Friday, August 11, 2006

Choose A Flop
By PopCultureWhore

Jessica Simpson wants me to help her pick her next single! She’s calling on the masses to go to her Web site, listen to six new songs and vote for your favorite. I totally believe that Papa Simpson will leave Jessica’s next career move in our hands, so let’s roll. Click on the song title to hear the magic.

If You Were Mine
Taylor Dayne is back! “If I was your lover, I could blow your mind,” she coos. Unfortunately, it’s not as naughty as Janet Jackson’s “If” but more like “Stars are Blind” with a better range.

The Lover in Me
Jon Secada is back! She’s not afraid to love, y’all. Or use tin drums.

I Belong to Me
If Mariah Carey had a kid sister and she took leftovers from “We Belong Together,” it would result in this song. There’s a clappy little downbeat that sounds like it came from a Casio keyboard and few chime-like synthesizer accents.

I had higher hopes for this one, seeing as how Britney’s “Boys” was pretty catchy and Ashlee’s “L.O.V.E” didn’t completely make me want to vomit, but this is another 80’s throwback. I watched “Mannequin” the other day and I think they sampled some of the background tracks on that movie for this.

You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)
I’m liking this song the best, but that’s probably because it’s a total rip off the Dead or Alive classic. They basically don’t change a thing, except that Jessica can’t do Pete Burns’ sustained “ooooh” in the middle of the song. I can already picture the Studio 54-esque video this is going to produce. Unless the last song is musical brilliance, I’m voting for this one.

I Don’t Want to Care
Nine seconds in – yeah, I’m voting for Spin me Right Round. Add a yacht and some bling and R. Kelly could be singing this song for his next mini opera.

Mariah wins again. So far “I Belong to You” is winning with 4,687 votes while “You Spin me Round” is in last place. My musical opinions are being ignored!

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