much. His top is, as Jeffrey puts it, “supercallafragilisticexpiallacrazy.” How crazy is it? So crazy that Vincent says he wants one for himself.

Tim comes by and tells the designers that the models will be coming in for about fifteen minutes. Michael tries his dress on Nazri, but is worried that it doesn’t look like. He decides to redo it.

Bradley’s pants for Katie are too big and the crotch is a mess. Kayne’s model, Amanda, delivers a nonstop monologue about her recent birthday. Kayne wants her to shut up, as do Michael and Robert. Finally, she leaves.

Tim asks the designers to gather round and introduces Nathanial Hawthorne, New England Victorian writer…oops, I mean Nathanial Hawkins, lead stylist for Tresemme. He babbles about hair and then drops the bombshell: the winning designer’s look and model will be featured in a Tresamme ad in Elle.

With two hours to go on Day 2, Tim comes to look at the designs. He’s concerned by the dull aspects of Robert’s design. He loves Kayne’s dress as well as Michael’s garment. Michael has kept the top of the dress and wants to make a hotpant for the bottom. Tim Gunn, like myself, hates hotpants, but they are very in right now, so the implication is that Michael should go for it. Poor Bradley is just a hot mess. His top looks like the Tin Woodman. Ouch.

On the day of the runway show, everyone is getting fitted. Robert is not happy with the way his outfit has turned out. Kayne tells his model to shut up as he’s fitting her. Michael has made a pair of shorts very quickly. Yay, Michael! Robert is still sewing as Tim kicks everyone out of the workroom.

On the runway, Heidi is wearing a supercute mini-dress that I think might be Catherine Malandrino, who I love. Michael Kors is finally back! Hurrah! He is joined by Nina Garcia and another of my favorite designers, Ms. Diane Von Furstenberg. There will be no immunity this week.

Alison’s garment is first down the runway, and I have to say, I really don’t like it. It looks cheap, and a little bit like a figure skating dress.

Bradley’s design is next and…it’s just really bad. The top looks cheap and doesn’t fit and I can see what he was going for, but it just looks…homemade. In a bad way. The bottom is basically ill-fitting track pants. I love Bradley, but he’s always had fit issues and this time, they seem to be insurmountable.

Angela is up next. I really don’t care for Angela, but I have to admit her look is pretty great. It conforms perfectly to the challenge. It really does look like what Audrey would wear today.

Kayne’s dress looks fantastic and, chatty as she might be, his model was worth it, since she walks like a dream. My one complaint is that it looks a little hippy, but then, that’s how Marilyn dressed.

Laura’s outfit is next and it’s definitely all class and definitely Katharine Hepburn, but I can’t see where the modernizing comes in.

Vincent’s is next and…it’s not very good. It has some very strange pockets and this weirdly aprony design. It just doesn’t seem very Twiggy.

Aw yeah! It’s time for Michael’s outfit and it is hot! Nazri looks fierce, it’s a bold color palette that pays off, and it’s very Pam Grier.

Oh Lord. Robert. It’s just so…dowdy. Jackie O. was never matronly or dowdy. She was always fresh. This really reminds me of Raymundo’s MyScene Barbie outfit from last season. Ugh.

I don’t like Uli’s dress per se, but I do think it’s very Diana Ross, so, go Uli, I guess.

Finally, we have Jeffrey’s look. And I think that Jeffrey kind of had an especially difficult challenge, since Madonna is the most currently visible of all the icons. Do you do something Madonna would actually wear now, or do you do something that looks like what 80s-era Madonna would wear now? Jeffrey seems to have opted for the latter and his model looks like an extra in a punk-rock version of Les Miserables. I just hate it.

Alison, Laura, Uli and Jeffrey are safe. This leaves Kayne, Michael and Angela as the best and Vincent, Robert, and Bradley as the worst.

The judges love the Goth Marilyn and the sexy back (no relation to Mr. Timberlake). The judges hate Vincent’s pockets and the overall dourness of the outfit. Fortunately, the judges agree that Michael’s outfit is hot, hot, hot. Poor Bradley can’t really defend his terrible outfit. Heidi makes the very valid point that it looks like a store-bought Halloween costume. The judges like the details and timelessness of Angela’s dress. Robert’s outfit is just too plain and dowdy.

After the judges deliberation, Angela is in. Michael wins! Hurrah!!!! He does a cute victory dance on the runway.

Kayne is in. Vincent is in. Robert is in, so poor Bradley is out. I am more than a little sad. Bye Bradley! I will miss your awesome one-liners.


Anonymous said...

Leila you are hilarious!
Please tell your Mom Laurie sends her love and Talia is great.

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