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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Barely Flav
By Telly Whore



















This show just gets better and better every week, and by better, I mean tasteless and just plain tacky. Despite the deplorable depths that this show will fall to in pursuit of entertainment, it never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think that Flavor Flav has taken me as low as I can go, he finds the strength to dig a little lower. How does he do it?

This week on Flavor of Love, he relies on the latest industry trick to ensure viewers will choose this show over Intervention (a wildly popular show detailing the erratic behavior of addicts and the subsequent intervention). Having realized that dance-themed reality shows are doing quite well in the ratings at the moment, Flavor Flav hosts his own version of the popular Fox network show So You Think You Can Dance. He even has guest choreographers that included a former Beyonce back-up dancer, the world’s premiere B-girl, and the now infamous Tommy the clown. You may remember Tommy the clown from the highly acclaimed documentary Rize, about urban youth living in South Central Los Angeles, who created an aggressive style of dancing called Crumping to resolve their internal conflicts. Much like everything else that has meaning and substance, this new style of dancing has caught media attention and thus, been trivialized, as further evidenced by the inclusion of it in the Flavor of Love show. But I digress.

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The girls are divided into groups of three and each group is assigned one of three choreographers. Each group is to choreograph and perform a routine that would influence Flav, who was the judge, to choose their group for the “special” dates he has planned.

Let the games begin and let the best strippers win. Winning the prize of a KFC date is Krazy; a breakfast date on the verandah of Flav’s home is Nibblz; and a date of strawberry picking and hay stacks is Delishis.


















Not to be outdone by shows like Big Brother, the Flavor of Love show has its own underlying plot twist of mystery and betrayal. It seems that Toastee (the consummate alcoholic) accused Nibblz (the perpetually braless) of performing some obscene sex act on Flavor Flav, which of course Nibblz denied. Out for revenge, Nibblz lets one of Toastee’s dirty little secrets drop right in Flav’s lap. It seems that Toastee was a Barely Legal porn star in a previous lifetime, but of course, Toastee denies this as well. Who was telling the truth? Who was lying? Who would stay? Who would go? We had to wait until the very last minute to find out.

After much denying and crying, it is revealed, rather raunchily, that Toastee is indeed a porn star and she is asked to leave the home, not because she is a porn star who has probably had more STD’s than Tommy Lee Jones, but because she didn’t keep it real with our boy Flav. Enough said.


















And that concludes our favorite Jerry Springer meets Ms. America reality show. So, until next time when we must fight to keep the contents of our stomach down…I’ll keep my fingers crossed for Flav.


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